Padraig had thrown his hands in the air and given in. He swore he wouldn’t do anything to keep the sisters apart, even if he grew lonely in his chamber by himself. Cairren had embraced him out of habit. It was their first affection since she shared a bedroll with him two nights earlier. They’d both been unsure what to do once they were in each other’s arms. They pulled apart and looked in different directions. She’d tried to convince him to leave as soon as he knew she was settled, but a vein pulsed in his temple so hard that she feared it would rupture. She kept her thoughts to herself after that.
Cairren sat on the end of the bed and waited for Caitlyn and Laurel to return. She knew they would venture back to their chamber soon to dress for the evening meal. She didn’t have long to wait before the women entered and stopped short. Caitlyn recovered first.
“Cairren!” The sisters flew into one another’s arms and nearly knocked each other off their feet. “What’re you doing here? I never expected to—” Caitlyn broke off, neither wanting to state the truth: that they had expected they would never see one another again.
“It was Myrna, wasn’t it?” Laurel whispered.
“She contributed to it, but she wasn’t the only reason I’ve returned,” Cairren admitted.
“Were they hateful and dreadful to you?” Caitlyn demanded with righteous indignation.
Cairren drew in a breath and nodded. “How are they to you here, Caity?”
“Better than they were when you arrived. I suppose I’m light enough that I pass inspection. What happened, Cairren?”
Cairren looked at Laurel, who looked miserable and embarrassed. “Laurel, I must thank you for warning me aboot Padraig and Myrna. It still hurt to see them together when I arrived, but at least it didn’t shock me. Nay, that came soon after.” Cairren walked over to Laurel, who’d moved out of the sisters’ way. She took the other lady’s hands in hers. “You are not your sister. I don’t hold her actions against you.”
“Thank you,” Laurel whispered. “But I am sorry for what she did. I already know much of it. She sent me missives boasting.”
Cairren took a seat on the bed again and patted the space beside her. Caitlyn joined her, and Laurel took a seat on her bed.
“What did she do?” Caitlyn asked.
“She wasn’t willing to give up Padraig. And he wasn’t willing to give her up either. We married the day after I arrived, and naught good happened after that.” Cairren shrugged. “Padraig is a handsome mon, and he finds me appealing. We got along in private, but every morning, he went in search of Myrna. He refused to send her home, and when he suggested it, she found ways to stay. I made friends with my sister-by-marriage, Wynda, but Duncan, my brother-by-marriage, caused her death. It only grew more miserable after that. Even when Myrna eventually left, the clan was still hostile to me. My mother-by-marriage and the clan’s priest fueled rumors aboot me.” Cairren avoided giving more details, in part because it hurt to rehash the past when she would have to do it before the king and queen, and also in part because she didn’t want to frighten her sister.
“What did they say?” Caitlyn asked, her eyes wide.
“Naught that I want to repeat, but they accused me of heresy. I sought shelter with the Sutherlands. I must see Blair soon and thank her. I suspect Lachlan is already with her. He and several Sutherland men travelled with us when my plan was to come here.” Cairren didn’t want to share what happened with Duncan and the caves, but she couldn’t keep something so dire from her sister. She suspected King Robert would force her to give a full recitation, so she saw little point in holding back from Caitlyn and Laurel. “There was an incident before I left Foulis for the last time. Duncan took me to some caves where the Cromarty and Moray firths meet. He intended to leave me there as the tide rose. I was able to get free, and Padraig and Lachlan, with their men, pulled me from the water. We returned to Foulis, and my reception was far warmer than ever before. But I still believe it’s for best that I returned to court.”
Laurel and Caitlyn sat in stunned silence as Cairren shared the abridged story of the past months. Caitlyn’s mouth was agape while Laurel’s eyes were as round as saucers. Laurel recovered first. With much hesitation, she asked, “Do you ken aboot Duncan and Myrna?”
“Yes. You obviously do. Have you always known?” Cairren asked.
