by Jane Green
22
The house is completely silent as Alice walks in the front door, her arms filled with brown paper bags of groceries.
She dumps the bags on the kitchen table, pausing as something catches her eye outside. Leaning forward to see better, she watches with a smile as Harry bends down to reward Snoop with a treat. Snoop, who clearly adores Harry, trots off next to him as they both head down to the pond. “Traitor,” she whispers under her breath, but the smile doesn’t leave her face.
She unpacks and puts away the food, stokes the fire, then pops her head around the study door to find Joe tapping away at his computer.
“Do you need anything?” she says.
“No, darling. I’m just doing some work. Won’t be long.”
“But, Joe, it’s New Year’s Eve.”
“I know, darling. I’m sorry, but that’s why I won’t be long. Promise. I’ll be out in about fifteen minutes.”
Alice sighs. “Where’s Emily?”
“Don’t know. Try upstairs.”
Alice closes his study door again and walks softly upstairs, knocking on Emily’s door.
“Em? Are you in there?”
Silence.
She pushes open the door as Emily stirs and opens her eyes. “Bloody jet lag,” she mumbles, still half asleep. “I can’t believe I’ve been here a week and I’m still exhausted.”
“Oh God, I’m sorry. Did I wake you? Bugger. Look, you go back to sleep, sorry. Sorry.” Alice starts to close the door.
“No,” Emily says. “Come back. I was just waking up anyway.” She pats the bed. “Come and talk to me.”
Alice kicks her shoes off and lies down on the bed next to Emily, rolling onto her side to face her friend, resting her head on her arm, and smiling at her.
“So were you having dangerous dreams?” Alice says.
“I know they were weird but can’t remember them.”
“So not about”—she drops her voice and silently mouths—“Colin?”
“No!” Emily says. “Shhh. Where’s Harry?”
“Outside playing with Snoop.”
“He misses Dharma.”
“Em, I know you don’t want me to say this, but he’s just so lovely. How can you not fall madly in love with him?”
Emily sighs. “I don’t know. I just don’t know. Anyway, if you think he’s so lovely, you can have him.”
“Thanks,” Alice snorts. “But no thanks. Like I haven’t got enough to deal with.”
“Joe seems to be on pretty good form.”
“I’m sure his computer would agree.”
Emily frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I mean all he seems to do when he’s down here is read the papers or sit at his bloody computer for hours doing God knows what. He says he’s working but half the time when I open the door he gets rid of whatever he’s looking at, so for all I know he’s playing bloody Solitaire.”
“Maybe he’s addicted to Internet porn,” Emily grins.
Alice rolls her eyes. “I tell you, nothing surprises me anymore. Anyway, you should get up because we’ve got the party later on and we have to make ourselves beautiful.”
“Okay. So what are you wearing for the party? Are they smart or casual?”
Alice shrugs. “I think I’ll probably go for black trousers and a black sweater.”
“When in doubt keep it black?”
“Absolutely. What about you?”
“I bought a sparkly leopard-print top last week in SoHo. I thought I could give it its first outing tonight.”
Alice laughs. “You’ll certainly give the locals something to talk about.”
“Will they all hate me?”
“Nah. Only the women. The men will probably spend all night lusting after you. Especially James.”
“James?”
“The local lech. All mouth and no trousers.”
Emily smiles. Exactly what Alice has always said about Joe.
“Is he nice?”
“Do you care?”
“Just curious.”
“He is nice, actually. Just a terrible flirt but only when your other half isn’t around. But his wife’s a bit of a nightmare. She and Joe play tennis together, and she’s also a horrible flirt whom I don’t trust at all. She’s charm personified to Joe and rather cold and flinty to me.”
“Sounds awful.”
“She’s the only person I’ve met here who I don’t really like. But hey, you can’t like all of the people all of the time. Now come on. Up you get. I’ll see you downstairs.”
