I always made her nervous, and I kind of liked it. As if there were a bigger game at play that we’d eventually get to someday, but neither of us knew what it was.
I saw Michael watching me in the rearview mirror, and I did a shitty job of hiding my grin.
Hey, if he didn’t want anyone else noticing his little piece of ass, he shouldn’t have brought her along in the first place. It was one thing to have your fun. It was another to do it in front of us.
Tonight was ours. She wasn’t important enough to be here.
He pulled up in front of the Ashby house, outside the walls with two tall columns with lanterns on top and the gate closed. Hopefully that meant the parents were out, and she was alone.
Or, at least her father was out. The mother said something during the fight last night about having to catch a plane today.
And Arion was away from her college for a semester abroad, so Winter was the only other person in the house.
I climbed up from my seat, heading for Will’s door to hop out. “I won’t take long.”
“Sooooo confident,” Will teased. “Get a great angle for us, okay?”
He held up the group cell phone we used to record all our pranks, and I took it, remembering I had that shot of Winter on it from last night. If it recorded at all. I’d dropped the phone, but thankfully it hadn’t broken.
Stuffing it in my back pocket, I flung open the door and hopped out, pulling up my hood.
“Got protection?” Will asked.
“Shut the fuck up.”
I slammed the door shut, hearing his chuckle from inside, and scaled the tree outside the wall, making my way over it in seconds, because this was not the first time I’d done this.
Landing on my feet, I jogged across the lawn, seeing a few lights her father left on in the house, my gaze immediately locking on the windows of the ballroom and hearing the music from inside. I couldn’t help but smile, knowing she was in there.
I dug out the key she gave me and pulled off my sweatshirt, tossing it behind some bushes, because it was covered in smoke.
Heading around to the backdoor, I unlocked it as quietly as possible and pushed it open, slipping into the dark kitchen and instantly hearing the music playing as loud as she wanted, because no one was home.
I crept down the hallway and through the foyer, veering right, toward the open ballroom doors with the music growing louder and drifting up to the ceiling.
It had a haunting, sad vibe, and my heart started thumping harder even before I entered.
She twirled around the floor, her head and arms all playing a part as her feet moved, creeping with the song, like someone possessed or lost in a dream. My throat swelled as I inched off to the side, in the shadows, not taking my eyes off her.
The chorus chanted, the drums like a pulse, and I watched her hair fly, and the muscles in her legs flex through her tight, black leggings. Slits cut across the back of her long-sleeve pink shirt, her sports bra and skin visible in the moonlight streaming in through the windows.
But I blinked
And the world was gone
The voice sang, the music coursing through her as if it were coming from her body, every movement perfectly timed. I scaled my eyes down her face and form as she spun and leaped, wishing I could be the air around her and feel her move.
My chest ached so badly it hurt to breathe.
There was no one in the world like her.
The music ended, and silence fell in the house as she fell back on her feet, breathing hard. She stayed there, unmoving and quiet.
And finally, her voice pierced the air. “Are you here?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Were you watching?” she asked softly.
I wanted to bring her into my chest and just feel her relax, easing her mind and making her feel safe.
But she’d smell the smoke still on me, which I didn’t hold back on tonight on purpose. I didn’t want to be tempted to come see her.
I did anyway, though. I’d told the guys I was paying a hot, little visit to Mrs. Ashby, knowing they’d love that. None of us liked her husband.
But I just wanted to see Winter.
After what I did to her last night.
“I hate that you don’t talk to me,” she said, still rooted in the same spot but slowly turning in a circle, because she didn’t know where I was. “Like really talk. But I guess it wouldn’t have been like you to still be here this morning.”
No, it wouldn’t have been. After another half-hour in the shower, we’d dried, and I dressed, following her down to her room to lay with her for a while.
When she fell asleep, I stayed.
Still not sleeping.
Until about four a.m., then I snuck out.
And told myself that tonight I’d screw someone else.
And get Winter out of me.
“You are like a ghost,” she mused. “Or a vampire. You’re only alive for me at night.”
She swallowed and inhaled a breath.
“It’s okay. I was warned, wasn’t I?” she said. “That you would hurt me?”
Yes.
“My father thinks it would be better for me back in Montreal,” she told me. “He says that ‘the community here can’t accommodate my needs.’”
She repeated his words, feigning his deep, condescending voice, but fire coursed up my neck, and I was nervous.
Back to Montreal.
Away.
I’d never see her. What if she stayed there after high school?
If I didn’t think we should see each other, then we wouldn’t, but I didn’t like the choice being taken from me.
“What he really means is that I can’t afford to be a teenager,” she explained. “He thinks I’ll make mistakes and be hurt.”
Like how she stayed out last night, past curfew, and made them worry. Doing things everyone does, but the rules for her were stricter, because they didn’t think she could protect herself.
Had she ever made them worry before? Her father was using this an excuse to send her away. With both daughters gone, he wouldn’t have a reason to return home more frequently than necessary. For appearances’ sake.