Laurel nodded sheepishly. “I caught them once several years ago. It was what made Myrna push my father into sending me here. It had naught to do with finding a husband who’d accept my small dowry. She wanted me away so I couldn’t tell anyone.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I knew Myrna would make your life difficult, but I never imagined the things she boasted in her letters. And I never imagined Duncan would kill Wynda or try to kill you. I swear I would have warned you away. I would have told your parents everything and saved you the suffering. I knew Wynda. She was kind, and she never deserved what Duncan did to her.”
“How did she die?” Caitlyn whispered.
“He strangled her.” Cairren bit her lip to keep from crying. “I found her on her bed. I’d convinced her that morn to return to her clan. I don’t ken if Duncan learned of it or something else made him do it. But she was with child. Naught happened to him. Lady Mary was aware of the affair the entire time. While Duncan was married to Wynda, he could only have Myrna as his mistress. They concocted the plan to have Padraig fall in love with Myrna and marry her, so she would be closer to Duncan. She would have passed off Duncan’s bairns as Padraig’s. She was carrying when I arrived, but her attempts to seduce Padraig failed. I can only imagine what she did, but I ken it wasn’t the first time.”
“My sister has a black soul. I don’t know why. She’s naught like the rest of us. She’s always found pleasure in hurting other people, and she found a kindred spirit with Duncan. They make one another worse. Cairren, I’m sure there’s more you don’t want to speak of, but I really am so very sorry. I swear I would have spoken up.”
“I know, Laurel. They will see the difference between you and your sister all the way in Heaven. St. Peter won’t blame you for the sins of your sister. I don’t blame you. It sounds like you’ve suffered enough from her,” Cairren sympathized.
“What will you do?” Caitlyn asked.
“I suppose I shall have to seek an audience with the queen or more likely the king. It was King Robert’s order that Padraig and I marry. He won’t be happy to learn of all that happened. I won’t lie, but neither will I tell more than I must. I realized as I was leaving, that just as there is naught inherently evil aboot my skin, there’s naught inherently evil within most of the Munros. They haven’t met people from foreign lands like we do at court. They aren’t educated like many of us. And they are at the mercy of their laird. If their laird denounces someone, accuses them of being unworthy, then they take their guidance from him. When their priest threatens damnation, and they’ve been raised to believe he’s God’s voice on Earth, they believe what they hear. What choice do they have? I’m not excusing those who were cruel to me, those who wanted harm to befall me. But I understand how they were sheep who blindly followed their shepherd. Many accepted me, even seemed to want me to stay. But Laird and Lady Munro and Duncan pose too great a threat to me. And if Duncan marries Myrna, I will never return while they are at Foulis. My life would be forfeit the moment I arrived. Their hate is too complex, borne of too many things, to ever overcome. And I don’t want to try. The effort will never be worth the risk.”
“What will happen with you and Padraig?” Caitlyn wondered.
“I don’t ken. He’s offered to go to Dunure with me, but he has duties at Foulis. And until Duncan has a son, Padraig is his heir, second in line to the lairdship. He can’t abandon his clan.”
“But he wants to leave? He’s willing to?” Laurel was incredulous. “He must love you far more than he ever imagined he loved Myrna.”
“Imagined?” Cairren’s brow furrowed.
“That wasn’t love.” Laurel shook her head. “She did and said everything
she thought would make him trail after her. She became the person he wanted to fall in love with, but that was never, ever her. It’s can’t be love when it’s based entirely on a falsehood. Infatuation, certainly. Love, never. I suspect Padraig clung to what he knew, what he believed in and didn’t want to accept was false. It would be hard to admit he’d been so greatly fooled.”
“It was his pride, and he admitted as much,” Cairren sighed.
“Does that mean you’ve forgiven him for what you must have suffered?” Caitlyn’s temper flared as she listened to Laurel describe the woman who was the bane of her sister’s existence. She grew frustrated listening to what sounded like Cairren accepting less than she deserved.
