by Megan Hart
“So that’s it? We’re just…done?”
Her tears had dried as she walked, and she gave him a dry-eyed stare. “Yes. I think so.”
“Why do you get to decide that?” Andy ran both hands through his hair, front then back. His fists clenched as he stomped in a small circle. “How fucking fair is that?”
“Why do you care?” she cried, hating this scene. Hating him. Hating herself, too.
“Because I love you!”
His shout stung her like a wasp. “I have to go to work,” she stated.
“I thought you loved me, too.” He probably didn’t mean to sound so petulant, but he did.
“I did, Andy!” Bess cried. “I did!”
“But not anymore?” His eyes turned pleading, a look he knew damn well she couldn’t resist. Eddie appeared on a bike of his own at the end of the alley. He rode closer and Bess wanted a hole in the ground to open up and swallow her. No, to swallow Andy.
“I don’t know,” she answered as honestly as she could. “A lot’s changed this summer.”
“Oh, a lot like that guy?” Andy sneered, the pleading gone from his face. “Funny how that works.”
Faced with his anger, Bess found it easier to keep hold of her own. “Yeah, funny how it does.” She unlocked the door so Eddie could get inside, but she didn’t go in herself. She expected Eddie to push past her, but though he sidled by the bristling Andy, he stayed on the steps with her.
“A-are you all right, Bess?”
“Yeah, fine, Eddie. Go on inside.”
“Who’s this?” Andy sneered harder. “Hey, buddy, this isn’t any of your business.”
Eddie, bless him, didn’t budge. “Is he th-threatening you?”
“Hey, get lost.” Andy jerked a thumb down the alley. “I told you this isn’t your business.”
Andy wasn’t threatening her, but it touched her deeply that Eddie was afraid for her. More so that he was willing to defend her. She smiled and touched his shoulder.
“Don’t tell me you’re screwing him, too!” Andy snorted.
“Shut up, Andy.”
Eddie still didn’t move. He angled his body slightly in front of hers. “I think you’d better get lost. Buddy.”
“Or what?” Andy, who stood a good three inches taller than Eddie and probably weighed at least twenty more pounds, puffed up. “What’re you going to do? Make me?”
“Stop it, both of you.” Bess put her hands out to keep them apart, though in fact, neither had actually moved. “Andy, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Tell me something, Eddie. That’s your name, right? Eddie? Tell me, how long has Bess been banging that fucker with the long hair?”
Eddie’s cheeks turned dusky. “Just go away, man. She doesn’t want to see you, can’t you tell that?”
“How long?” Andy asked again. He danced closer, trying to intimidate them. Bess knew he’d never lift a hand against her, but Eddie couldn’t know that. Under her palm, his thin shoulder trembled, but he didn’t move.
“All summer?”
“Eddie, don’t answer him.”
“Why not? You don’t want me to know, right? You want to blame me, but you don’t want to admit that you’re just as bad as I am!” Andy’s voice rose.
Eddie moved forward the tiniest bit.
“Oh, yeah, fucker, just come on at me. Come on.” Andy gestured. “I’d love to punch someone right now. Come on.”
“Don’t, Eddie. This isn’t your fight.” The force in her voice stopped them both. “Andy, that’s enough. Eddie, go inside.”
After a second, Eddie did as she’d said, and went in. Andy glared, breathing hard. Bess crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down.
“I came all the way here to see you,” he told her again, as if he hadn’t already said it before. “Can’t we at least talk about things?”
“Fine. We can talk about it. But I have to work now.” How she’d be able to concentrate, Bess wasn’t sure, but she had no choice. “I’m done at five today.”
Andy nodded. “I’ll pick you up.”
“Not here. Let me go home first. Pick me up at seven.”
Andy looked as if he was going to protest, but it felt good, that small bit of control. Bess breathed a little easier. He ran his hands through his hair again.
“What should I do until then?”
“Umm, you’re at the beach,” Bess said. “Why don’t you go hang out or something?”
“All day?” He grimaced, showing what he thought of that.
“Andy—” she sighed “—I really don’t care what you do, okay?”
He nodded, and for the first time since he’d knocked on Nick’s door, gave her a sorrowful look that seemed sincere. “We’ll work this out, right?”
“I don’t know.”
“We’ll work this out,” he repeated, as if saying it over and over would make it true.
“Somehow or other it will all work out, Andy, yes. But who knows how?”
“I know,” he said, with enough confidence for both of them.
Bess, instead of answering, turned and went inside the shop.
CHAPTER 37
Now
Bess waited two days before she sought her son. She had a legitimate reason for going to the Office Outlet. She needed a wireless router for her laptop at the beach house, as well as a new printer to replace the one she’d left behind at the other house.
None of that made it any easier to walk through the doors.
She sloughed off the eager young man in the red polo shirt and earpiece that made him look like one of the Borg from Star Trek, who accosted her as soon as she entered the printer section. “Sorry, I’m just looking for my son. Connor Walsh?”
The smarmy salesman’s grin vanished, replaced by a jerk of the thumb. “He’s stocking in stationery.”
“Thanks,” Bess said, but he was already off in search of other prey. She found Connor bent over a carton of boxed, monogrammed stationery. “Got any Bs?”
He looked up, then straightened. Did she imagine the shadows beneath his eyes? Mother that she was, she searched his face for signs of malnutrition, his clothes for wrinkles. Connor kept his expression blank.
“I didn’t get there yet.”
“I came in for a printer and a router. Can you help me find some good ones?”
He wasn’t giving her an inch. “I think Roger’s the one in that department.”
