by A. J. Jacobs
sukkah (hut): putting up of
taking down of
Sukkoth (Feast of Ingathering)
supplication, prayers of
synagogue, passionate attendance at
Taliban
Talmud
on details of capital punishment
on gossip as murder
interpretive role of
scholarly depth and breadth of
semantic fine-tuning of scriptures in
story of a pious fool and drowning neighbor in
walking in a jaunty, hoity-toity manner banned in
Tamar’s tale
Onan’s actual offense in
twins in
tassels
biblical directions for
on every corner of ex-uncle’s clothes
prefab (tzitzit)
purpose of
safety pinned to shirt
Tassels without Hassles
taxonomies, OCD religions replete with
Taylor, Rip, gay reaction to shtick of
tefillin (phylacteries; Jewish prayer straps)
AJ’s previous brushes with
free associating easily done with
history and origins of
how bird droppings can signal a problem with
lesson in wrapping of
rules for wearing of, gas ban included
Teletubby Tinky Winky, evangelical outing of
Temple Institute, The
Temple Mount, in apocalyptic setting with red cow, Third Temple, and embattled messiahs
Ten Commandments
in Ark of the Covenant
Christian views on
constructing Tabernacle for
dietary laws in spirit of
disputed “Ten” in
minimalist beauty of six through eight
Samaritan version of
Scotch-taped copies of
tied to head and hand
written on doorpost
see also specific commandments
Ten Commandments, The (movie)
glorious cheesiness of
Tenth Commandment
see also coveting
terrorism, post-9/11 jitters about
Testaments, Old, New, or both
Thanksgiving, Passover compared with
thanksgiving, prayers of
theocracy
Thessalonians, First Epistle to, on heathenish passion of lust
Thessalonians, Second Epistle to, on giving thanks
Third Commandment
see also God, name of
Third Temple, Jewish Messiah waiting for
Thomas Road Baptist Church
AJ’s lying spree at
“cry rooms” at
disorientingly friendly people in
singles group at
see also evangelical Christianity; Falwell, Jerry
Tijuana donkey shows, feared coming accessibility of
Tillich, Paul
Timothy, First Epistle to: on honoring widows
on medicinally useful alcohol
on modestly dressed women
Tip (evangelical greeter)
tithing
after-tax
AJ’s mental strategy for
gleaning vs.
God’s pleasure and AJ’s pain in
literary agent’s fee not regarded as
toilet paper, pre-ripped
Tom (Falwell pastor)
tomorrow, God willing
Torah (five books of Moses): annual reading of
Aunt Kate’s passion for
divine and animal nature seen in
laws totaling 613 in
Samaritan take on purity laws of
supposedly written by J, E, P, and D
Tower of Babel
brother-in-law seen as chief architect of
traffic laws, obedience to
downside and upside of
Travolta, John
TreeHugger web magazine
T. rex: blood vessels found in bone of
vegetarian incisors of
truth telling
about biblical observance
in Julie’s new mind-reading game
see also lies, lying
Tsedaka, Benyamim
“tumah,” mistranslation of
Twain, Mark, on not letting those people go
25th Hour,
twins, biblical: Jacob and Esau
Perez and Zerah
twins, Jacobs:
AJ and Julie informed about
birth of
circumcision of
see also circumcision
combativeness of, in utero
gender revealed
mentally preparing for
Tyndale, William, execution of
Unauthorized Version, The (Lane)
Unitarians
universe, age, size, and light rays of
upper respiratory disorders, as excuse for not touching women
Upper West Side
AJ as the Gandhi of
elderly adulterer cornered in
gleaning innovatively attempted in
rare opportunity for good deed in
turning heads in
Uriah, David’s wronging of
vegetarianism
universally observed until Noah
Vilna Gaon
virgins: consequences of sleeping with
how to look upon
vitalism
Volchok, Martha
Walden Walking Stick
Wallis, Rev. Jim
Wall Street Journal, front page of
Warm Blankets Orphan Care International
warriors, beards as possible head handles on
Watson Adventures (scavenger hunts)
Weinberg, Noah, on life as jigsaw puzzle
Weisman, Charles
theocratic and racial dreams of
Welch, Thomas, temperance advocacy of
West Bank
Western Wall
binding tefillin on tourists at
high-voltage faithful at
West Wing, The,
“What Does the Bible Really Teach?” (Witness booklet)
“What Jesus Said about Homosexuality
When Good Men Are Tempted (Perkins)
white garments
buoyancy experienced in
celebrated wearers of
darkening of
verbal equivalent of
Whitfield, Daniel, biblical wine study of
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, AJ’s ill-fated appearance on
Why I Am Not a Christian (Russell)
Why the Ten Commandments Matter (Kennedy)
