by Quinn Loftis
“Is it cruel of me to be happy that you’ve never felt that way about another male?”
Serenity laughed. “Only if it’s cruel of me to be glad that considering your age, you’ve never been with other girls.”
Dair wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him, his larger form allowing him to lay his cheek against her hair. The floral scent of her shampoo was nice, but it was the scent beneath that, her scent, that had his mouth watering. Dair had never dealt with the feelings of desire and had to admit that he wasn’t exactly sure how to handle them. They were much more intense than he had ever imagined, and he truly wondered how mere mortals kept their control. His body nearly shook with need for her. Serenity pulled back to look up at him, a frown marring her beautiful face.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Aside from the fact that your body feels incredibly good against mine, your scent is making my mouth water like a man whose thirst hasn’t been quenched in a century, and everything inside of me is screaming for me to take you and to claim you like some primal beast―yes, I’m okay.” Her eyes widened at his declaration and he could tell she was struggling with how to respond.
“Perhaps, I should get off your lap,” she suggested and started to move.
Dair tightened his grip on her and slowly shook his head. “I’m not ready to let you go.” Those words meant so much more than just letting her climb back into bed and out of the shelter of his hold. He truly knew that he would never be ready to let her go. Dair realized then just how badly he wanted to be human, to have a human life span so that he could share it the Serenity. He wanted to marry her, love her, have babies with her, and grow old with her. There was a time when he wondered how humans could get into relationships knowing that their days together were numbered. They would not have an eternity together, and yet now he realized that it only made their love and commitment all the more precious. Two imperfect souls come together―becoming one and sharing joy, hurt, sorrow, love, and so much more―all the while never knowing if they will even have one more day together. They weren’t promised a tomorrow. Their days were appointed by the Creator, and though their lives on earth were not even close to the splendor that their home with their Creator would be, it was still priceless in its own right. The relationship between male and female, mate and mate, husband and wife was a precious gift. It was a covenant between the man and woman and their Creator. It was to be protected at all costs and to be nourished beyond all other relationships―save the one they had with their Creator. And Dair wanted that with a desperation that scared him. He didn’t just want it with any female. He wanted it with Serenity, his princess, his love.
Serenity laid her head against Dair’s chest allowing the rhythm of his heart beat to soothe her. She felt raw and exposed after having experienced something so intense with Dair. Deep in her bones she could feel that what they had, what was building between them, was not an everyday sort of crush. It was deep, ardent, and all encompassing. As Dair’s lips had demanded her response, to which she more than happily answered, Serenity was sure she had felt their souls connect. Was it realistic? She didn’t know. Did it make any sense? Absolutely not. But there it was in all its unbelievable glory, a connection she had never felt with anyone―and knew she might never feel with another―had bridged itself between them. He had claimed he wasn’t ready to let her go, and she was far from ready for him to release her. She wanted to be sheltered in his arms forever and shielded from the dark things in the world. Dair made her feel safe for the first time since her parents’ deaths. He made her feel treasured and adored. She didn’t know how she was going to handle it when he left, because she knew he would eventually have to leave. There was no two ways about it. Dair was immortal with a task appointed to him by the Creator and she was human. She just didn’t see a way that they could be together.
Serenity felt his hand slide down her hair to her back repeatedly petting her, comforting her as if he understood her pain. And maybe he could feel it the way she had felt his soul. Her arms slipped around his waist and his back muscle’s flexed against her hands. He was so strong, so solid, and she imagined if things were different he would be a man who stuck. He would be a man who would take a wife and never let her go. He would stick it out through every obstacle, every joy, and every pain, and he wouldn’t want them to just be surviving, he would want them to flourish. Dair would want there to be passion and desire, want, and love. Yes, he would be a man who stuck, and yet she couldn’t have him.
“You have school tomorrow,” he whispered into the dark room. “I need to let you get some rest.”
“Will you stay?” The words were out before she could bite them back.
Dair stood up holding her in his arms as if she weighed no more than a child and laid her in her bed. He pulled the covers up to her chin and then walked around to the other side of the bed. To her surprise and delight, he laid down next to her, on top of the covers, and wrapped a strong arm around her midsection pulling her close to him.
“Dream of me, Princess,” Dair whispered into her ear.
“Then weave me a dream, Sandman,” she said softly, “and then we can dream together.”
As her eyes grew heavy, she heard Dair’s voice telling her to sleep and to open her mind to him and to let him in. That was no hardship she thought as sleep finally claimed her.
Chapter 7
“To see a squirrel in your dreams means that you will soon make one or more new friends. While you should take advantage of the opportunity, be wary of being too trusting too soon. Take care not to reveal the location of your stash of nuts.”
