by Vera Roberts
“Ooh, baby girl...” She whistles. “What are you going to do? You know you have to address this, right?”
I sure do. There’s a post of me wearing Sweet Nectar gear as Soul announces the official launch of the fall line. My little secret of Soul was just revealed in front of millions of people.
Chapter Three
It’s pretty obvious what Soul is doing. He’s wrecking havoc on my life and forcing me to make a decision. I love him for it. I hate him for it.
Instead, I remain calm. I can’t have this man interrupt my daily life just because he decided to waltz back in and I’m supposed to drop everything I’m doing to be at his beck and call. I don’t know how Soul gets down with other members of his harem, that is if he has one, but I do know he won’t be playing that mess with me.
“Well...?” Derrick asks and he stares at me, hoping to get the first taste of some hot tea but I have nothing to spill. What is there to say? I don’t know if Soul showing up at my home and him posting a new ad featuring me is a coincidence.
Something also tells me Soul isn’t one who does coincidences.
“It’s nothing,” I finally answer after a longer-than-it-should’ve-been silence. Those pictures are from two years ago and Soul is just now posting them. He could’ve said something two years ago but didn’t. He held onto them for some reason.
I know what the reason is. It’s his way of coming back into my life regardless of my feelings and where I am in my career. A part of me is annoyed by the interruption and a part of me wonders if I’m ready to be photographed on a daily basis by stalking paparazzo?
Reveal how many times I’ve practiced saying Ariana Ellison and how floored I was by the way it sounded isn’t a good look. While I haven’t been talking too much about me and Jared, I know I haven’t mentioned Soul at all.
Everything has shifted now and I have no idea what to do.
“Your mood changed the moment you saw your pictures,” Sherry leans forward to apply makeup on me, but I also know she’s trying to read my face for any clues. She’s disappointed that I’m not as vocal as my cohosts. “It’s not so much that you’re quiet now but the energy shifted. There’s tension. There’s some anger.” She pauses for a moment. “There’s some love there, dare I say.”
I love and hate that man. Honestly, I have no reason to hate Soul yet I feel if I try to keep convincing my mind that I hate him, I would believe it. The problem is that I know I’m full of it and so does my body. My breasts are suddenly heavy and full, and those familiar tingles crawl around my body.
Soul obviously brought something out of me that no one else can and that scares me. It’s more than the man making me aroused; he’s making me face my fears and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.
“Soul is a nice guy,” I finally answer to bated breath. “I like him.” I want to say more but I know it’s best to keep quiet. I know Derek and Sherry won’t say a word but I also don’t know who’s eavesdropping.
I damn sure don’t want Laura to get wind of this conversation. I will never hear the end of it.
“Are you going to talk about him today on the show? I’m sure someone is going to bring it up.” Sherry asks.
“They better bring it up since baby girl ain’t sayin’ squat!” Derek teases, though we all know he’s being completely serious. His non-gay self wants the tea.
“I rather not mention him at all if I have the opportunity,” I slowly put my foot down. I don’t want to address Soul for I still don’t know what we are. We’re more than friends. Well, are we friends? He kissed me last night and I welcomed it.
I’m also in a on-and-off relationship with a guy who has the stability of a broken chair.
Jared briefly comes into my mind, though I’m still not sure why he’s there other than me being stupid and lonely. He was my first boyfriend, my first everything, really. I’ll always feel a connection to him.
Yet, things between us haven’t been great. Not that they were truly solid before but there’s distance between us now. I know there’s another woman in the picture, though I can’t prove it. I know he’s partially with me for the free shelter.
My cousin, Desiree, doesn’t approve as she’s the one I’m living with and the reason why we’re able to afford the nice apartment. Desiree is a YouTube celebrity and local rapper, who’s on the cusp of stardom. She goes by the name, Young FemCee. She’s already been featured on a few other rappers’ records and she has a healthy following on social media. She’ll be the next big star.
