“Who will go with you into the bunker?” Shepherd asked and all eyes seemed to turn to me.
“Ryan and his people,” I said, with a heavy heart. I knew that was the only real answer that made sense, but I didn’t have to like it.
Cass reached out and squeezed my hand gently and I squeezed back, appreciating the support but giving my own to her too. If Ryan went, then so would Gregg and Cass knew that too. He wouldn’t let his friend go off alone.
“The diplomatic team will be in danger too,” Shepherd said. “I’ll lead them.”
“You don’t have to-“
“I want to. Those bastards are the reason we have all lost those we love. I’m not fatalistic enough to join your boyfriend’s bloody death cult because of it, but I have no problem risking myself if it means we can get our revenge.”
“Very well.” I could understand that. I felt the same anger when I thought of those people who had unleashed the zombie plague. “Write up a full plan of action, detail what you will need and give me a timeframe and we shall get this started.”
“No,” Shepherd said. “We’ll get this finished!”
Chapter 10
The door to our prison opened and, to my surprise, we had visitors and not the doctor or nurse that I had expected. Gregg glanced up and smiled, before returning to the decade-old fashion magazine that he’d been reading.
I pushed myself up from the bed and approached the clear plastic wall of our confinement tent and then stood, arms down at my sides as I waited for them to speak.
“Hello, Ryan,” my mother said. Her voice was soft and low, with a little apprehension evident.
“Ryan,” Evelyn said and I almost smiled. Still a great deal of anger in her tone.
“To what do I owe this special honour?” I asked with a mocking smile. “It’s been a while.”
“Since you admitted to killing, Gabe,” Evelyn said, anger fully evident in her voice and eyes.
My mother reached out to lay one hand on my sister’s arm. Evelyn looked at her, anger dying down in the face of my mothers irritating calm. She, it seemed, was trying to forgive my sin and I had no doubt that she’d been praying nightly for my soul.
Which really annoyed me. If I had a soul, it was mine and needed no saving.
Evelyn grabbed a couple of the plastic chairs and brought them across to where I stood. She set them down and my mother, looking older and frailer than ever, took a seat. Evelyn seated herself in the other and crossed her arms as she stared at me.
“Dad’s doing better,” she spat, and I blinked, not sure why she had told me that. “Like you fucking care.”
“Evelyn, enough!”
I grinned at the sharp tone to my mother’s voice. She usually reserved that for me and me alone.
“As much as I enjoy our pleasant meetings, I have to wonder what brings you here?”
“My son is in quarantine. I was concerned.”
I cocked an eyebrow at that, but she seemed sincere. I knew that she had been working hard to get over my admission of killing my brother, but she had not spoken to me since that day back on the Isle of Lewis when she had asked me outright if I had done it.
So, I couldn’t help but wonder just how concerned she could be. All through my childhood, my parents had espoused the view that violence was wrong. There was no greater sin than taking the life of another.
They had struggled with the idea that I had killed people, even when they only had a vague belief that I had done so to stay alive. Later, when they’d not been able to avoid hearing the rumours that people spoke about me, they must surely have learnt the truth.
I enjoyed killing.
As I watched my mothers face though, it seemed that she had managed to resolve that in her own mind. She had made peace with my penchant for murder and even, it would seem, my leading a death cult.
Evelyn, however, was a different matter. She had been close to Gabriel and had taken his death poorly. I knew that she had been growing closer to Lily and loved spending time with the twins, but she had actively avoided me whenever possible.
Which made their visit doubly troubling.
“I will be fine.” If they noticed the chill in my voice, they didn’t show it. “As you can see. I am alive and well, so you may return to your lives.”
“Ryan!” Gregg snapped and I turned to him, more than a little surprised. “Have some respect for your family, mate. Most people don’t have the luxury of having them close.”
Great! I thought to myself, he was sounding more like Lily every day. It was bad enough at times having her voice in my head, that little bit of conscience that I had never had before. If I had to listen to him too, I would never get anything done.
Even so, I had to admit that he was right. A little civility wouldn’t hurt, and I had faked it for long enough before the fall of the world, I could do so again.
“My apologies,” I said with an expansive smile and a slight bow, barely bending at the waist, but hopefully appearing at least a little contrite. “It has been a difficult time and I forget my manners.”
“I prefer you when you’re honest,” Evelyn said. “None of this overly polite and formal crap.”
“Make up your mind, sister. I can’t be honest and be the dutiful brother at the same time.”
“Children, enough!” Mother said sharply and I closed my mouth before I could say anything else. “It’s time to move forward in the time we have left.”
Evelyn reached out to my mother and I gave her a puzzled look. Something was different there and I wondered, briefly, what it was before realising I didn’t care enough to pry.
“Sorry, mum.”
“My apologies, mother.” At her pointed looked, I held back a sigh and turned to Evelyn. “And, to you, sister.”
She gave me a tight-lipped smile and I looked back at Gregg, raising an eyebrow in query. He shook his head and turned back to his magazine.