Emma’s first day of school in Yellville wasn’t nearly as scary as she had first thought it would be. Of course it could be because of the huge angel, though invisible to everyone else, had stayed with her throughout the day making sure everything went smoothly. Emma had told him several times that she didn’t need a babysitter. Raphael’s response had been that maybe he would learn something too, since he had never gone to elementary school. She couldn’t imagine what an angel, who had been around since the dawn of time, could learn in the second grade, but then again she and her parents use to watch the show Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader and her parents got questions wrong all the time. So maybe the angel could learn something. She had to be careful not to talk to him though because it would look like she was talking to herself. It was bad enough that most people already knew that she was living in a shack with her drunk aunt; she didn’t want them thinking she was crazy as well. Emma could see the look in the teacher’s eyes, a look her mama would have said was pity, and it made her grit her teeth. She didn’t want anyone’s pity. Emma just wanted to be treated like a normal girl.
By lunch time she had met two girls who had the potential to be friends. Penny Jane and Charlotte had both seemed to take Emma under their wings.
“Do you have any brother or sisters?” Penny Jane asked as she pulled her sandwich and chips from her Hello Kitty lunch box. Emma couldn’t help but look enviously at the sandwich, after having been unable to identify the slop on her tray that the school was trying to pass off as food. Realizing they were still waiting for an answer, Emma forced her eyes away from Penny Jane’s lunch.
“Nope, I’m an only child.”
“That must be awesome,” Charlotte said with awe in her voice. “I have six brothers and sisters. Six! And I’m number four so I never get anything new. All my clothes were worn by the older girls, all my toys were played with first by them, and even my hair brush used to be my older sister’s. It must be nice not to have to get used stuff.”
Listening to Charlotte go on and on about her grievances, that was one of her vocabulary words her mom had constantly taught her, she couldn’t help but once again hear her mother’s voice. You remember to be thankful for whatever your circumstances, Emma Jean, because no matter how much you think you want something different, different doesn’t always equate to better. Her mother had been right.
How many times had Emma wanted to move away from Memphis, away from the big city to a country house where she could have horses and rabbits? And here she was in a small, country town, and things were definitely not better.
Lunch continued with a constant flow of conversation from Charlotte and Penny Jane. She’d never seen two girls talk so fast. And half the time they finished each other’s sentences so the flow was never broken; they just kept right on going. Emma glanced at Raphael from the corner of her eye and nearly laughed when she saw him watching the two girls with wide eyes. It was obvious he hadn’t spent much time around eight-year-old girls. Poor guy didn’t know what he had signed on for.
By the end of the day, Emma was ready to get away from the stares from the teachers and the whispers and pointing from her immature classmates. Emma’s mama had always told her that being so smart was a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing because school was easy for her, almost too easy, but it was a curse because it made her an outsider. She often found it hard to be around kids her own age because they just seemed so clueless to her. Emma tried not to be judgmental, especially since it wasn’t their faults that their IQ levels probably didn’t come anywhere close to her own. They were simply products of their genetics, as was she. As she and Raphael exited the building, Emma took a deep breath letting the cold air fill her lungs. It was refreshing after being cooped up in the school all day.
“I don’t really want to go back to Mildred’s yet,” she told Raphael as they started walking. Based on a few glances from other kids she knew that Raphael had made himself visible. She didn’t give envious glances to those getting into cars where there was heat, walking was her only mode of transportation unless she wanted to take the bus, which she didn’t. Walking was good for her she told herself anytime she wanted to whine about it. Be thankful you can walk, Emma Jean. That’s what her mama would say. Man, she missed her mama. It was as if a hole had been ripped in her heart where her mother used to be, and now her heart didn’t beat right anymore. The rhythm was off, like someone clapping to music but their hands met two beats too late. And Emma didn’t know if it would ever be right again.
“How about we go back to the library and see that nice librarian?” Raphael suggested.
Emma thought that sounded like a much better idea than going back to the house where her aunt lived. She couldn’t call it home. She had no home, not anymore.
“So, did you learn anything?” Emma finally asked Raphael as they crunched through the snow. Emma loved the sound of snow beneath her shoes. The crunching sound was somehow gratifying because when you walked in snow you could see your progress. If she looked back behind her, Emma would see her footprints in the compressed snow and be able to see how far she’d gone. Sometimes, when there was no snow, when the sidewalks were dry, walking felt unproductive, as if she were standing in one place―going nowhere―simply just moving her legs. Yes, she liked the snow beneath her shoes; she liked that, until new snow fell or others walked over her steps, physical proof would show that she had indeed gone somewhere. And for some reason it was important to her that she not remain stagnant, another vocabulary word from her mama. Her attention was drawn away from the crunching when Raphael began to answer.
“At first no, but then we went to lunch. There I learned that some eight-year-old girls have no need of air when they are talking.”
Emma burst in to a fit of giggles that had her holding her side as Raphael paused with her on the sidewalk. The look of exasperation on his face only had her laughing more. When she finally gained some control of herself a single brow on Raphael’s face rose. “Are you quite done?”
“I’m about as done as a frozen Christmas turkey,” Emma grinned.
“What exactly does that mean?”
“It means that I’ve not yet begun to laugh at your horrid expression over energizer bunny eight year olds.”
“You don’t seem eight,” Raphael pointed out.
