“I had to.” She gave me a slightly embarrassed look that made my dick throb. “You looked like a giant slab of sex lounging on my couch, and I hadn’t been laid in a while.”
“I would’ve stayed and helped you out with that.”
“I know. That’s why you had to go.”
Her lips were so close I could practically taste them. Our noses were touching. I slipped my hands up around her neck, cupping her jaw with my palms and smoothing my thumbs over her cheeks. I drew her toward me gently…
“You want me to go now…?” I asked as our lips brushed.
“Please don’t go,” she breathed, and she threw a leg over me and climbed into my lap. She pushed me back against the couch. Then she kissed me, slow and deep, sliding her tongue into my mouth.
And this feeling…
Maggie, giving herself to me…
Taking what she wanted from me…
I’d do anything for this. To feel this, every day.
But I stopped the kiss, holding her face so I could look at her.
“Maggie… I just want to love you,” I told her. “I want to be able to love you and not have to hide it.”
“Okay.”
But I wasn’t even sure she really heard me. If she really understood. Her eyes were kind of hazy with desire and she’d started rocking her hips, slowly, grinding her pussy against me. Her dress was short, and the only thing keeping her from being naked against me was the crotch of her thin panties, and my jeans.
I could feel the warmth between her legs as she rubbed herself against my cock through the denim. I was harder than fuck by now, and it was a fucking feat to think straight—but I did my best. Because the woman in my lap was worth it.
“I want you to love me, unconditionally,” I told her. I’d been thinking about it a lot, and all this shit needed to be said. “I told you it was okay… that I understood you couldn’t love me if I was drinking. But it’s not okay. I need you to love me without putting any limits on it. That means we’re together, and if I fuck up, you still love me. If I fall off the wagon, you still love me. I have plenty of imperfections, Maggie, and I always will, but I still need you to love me.”
“I already told you,” she said, looking into my eyes. “I’ll love you no matter what you do.”
I absorbed that, but it still didn’t feel like enough.
Even though she was still rubbing her pussy slowly up-and-down against my dick, it wasn’t enough.
I needed her to know…
“Seth said he would leave Elle, if he was gonna use again.”
At that, she went still. She was sitting on me, pressed tight against me, but she’d stopped dry-humping me.
“But I don’t think I could, Maggie,” I confessed. I felt fucking weak about it, but I had to be honest with her. “I don’t think I could leave you. You’d have to be the one to leave. And if I start drinking, I don’t expect you to stay with me. If you have to leave me because I can’t get my shit together, that’s your right. And we both know that means you might have to leave Dirty, and that’s the last thing either of us wants. But if you say you love me and I love you, then to me that means we are in this together. And you keep loving me through whatever comes. For you that might mean losing Dirty, for a while or even permanently. For me that might mean leaving the band for rehab, or worse. But you know what? I’m not gonna let anything stop me from loving you. I don’t want anything to stop you from loving me. So I need you to be fully in this, right now, with me. No conditions. No limits.” I gazed up at her, at her fucking gorgeous face in my hands. “Can you do that?”
“Yeah,” she said, her full bottom lip quivering just a bit as she took a breath. “Yeah, Zane. I can do that.”
“Even going public and telling the world you’re mine.”
She squirmed just a bit in my lap, like she was still uncomfortable with the idea. “Yeah,” she said, nibbling on her lip. But her gray eyes held mine. “I can do that.”
“Then come here.” I pulled her to me and kissed her, hard. She moaned and our tongues entwined, and my hands sank into her hair.
Then she got to work on my jeans. She had my bare cock in her hands in no time, and I felt her yanking the crotch of her panties aside. My dick flexed in her hand, so fucking hard, I couldn’t even think anymore.
Good thing I’d gotten out whatever I wanted to say, because right now, I could barely remember what it was.
Had I ever wanted inside her so badly…?
Well, yeah. All the fucking time.