“Very well then. What can-“
“It’s time to talk. Properly,” Mother said. “And since you are in here, you can’t run away from it.”
She had me there.
“Very well.”
“Evie has helped me understand a little better,” she said, and I looked over at Evelyn with more than a little surprise. She avoided my gaze. “I understand why you did what you did to… to, Gabriel.”
Because he was a cowardly piece of shit that got my friend killed, I thought, but had the good sense not to say it out loud. I had no guilt over his murder and wouldn’t pretend I had.
“For a while, I blamed myself. I thought that it was something I had done when you were young.”
I wanted to roll my eyes. The constant need some people had to find a way to blame themselves for something outside of their control was infuriating.
“It turns out that you were born… as you are.”
“Yes, that would seem to be the case.”
She hesitated and chewed on her lip before speaking again. I found myself genuinely curious about what she was going to say. A rarity, but then I had never been confronted about my differences by my mother.
“I look at what you have achieved.”
Okay, that wasn’t where I expected it to be going.
“When the, the, people began to come back as those monsters.”
“Zombies, mother.”
“Yes, zombies.” Her mouth twisted at that, as though she were tasting something sour. “Everyone panicked and even in our sanctuary, we knew we wouldn’t survive. We just didn’t have the heart to fight the people who had once been our neighbours.”
Fools, all of them. Weak and deserving of death.
“But you did. Your peculiarities allowed you to step up and save others. Because of this, many people are alive who should, by all rights, be dead.”
True enough, I supposed, but not something I’d expected my mother to recognise.
“I must accept then, that God made you this way. He created you as his weapon to fight in the apocaly
pse, to save his flock.”
Oh, good grief!
I wanted to laugh at that but even one as dense to such things as I was could see that she was genuine. She honestly believed that. In her mind, she had managed to justify my behaviour. Which was truly bizarre.
She appeared to be completely earnest and for a moment, I wondered how to reply. I mean, it wasn’t the most expected response, and it was a little too close to Samuel’s belief that I had been sent by some unknown creator of everything to fight the good fight.
It was more than a little weird that they had both such similar ideas but, at the end of the day, if it made my life easier, I would go with it.
“Well then. If that’s everything…”
“I forgive you for what happened with your brother,” Mother said, and I did sigh then.
“Okay.”
“I love you, son. I know you don’t feel the same way for us, but I would like to be in your life if you would allow it. I would like to watch my grandchildren grow up.”
Evelyn glared at me as I stared at my mother, dumbfounded. How was I supposed to reply to such emotional nonsense? I wished that Lily were there with me as she could take over the conversation or at least give me some prompts.
She wanted a response, even I could see that. What that response would be, I wasn’t certain. I could guess, but there was a good chance I would be wrong. No doubt an emotional response would be better received but such a response would be a lie.
Or would it? I mean, she had birthed me, so I did owe her for that. But, at the same time, she had also raised me in a household that held to a sickening belief that all people were created equal and murder was a sin.
Even one such as I had a momentary pang of conscience that first time I had killed someone. Well, maybe not conscience, but the little voice in the back of my head that reiterated the same tired old nonsense I had heard all through my formative years.
Admittedly, it only took me a minute or two to get over that, but even so, it hard irked me that they had had such an effect on my psyche.
My parents had raised me, ensuring that I learnt some valuable lessons about hard working and seeing every task through. They had made sure that I was diligent and focused on each task I was working on.
That had helped when stalking my victims. I paid attention to the details, I was cautious and took my time, making sure the job was completed fully. In a way, then, they had helped me become a better killer.
Surely that was something to be grateful for? But, did it mean that I loved them? I mean, sure, I loved Lily and the twins. A surprise to everyone, myself included, but no less true for that. So, I was capable of love.
The question then, was did I feel that for my parents, for my sibling. It was a tricky question and I could see from the way they shifted in their chairs, exchanging looks, that I was taking too long to formulate my reply.
“I… respect you and I’m grateful,” I said, words seemingly wrenched from me with some difficulty. It felt too much like admitting to weakness. “I appreciate everything you have done for me throughout my life and I would be pleased if the twins would have that same experience.”
There was a tension in between my shoulder blades and the back of my neck. I felt more than a little dirty for having lowered myself to such a response. My mother, however, smiled.
“It’s enough,” she said, echoing a response I had heard often from Lily.
I wasn’t sure what that meant but if it saved me from more awkward conversations, I could live with that. Evelyn, however, was looking at me askance.
“You too, sister. Without your aid, my life would have been different.”
Her brows drew down at that and I knew that I had scored a point, reminding her that without her help I would have probably been in prison when the world fell and not in a position to, later on, kill my brother.
A healthy dose of guilt to eat away at her.
“Nice,” she said, and I shrugged. She knew what I had just done.
“My apologies. This is not easy for me.”
“Doesn’t have to be easy, just honest.”
What was it with people and their need for honesty? I had lived my life lying to everyone. About who I was, what I enjoyed doing. I preferred to lie.