I sit calmly in my chair as Derek and Laura finish their magic on me, and then I go into the waiting wings as we wait for our cue to walk on stage before our live studio audience. I’m calm, but there’s a small storm inside of me. I really don’t want to be at work, and I would rather confront Soul with what he did or is doing.
I’ll have to wait until later. If I confront Soul, it’ll tell him I’m still interested. If I keep my mouth shut, he’ll get the hint I wasn’t impressed and I ignored him. I don’t want Soul to think everything is cool between us but I also don’t want him to think he could pull a stunt like that and I’ll be fine with it.
“Are you ladies, ready?” Laura asked us with a wide smile on her face.
“Ready!” The lone barely teen in our panel, Lily, smiles. She’s a twenty something old blonde, skinny woman with an affliction for rose wine and boy bands. She’s biracial but has what I like to call the Mariah Carey – she’s so white, you’re struggling to see the blackness within her.
“Ready!” The older, seasoned black woman, Tesh, replies. She has short, dark hair, and always brings in homemade pastries she’s made. She also has her own very successful bake shop.
“Ready!” The half-black, half-Asian girl, Quai, responds. Quai looks younger than her 30 years, but has the attitude of a girl who was raised in the streets of Compton. She’s actually from Beverly Hills.
Laura approaches me with a smile on her face. “Are you ready, Ari?”
I’m unnerved at how close Laura is to me. I also know her personal question to me isn’t as innocent as she would like it to seem. “I’m ready.”
“Good.” Laura nods and stands next to me. “I’m going to sit on the panel today with you ladies. Just for a short while, not the entire show.”
“Oh?” Lily asks. “For how long?”
“Just to get through the celebrity gossip and hot topics,” Laura replies. “I have a feeling today will be interesting to discuss.”
I inwardly cringe. It’s clear Laura found out about the photo shoot I did with Soul and that was in direct contrast with my earlier denial about him. Now, she wants to confront me on national T.V. about what happened.
Chapter Four
We all walk out to various hoops and hollers from the audience. I take my usual place at the end of the table and my cup of tea is already there. I take a sip of the hot, sweetened tea and hope it somehow calms my nerves.
The hip-hop soul theme music plays and I put a brave smile on my face. I just hope I don’t stammer or look like an absolute idiot when Laura cross-examines me like she’s a defense attorney. If anyone has any bit of a hint that Soul and I used to have a relationship of sorts, I will never live this down.
“Welcome to Sista Gal! I’m your host, Lily Stevens!” Lily gently taps the notecards in front of her. “We hope you all had a lovely day and thank you for having a cup of tea with your girls! Joining us today is the head of the network, Laura Buchanan!”
Everyone claps for Laura and she does her standard Miss America wave to the crowd. “Thank you so much! I’ll be here for a short while. I hear the hot topics today is rather juicy and I wanted to be here for it!”
I know she’s referring to me. Ugh, this is not good.
“Enough babbling, can we move onto the hot topics?” Quai asks the audience and they’re all emphatically answer yes. The screen behinds us lowers and we all turn to the first topic.
The crowd cheers and I feel my stomach turn in knot
s.
Before the topic can appear, the emergency alarm sounds and the producers come out. The executive producer instructs everyone that it was a real alarm, not to panic, and we all have to exit the building.
As I gather my items and make my way down the stairs with everyone else, I have a nagging feeling this wasn’t a coincidence.
NEWS ABOUT THE EMERGENCY fire alarm quickly makes hits way through social media, though everyone states it was just a standard alarm and nothing was burned. Taping resumed but luckily for me, Laura had to go to an emergency meeting so she suddenly couldn’t attend.
No one mentioned Soul or the pictures. Yet, I was still a social media trending topic.
My mentions were out of this world and people left comments on how I wore clothing from Soul’s line. A few of the nasty comments mentioned the article I wrote on Soul a few years back while a few surprisingly shipped us.
As I studied the picture of Soul holding me as he kissed my ear, I wonder if we could work.