But, fuck…
“Take me, Maggie,” I groaned, as she worked her small hands all over my cock, driving me fucking crazy.
“Going to…” she breathed, just before burying her tongue in my mouth again.
I was hoping she’d take me bare. But I wasn’t gonna press the issue. We’d both been tested by now but she still wasn’t on the pill, wasn’t going on the pill. We’d use condoms when she thought we should. She said she tracked her cycle and all that.
I trusted her to make that call.
I knew neither of us had any infectious shit we were gonna pass to each other, but as for getting her pregnant? I wasn’t ready for that. I knew I wasn’t.
She’d told me she wasn’t either.
But if it happened… I wasn’t gonna be disappointed.
Scared as shit, maybe.
But I wasn’t going anywhere.
Maggie wasn’t going anywhere, either.
We’d deal with it together.
Because me and Maggie? We belonged together.
As I slid into her, her weight pressing down on me as she took me, bare… it was the first time I ever felt like I truly belonged to her. Like I was hers.
I’d always been Maggie’s, in a way. But she just didn’t accept it, fully, until this moment.
I knew it. I felt it…
And I wanted this.
I’d never wanted to belong to a woman before her.
Only her. I’d wanted to belong to Maggie Omura for a long time… and now, I knew I did.
Even her worst fears and my worst fuck-ups couldn’t destroy this.
“You’re mine, Maggie,” I whispered against her lips as she rode me slowly. She kissed my face and her hair drifted over me. She moaned as my heart pounded, hard and fast in my chest.
“Zane,” she gasped, clutching at my shoulders. “Yeah…”
“And I’m yours.”
Her eyes met mine.
“Yeah,” she said softly. “That, too.”
“From now on,” I told her, gripping her chin to force her to hold my gaze and hear this, “you’re in my bed every night, naked. And when you’re not naked, you’re in those pink sweats of yours.”
“Yeah?” She smiled. And when Maggie smiled… it fucking undid me. Especially when she was slowly riding my cock, bareback, while she did it. “You like my pink sweats…?”
“Yeah, babe.” I slid my hand under her dress and squeezed her ass cheek. “Easy access. I want it.”
She laughed, that throaty, sexy laugh of hers. “Okay, Zane,” she whispered. “Whatever you want…”
And for about the millionth time in my life, I fell in love with her… just a little bit more.
Chapter Twenty-One
Maggie
The next morning, Zane bounced out of bed early—before my eyes were open—and I actually heard him singing in the shower. He didn’t even try to get laid first.
I’d never heard him sing in the shower before, but then again I wasn’t nearby for many of his showers, historically. Maybe he did this all the time? He was a singer, and he sounded pretty damn happy doing it.
And it was loud.
As I lay in bed, half-awake, he belted out “We Are The Champions” and hotel guests could probably hear it three rooms over.
I smiled to myself and cuddled into the pillow that smelled of him, my eyes still closed.
A little while later, I woke up again as Zane came out of the bathroom all refres
hed and sparkling, smelling like freshly-showered rock god and delicious spiced bodywash. His damp blond hair was slicked back, a smile was on his face, and he was singing Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed” under his breath. I didn’t think he’d even noticed I was awake as I looked him over.
His faded jeans hung low on his hips but, unfortunately, he was wearing a shirt. It was a T-shirt with the sleeves and sides cut out though, so I could see his ribcage and waist, his sleek muscles shifting as he moved.
Yum. Would I ever get tired of gazing at him?
Nope. Not possible.
He strolled over to the couch, which I could see through the open doorway from the bedroom, and sprawled on it, picking up the room service menu. His eyes met mine and he stopped singing, that killer Viking smile of his splitting his face.
I smiled back.
“What do you want for breakfast, babe?”
I stretched lazily. “Whatever you’re having. With some fruit on it.” I dragged my ass out of bed and his gaze darkened, sliding down my naked body. I flung on a robe half-heartedly and wandered to the bathroom, yawning. “And whatever they have that’s chocolate. Lots of it.”