She grew quiet, dropping her head a little and pleading, “Don’t let me go.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, my insides knotting so tightly.
I didn’t want to let her go.
“He’s in the city tonight,” she said. “And my mother flew to Spain today to visit Ari. I have the whole house to myself. All night.”
Oh, Jesus. My chest caved.
What the fuck?
It was everything I wanted.
Don’t do this to me.
She smirked. “Suddenly you have nothing to say?”
And I shook my head, more to myself than her.
She could be anyone.
I could get from anyone what I got from her.
I didn’t want her in my head.
I don’t want this. I wanted her to stay perfect.
She’d find out, and it would be over.
Don’t stay, I told myself. And don’t come back.
“We don’t have to talk,” she told me. “I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower. You might join me, and I’d want that. And afterward, I’m going to climb into my bed to sleep, and you might join me. I’d want that, too.” She closed her eyes, looking like her heart was breaking. “I just want you here or wherever I am.”
She walked slowly toward the doors, finding her way into the foyer, and I followed her, watching her climb the stairs up to the bathroom.
Nothing sounded better than nestling in the warmth of her and her bed tonight.
But instead, I walked past the staircase, through the kitchen, and out the backdoor, locking it behind me as I left the house.
She could be anyone, I told myself. Anyone.
And I’d prove it.
Hours later, I drove Michael’s Mercedes G-Class, his brother next to me, and Will and Rika in the back.
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Michael had left a while ago, pissed off at Rika for whatever reason and soothing himself with Kai and some booze and leaving her in our care.
It was perfect. I needed this.
I needed someone else. Someone who was nothing.
“Why are you wearing your mask?” Rika asked Trevor who sat quietly in the passenger’s seat.
I smiled to myself. She thought he was Kai, because he wore Kai’s mask. We weren’t going to tell her any differently, because Michael’s brother had a bone to pick with her, and so did I.
Nothing personal, kid. You’re just a distraction.
“The night’s not over yet,” I teased.
We raced down the dark, empty highway, heading in the direction of her house—where she thought we were taking her—but that wasn’t where we were going.
“You want him, don’t you?” I asked, playing with her. “Michael, I mean.”
She just looked out the window, ignoring me.
She was sixteen. Did she really think she’d keep him entertained? Satisfied?
Girls that young haven’t even grown into their bodies yet. Kind of pathetic really, the hopes they dreamed up. Like we’d fall in love just as we were starting to have fun?
“Shit,” Will groaned, his drunk-ass like a limp dick sitting in his seat next to her. “She’s ready to ride a fence post with how horny she is for him.”
Both of us laughed. “Don’t be an asshole, man,” I told him. “Maybe she’s just horny, period. Bitches have needs, too, after all.”
I winced inwardly, knowing how fucking nasty I just sounded.
I shook it off and watched Rika in the rearview mirror, her body going rigid and barely breathing. Her helpless eyes drifted to Kai, probably wondering why he wasn’t stepping in and shutting us up, but that wasn’t Kai and she had no heroes in here.
“We’re just messing with you,” Will drawled. “We do it to each other, too.”
He smiled at her, his eyes closing as he drifted off.
“You know, the thing about Michael…” I continued, resting my head back against the seat as I drove, “he wants you, too. He watches you. Did you know that?” I shot her a look in the rearview mirror. “Man, the look on his face when he saw you dancing tonight.”
She’d looked pretty good, actually, but it was nothing compared to the places Winter took me when I watched her.
I laid on the gas, speeding past Rika’s house and racing toward my oblivion where Winter didn’t exist.
Forget her. Just forget her.
I saw her shoot up in her seat, watching her house pass and me not stop.
“Yeah,” I went on. “He never gets that look over a girl. I’d say he was damn close to taking you home and popping that little cherry of yours.”
“Kai?” Rika protested, not wanting to deal with me. “We passed my house. What’s going on?”
“You want to know why he didn’t take you home?” I asked her, hitting the locks so she couldn’t jump out. “He doesn’t like virgins. He never wants to be that important to someone, and it’s a lot less complicated to fuck people who know there’s a difference between sex and love.”
She turned her gaze from Will to Kai to me, fear in her eyes.
Sex and love.
Boys will be boys, and she teased you, didn’t she? She wouldn’t let you have it, I heard my mother’s voice in my head.
Sex was power. Degrading, filthy, mean, unclean power.
Love always hurt. Sooner or later.
“Where are we going?” Rika demanded.
But I ignored her. “You saw the girl at the old church today,” I mused, remembering her in the catacombs watching the guy and girl on our first Devil’s Night stop. “You liked it, didn’t you?”
I turned left, down a dark gravel road, and I saw her try to peer out the front windshield to see where we were going.
“You wanted to be her,” I said. “Pushed down on that floor and fucked…”
Because even as unclean and degrading as sex was, the feelings were strong, and they were real. Sex and fear were the only things that made you real.
Little girls just don’t understand what boys need, my mother would say.
It was the one thing she was right about. We didn’t need anything we didn’t take ourselves. No questions, no tears, no touching or soft words… Just fucking sit there and don’t try to be special.