After the taping, I went straight home. I share a two-bedroom apartment with my cousin, Desiree, and she’s the only family I have besides some other relatives. A drunk driver killed my parents when I was baby and Desiree’s mom, my aunt, took me in.
My aunt and I lost contact but Desiree and I have always remained tight. She’s gorgeous with a nice fade and olive undertones in her brown freckled skin. She’s a budding rapper in Inglewood but was really best known on Bounce TV shows that hardly anyone watched.
Behind the fade she often hid in various wigs, was a stud of a woman. She made it very clear to all women if they didn’t eat, she didn’t speak.
Gathering my e-reader, I swipe on to read a current YA novel about a boy who is confused about his identity and doesn’t know if he’s gay, straight, or bi. While he’s not attracted to any type of man, he couldn’t help his feelings towards one.
I don’t have to struggle with my sexuality, but I do have to struggle with my career and if being with Soul is worth giving it up. Apparently, Aaliyah didn’t have that issue with Ocean because she’s still a tattoo artist while he’s in Senate, and they somehow make their relationship work with the distance.
Soul doesn’t do long-distance relationships and neither do I. He’s settled in New York, though he does visit his family often in L.A. That means I have to move. I refuse to play house girlfriend to Soul while he’s out conquering the world. If he can rule the fashion world, surely I can rule the journalism side.
I do question how all of that would actually work. Would Soul be okay that I have to go overseas to cover a story instead of going to his fashion show? Would I be okay that Soul has to attend a fashion event and not be with me at the Correspondents’ Dinner?
I’m not like Aaliyah or Keisha who were willing to completely change or upend their lives to be with Ocean and Savior. Keisha wanted to get out of Inglewood and did so the first opportunity she could. Aaliyah was already established and Ocean changed his schedule to be with her.
I’m still wet behind the ears with my breath smelling like Similac. What do I know about being with one of the most prestigious families in the world? When people talk about the Ellisons, it’s usually in the same breath as the Kennedys, the Clintons, and the Bushes. People know who they are even if they don’t pay attention to them.
Closing my book, I’ll think about what’s going on with me and Soul, if there’s anything going on between us. It’s been 24 hours since I’ve seen him and I haven’t called him once. I’m still in too much shock to do so.
I glance over to my bedside and I see Soul’s ecru business card with raised lettering staring back at me. I bite my groan as just feeling the card tells me how lavish and exuberant he is. He’s more understated than his brothers, but it’s clear he doesn’t do Wal-Mart.
My fingers get the best of me and I find myself dialing Soul’s number. I press send before I realize what the hell I’m doing. No, I don’t want to talk to him. No, I don’t want to hear whatever excuse he has for blindsiding me today. No, I don’t want to deal with any feelings I have towards that man.
I put my phone down, turn off my light, and turn over in bed. I’ll deal with Soul later and now’s not the time to do so.
Then my phone rings. I don’t have to guess it’s Soul calling me except it’s a special ring: he wants me on FaceTime.
Chapter Five
I turn over and I see the number flash before me. I didn’t bother to input his number because I know it’s him. I just called him and he’s calling me back. I can’t use the excuse I’m busy or I butt-dialed because he knows I’m wide awake, despite it being close to midnight.
I quickly turn my light back on and just stare down at my phone. It stops ringing and I breathe a sigh of relief. The victory is small and sweet as the phone number with the FaceTime request pops back up.
Swallowing what’s left of my pride, I swipe left to answer. I don’t care if I’m in a bonnet; I’m not trying to impress dude. The screen goes blank for a moment before he appears in his all of his gorgeous glory.
My mouth becomes cottony dry and I’m wishing I at least ran a hand through my Afro puff before I answered. Soul grins back at me with those chiseled cheekbones, and sensual lips that I remember how plump and juicy they were all over my body. He’s shirtless and I see just the faintest visual of his muscular chest.
