It was a huge punch in the gut. We ended the call, I went downstairs, and my wife, Amy, asked me how the conversation went. I told her, and she said, “Wow. You were so excited about this call, and you’re so deflated now.”
I was deflated, but I had to hear those words from Craig. I had to learn to be in service. If I had had a mentor who didn’t want to offend me and just said, “Yeah, Keith, go get those goals. You’re going to be great!” instead of saying, “You know what, Keith, those things are all awesome, but you didn’t share once about how you want to help other people, and that’s what our industry is all about,” then I would never have grown into the role of being in service.
Lovingly speak truth to the people you mentor. Don’t be afraid they’re going to leave. If they leave, they weren’t the right ones. If they are the right ones, when you speak truth into their lives, they will receive what you offer and grow. They might not initially like it. They might get aggravated. They might not be accustomed to people talking to them with such forthrightness, but if you speak from the heart, if you speak in a nurturing way that pushes them to become more than who they are, they will trust and respect you.
Action Steps
This is not a one-time action. You must make the following four decisions and commit to growing into each of them. Remind yourself of these disciplines until they become part of who you are:
Make the decision to be “all in” on your business.
Make the decision to be vulnerable with your leaders.
Make the decision to be consistent with your leaders.
Make the decision to be honest with your leaders.
Chapter 12
HELPING MENTEES CROSS BRIDGES
Leaders must be close enough to relate to others,
but far enough ahead to motivate them.
— John Maxwell
About a year into my network marketing business, I decided I wanted an office outside of our house. I rented an attic studio in a rundown building. On the only flat wall, I hung a picture of a footbridge over a river. I spent a lot of time meditating on that bridge picture. It was symbolic of the importance of being a “bridge” for the distributors I mentored. The bridge represented the full arc of bringing in a new distributor through developing her into a leader of leaders. The large bridge comprises many small bridges.
Case Study: Liz Hartke Crossing All Bridges
I’d like to share an abridged (ha!) story about Liz Hartke.
The Bridge of Becoming a Customer
The company I work with distributes health and wellness products, as I’ve mentioned. When Liz saw my flyer in a yoga studio, she called me. Eventually she became a customer. She started using the product and crossed the first bridge – trying new products. She used our products for a couple of months and started seeing good results. During these months as a customer getting results, Liz became an advocate for the product. She was also watching me on Facebook. She saw what I posted and eventually reached out again. This time she wanted to hear about the business opportunity.
The Bridge of Becoming a Distributor
Quick side note. Liz reached out on a Friday. I’m a husband and father whose main priority is my family. I messaged Liz back saying something to the effect of, “I’d love to talk with you, but I don’t work on weekends as I reserve that time for my family.” I got back to Liz first thing Monday morning. One of the reasons she was excited to talk with me, she told me, is that I had boundaries in my life. People are watching everything you do; make sure you’re modeling professional and balanced behavior.
Liz had already crossed the first bridge – going from being unsure to enthusiastic about a product. Now she was considering crossing the second bridge. She believed in the products but wasn’t sure about the business opportunity. During our first few calls, my belief in and enthusiasm for this business opportunity were passed on to Liz, which helped her sign up as a distributor. She crossed that second bridge.
The Bridge of Becoming a Working Distributor
As a distributor, Liz began talking to her friends and family right away. And just like everyone who starts in network marketing, Liz encountered stumbling blocks. She struggled right from the beginning – with people who questioned what she was doing, with the challenge of reaching out to talk to people. Little by little, though, Liz persevered. Within two months of working the business, she hit her initial goal of Diamond: the first, major, recognized rank in our company. When Liz hit that rank, we celebrated her. She had crossed the bridge of becoming a working distributor.
The Bridge of Entering Leadership
With her early success, Liz’s excitement about this business grew. She wanted to start bringing in working distributors, not just discount distributors. Once Liz made that decision, our relationship changed. I saw her more as a partner. I started spending more time with her. She started attracting people who were interested in the business opportunity, and I often got on the phone with them to help Liz present the business. We started connecting multiple times a day via text messaging, social media, video conferencing, and phone calls. We met up once a week. Liz was aggressively building her business now. Eventually, she found her first true leader. She had crossed the next bridge.
The Bridge of Becoming a Leader of Leaders
Our company has local, quarterly, in-person events. Liz was terrified of public speaking, nonetheless she messaged me one day saying, “I want to speak at the next event.” At that time 200 to 300 people attended the events. I arranged for her to make a presentation. I remember sitting in the audience with her husband, Michael. When Liz got up to speak at the event, I could see she was that palms-sweaty, voice-shaky, about-to-throw-up kind of nervous. Her first presentation was – let’s just say – not stellar, but she did it. Then Liz started speaking a bit more and a bit more.