“It means that I can look back now, and some of it doesn’t hurt as much. Some of it, I may never get past. But I have gotten to ken Padraig, and I have seen how he’s changed. He’s matured significantly in a brief time. He’s become a mon I care for.”
“Yet you’re here, and you haven’t agreed to him joining you at Dunure,” Caitlyn pointed out.
“I don’t know what I will do. My priority was to get away from Foulis and Padraig’s family. They’re what’s keeping me from considering a return. I have decided naught beyond that. I suppose it’ll depend upon what King Robert and Queen Elizabeth decide. And it may be several days before I’m summoned before them.”
A knock at the door had all three heads turning at once, and they laughed. Cairren went to the door and opened it a crack. Padraig stood on the other side. She opened it wide enough to slip out. When he looked over her head and nodded, she suspected he’d caught sight of Laurel.
“I wanted to be sure you were settled and that you’d seen your sister,” Padraig confessed. He appeared shy and unsure for the first time. It lent him a boyish charm when he didn’t know where to look. She half expected him to scuff his boot on the floor.
“I’m well, Padraig. I didn’t tell Caitlyn and Laurel everything, but they have the gist of it. They deserve to know, and I would rather they hear my version than whatever gossip will spread.” Cairren bit her lip and debated whether to tell Padraig what she learned from Laurel.
“What is it? You’re debating whether to tell me something. Is it aboot Myrna, something Laurel told you?”
Cairren nodded but remained quiet. The silence drew out between them until Padraig finally nodded. “Laurel knew aboot you and Myrna before I left. You ken she’s the one who warned me. She also kenned aboot Duncan. She discovered them together years ago—even before you began courting Myrna, so Myrna convinced Laird Ross to send Laurel here. He thought he was sending his daughter to find a husband, but Myrna was banishing her. All so that Laurel couldn’t share Myrna’s secret. Laurel’s upset and feels guilty for what her sister did.”
“Laurel may be older and can have a wickedly sharp tongue to those she doesn’t like, but I know now that she has none of the cruelty and manipulativeness that Myrna does. Laurel’s shallow, but she wouldn’t devise such an elaborate plan kenning it would hurt so many people.”
“You’re right. I wasn’t sure that I should bring up Myrna. I—I don’t know how you feel aboot her right now.”
“You want to ken if any part of me still loves her. Nay. I don’t. My anger has settled, though I admit the hurt hasn’t. But I’ve had long hours on horseback to consider what was beneath my nose, but I never paid enough attention to see the truth.” Padraig’s lip curled in disgust. “I saw what I wanted. Now I realize Myrna became the person I wanted to see. She said and did what she knew I wanted from a wife. I should have kenned she was too perfect.”
“That’s just what Laurel said,” Cairren whispered.
“There’s so much I wish I could take back, Ren. But I can’t.” Padraig ran his hand through his hair.
“I know. And I’m not angry with you like I used to be. Though it’s sad to say this, you haven’t hurt me in a while.”
Padraig turned to the wall and rested his forearm against it before leaning his forehead on his arm. “No wife should ever be in a position to say that.”
“The past can’t be undone, Padraig. What is done is done. She’s not a part of our lives anymore, and you’re not the same mon I met.”
“I hope I’m a better one,” Padraig whispered.
“I believe you are.”
Padraig straightened and looked at Cairren’s earnest face. He wanted to believe that she loved him as much as he did her. He was tempted to tell her right there in the passageway how he felt, but Cairren deserved better than an admission when anyone could overhear. “Will you allow me to escort you to the evening meal?”
Cairren was prepared for the request, and she’d already decided she would accept. She didn’t want the entire court buzzing about them sitting separately. There would already be talk about her staying in a ladies’-in-waiting chamber rather than the suite assigned to Padraig or a matron’s chamber. “I would like that. I’ll be ready in a quarter hour.”
“I’ll wait for you here. I would like to meet your sister. Would she be able to sit with us?” Padraig feared Caitlyn might want to gut him, but he understood the sisters had a unique relationship that differed from Duncan’s and his. He knew the sisters were close, and he didn’t want to keep Cairren from spending time with Caitlyn. He realized he didn’t even feel the need to talk to Cairren or garner her attention. He simply wanted to be close to her. Cairren slipped into the chamber with a smile.