He cocked an eyebrow at me, but the grin never left his face.
I half-expected him to follow me into the shower. Okay, three-quarters-expected. But not so.
When I reemerged about forty-five minutes later, my hair washed, dried and smoothed straight and makeup on, he had our breakfast all set up on the coffee table, the fake fire glowing in the fireplace and real candles lit. And fresh flowers.
I stopped to admire the pretty, all-pink arrangement, a mix of tulips, frilly carnations, miniature roses, alstroemeria and other stuff I didn’t even recognize.
Zane was sitting on the floor in front of the fire, his back against an armchair, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. His bare toes twitched with excited energy and there was a definite sparkle in his eyes. He had a pen in his hand and one of his writing notebooks in his lap, open to a page where he appeared to be jotting notes or writing song lyrics or something.
How many times had I seen him writing in one of his notebooks like that?
It always made me happy.
“You’re in a great mood,” I remarked, somewhat warily.
He just grinned.
“Please tell me you’re not on something.”
I was teasing; I didn’t really think he was. But I was feeling pretty anxious myself.
He gave me a look that was somehow reproachful while still smiling. “Can’t a guy be happy?”
“And you’re happy because…?”
“Because we’re finally gonna tell everyone about us.”
“Oh, yeah…” I whispered, my voice fading. “That.”
Last night, before and after all the hot sex, we’d definitely come to an agreement that we were both in this for keeps—and we were telling everyone exactly that. I’d told him I was finally ready. And I was. Kinda. Mentally.
But I still didn’t totally feel ready.
I definitely didn’t feel as twinkly about it as he clearly did.
His eyes narrowed at me a fraction. “Yeah, that. Which means I can officially start groping you in public now. And telling dudes who get in your face to fuck the hell off, instead of having Jude do it for me.”
“Oh. Well… congratulations?”
“Thank you. There’s champagne if you want it.” He gestured at the table, where there was indeed a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice, as well as a large bottle of sparkling mineral water and two champagne flutes. Then he returned his attention to his notebook, jotting something down. “Been waiting a long time for this day, Maggs…” he muttered.
Well, that was incredibly sweet.
I melted all over just watching him there by the fire. His hair had dried and pieces of it were drifting over his face. And I wanted to touch him.
But somehow I felt all stiff and strange and couldn’t seem to move my feet, either to go over to him and cuddle into his lap, or to go get dressed.
“Yeah,” I said quietly, just standing in the middle of the room. “Me, too.”
I had been waiting for this day. Maybe not in the same way that he had, but in my own way. It still hadn’t quite sunk in, though, that this day had actually come. It still felt surreal.
And scary.
“I mean, I’m glad this is happening,” I told him, my voice barely above a whisper as he glanced up at me. “With you. I mean… you and me.” I cleared my throat, which suddenly felt tight.
The grin spread across Zane’s beautiful face, and I almost had to look away. In the past, I would have. I would’ve avoided his joy because it made me uncomfortable, for so many reasons.
Now, I just looked at him.
My husband.
My dear friend.
The love of my life.
I swallowed, and before he could say anything to make me do something stupid like cry, I said, “Just let me tell my dad first, okay? I made a big deal about it being a secret and telling him he broke my trust. It’s only fair I tell him what’s going on. I’ll call him this morning.”
At that, Zane’s face changed. For the first time this morning, a dark cloud passed over his features. Unfortunately, this was the way he usually looked when I mentioned my dad. His smile vanished. His jaw spasmed as whatever dark thought rolled through his head… though he managed to keep it to himself.
Instead, he said, “You still love him.”
“You know me.” I gave him a shaky smile. “I’m stubborn that way.”
He considered that, then put his notebook and pen aside as he got to his feet. He came over and drew me into his arms, gently. He tucked my head under his chin and held me, and I leaned into him, just relishing his strength and his warmth and his stillness as his heart beat against me.