“You know why?” I asked Rika. How I knew she wanted to be that girl, pushed down and fucked? “Because it feels good. And we’ll make you feel so good if you let us.”
Her eyes raced from Kai to me to the locked doors as worry set in.
“You know,” I told her. “When guys let a girl into their gang, there are two ways for her to be initiated.” I pulled the car to a stop in the middle of the woods on the isolated road. “She either gets beat-in.” I shut off the car, killed the lights, and locked eyes with her in the rearview mirror. “Or fucked-in.”
She shook her head. “I want to go home.”
Her voice sounded so fucking pitiful, and she looked like a kid, sinking to the bottom of a river, not wanting death but knowing it was coming.
No, don’t. I don’t want to, I remember myself saying when I was a kid, and I had no power.
But like me, there was nothing Rika could do.
“That’s not one of the choices, Little Monster,” I taunted.
Both Trevor and I turned our heads, starting straight at her.
She lost it, realization dawning. She grabbed the door handle and yanked on it over and over again, frantic to get out.
“We can take what we want from you,” I warned, opening my door. “One after the other, and no one would believe you, Rika.”
I climbed out, moved to her door behind me, and opened it, yanking her out as Will still slept it off in the other back seat.
Slamming the door shut, I pushed her up against it, pressing my body into hers and holding her wrists down at her side.
Was I doing this? For real?
“We’re untouchable,” I told her, looking down at her. “We can do whatever we want.”
She breathed fast, in shallow breaths, squirming against me.
Trevor had gotten out of the car and come around behind me.
“Kai, please?” she begged for his help, still not knowing it was Michael’s brother behind the mask. He’d had the hots for her forever, but she couldn’t stand him. She wanted his older brother, and he was pissed.
“He won’t help you,” I muttered.
And then I pinned her hands over her head, against the car as she cried out.
“I’m going to feel so good,” I whispered against her forehead and closed my eyes, envisioning Winter in my hands.
If I get it through my head and treat her like trash, then I can do the same things to Winter. I can throw her away.
Like nothing.
Reaching behind her, I grabbed her ass. “You know you want to ride this.”
“Damon,” she gasped, turning her head away, “take me home. I know you’re not going to hurt me.”
“Oh, yeah?” I threatened. “Then why have you always been afraid of me?”
Did she really believe I wouldn’t do this? Or did she think she could talk me down?
I had no respect for her. She had no value. She was a warm body.
Yeah, she saved my ass earlier when we torched the gazebo in town. But if I couldn’t have Winter, then Michael wasn’t having Rika. If anyone deserved to come tonight, it was Winter. Who did Rika think she was?
I held her wrists above her head with one hand, pawed her ass with the other, and kissed a trail across her cheek.
I want this.
“Damon, no!” she shouted. “Let me go!”
But then I slammed my mouth down on hers, my teeth cutting into my mouth, and I just tried to see Winter in my head. It was her.
Hurt her. It would be over if I could just hurt her and break her goddamn heart.
“Help!” Rika cried
.
“He doesn’t want you,” I whispered, running my hand up her body and cupping her breast, my stomach rolling with nausea as I felt her struggle.
Please, I don’t want to.
Shhh, baby, I heard my mother again.
Oh, God.
“But we do, Rika,” I choked out, clearing my throat and forcing myself on. “We want you so bad. Being with us will be like having a blank check, baby. You can have anything you want.” I bit her bottom lip. “Come on.”
She jerked away, growling, “I’ll never want you!”
Fine. I grabbed her by the collar, hauled her away from the car, and flung her over to Trevor in his waiting arms.
“Kai,” she gasped, a shred of hope left in her voice.
“Maybe you’ll want him, then,” I said.
Trevor wrapped his arms around her, crushing the little monster.
“Stop!” she yelled.
And then she raised her hand, slapping him across the mask.
A pang of admiration hit me and I faltered, seeing more of Winter in her than I wanted to. She was a fighter.
Hit him again. Like I should’ve done to my mother long before I finally did.
Hit him again.
Hit me.
But he threw her onto the ground, her body landing on the cold, wet leaves, and she flipped over, scurrying backward, trying to get away.
Trevor lunged for her, coming down on top of her, and I cocked my head, watching carefully.
He looked like he was whispering something in her ear, but I couldn’t hear.
Then she belted, “Get off me!”
He grabbed her hair, shouting back to me, “Hold her arms!”
“No!” Rika cried, thrashing and kicking. “Get off!”
I didn’t budge.
Trevor held her hands above her head with one hand and her neck with the other, and she tried to get free of his hold but couldn’t.
She couldn’t.
She couldn’t stop what was happening.
I blinked. No. I didn’t want this. I wanted to scare her. Threaten her, frighten her, run to the edge and nearly lose my balance, but…
She fought. Like many of us should have learned how to do so much sooner.
“Enough,” I said.
But he didn’t hear me. He kept struggling with her.
Kill Switch (Devil's Night #3) Page 37