“Wow!” Joe looks up and gives a long whistle as Emily walks down the stairs and gives a twirl in front of the Christmas tree.
“Why, thank you,” she says. “You don’t think it’s too obvious?”
“You look sexy as hell,” Joe says, taking in Emily’s luscious breasts in her semitransparent top and high spindly heels. “Good enough to eat.”
“Joe!” Emily, while enjoying the compliment, refuses to flirt with Joe.
“Sorry, sorry. But you do look fantastic.”
“And you promise they won’t all think I’m a slut?”
“Well, they might, but they’ll all fancy you anyway.”
“Oh shit. I’m going to change.”
“No!” Joe says. “You’ll probably be the most exciting thing they’ve seen since the OJ police chase.”
“God. I do have to change. I’m too obvious now.”
Alice steps down the stairs in her flat suede shoes and laughs when she sees Emily.
“Wow,” she says. “You look amazing.”
Emily looks worried. “Too sexy, do you think?”
“Unbelievably sexy, but who cares?”
“Are you sure?”
“Quite sure. What does Harry think?”
“He was in the shower. Okay. I’ll wait and see what Harry thinks.”
A few minutes later Harry emerges, hair still damp from the shower. His eyes open wide when he sees Emily.
“Wow,” he says.
“You like?”
“You look incredible,” he starts. “But do you think it’s appropriate for the country? I mean, Alice is in trousers and flat shoes. I think you look amazing, but you might feel a bit out of place.”
Alice watches as Emily bridles. “I feel amazing,” she says. “And this is what I’m wearing.”
Joe grins. “Don’t worry, Harry, she’ll be the hit of the party.”
The four of them pull up into Sally and Chris’s driveway. Small white fairy lights twinkle between the needles of the white pine trees lining the driveway, and there are candles in all the windows, giving the house a traditional, festive air.
Sally comes to the door in a long black velvet dress, glass of eggnog in hand, and kisses both Joe and Alice hello.
“Great to meet you,” she says warmly, putting the drinks down to shake hands with Harry and Emily. “Let me take your coats.”
Her eyes widen slightly at Emily’s leopard-print extravaganza, but she has the good grace to recover quickly, and with a smile she leads everyone into the formal living room.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” Sally says. “I just have to deliver drinks and check on the food. Chris is around somewhere, and of course you know Kay and James over there. Chris!” she shouts, “Come and say hello!” With that she disappears.
“Who is that?” Emily whispers out of the corner of her mouth as Kay advances with a large smile and a mile of leg. “Nah, don’t tell me. She’s got to be the nightmare.”
“Yup.” Alice plasters a false smile on her face as she nods. “I wonder how you knew? Kay! How lovely to see you!”
“Hello, Alice, I haven’t seen you in ages.” Kay smiles coldly, enthusiasm reaching her eyes only when she turns to Joe. “Hi, partner,” she says, her lips suddenly forming more of a pout, her eyes twinkling with an uncharacteristic warmth.
“Hi, partner!” Joe laughs, bending down and giving Kay a peck on the cheek. Alice turns to Emily and rolls her e
yes as Emily stifles a laugh. “These are our friends Emily and Harry,” Joe says. “They’re visiting from London.”
Kay turns slowly and sizes Emily up and down. “Well,” she says brightly, “great outfit,” but her voice is full of disdain, and Emily doesn’t feel the need to pretend to be polite.
“I could say the same about yours,” she says, giving Kay the same look, taking in her tiny Lycra miniskirt and strappy sequinned top.
Kay’s face hardens and she turns to Harry, the smile returning. “Well, hello,” she says. “I’m Kay.”
“How do you do. Harry.” He shakes her hand politely, admiring her rather spectacular cleavage.
“God, aren’t men pathetic?” Alice whispers to Emily. “Let’s go and get something to drink.”
“Good idea,” Emily agrees, turning to the men. “Back in a minute.”
