by Bella Jewel
Everyone laughs.
“I’m sure there are one or two who would happily snap you up,” Saskia grins, wiggling her brows. “Throw a little sass their way, and watch them come running.”
“You ladies stole all the handsome ones, it’s unfair.”
“They’re not the only men who have it going, you could always feast your eyes on the heaven sticks that just walked in,” Chantelle grins, rubbing her small baby bump, and nodding over Erin’s shoulder.
We turn and see all the Knight brothers walking into the compound. Lincoln and Slater up front, both wearing dark shirts and faded denim jeans with big heavy boots. Slater has his club jacket on. Finn and Damon are strolling in behind. Damon is laughing about something and Finn is rolling his eyes, and for a second, just a single second, I could swear I’ve seen this exact picture before.
Such a strong sense of dejavu washes over me that I don’t realize I’m staring until I blink and see Slater’s eyes locked on mine. I flush and look away quickly.
“Good lord Ellie,” Charlie breathes. “The way that man looks at you makes my knees weak.”
“Right,” Scarlett nods, wiggling her brows. “Totally swoon worthy.”
I laugh, but it’s nervous and a little school girlish.
“That Lincoln, though,” Erin says, her voice breathy. “Holy lord.”
“I have to agree with you there, girl,” Saskia nods enthusiastically, “He’s my favorite too.”
“Good lord,” Chantelle laughs. “It’s like you’re a pack of hungry toddlers and those men are candy.”
“Honey,” Saskia shrugs. “They are candy. And stop acting innocent just because you’re all married up.”
Chantelle grins, and rubs her belly again. “You’re right, back when I was cool, I would be drooling over them, too.”
Saskia laughs, and then looks to me, “Slater is on his way over here. If you want to make a quick retreat, now would be the time…”
My face flushes and my skin prickles. He’s coming over here? What is he coming over here for? To say hello? To demand if I remember anything? There has to be a reason. And I’m not sure I can handle it yet, already my heart is racing and my skin is tingling. Nerves flash through my body a hundred mile an hour, and I’m terrified of not knowing what to say or do.
“Can we go for a walk?” I say to Erin quickly.
Scarlett is the first to click on, even before Erin does. She’s crafty like that. “Girl, let me show you Maverick’s bike! Do you like bikes?”
So damned grateful to her, I nod and stand, rushing away with her before Slater can reach us. Truth is, I actually don’t like bikes. I’m not entirely sure why exactly, I just don’t like them, maybe they scare me? Who knows. But I’ve never felt the need to be on the back of one, so I’m in awe of these girls, always getting around with their men on the bikes.
“You okay?” Scarlett asks as we disappear closer to the sheds, where all the bikes are, leaving the fire and Slater behind.
“Yeah,” I say, exhaling. “I don’t like running from him, it’s just…I don’t know what to say to him, you know? I know he’s hurting, and I really hate that I’m the reason he’s hurting, but I don’t want to make it worse by not remembering. To me, he’s a stranger, a familiar stranger, but a stranger all the same. I don’t know what to say to him…”
Scarlett and I sit on a few old chairs outside of the farthest shed, and she turns towards me just a little, “Have you asked a doctor about your memory loss?”
“No, but I’m going to. I know I was hit a lot, I have a lot of scars on my scalp, one behind my ear, and I was also fed a lot of drugs, so much so I spent a year withdrawing when he decided to stop them. My life is a hazy mess.”
“Do you have any memories from your life before, at all?”
I nod. “Yeah, some unclear ones from when I was a lot younger, but in the years just before he took me, it’s scattered, I see things, but not faces or people, I don’t remember names. Occasionally, I’ll have a dream, or a flash, but I don’t know if that’s real or if it isn’t. It’s frustrating, and part of me is terrified I’ll never get it back.”
“Do you,” she stares at me, narrowing her eyes as if to wonder if I’m going to take this well or not, “think it’s psychological? Like you’re suppressing your own memories?”