I gave a heavy sigh, my shoulders slumping a little as I realised that I didn’t really have a way out other than to be honest.
“Fine. I do appreciate all that you did for me, sister. Regardless of how things played out, without your help, your guidance, I would not have been in a position to meet Lily. To learn that I was capable of loving someone and to have my children.”
“For that, I owe you a great deal.”
“Thank you,” she said with a glimmer of tears in her eyes.
I hoped she didn’t expect a hug.
“You’re welcome. Are we done with this now?”
“Yes. No more uncomfortable talk. You can feel safe.”
I was pretty sure that was sarcasm and for a brief moment, actually felt a little bit of kinship with my sibling.
“Thank you, Ryan,” Mother said as she rose to her feet. “It means a great deal.”
“Yes, thanks.”
Evelyn waited a moment as my mother walked across to the door and then went out into the corridor. She turned back to me.
“I’m still not fully ready to forgive you for, Gabe. But, I can put it aside for the sake of our family.” She paused and gave me a considering look. “I may not be like you but if you do anything else to harm our family, I will kill you.”
With that, she spun on her heel and marched to the door, head held high and back straight. I watched her leave, a smile of admiration growing on my face.
“I like her,” Gregg said as he came up beside me.
“You know what? I think I do too.”
Chapter 11
The end of a long and wearying day saw me walking into my apartment lobby with a small entourage of guards and attendants. I had given a brief speech that was broadcast across the island, thanking everyone for their support and confidence.
After that, I had started going through the thousand and one things that needed to be done right that minute. There were endless reports, meeting with community leaders, giving my authorisation to all of those things that apparently needed it.
I was exhausted by the end.
Lisa, my bodyguard and one of Ryan’s finest acolytes, entered the elevator with me and stopped anyone else from entering with a single glance. Unlike the other cultists, she had stopped wearing her hood, revealing a pretty face and eyes that seemed to be bottomless wells of pain and loss.
She had saved my life several times and I respected her abilities and enjoyed her company. Once she got over the whole not talking to the living thing, she was quite pleasant.
The elevator stopped at the top floor and I gave a smile of greeting to the handful of black-garbed guards waiting outside my door. One of them made some gesture with his hand that was done so quickly that I barely caught it, but Lisa responded in kind.
“What was that?”
“Apologies, My Lady,” Lisa said. “He is new and should have been a little more discreet.”
“So that I didn’t see it?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“After, My Lord Death, was taken from us, Samuel decided that we needed a way to identify ourselves while wearing the shrouds.”
“So, you chose sign language?”
“Yes. It can be used when being heard would be dangerous and can be discreet, with enough training.”
She made a point of looking at the acolyte who had made the gesture as she said that, and I smiled. They all seemed to make a great deal about not being noticed and that was purely Ryan’s influence.
At thought of him, my smile faded, and I walked through the door one of the acolytes opened for me, giving a nod of thanks to him as I passed. Lisa waited outside with the guards, giving me some much needed alone time.
&nbs
p; I stopped at the end of the hallway, just inside the doorway to the living area and my smile grew.
Ryan, sat on the sofa with our daughter in his arms, feeding her with one of the bottles I had prepared earlier. She gurgled happily as she stared up at him with big eyes of piercing blue. He noticed my arrival, of course, and his lips turned up in a smile of greeting.
“I think this one needs a change, mate,” Gregg said, holding out our son before him with a look of disgust on his face. “Seriously, he stinks.”
“Pass him here.” Evie’s voice held more than a little exasperation and I had to do a double take as she came into view.
She was the last person I had expected to see in the apartment when Ryan was around. Evie gave a quick wave to me as she passed, lifting my son from Gregg’s hands and whisking him away to the changing table.
“Hey, Boss Lady,” Gregg called as he jumped to his feet. “Do I need to, like, bow or something now?”
“No.” My smile was wide and heart fit to bursting at the love I felt for my little family and friend. “You never have to do anything but give me a hug.”
“That, I can do,” he said, grin widening as he crossed the distance between us and wrapped me in a warm embrace. “You okay?”
“I am now,” I said, and he laughed, knowing I wasn’t just speaking of his hug. “You’re not infectious then?”
“Nah, we’re good. Got the all clear and kicked out of the medical centre an hour ago.”
“There’s food in the oven,” Ryan said with a nod towards the kitchen. “Will be ready soon.”
“Nothing exciting,” Gregg added. “Just a quick stew that your boyfriend whipped up.”
“Sounds great.”
It really did. For a moment, I just stood there, appreciating that I had essentially arrived home from work to dinner in the oven and my partner feeding and caring for our children. Way back before the fall of the world, I would have struggled to get any of my boyfriends to do, well, anything.
As it turned out, if I wanted an enlightened man who treated me like an equal, I had just needed to find a serial killer. Which was really weird when I thought about it.
Killing the Dead Season 3 Box Set | Books 13-18 Page 74