They walk out of the living room, shoulder to shoulder, heads together as they giggle.
“Isn’t she awful?” Alice says. “Joe thinks she’s ‘great fun,’ but I think she’s dreadful. Did you see the way she looked at Joe? Talk about thinking you’re God’s gift.”
“What about how she looked at Harry?”
“Yeah. She looked like she thought it was Christmas.”
They both start laughing.
“And what are you two lovely girls laughing at?”
They stop abruptly and turn to see James. “Ah, James, we were just talking about you.”
“You were?”
“We were?” Emily is just as surprised, but not half as delighted.
“Well, we were talking about your wife actually, just saying how wonderful Kay looks tonight.”
James raises an eyebrow as he stares at Emily’s breasts, thinly concealed in the leopard-print top. “I’d say she had some pretty stiff competition,” he says.
“As long as that’s the only thing that’s stiff.” Emily laughs merrily.
“Emily.” Alice nudges her sharply, because while she has come to realize that harmless flirting is fine, the double entendres that are so common at home seem to go down like a lead balloon over here.
True to form, James looks slightly shocked.
“Sorry,” Emily mumbles. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You must be James.” She extends her hand, which James takes gratefully.
“I am. And you are?”
“Emily. How do you do.”
“Another lovely English girl,” he says. “What have we done to deserve this?”
“James?” Kay rounds the corner and joins them as James looks flustered. “What are you doing?”
“Just talking to Alice,” he says. “Sorry, honey. What was it again that you wanted?”
“A Cosmopolitan.” Her irritation is apparent. “I’ll wait for you, shall I?”
“No, no. I’m going now. Nice to meet you,” he says to Emily, and scurries into the kitchen for the drink.
“Bit of a weird dynamic,” Emily says when Kay has gone back into the living room. “What’s going on there?”
“I’d rather not know. Although he’s actually very nice once you get past the leching. He owns a garden center in town. But anyway, Em, what did you expect wearing that? I warned you.”
“He’s attractive, isn’t he?” Emily muses, as James walks back past them, a Cosmopolitan in one hand, a beer in the other.
“I suppose so, but in a very henpecked way.”
Every few minutes the doorbell rings, and within half an hour the room is packed. Frank Sinatra plays softly from the stereo, a fire blazes in the huge stone fireplace, and glass bowls filled with cranberries and fat red candles flicker light gently around the room.
The hum of conversation grows louder the more relaxed people become, and Sally and Chris push their way through the crowd bearing silver trays piled high with canapés.
Joe is astonished by how many people Alice seems to know. “HomeFront?” he keeps whispering as yet another woman waves at Alice from across the room or walks over to say hello.
“She’s from HomeFront,” she’ll say. Or, “No, that’s Caroline who works in the coffee shop,” or, “That’s Samantha, I met her at the supermarket.”
“But you know everyone!” Joe says. “When did my wife turn into such a sociable creature?”
“My darling husband, if you ever took a break from work”—Alice smiles lovingly—“you would have noticed how sociable I am. Actually I think it’s just because I’m happy.”
“Are you, darling?” He smiles down at her and puts an arm around her waist, pulling her close as he kisses her softly on the lips and smiles into her eyes. “Good. Have I told you recently that I love you?”
Alice leans into him, savoring the closeness, remembering how much she loves it when he is this affectionate, this loving, suddenly realizing how much she has missed by spending so much time away from him in the country.
Alice smiles up at him. “Do you love me?”
“Very very much.”
“Good, because I love you too.”
“As much as I love you?”
“Oh, I think quite possibly more.”
“Well, that’s okay then.” Joe laughs and kisses her again as Kay watches from across the room, her face hardening. She would have put money on their being unhappy. God knows Joe flirts with her enough over their weekly games of tennis. But look at them now over there, acting like newlyweds, eyes only for each other. Surely she couldn’t have misread the situation that much. . . .
“Everything all right, honey?” James is at her side.