I’m not offended by her question.
I’ve googled a lot.
And trauma is a big cause for memory loss. The brains way of protecting itself. Combined with head injury and drugs, it’s not a wonder I’m having trouble.
“Yes, I have considered that. My time there…was a nightmare, to say the least.”
Scarlett looks sympathetic, and I don’t blame her, most people look at me like that. “I’m really sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad you’re here now. You’re one of us, even if you don’t remember your life before, to us, you’re now family because Slater is family, but also because we like you.”
I smile, because damned if that doesn’t mean the world to me. My chest warms and I reach out, grabbing her hand. “You have no idea how much that means to me, thank you.”
“We’re always here, okay? If you need anything. Now, I’m going to get up and leave, because he’s not going to stop following you around until he gets to talk to you, but I promise he won’t bite, if he does, I’ll murder him. Hey Slater.”
I spin around to see Slater standing against a motorcycle, watching us, cigarette in hand, looking so incredibly terrifying, and yet so damned handsome.
“Hey Scarlett,” he mutters. “And yeah, I don’t bite.”
Scarlett lets me go and smiles. “Yell out if he tries to bite, I’ve got a big stick.”
I laugh softly, and she disappears, leaving me alone with a man who terrifies me and yet at the same time, completely fascinates me and makes me feel a certain sense of safety that I haven’t felt in a long time. The kind of safety family brings, or a close friend. I just wish I could remember something about him, anything. Even one thing would make the world of difference.
“Terrible fuckin’ excuse you gave back there, wantin’ to look at the bikes.”
I stare at him. “What? I like bikes.”
He grunts. “You hate them. Always have. Always will.”
He…knows this?
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out, because, well, he’s right.
“Bought a bike home when you and I started datin’. Took you out front with my hands over your eyes, big romantic date planned, and when I uncovered your eyes, you looked at the bike, and you know what you said to me?”
I shake my head, because I don’t know, but I want to know, so I stare at him, eyes wide, waiting for him to finish his story.
“You said Slater Knight, I will not get on that death machine with you. You’re going to have to come up with something else, and fast, or this date isn’t going to happen.”
His mouth twitches a little as he remembers, and that makes my heart ache.
“You had your hands on your hips, ready to take me down if I argued with you.”
I stare at him, and then smile just a little. “Well, they are like throwing yourself into a bus. There is nothing protecting you. Nothing to keep you safe…”
“Me.”
I shake my head. “Huh?”
“I’m the one who keeps you safe.”
Dammit.
I look away.
“Heard what you and Scarlett were talkin’ about. You goin’ to a doctor?”
I shrug. “I think I should.”
“Yeah,” he murmurs. “Think so, too.”
“Do you…do you think I’ll remember?”
He meets my eyes. “Fuckin’ hope so, darlin’.”
Darlin’.
The moment he says those words, a fuzzy picture skitters through my mind, so quickly it’s almost incomprehendable, but it’s there. I can’t see anything. Hell, I don’t even know what the memory is, but someone says those words to me. That someone being Slater, I’m sure of i
t. I shake my head and rub at my eyes, frustrated I can’t see it clearly, it’s almost like a fuzzy movie on repeat, and you’re squinting trying to make out the pictures.
“You okay?” he asks me.
“Ah, yeah. I…yeah.”
I stand up, overwhelmed. “I’m not feeling well, I’m going to go. It was nice talking to you, Slater.”
A flash of disappointment flitters across his face, and I’m not sure what did it, but it makes my heart hurt even more.
I shouldn’t be here, making things worse for him.
He’s already suffering enough. Already broken. Already wishing he could have me back. His life back. Anything back.
“Ellie,” he says, when I start walking off.
I turn and stare at him.
“I’ll never stop trying.”
And that just breaks my heart even more.
~*~*~*~
THEN – SLATER
“That them?” I ask, shoving a finger in the direction of a group of girls.
Ellie and I are sitting in my truck, out front of the school.