Fast forward to the present. Liz now speaks at the larger corporate events, addressing 20,000-plus people. She’s hit the top ranks in our company and her distributors have started to hit those top ranks. Liz is now a leader of leaders and doesn’t need me anymore. You’ve done it right when those you mentor don’t need you anymore. They can do everything you’ve taught them – even better than you can. That’s the goal.
The ultimate goal of a leader who is building to last, is to walk people across their many small bridges as far as they are willing to go. Some will cross one or two bridges, some a few more, and a handful will go all the way with you.
Case Study, Hayley Christian: Crossing Leadership Bridges
A real leader will not stick around in this industry if she’s bored; she needs to be learning and growing. She needs something to strive for. When I have a real leader, I start pushing her and challenging her. I also start exposing her to my larger team. Exposing an emerging leader to the rest of my team serves the individual and it also helps the people on my team because a new, enthusiastic leader brings vibrancy. She brings fresh ways of doing business. She’s green, she’s excited. I like to expose my team to that energy. It also challenges the emerging leader.
Let’s look at a recent situation, when Hayley Christian was emerging as a leader.
I and four other leaders – not within my downline but within the parent company – were running a five-week leadership training. Each of us was responsible for one week of the training. In order to help Hayley move deeper into her leadership role, we did two things during this training:
1. I brought Hayley into all of my conversations with the other four leaders. This made them aware of Hayley’s skills and talent, and built her self-esteem because she recognized herself as these leaders’ peer.
2. I was responsible for kicking off the first week of the training, which meant doing a live video training in a private Facebook group – Monday through Friday. I gave Hayley one of those days, which meant the opportunity to address a large audience. This put her way out of her comfort zone, and she stepped up. She did it.
A few weeks later, we flew a bunch of distribu
tors on the team to the Boston area for a weekend retreat. I asked Hayley to fly in and do a presentation. She was scared to death, but she gave a strong presentation. All of the sudden, leaders from other teams within our company were reaching out to Hayley to have her speak on their calls.
Then Hayley got invited to speak at one of our national corporate conventions. Then she got to speak on our national call. Then she got to speak at a leadership event. Most of those opportunities, Hayley got on her own. They were no longer doors I opened. But it all started with my putting Hayley out of her comfort zone and challenging her.
Open doors for your leaders, prop them up. Don’t make the mistake of doing it yourself because you can currently do it better. Your end game is developing other leaders. Give them that opportunity. Start small – have them be a guest speaker on a team call – and then move them up.
Prepare the Leader
One of your responsibilities is preparing an emerging leader for the income, responsibility, and recognition coming in. I don’t know if you’ve heard the statistics, but something like 80 or 90 percent of people who win the lottery end up bankrupt. Why? Because they have a windfall of money that they’re not prepared for. It’s not that they’re reckless or dumb. It’s that they do reckless and dumb things because they’re not ready for the energy that comes with all that money. You’ve heard stories about the professional athletes and actors and performers who’ve lost all their money. It’s because no one helped prepared them for enormous success.
We need to prepare our leaders on how to handle the income that’s coming in, on how to handle the responsibility that’s coming their way, on how to handle all of the recognition. It’s the final bridge to cross.
Action Steps
Succeeding in our industry requires crossing a series of bridges. Knowing where you’re at and the next bridge to cross gives you a clear next step in your business growth.
1. Think about yourself and your business. What is the next bridge you need to cross? What key skills do you need to acquire and actions do you need to take to cross that bridge?
2. Think about each of your leaders and potential leaders. What is the next bridge each one of them needs to cross? What are the key skills they need to acquire and actions
they need to take?
Chapter 13
LET THEM LEAVE THE NEST
People ask the difference between a leader and a boss.
The leader leads, and the boss drives.
— Theodore Roosevelt
Once you’ve got your leaders all the way to the other side of the final bridge and prepared them to handle what’s there, you have one final thing to do for those you mentor: get out of their way.
Case Study, Tony (The Icon) Furtado: Sometimes You Have to Get out of the Way from the Start
When I became a distributor, one of the first people I signed up was Nicole Jones (who I mentioned earlier). Nicole and I went to high school together, and we reconnected through Facebook. She saw me sharing our products, reached out to me, and became a discount distributor.
Within the first couple months of Nicole’s business, she signed up Tony Furtado. Tony was one of those distributors you dream about. He ran with this business right away. If you look at the timeline, it’s me signing up, then right away I sign up Nicole (who has had enormous success), then Nicole signs up Tony, and he goes on to have enormous success. Tony was a born leader. Nicole and I had to just get out of his way.