Emma shrugged. “On paper, I’m more like twenty―according to my test scores anyways.” Emma continued to chuckle under her breath as they started off again. When they finally reached the library, she was pretty sure her toes were so frozen they just might break in half. She and Raphael stomped the snow from their shoes before entering the library. The warm air rushed over her as she walked into the foyer with Raphael on her heels. Emma was immediately greeted with a smile from Darla that was just as warm as the air filling the room.
“I was hoping you’d come back,” Darla grinned as she rounded the counter with arms already open. Emma had figured out that Darla was a hugger. As the kind woman knelt down and wrapped her arms around her, Emma bit her lip to hold in the emotions that continually seemed to threaten her control. She used to get hugs every day. She used to come home to a smile and the chatter of her mama asking her all about the school day. But those days were just memories.
Darla pulled back and held Emma’s shoulders and studied her face. Emma met her eyes, having been taught to look at people when they were talking. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to help me take care of a little problem would you, Emma?”
Emma considered that whatever problem Darla had, it was nothing compared to her aunt’s issues. “Sure, I can help.”
“Yeah!” Darla exclaimed in a way that only she would be able to pull off as genuine. “I seemed to have baked too many cookies, and I would hate for them to go to waste.”
Emma smiled up at the librarian. “Well, you’re in luck, Mrs. Darla, eating cookies just happens to be one of my best problem solving skills.”
“None of that Mrs. stuff, it’s just Darla,” she said with a wink and motioned for them to follow her.
An hour, and ten chocolate chip cookies too many, later, Emma sat helping Darla scan returned books back into the library reference system and place them on the recirculation cart which, Darla said, they would then use to return the books to their rightful place on the shelves. Emma was just happy to be doing something productive instead of hiding in the closet or talking to a mouse and a cat. She had decided the other night, when the mouse that shared her bedroom wall had stopped and stared at her as she spoke, that she definitely needed to get out more. Christmas music played from an old radio on the counter and she and Darla sang along. It was strangely comforting. Emma was pretty sure that if she didn’t have the library to come to everyday, her life would be miserable. It was bordering on that already, but that was only when she was at her aunt’s house.
Emma and Darla both looked up when the door to the library opened and in walked a girl Emma immediately recognized from her dream. It was Serenity in the flesh. She smiled a knowing smile at her and Emma knew that Serenity recognized her as well.
“I see my aunt has put you to work,” Serenity said as she walked over to the counter.
Darla clucked her tongue at her niece. “You know better than that. Emma here wouldn’t take no for an answer. I had some crafts she could do, but she insisted on helping.”
“Ahh, so you’ve met your match?” Serenity asked her.
Darla looked over at Emma and winked before looking back at Serenity. “How was your day?”
Serenity shrugged. “It was a day. I can’t wait for Christmas break. I need a breather from school.”
“Well, it’s only one week away. I think you can make it until then,” Darla told her.
“So, Emma,” Serenity said and looked at her. “Darla mentioned that you might be interested in the mentoring program that the elementary school does with the high school students. I don’t have a student right now. How would you feel about me being your mentor?”
Emma didn’t point out that if it was academics Serenity would be mentoring her in, she would be wasting her time. More than likely, Emma’s knowledge far surpassed Serenity’s. But she did want a friend; that was something everyone needed regardless of their IQ. “That would be good,” she answered.
“Great!” Serenity said and Emma could see her aunt’s influence in her. “Let’s get sta
rted then. You can come with me to the vet clinic and help me take care of the animals.”
Emma perked up at this idea. “What kind of animals?”
“Mostly dogs and cats, but we occasionally get a reptile of some sort or goats, horses, and cows.”
“Horses?” Emma smiled.
Serenity laughed. “So we have an equine lover?”
Emma nodded. “I’ve always wanted a horse. I’ve read a lot about them. They are said to be great animals for people with handicaps and mental illness. They’re intuitive and can pick up on the emotions of their caretaker.”
“I’ve heard that too,” Darla said nodding. “Well, you go on with Serenity and when you two are done, come back to the house for dinner. Don’t you worry about your aunt, Emma; I’ll let her know where you will be.”
Emma didn’t want sweet Darla to have to talk to her aunt, but neither did she want to talk to Mildred herself.
“Better not to argue with her.” Serenity held out her hand for the young girl to take. “She’ll just do what she wants whether you want her to or not.”
“All right,” Emma finally said, standing and slipping on her coat. She took Serenity’s hand and allowed her to lead her towards the door. She looked back at Darla just as they began to step out into the cold air. “Don’t go in, Darla,” she said attempting to keep the worry from her voice, “to my aunt’s house I mean. Don’t go inside, okay?”
“You don’t worry about me, honey; I’ve dealt with the likes of Mildred Jones before. You just go on and have fun with Serenity, and I’ll see you girls tonight.”
Raphael suddenly appeared next to her. She hadn’t noticed that he’d disappeared, but she quickly realized that she was the only one who could see him. “Do not worry about Darla. I will make sure she is safe. Dair will be with you and Serenity,” Raphael told her.
Emma nodded her head slightly and then turned to follow Serenity to her car.