by Vera Roberts
But if she wants me to sell out the Ellisons to do so, she’ll be disappointed.
Stopping by the craft services table, I get my standard fix of everything unhealthy and make my way to Sherry and Derrick. I contemplate how much I want to fill them in on how wonderful and satisfying my weekend was, since they know who Soul is and his connection to me.
I also know they can keep a secret if I tell them to.
Before I enter the dressing room, I hear rumbling from them and laughter. They’re in good spirits and today is the perfect day to have a tea party. I turn the corner and I’m stunned at the sight before me:
Jared is in my dressing room.
Chapter Seven
“Hey baby!” Jared gets up and comes over to me. He gives me a quick peck and smiles at me. I haven’t seen him since Desiree’s concert and now he’s at my work, four days later. Something is up. “How are you? Looking lovely as usual.”
“Um, yeah.” I’m still reeling from the kiss from Soul, the confrontation with Laura, and now I have Jared in my room. Fuck my life. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, that’s the surprise!” Jared smiles. “I got a call from Laura to come in. She’s doing Spouse’s Day on the show.”
Spouse’s Day? Since when? I’ve hosted this show for two years and we never even had Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Now we have Spouse’s Day? “Oh?”
“Yeah,” Jared licks his lips and smiles at me. Ugh. I don’t know how I found that endearing before. “So, I’ll be on the show today for a few segments. The other girls brought their partners in as well.”
At least Jared won’t be the only partner on the show, but since we’re a live show, I’m going have to fake it for the cameras. Soul stated he watches my show and yeah...there’s no nice way of saying how royally fucked I am.
“I figured I’d stay in here and just chill.” Jared is looking at me like he’s trying to figure out what it is about me he doesn’t like today. It’s always something and like the plum fool I used to be, I’d listened.
Then Soul taught me to love my natural self and well, fuck what Jared thinks. “I can’t wait to see what they’ll do with your hair and makeup today.” He runs his fingers through my hair and slyly wipes his hands on his jeans afterward. “I hope they do a great job.”
“Magic.” I only answer.
Sherry sits in front of me after I sat down in my chair. She’s trying to get a good read on my eyes. I’m silent but my answer is clear: this is one fucked-up surprise.
Sherry begins to prep my face while Derrick and Jared talk to each other. “Are you okay, sugar?” She says in a low voice.
I just give a smile and nod. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
The reality is I’m not. We go live in an hour and I know Soul is going to watch the show. He’s going to see Jared on stage with me, being all loved up and I’ll just have to act like he was meant to be there.
I’m more angry at Laura. She knew Jared was here and never once told me otherwise. No one wonder she was so happy when she saw Soul with me. The bitch wants ratings, plain and simple. If I had the power and the not-give-a-fuck itis, I would totally pull out every single strand from her awful weave.
But I digress. I have bigger problems to worry about and one of them is in my dressing room. I need to figure out how I’m going to manage Jared while I’m on the set today. If I act like I’m in love, it’ll give the wrong message to Soul. If I act like Jared and I are just friends, it’ll give the wrong message to the viewers at home.
I. Can’t. Catch. A. Break.
“All done,” Sherry smiles at me.
I look at myself in the mirror and of course, she did her magic as usual. I turn to Jared and he’s knee-deep looking at his phone. He doesn’t even bother to look up. I take my phone out and scroll down for any emails about the supposed Spouse’s Day and I see absolutely nothing.
Laura set me up. This is about to be one long-ass show.
WE’RE IN THE WAITING area for our cue to walk on set. As I take my place, I see my other cohosts with their significant others: Tesh with her husband, Titus; Lily with her girlfriend, Alex; Quai with her boyfriend, Deep (I wasn’t playing when I said she liked those hood types).
Jared pops in some gum before I turn to him and shake my head. He spits it in his mouth and stuffs it in his pocket. “Not even gum? Am I going to do a lot of talking today?”