“You’re always gonna love him,” he muttered, almost to himself. “I’ll just have to get used to it, I guess, and suppress my murderous urges.”
“Would you, please? For me?”
“Yeah, babe. I can do that. Only for you, though.” He kissed the top of my head, and it felt so good, the warmth of that gentle touch radiating through me.
I hugged him tight and whispered, “I’m always gonna love you, too.”
He squeezed me back. “I fucking hope so.”
“Put it this way.” I peeked up into his blue eyes. “You’re never gonna fuck up as bad as he has, right?”
A small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I don’t think that’s possible, Maggie.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “It’s not.”
As soon as I’d gotten dressed and we’d sat down to breakfast, Zane wanted to know the plan.
“The plan?” I asked him blankly.
“Yeah.” His eyes bore into mine. “You said you’re gonna call Dizzy this morning. But what about everyone else? The band, friends, the public… How do you want to roll this out, and when?”
I blinked at him. “Uh…”
“And just so we’re clear, today is the right answer to that question.”
“Oh. Well, thank you for letting me know.” I tried to give him a dirty look but failed. I was pretty sure it was the first time in history that Zane wanted to know “the plan” about something before I’d even begun to figure it out. It was pretty damn cute. “You know, you’re cute when you’re getting organized.”
“Don’t try to change the subject. Won’t work.”
I sighed. “Yeah. I suppose we can discuss it…”
“When?”
“Well… I’m assuming from the look on your face that the right answer to that question is… Now?”
“You assume correctly. So who’re we telling first? After Dizzy.”
I took a breath and considered that. “I think… I really owe Brody the respect of telling him first. Like maybe I could meet with him alone, and let him know what’s happening? We’ll need to bring the publicists up to speed, but we shoul
d really schedule a phone meeting for that. I’ll see what Brody has to say about it. And you should really give Dolly a call so she doesn’t have to find out through the media.”
“Dolly knows,” he said.
“What?”
“I told her.” He blinked his blue eyes at me. It was a rather innocent look, given that the man didn’t do innocent looks. “Last year. I’ve been talking to her about it all along. What?” He shrugged at the look on my face. “You can’t expect me not to tell Dolly. It’s Dolly.”
I took that in… and once I got over the initial shock of it, I sighed and gave in, because he was right. Dolly was not only Zane’s grandma but the woman who’d raised him and the only family he had. And he definitely had a way different relationship with her than I had with my father. Much closer. I was pretty sure, from what I’d witnessed over the years, that Zane told Dolly everything. Right down to the dirtiest details of his nastiest sexploits.
The woman probably knew far more than she’d ever wanted to know about her beloved wild-child of a grandson.
God knew I knew more about Zane’s sex life, pre-me, than I’d ever wanted to know.
“Okay. So you can update Dolly. And then we can tell the rest of the band and close friends together. Maybe get everyone together for dinner tonight?”
“Sounds great.”
He eyed me closely as I nibbled at my breakfast. He’d ordered me the same as his; egg white omelette loaded with vegetables, lean ham on the side, and mine had an added bowl of fruit.
And two chocolate brownies that I was pretty sure I would’ve eaten first if he wasn’t here to see it. Because right now, I was so nervous I could’ve eaten a giant chocolate cake—myself. I was under no illusions that one of the brownies was for Zane, anyway; he didn’t care much for sweets, and he’d definitely ordered them for me.
Which was why I was married to the man, right? If this didn’t make him husband material, I didn’t know what did.
Almost made up for the whole manslut thing.
I smiled at him anxiously.
“Why are you so nervous, Maggs?” he asked, reading my mind.
“Because,” I said carefully. “I’m scared.” I sipped my sparkling water. I didn’t want to waste the champagne he’d paid for, but I really didn’t feel good about drinking in front of him these days. I’d have to give it to Katie later.
Dirty Like Zane: A Dirty Rockstar Romance (Dirty, Book 6) Page 29