Kay switches the smile back on. “Oh, yes,” she says, putting an arm around his waist as he smiles in delight and surprise. “Give me a kiss, you gorgeous man.”
“Here?” he says, looking around. “In public?”
“And why not? Are you embarrassed to be seen kissing your wife?” Kay is aware that Joe is now looking over at them. Hell, he isn’t the only one who can play that game.
“Why, no. Of course not.” James leans down and gives her a quick peck on the lips, but Kay snakes her arms around his neck and pulls him closer, opening her lips as she presses a full-blown smooch upon his mouth.
“Wow!” James pulls back, looks at Kay with delight, then moves in for another go.
“Don’t be silly.” Kay pushes him away, Joe having turned away. “Not here.” Leaving James completely mystified, she turns and walks off.
“Mind if I join you?” Harry stands in front of the bench as Alice smiles and shakes her head, wrapping her arms around her for warmth.
“Isn’t it gorgeous out here?” she says as Harry sits down. “Look how completely black it is. You can’t see anything. I just love it.”
Harry doesn’t say anything, merely reaches into his pocket, fumbling around until he brings out a packet of Marlboro Lights and a box of matches.
“Harry!” Alice says. “You smoke?”
“Shhh!” Harry raises a finger to his lips. “Only when I’m drunk.”
“But you’re not drunk. You’re completely sober.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I always act completely sober when I’m drunk. In fact, the drunker I am the more sober I act.”
Alice laughs. “But that’s ridiculous. Does that mean you’re drunk all the time?”
“No. Only when I’m acting sober.”
“So how would I know whether you’re drunk or sober?”
“Well now, that’s the hard part. You wouldn’t.”
Alice narrows her eyes and squints at him. “You’re joking, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” Harry smiles. “Do you know I was just talking to that man James and he offered me a job?”
“What do you mean, he offered you a job?”
Harry shrugs. “We were talking gardening and he said he could always use someone as knowledgeable as me and would I be interested?”
“What did you say?”
“Tempting as it would be to live out here, I had to say no, although”—Harry grins—“I did say ask m
e again in six months’ time. Right now there’s too much I’d have to leave behind in England.”
“Emily for starters,” Alice smiles.
“Well, yes. Emily for starters.” Harry looks down as he shakes a cigarette out of the pack, then reaches back into the pack for a smaller, hand-rolled cigarette, which he takes out, raising an eyebrow at Alice who widens her eyes.
“That’s not what I think it is!”
“I don’t know. What do you think it is?”
“Is that”—Alice lowers her voice to a whisper—“a joint?”
“Is that the same thing as grass?” Harry whispers back. “Because if it is then yes, it is a joint. Oh, no. That’s terrible. What should we do with it now?”
“Oh, shut up.” Alice looks away then back again as Harry holds the flame to the end of the roll-up, inhaling deeply, holding it in, then exhaling with a satisfied whoosh.
“Harry! You can’t!”
Harry smiles. “Why not? We’re outside. And the last time I checked we were adults. I promise you no one will know.” He inhales again then proffers it to Alice, who stares at it in shock, then slowly reaches out and takes it.
“You swear you won’t tell Joe? He’d kill me.”
“Believe me, Joe is the very last person I’d tell. And anyway, you’d better not tell Emily. She’d kill me.”
Alice inhales, holding the smoke deep in her lungs as she hasn’t done since she was in her late teens. She exhales as she feels a lightness take over her limbs and smiles as she sinks back on the bench.
“God, that’s good,” she smiles as she passes the joint to Harry. “Do you know how many years it’s been since I’ve smoked?”
“About twenty?”
“More or less,” she smiles. “Where did you get it anyway?”
“Trade secret,” he says. “Involving shampoo bottles, lots of clingfilm, and smuggling.”
“Harry, you didn’t! No wonder Emily would kill you. I’d kill you if I were your girlfriend.”