Chapter Forty-Three
Padraig was unprepared for the attention Cairren’s return generated. The ladies-in-waiting tittered and peeked at him, which was annoying, but harmless. It was the men he wanted to run his sword through. He noticed immediately that the men’s gazes were lascivious and predatory. His neck hurt from being on a swivel as he glanced around and found one man after another ogling Cairren. He showed his support by keeping his arm around Cairren as they walked through the Great Hall. He steered the ladies toward a table occupied by members of Clan Fraser of Lovat. He avoided the Rosses and gave the Mackenzies a wide berth. Once the meal began, Padraig relaxed. But when the music started, his hackles went back up.
“I don’t want to dance with any of them, Padraig,” Cairren whispered. He saw her nervousness, and he felt the tension radiating from her.
“We are still newly married. I will explain that I refuse to share. If you will dance with me, then I shall merrily twirl you aboot. If you’d rather remain here, then we shall. If you want to retire, I will escort you to your chamber. I—”
Cairren giggled and placed her hand on Padraig’s arm to stop his babbling. “I know, Padraig. Let’s sit for a while and watch. I can point people out.” She looked around, then discreetly pointed to their left. “Look. There’s Lachlan speaking to his sister, Blair. They’re standing with Arabella Johnstone. She was their sister Maude’s close friend. Arabella and I grew closer when Maude and Allyson Elliot both married. I’d like to speak with her at some point, but there isn’t a rush to do it tonight. There will be time.”
Nay, there willna. Padraig wanted to blurt out his thoughts, but he kept them to himself. We willna linger here. I already ken Cairren was right. It’ll make me miserable stuck here. I need to convince her we should set off for Dunure within the next couple days, or the weather will make that choice for us.
“Alex,” Cairren rose to greet Alexander Armstrong. He bent over to kiss her hand, and Padraig watched the smile that brightened Cairren’s face. It was the same one she’d worn while Alex and her clan members visited. She had not flashed it since.
“What brings you to court, Cairren?” Alex posed the question to Cairren, but his gaze was on Padraig.
“We have some clan business to attend to, and I wanted to see Caitlyn. I feared I might never see her again, so when the opportunity arose, I made my way here.”
“And you’re sharing a chamber again, just as you did when you were young,” Alex arched an eyebrow. Cairren refused to take the bait.
“For now. I’ve missed
her, and Padraig understands.”
“You’re an understanding husband,” Alex taunted, but before Padraig could respond, Cairren rushed to speak.
“He is. I’m grateful for the time with my sister. I don’t ken when I will see her again, and Padraig knows this is important to me.”
“As you say. Would you dance with me?” Alex looked directly into Cairren’s eyes as though he searched for the truth to her sudden reappearance at court. She wouldn’t lie to her childhood friend, but she wouldn’t volunteer more. She felt that was all she did since she arrived. Pick selective bits of her story and evaded the rest.
“Not tonight, Alex. I’m fatigued, and prefer to sit this out. Another night.”
“I shall hold you to that.” Alex nodded before slipping back into the crowd.
“I’m surprised you didn’t make an exception for Alex,” Padraig mused.
“I didn’t want to answer questions that I didn’t want asked. And I am tired. I think I would prefer to retire.”
Padraig didn’t ask questions, rather offering him her arm. He noticed the attention that continued to follow them, but he preferred looking at Cairren, who walked with the dignity she had whenever put in the spotlight before his clan. He marveled at her silent strength, but he knew it exhausted her. When they arrived at Cairren’s door, Padraig felt like he had when he began courting Myrna, uncertain of what to say or do.
“Goodnight, Padraig,” Cairren murmured. She hesitated as though she weren’t certain what came next, but then she turned to her door.
An Enemy at the Highland Court: An Enemies to Lovers Highlander Romance (The Highland Ladies Book 5) Page 30