widows and orphans, confirmed, offering cash to
Wikipedia
Williams, Venus, pagan namesake of
Wills, Garry, on Dominionist influence
Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, Natalie’s bat mitzvah theme as
wine: biblical views contradictory on
Noah’s imbibing of
winkers, biblical warning to
wireless piggybacking
Wisconsin, Jews as “frozen chosen” in
witchcraft, penalty for
Wolfe, Tom, AJ as biblical version of
women: avoiding unnecessary contact with
best to stay out of clothes of
discussing monthly cycles with
ex-uncle’s postprandial ritual denied to
Hasidic wallflowering of
how they came to be
Israelite husbands’ rights to
not permitted to speak in churches
octogenarian and touchable
prudent ways to think about
turned on by bad-boy things
when biblical correctness requires severing hand of
Woods, Mary and Rick
words: B-, in Song of Solomon; see also forbidden words
biblical, verily
final
in Jasper’s v
ocabulary
no making of, on Sabbath
“prehistoric,” creationists’ rejection of
rationing of
“reverential,” two-day high produced by
work: Bertrand Russell’s classification of
in building sukkah
not working as
Worldwide Church of God
yarmulkes
bald spots concealed by
lack of mentions in the Bible of
Yemenite Jews, world’s sole kosher cricket favored by
Yom Kippur
done cluelessly and alone
kaparot atonement rite on eve of; see also chickens, ritual
Yossi (spiritual adviser)
AJ at hot fashion show with
parable of the two praying guys told by
story of Esther discussed with
tefillin wrapping demonstrated by
Zappa, Frank
Zerah and Perez
—SWC
About the Author
A. J. Jacobs is the New York Times best-selling author of The Know-It-All: One Man’s Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World. He is the editor at large at Esquire magazine, for which he wrote the article “My Outsourced Life.” He has also written for the New York Times, The Washington Post, and Entertainment Weekly. He lives in New York City. You can visit his website at ajjacobs.com.
One man. Ten extraordinary quests.
Bestselling author and human guinea pig A. J. Jacobs puts his life to the test and reports on the surprising and entertaining results. He goes undercover as a woman, lives by George Washington's moral code, and impersonates a movie star. He practices “radical honesty,” brushes his teeth with the world's most rational toothpaste, and outsources every part of his life to India–including reading bedtime stories to his kids.
And in a new adventure, Jacobs undergoes scientific testing to determine how he can put his wife through these and other life-altering experiments–one of which involves public nudity.
Filled with humor and wisdom, My Life as an Experiment will immerse you in eye-opening situations and change the way you think about the big issues of our time–from love and work to national politics and breakfast cereal.
Praise for My Life as an Experiment and A. J. Jacobs
“The virtuoso of this self-as-guinea-pig genre.” —Time
“We love reading about the lifestyle experiments of
author A. J. Jacobs.” —Entertainment Weekly
“Jacobs’ experiments are about understanding oneself,
making life more interesting, and showing the reader a good time.” —San Francisco Chronicle
“Both laugh-out-loud funny and enlightening.” —People
“Inspired and inspiring.” —Vanity Fair
“Off-the-wall and uproarious.” —Publishers Weekly
A. J. Jacobs is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Know-It-All and The Year of Living Biblically. He is the editor at large at Esquire magazine. A.J. has written for the New York Times, Washington Post, and Entertainment Weekly, and is an occasional correspondent for National Public Radio. He lives in New York City with his wife, Julie, and their children. You can visit his website at www.ajjacobs.com.
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Praise for My Life as an Experiment
“Over the years, [Jacobs’ experiments] have grown more complex and deeper in potential meaning. Not to mention funnier and funnier.”
—The Kansas City Star
“[T]he most enlightening moments are driven by his honesty, his sense of humor, and his willingness to constantly challenge his ingrained assumptions. . . . Hilarity, and quite a bit of learning, ensue. . . . In [My Life as an Experiment], he once again achieves a rare literary balance—an intellectual study of human behavior that will make readers laugh out loud or, in the more daring cases, inspire them to try one of these experiments for themselves.”