“I don’t know, but I know Laura doesn’t like gum on the set.” I mention.
“I guess.” He replies.
I sigh my annoyance away until I notice how the other spouses are dressed. They all look like they just came out of church while Jared looks like he just came from the corner store. I glance down at the Sweet Nectar fit Soul laced me with and we couldn’t have been more different.
It’s our cue to walk out and we all do. Me and the other ladies wave our hands excitedly in the air as the large crowd cheers for us. We all take our seats at the table while Jared and the other partners sit behind us.
“Welcome, welcome!” Tesh holds the cards and taps them against the table. “Welcome to Sista Gal with your girls, Tesh, Lily, Quai, and Ari!” The crowd erupts again. “We have a special day as it’s Spouse’s Day!”
The crowd erupts and I swallow my pride. If Jared is on his best behavior, this won’t be very painful at all. I just hope he knows when to chime in and not look like a fool. I also hope he knows when to not make me look like a fool as well.
Each host introduces her partner with a short story on how they met and how long they’ve been together. The other hosts have sweet and sentimental stories. Tesh and Titus have been together for 10 years with two children. She knew he was the one when he helped take down her braids.
Quai and Deep have been together for three years and are engaged. She knew he was the one when he printed out lyrics to her favorite trap song because she couldn’t understand the rapper.
Lily and Alex have been together for two years. She knew Alex was the one because she was the only woman she’d dated who laughed at her farts instead of shaming her for them. Despite how gross that is, it’s cute.
Now it’s my turn. What version of me and Jared do I say? How I wasted a good chunk of my youth on a man who cheated on me left and right? Do I tell them about how he wanted me to become an IG Baddie instead of being my real self?
What is the version that is acceptable to everyone?
“Ari!” Tesh yells and I’m back to earth. “You’re up, girlie!”
“Well,” I clear my throat, “this is Jared. We’ve been together on and off for about six years. Is he the one? I don’t know yet.” It’s an honest answer, though I’m certain it’s not the one everyone expects.
“That’s understandable.” Tesh adds. “I didn’t think this man was the one and we were dating for two years at that point.”
“But I spent three hours taking down those individuals, didn’t I?” Titus booms and the audience laughs. “After three hours, I’ve been The One!”
I smile at Tesh’s and Titus’s banter and wonder why that couldn’t have been me and Jared. We never bantered. In fact, he seemed annoyed I was into weird things like craft fairs and pro wrestling. Like how I would rather watch a documentary on Netflix, then binge watch a show.
I’m starting wonder exactly what we had in common.
The show goes on without a hitch. The men leave during commercial break and it’s just us ladies talking about the angry president and his Twitter fingers along with other major topics of the day. When it comes to the latest controversial topic – what’s going on in the Southern states with abortion – my body seizes up.
I remember when I had a pregnancy scare and told Jared about it. He spent a good thirty minutes trying to convince me why I should get an abortion and offered to even go half on it, even when I told him I wasn’t sure it was something I wanted.
My period ended up coming a few days later and all was settled with him. He was ridiculously happy I wasn’t pregnant but
I was more disturbed he wanted me to have an abortion, no questions asked.
Why am I so blind to everything now?
We cut to another commercial break and the show assistant comes on stage to refill our cups. I take a sip of mine and set it back down. So many emotions are pouring through me and it’s hard to keep track of all of them.
Anger.
Regret.
Relief.
Sadness.
Resentment.
Peace.
The last one isn’t because of Jared by no means but because of Soul. He gave me peace I’d never known and I wonder what how I ever managed to get through my life before him. I was in a fog and Soul was definitely the bright and clear day.
“Hey!” Quai speaks to me and once again, I’m shaken out of my Soul daze. “Are you okay? You seem out of it today. You’re normally more cheery and now it seems like you just want to get the show over with.”
“I just have a lot on my mind,” I answer. “I had a long weekend to think about everything and just...yeah. I just have a lot to think about.”