“Stop pointing!” she cries, slapping my hand down. “It’s bad enough they’re going to see me getting dropped off by Damon’s older brother, let alone if they see you pointing at them.”
I ignore her little rant and swing the truck door open, listening to her gasp as I throw my booted feet out, hit the pavement and start striding towards the girls. This wasn’t part of the plan, well, it was, Ellie just didn’t know about it. I’m not going to have some bitchy mean girl walkin’ around hitting other people and bad mouthing my family.
The girls turn as I get closer, and their eyes widen.
They know who I am.
I know who they are.
I stop when I reach their group, and look the main girl in the eye. I think her name is Dex, which, is a man’s name, if you ask me. Her eyes meet mine, and I’ll admit, if I was thinking with my dick, she’d be hot. Curvy body, blond hair, big tits, perky ass. She’s popular for a reason, and she knows what that reason is. Her personality, however, is equal to a wet sponge and I don’t have time for stuck up bitches.
Especially those that lay their hands on other people.
Before she even has a chance to speak, I start.
Now, I’m not one to be nasty to any human, not a girl, not a man, I was taught a whole lot more respect than that, but I won’t tolerate bullying, either. And there is a way to deal with it, there is always a way to deal with it, and that’s what I’m about to do.
“I’ll only say this once, Dex, so listen up. I’m not goin’ to abuse you, or carry on in front of your friends. You and I both know why you are the way you are, but I will tell you one thing, and listen closely because I do not bluff. If you ever, and I mean ever, lay your hand on my girl again, hell, if you ever so much as even look in her direction again, you’ll hear from me. And I promise you, Dex, you will not like what I have to say. I’ll ask nicely this once, so put your pride and attitude aside, and take heed. Listen, because I know you’re not as entirely stupid as you make out you are. If I hear you’ve gone near her, I’ll be back.”
Her mouth drops open, just a little, and her eyes widen.
I was once the most popular guy in school, I was Dex, only the male version. And I learned a few very fuckin’ hard lessons. I also learned to have respect for other people. She knows exactly who I am, and she knows who I was in this school. I don’t imagine she’ll argue with me. Or go near Ellie.
She surely couldn’t be so damned stupid.
“Oh,” I say, turning back as I start to walk away, “If you ever bad mouth my family again, you won’t just be dealing with me, you’ll be dealing with all of us. We all know you don’t want that, after all, we know far too much about you, don’t we Dex?”
Her cheeks burn.
Her and Damon have messed around, I know this. But she was also friends with Finn once, before she screwed him over, and so it isn’t a secret that we know a good lot about her, and she knows it.
“We clear?” I mutter.
She nods.
I turn and stride back to the truck, where Ellie is standing, staring at me, mouth agape.
“You’re welcome, darlin’.”
“I can’t believe you just did that, she’s going to hate me even more now.”
“No, she’s goin’ to leave you alone, I promise you that.”
Ellie slings her backpack over her shoulder, and stares at me, eyes narrowed. “Does this mean I don’t have to ride with you anymore?”
I grin at her, and lean in close, murmuring way too close to her ear, and loving how she shivers, “Absolutely fuckin’ not, I’m driving you to school every day.”
I lean back and take in the rosy color of her cheeks.
Oh yeah.
Fuck yeah.
“Have a good day, Ellie.”
I stride around to the truck, and get in, and she watches me, eyes wide but a small smile on her mouth.
“See you around, Slater Knight.”
I wink at her, and she grins.
Yep.
I’m fucked.
~8~
NOW – ELLIE
“Hey, Ellie, wait up.”
I’m just about out of the compound with Erin, after saying my goodbyes, when someone calls out to me. I turn around and see Finn coming towards me. I know it’s Finn, because I made it my mission to learn who they all were, that was the least I could offer them. I mean, it’s bad enough I don’t remember, let alone not knowing their names. That would be awful.
“Hey, Finn,” I say, rubbing my arms, my mind still spinning from the hazy memory flashing around and around in it.