He’s also in his bedroom, and it looks like he’s about to go to sleep as well. I remember how he cuddled up against me after we made love the entire night and how strong his arms were around my body, as if he were protecting me.
I naturally cross my legs to tame down the tingling between my thighs. I don’t know what it is about Soul that makes me so crazy about him. He should’ve been a long-ago memory from way back when, and yet, he’s very much in my present and possibly future.
“Bae...” His deep baritone vibrates against my core and I’m shooketh all over. “...how are you doing, beautiful?”
I sigh and grin. My mind hates him for what he did earlier but my heart and yoni wants to welcome him back home. “Good, though I’m a bit mad at you.”
“You’re a bit mad at me?” He repeats. “Isn’t that like being a little pregnant?”
“You didn’t tell me about the ad, Ellison.” I brush off his humor, though I’m smiling. Damn him. “It would’ve been nice if I got a heads up about it.”
“If I did, you would’ve tried to talk me out of it. The ad was decided long before last night if that’s what you’re implying.” He quickly responds.
“How long ago are we talking about?” I cautiously ask. “Those pictures are from two years ago.”
“And I decided to run the ad about three months ago. You still look the same.” He makes no apologies and I don’t expect any. “And they’re lovely pictures, Ari. I especially love the one where I’m kissing the back of your neck. That was your spot, wasn’t it?”
My lungs push out air through my mouth. Those tingles are back now and it doesn’t help Soul is also in L.A. I wonder how quickly could he come over to break me off something proper. “Next time give me a warning. I’m the trending topic today. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook...everyone is talking about how I’m in your ad despite our history.”
“You think I give a damn?” He declares and on God, I wanted to ride his face the moment he said that.
“I should’ve been prepared, Ellison.” I meet his tone and he returns a sexy smirk at me. I swear my mind can’t decide if I want to fight him or fuck him. Maybe both.
“If you want to address it, so be it. Say with it with your chest is all I’m requesting.” His answer doesn’t indicate how he feels about my comfort level one way or another. It does, however, tell me he wants nothing but honesty and transparency between us.
I pause for a moment and think about what I’m doing, what we’re doing. I fold my lips in and grin. “I need to go to sleep.”
“Sleep well, baby.” He rubs a hand over his fade and down to his beard. Ugh, he’s so damn
sexy it hurts. “I hope you have beautiful dreams tonight.”
“Ellison...” I don’t want to disconnect quite yet but I don’t know why I’m still entertaining him when I have to be up very early. “...out of all of the pictures you chose for the ad? The ones the kids took...why did you choose that one with us? You have never highlighted yourself in your ads before.”
“I still haven’t,” he calmly replied, “you’re the highlight.”
The compliment soothes me like a warm blanket on a freezing day. “Hmm...” I want to believe him but I don’t see the purpose of him coming back into my life years later. “Okay.”
“Why?” He studies my face and there’s a look of concern on his. “You honestly think I’m inveigling you?”
“Wow, you really did have a perfect SAT score,” I counter.
His baritone laugh covers my body. “I’ll never lead you on into believing something when it’s something else I’m after. If I want you, that’s all I want.”
“Why do you want me?” I cut to the chase with no chaser.
“Because I love you.” He doesn’t hesitate to answer and it’s loud and clear. “Should I not?”
No man has ever declared his love for me so emphatically. He said it in a way where he dared someone to challenge him. “It’s been two years, Soul.” I push out the words. “Two years and it was a brief fling.”
“Fling?” His eyebrow rose. “You lived with me, Ari.”
“I temporarily stayed with you,” I correct. “We weren’t a couple.”
“We did couple things.” His dark eyes turn sensual and my body flutters in response. “I treated as if you were someone I was interested in. You remember how sweet this tongue was on your cunt. I don’t eat unless I want her to be my wife.”
Oral sex wasn’t something Soul did period. He wasn’t a big giver in that respect. Yet, he gave me the best head I’ve had in my entire life.