“Anything you want to talk about?” Quai asks. “Our mics are off and we’re girls, you know?”
“I know, it’s just...” The music starts playing and it’s time for us to be on again. “I’ll tell you later.” I mouth to her.
“Okay,” Quai mouths back.
“Welcome back to Sista Gal! Right now, we’re going to play a game called, ‘Rate Your Mate!’ The spouses are going to be asked questions about how well they know their spouse! These are not pre-determined questions and only questions the spouses would know! The ladies already know their answers so we’re going to get started now!” The audiences erupts into applause. “Okay, first question – who is more emotional between you two?”
The other spouses answer with funny antidotes. When it comes to Jared, he shrugs and gives a simple answer: “Definitely Ari. Always Ari. Emotional over too much, man.”
I catch the dig and so does the audience but Jared clarifies. “Nah, not like that. She’s cool, you know what I mean? It’s just sometimes she gets emotional over seeing stuff she can’t change. Like, what do you want me to do about it? Tweet about it?”
The audience laughs but I don’t see the funny.
Tesh continues with the next question. “Who is the better dresser between you two?”
The other spouses give varying answers. Jared answers and not to my surprise, he doesn’t say me. “Definitely me. I’m always on point.” He nods. He stands up and the audience whoops and hollers at him. “Not that my baby isn’t, but you know, I let the clothes wear me. I don’t wear them.”
This fool keeps taking lowkey digs at me on national TV.
A series of more questions follow and Jared’s behavior is the same with each responding question. He gives a good answer but there’s always some shade attached to it. It’s like he doesn’t mean to be an asshole but he can’t help himself.
Finally, Tesh asks the last question and I’m so grateful for it. “Who is better at gift-giving?”
I know Jared is going to say himself when it’s clearly me. I don’t have any fond memories of birthday gifts, Valentine’s gifts, or Christmas gifts. But he does. I made sure of it.
I finally realize I wasted six years of my life with him. Why did I even think anything was ever going to work out between us? Just because he’s a white boy who’s fluent in sarcasm and AAVE? Because his hair is in locs and saggy clothing?
“And Jared...” Tesh asks. “...who gives the better gifts between you and Ari?”
“I know the answer is Ari and she’s right but I have something that will top all of that.” Jared gets down on one knee and the audience loses it. The hosts are excited and I’m anything but.
Jared pulls out a ring box and opens it. It’s a solitaire diamond ring. At least I hope it’s a diamond ring.
“I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend but I promise to be a better husband. With that, will you marry me?” He asks with a smile.
The audience goes wild. I hear my cohosts are about to lose it. In the corner of my eye, I see Laura bouncing in her Gucci pumps.
Blood rushes in my ears and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. My mouth is moving but I can’t hear any sound. Jared shakes his head like he couldn’t hear me and the producer tells the audience to quiet down.
I finally repeat what I said and the answer is irrefutable:
“No.”
Chapter Eight
“Hey big head,” Desiree comes in with a group of her friends. She settles down beside me on the living room sofa while everyone else takes their places. “How you feeling?”
I shrug. I really don’t want to talk about anything. The last two days have been a mess and whew...I’m over life.
The rejection went viral and once again, I became a trending topic. It seems the one thing I’m good at is trending for the wrong reasons. Most people felt sorry for Jared, but quite a few supported me.
And of course, people brought up my past article with Soul. The Internet truly never forgets.
After drudging through numerous comments and deciding social media is the last thing I need to be on, I unplugged everything and went on with my life as a newly single woman vegging out on my sofa and nurturing my Netflix addiction.
“I just wonder...” I say aloud and not to anyone in particular. “...who did I piss off in a past life to deserve this mess?”
“Girl, you caught a break.” Desiree said as her friends chime in with ‘yep’ and ‘you got that right.’ “Jared was nothing for you, anyway. You noticed he only came back into your life after you got on the show? He couldn’t have cared less before that.”