“I know you don’t remember me, and that’s all good, but I wanted…can I talk to you?”
He glances at Erin, and she studies him, and then looks to me. I nod.
“I’ll meet you at the car.”
She nods and disappears towards the car, and I turn back to Finn. “I don’t remember anything, Finn, so if you’re going to ask me to, I can’t help you.”
“I’m not asking you to remember, I’m just…fuck, I don’t know what I’m doing to be honest. All I know is my brother searched for you for ten years, and in that ten years, we rarely saw him. He signed his life over to Shanks, letting us all go. I missed out on him, and fuck knows I needed him more than once in that time. But look, that isn’t what this is about. He is broken, even now, and he’s goin’ to get hurt. I know you don’t remember, but you’re the only one who can help him, I guess…I guess I’m askin’ you to.”
“Hurt?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.
Finn nods. “He’s fighting, and he’s good. He’s going to climb that ladder real quick, and Ellie, I’m afraid he’ll go darker and deeper, and start doing death matches. He’s got a lot of money on him, people makin’ offers, and he’s considering it. He doesn’t think he has anything left to work for, and he’s fading away.”
Death matches.
That’s a…thing?
“That’s a thing?” I whisper, horrified. “Death matches?”
Finn nods. “Yeah, it’s dark and fuckin’ twisted, and a world I do not wanna see my brother go into, but he’s considering it.”
“I didn’t even know he fought…let alone that.”
“I know you’ve been through enough, fuck knows, I know that, but I’m askin’ for your help. Please…”
“Finn…”
“Please, Ellie, I can’t lose him again. Those guys, they’re all I have.”
There is a broken emptiness in Finn’s eyes, and I wonder what happened to him when Slater was gone. It’s clear as day Lincoln grew hard, and Damon uses humor to cover up his pain, but Finn shows it, he wears it for the world to see. He is damaged, and I guess, in a sense, he’s not afraid of that.
“What exactly do you want me to do?”
“To understand. To talk to him. To… I don’t know, let him at least try and make you remember.”
“And if I don’t rem
ember, that is leading him down an even more painful path.”
Finn sighs, and runs his hands through his hair. “Yeah, it’s a risk, but…you two…you had something. From day one. It’s there, and it’s a connection I’ll never understand. Maybe, even if you don’t remember, you’ll feel that again and you can…”
“You’re asking me to hope that I might fall in love with him again,” I whisper, confused. “That’s a big ask, and something that very likely might not happen.”
Finn exhales. “Look, come and see for yourself, okay. And decide from there. Meet me at the garage tomorrow night, I’ll take you down, you can see him fight, you can see…how fuckin’ broken he is, and maybe then you might change your mind. Can you at least give me that?”
“You want me to watch him fight?” I gasp.
“Yeah, I want you to see him raw, I want you to see everything he is and has done…because of how much he loves you.”
“You’re making me feel guilty…”
He shakes his head quickly. “Not what I’m trying to do, but you’re the only chance we have. Please, Ellie, will you come and watch, just give me that. If you’re terrified and don’t want a bar of it, I won’t push you anymore. I’d never put you in danger, I just…please? You have to see.”
I take a shaky breath, and stare at him. I kind of feel guilted into it, and yet, at the same time, I feel like it’s the least I can do. After all, they’re all keeping me safe, I can at the very least, give them something back.
“Okay, I’ll meet you there.”
Finn nods. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
I nod, and turn.
Finn calls out my name.
I turn and glance at him.
“I really missed you, Ellie.”
And that hits me like a damned sledgehammer to the heart.
It feels like I’m the glue that binds all these boys together, like I was the only thing holding them as one.
And it makes me even more frustrated that I can’t remember.
Because now…now I want to remember.
So I can stick their broken pieces back together.
~*~*~*~
THEN – SLATER
“Happy Birthday, Ellie!” Damon grins. “The big eighteen, how does it feel?”