—Providence Journal
“He’s not just in it for the yuks—though there are plenty of yuks. (He’s very funny.) He has a curious, questioning mind and is always looking for larger meaning. . . . [My Life as an Experiment] is intelligent, insightful shtick.”
—Minneapolis Star-Tribune
“[My Life as an Experiment] is as funny and as instructive as memoir can get.”
—The Knoxville News-Sentinel
“‘Immersive journalism’ is a rather popular trope these days, and Esquire editor A. J. Jacobs is one of its most entertaining adherents, performing a public service with his quest for knowledge in his latest book, [My Life as an Experiment]. . . . His experiments, alternately Herculean and banal, are emblematic of how difficult it is in this modern age to find enlightenment; ‘know thyself’ regularly brushes up against the cold, rocky bottom of daily life.”
—LA Weekly
“Jacobs . . . could be the funniest nonfiction writer this side of Bill Bryson. . . . The experiments themselves are fascinating and lead to genuinely surprising conclusions . . . and Jacobs’ storytelling is lighthearted and frequently laugh-out-loud funny. . . . There aren’t a lot of nonfiction books you want to read over and over, but this is certainly one of them.”
—Booklist (starred review)
“Jacobs, a kind of latter-day George Plimpton, tests . . . our funny bones once again with his smart-aleck, off-the-wall and uproarious experiments in living.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Jacobs continues his unique brand of immersion journalism . . . [and] his style is crisp and often laugh-out-loud funny. . . . [An] endearing and nimble look at how pursuing absurd extremes can illuminate the more mundane aspects of contemporary existence.”
—Kirkus Reviews
ALSO BY A. J. JACOBS
The Know-It-All
The Year of Living Biblically
Simon & Schuster
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Copyright © 2009 by A. J. Jacobs
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Simon & Schuster Paperbacks Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Simon & Schuster trade paperback edition July 2010
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The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Jacobs, A. J., 1968–
My life as an experiment: one man’s humble quest to improve himself by living as a woman, becoming George Washington, telling no lies, and other radical tests / A. J. Jacobs.
p. cm.
1. Conduct of life—Humor. 2. Self-actualization (Psychology)—Humor. I. Title.
PN6231.6142J33 2009
814’.54—dc22 2009024129
ISBN 978-1-4165-9906-7
ISBN 978-1-4391-0499-6 (pbk)
ISBN 978-1-4391-1014-0 (ebook)
Versions of some of these chapters appeared in Esquire magazine.
; Previously published as The Guinea Pig Diaries
To Julie
(and also Courtney Holt)
Contents
Introduction
Chapter One: The Unitasker
Chapter Two: My Outsourced Life
Chapter Three: I Think You’re Fat
Chapter Four: 240 Minutes of Fame
Chapter Five: The Rationality Project
Chapter Six: The Truth About Nakedness
Chapter Seven: What Would George Washington Do?
Chapter Eight: My Life as a Beautiful Woman
Chapter Nine; Whipped
Chapter Ten; Do I Love My Wife?
Author’s Note
Appendix A
Appendix B
Notes
Bibliography
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Over the years, I’ve gotten a lot of suggestions.
Some are intriguing. My brother-in-law suggested I spend a year growing my own food in my Manhattan apartment.
Some are intriguing, but possibly come with a hidden agenda. A friend—at least I think he’s a friend—told me I should spend a year without human contact.
Some definitely come with an agenda. My wife keeps suggesting that I spend a year giving her foot massages. I usually counteroffer that we could try all the positions in the Kama Sutra. The subject is generally dropped after that.
The suggestions come with the territory. For the last fifteen years, I’ve attempted to live my life as a human guinea pig. I’ve engaged in a series of experiments on my mind and body, some of which have been fruitful, some humiliating failures. I’ve tried to understand the world by immersing myself in extraordinary circumstances. I’ve also grown a tremendously unattractive beard.
My career as a human guinea pig began with a piece of furniture. I was working at Entertainment Weekly magazine in the mid-1990s, and the La-Z-Boy company had just created the most pimped-out, excessive chair in the history of human seating. It pushed the concept of leisure—or sloth, if you are feeling moral—to unheard-of extremes. It had a butt massager, a heater, a built-in fridge for you to store beers and cheese sticks, a modem jack—everything but a toilet and an outboard motor.
I figured the only way to address this magnificent monstrosity was to road test it. See how it held up under severe conditions. Being a committed journalist, I offered to spend twenty-four hours watching TV in this La-Z-Boy and then write about it.