“I know, but still...” I shake my head. Being ambushed was the last thing I needed. Now I have to explain to Soul what all of that was about. The episode aired live yesterday and I hadn’t heard from Soul.
It’s safe to say not only did I break up with Jared but Soul effectively broke up with me.
I’m more upset about Soul’s absence than I am about whatever overweight, living-in-their-mama-basement, stomach-full-of-fibroids hater has to say about me. I left several messages for Soul, only for all of them to go unreturned. He’s effectively done with me.
I sigh and shake my head. Of course, I’m starring on a real-life episode of, ‘When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.’ I keep thinking I’m in a horrible 90210-like drama and I’m torn having a summer fling in Paris and going back to my bad boy boyfriend in 90210. Except I don’t have neither.
I have the ghetto Leimert Park and I’m alone.
“What you need to do...” Oh boy. Here comes Preach ‘Re. Every so often (which is every other day), Desiree will get into a preacher-like sermon with me or one of her friends about how we’re messing up and what we need to do.
I can’t front; Desiree gives good advice and she only looks out for us. She doesn’t want to see us struggling in any area be it money, love, or life. I’ve struggled in life due to not having my parents and the little family I do have. My love life is a horrid mess, but the good news I have good credit.
One out of three isn’t bad, right? Who the hell am I kidding? It’s horrible!
“...you need to dust your shoulders off and be like Teddy P.” She nods. “Let it go.”
“Let what go?” I counter. “I’m probably not going to have a job much longer. I have no boyfriend. I have no one in the wings. I. Am. Alone.” I emphasize. “That’s it.”
“You’ve been moping for the past 24 hours, man. Ain’t no nigga worth that time or energy.” Desiree loves calling people nigga even when they aren’t one. It’s quite the talent.
A dog that won’t stop yapping? The lil’ nigga kept her up all night. The delivery girl who got lost? The nigga couldn’t read street signs. A white family who are walking in crosswalk? Why won’t those niggas hurry up?
I personally detest the word and for that reason (and plus the fact it’s misogynistic, homophobic, and violent as all
hell), I don’t listen to any rap music other than Desiree’s. But sometimes her stuff be trying my patience as well.
“I guess I could go out and get some fresh air.” I concede.
“And brush your teeth.” Desiree adds.
“And shower,” her girlfriend, Alex, chimes in. A stunner with dark skin, long ebony hair Alex is a doppelganger for Duckie Thot.
They’ve been together on and off since high school. The on moments when Alex is in love with Desiree. The off moments when she thinks she’s more bi than gay. I would feel sorry for my cousin, but she keeps a steady rotation of women in every city.
Lesbian drama is so fascinating.
“I can take a hint.” I get up and head straight to the shower where I clean up and get ready. Walking back to my bedroom, I smell the all too-familiar scent of weed with heavy rap music playing. Amazing how my home can become an instant trap house in a blink of an eye.
I go through my closet and my eye naturally picks out Sweet Nectar. Even if I’m dropped from Soul’s life – and honestly, I can’t blame him for going ghost on me – I still appreciate the clothing he’d given me.
I slide on the distressed jeans and green tank with the eponymous peach symbol. My body sighs as it mourns. I’m back to Day One without Soul and I feel almost lost. I need to think about who I am and where I need to go.
I also need to address my future at Sista Gal since going to Harlem is a no dice right now.
I go straight to my bedroom upon leaving the shower. I open my door and I’m frozen in my tracks as I see who is in front of me:
Soul.
He’s standing in my room, casually looking at old photos as he waits for me. At least I think he’s waiting for me. The moment he notices I’m also there, he turns towards my direction and gives me a wicked, sensual smile.
“Hey shorty,” his blue eyes are sparkling and match the smile on his lips.
“Hey,” I’m happy to see Soul but I’m also not sure how to approach him. Is he here to break up with me in person? Is he here to tell me stop wearing Sweet Nectar gear?