The biggest mistake we can make with leaders who are fully ready to run with this business on their own is holding them back, trying to tell them, “You should do it this way. You should do it that way.” Right from the start Tony was flourishing with his own team, doing business his way. Maybe once a week, I would have a call with him, and then it turned into once a month. I was working with Craig at that time and on calls with Tony, I simply shared what Craig had shared with me.
Tony went on to build a business built to last. He’s made millions of dollars. He’s helped hundreds of thousands of people. And he’s done it all on his own, his unique way. He’s done it without much mentoring. He’s one of those self-taught types. When you have someone like that, you just have to get out of the way and let him do his thing!
Control Versus Courage
As your team starts to grow, don’t make the mistake many leaders in this industry make. They create an environment that emphasizes “their” team. That is good for followers, but it’s a turn-off to potential leaders. It has enormous negative impact on the growth of a team. I’ve witnessed this a few times with leaders who wanted to control everything. They didn’t want anybody else starting a “sub-team.” They saw distributors only as a part of their team. They didn’t see people in their downline as growing their own teams. Everyone had to focus on their team name. It was their team page. Their way was the way everyone should do things. They wan-ted to be the only leader.
Instead of focusing on being the one leader of the “whole” team, be a leader of leaders who has a team of teams. This business is about duplication of leadership. That’s how you build to last. And it takes courage. It takes knowing your worth. It takes the ability to trust others. It takes being a person who doesn’t need the spotlight. Ultimately, it takes having enough self-esteem to allow those you mentor to do this business better than you.
Knowing When the Leader Is Ready
I had a ton of fun working with Liz Hartke. We worked closely as partners building this business together. When we first got started, I mentored Liz, doing everything we’ve talked about in this book. I’d taken her through all of the stages. In our final stages, we were doing a lot together – team calls, team trainings, helping each other with prospects.
Eventually Liz started to grow away from me and not need me anymore on multiple levels. She started to need her own space to create in her way, to thrive and prosper. This is the most exciting time in your business if you are emotionally ready for it. It’s like having a child going off to college. You nurtured this child, raised this child, got her to a certain point, and then as the child gets older, into high school and beyond, you start becoming friends with the child. You’re no longer the teacher for the child, but someone who’s inspired by and learning from the child. You become equals.
At some point the child goes off to college and needs to fly. She needs to experiment, to live her own life, to become parent of her own children, and all that. In network marketing, when you’re working with a real leader, you have to give her the room to fly. If you push the leader correctly from the start – encouraging her, giving her opportunities – you’ll know when it’s time. You’ll know when she’s ready. If you’re aware enough, you’ll recognize that there’s a certain point at which you’re stifling rather than catalyzing the leader’s growth.
When you have a true leader, you’ll know she’s ready when she starts moving away from you. The biggest blessing you can offer is to let her go. The biggest impediment to her growth and your growth, is to try to control that situation and keep that leader close to you. Let her fly.
What to Do When They Leave the Nest
Get out of the way and let them go. It’s not any more complicated than that. Let them do their own thing. Don’t try to coach them anymore. Again, it’s like a child going off to college. When the child is at college, you lose the right to constantly check in, to see what time they’re getting home, to know what they’re doing, to know where they are. You have to give that child space. Just like a parent, when they’re ready to leave the nest, let go. Give them the space they need.
Be available when they need you. Once they’ve gone, be like that parent who has a child at college. Metaphorically speaking, they’re going to come back for summers. They’re going to need you again. They’re going to call you when things aren’t working well. As a parent of five children, I can tell you all your children are different. So the amount of “need” from each is different. Some children are going to go away and never come back. S
ome children go away, and they need their parents a little bit. Some children go away, and they call their parents every day. When we’re working with leaders, it’s the same. Think about it like a parent and be available when they need you.
Continue to partner with them. I love to continue working with leaders when they leave the nest. I continue to partner with them on trainings, on retreats, on big calls that we put together. If we’re going to do a 30-day or a 60-day competition, I’ll see if that leader wants to do it with me.
Enjoy their friendship. Most of my friends are in this industry because we think alike, we act alike, we see the world the same way, and we love talking about business, creating, and entrepreneurship. I’m now good friends with all the leaders I once mentored.
Action Steps
1. Think about the leaders in your organization. Are there any you’re holding back? Any you need to push out of the nest? If so, make a plan to do so this week.
2. Think about the leaders who have already gone off on their own. Reach out to them. Let them know you’re there if they need anything and you appreciate them.
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