“Connor. C’mon.” Bess sighed. “I trust your opinion and I’m sure you can use the commission.”
“I’m doing okay.” He set aside the box in his hands.
Bess waited. He finally gave in, though his expression showed he wasn’t ready to forgive her. That was okay. She could live with it. She followed him through the aisles to the row where the routers hung in their plastic blister packs and boxes.
Connor showed her the choices and explained which would be the best option for her laptop, an Apple iBook that was a few years old. He helped her pick out a printer, too, an inexpensive model without many bells and whistles, but which suited her budget.
“You know, I get a discount,” he said sullenly. “I can hold these for you. Buy them tonight. I can drop them off at the shop with Robbie.”
“Would you?” Bess made sure to keep her voice neutral, like this wasn’t a big deal. “You could come by the house, too, if you wanted. Have dinner with us.”
Connor nodded. He turned the router box over and over in his hands without looking at her. “Maybe. If I can get a ride.”
She stopped herself from offering to pick him up. “How’s the roommate situation?”
He shrugged. “Fine.”
Which could mean it was fine or mean it was awful, and she’d never know, because Connor was determined not to tell her. “Connor—”
He held up a hand and looked around to make sure nobody was paying attention to them. “Mom. Don’t.”
Bess bit back the offer for him to move home. Maybe two days wasn’t long enough
. “Okay. So you’ll get those things and bring them by the house?”
“I’ll drop them off with Robbie.”
She didn’t push it. She handed him a wad of cash. “Here.”
“This is too much.”
“Take it,” Bess said, in a voice that allowed for no argument.
Connor hesitated, then tucked the money in his pocket. “Thanks.”
“Connor,” Bess said softly, and waited until he looked at her. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged, mouth pulled down. He was a boy trying hard to be a man, but he was still her son, and it twisted her up inside to know she’d done this to him. She’d dug this chasm between them with her own selfishness. Her need.
He shrugged once more, his only answer. Bess patted his arm and headed out of the store before she embarrassed them both. She meant to go right back to the house. Back to Nick.
The sign for Bethany Magick caught her eye again as she drove past, and Bess pulled into the alley without thinking twice. Inside the shop, Alicia looked up from her paperback novel and her place behind the cash register.
“Bess, hi!”
“You remembered me.” Bess smiled, moving forward.
Alicia came around the counter. “Of course I remember you. Any luck with those books?”
“Luck?” Bess laughed self-consciously. “I have to admit, I haven’t really had the chance to read them yet.”
The shopkeeper grinned. “C’mon, girl. It’s beach season. You’re supposed to be out there, soaking up the sun and reading books.”
“I know, I know.” She held up her hands.
Alicia was right. What use was a beach house and no job if she didn’t take advantage of it? Once she started getting busy with Just A Bite, she’d look back on these few months and wish she had all the free time back. Then again, she would remember how she’d spent all the free time, and doubted she’d regret not reading more.
“Just out of curiosity,” Alicia said after the barest of pauses, “why the sudden interest?”
Bess cocked her head quizzically. “What makes you think it was sudden?”
The woman laughed. “I could sort of tell. You didn’t have that New Age look about you. I figured something had to have triggered your sudden interest in the other side.”
“I’m not sure, really.” The lie tripped off her tongue without effort. “It just seemed interesting.”
The shopkeeper nodded as though that made sense. “Sometimes it happens that way. I got my first taste of my interest in the metaphysical from an Ouija board.”
Bess had been studying the display of smooth rocks in the bins across the front of the counter, but looked up at once at Alicia’s revelation. “Really?”
“Yep.” She nodded again. “I was at a party one summer back when I was in college. This girl and guy were doing it and I swear I felt a chill all the way up and down my spine. It was the first time I ever really believed in spirits.”
Bess’s own spine tingled with a chill. “So then what?”
Alicia shrugged. “I started studying. Decided to learn more about Wicca…discovered I had a real talent for the runes. It was a pretty life-changing experience, now that I look back on it.”
The spit in Bess’s mouth had dried, but she managed to say, “Do you remember the name of the guy? And the girl?”
“I didn’t know the girl,” Alicia said, “but the guy’s name was Nick.”
Bess let out the breath she’d been holding. “What would bring a spirit back?”
Alicia’s laughter faded, though a faint smile still remained. “Strong emotion, probably.”
“Like love?”
“Yes. Or anger, or hatred. But love, too.”
Bess looked again to the piles of smooth, tumbled rocks. “Do you believe in an afterlife?”
“I do,” Alicia said gently. “Do you?”
“I didn’t.” Bess looked up. “I mean, I wasn’t sure. I never thought about it. I wasn’t sure I believed in God.”
“And now?” Alicia broke off a twig of rosemary from the pot behind her, and the shop filled with the fresh, pungent scent. She handed it to Bess.
Bess ran the feathery sprig through her fingers and lifted it to her nose. “I’m still not sure. But if there is an afterlife…wouldn’t it be a better place for a spirit than being stuck here?”
“I’ve heard people refer to spirits who remain here after they should have gone as being imprisoned,” Alicia said. “But then again, some choose to stay, for whatever reasons. I’m not entirely knowledgeable about exorcisms or cleansing rituals, but I’ve known people who’ve shared space with spirits for years without harm. My neighbor swears she’s got a ghost in her apartment, but it never does anything but rearrange the pillows on her couch.”
Bess smiled faintly. “That’s not exactly the sort of thing I was thinking about.”
“Let me do a reading for you.” Alicia came around the counter. “C’mon. I’ll do a three-rune draw. A quickie.”
“Oh, I don’t know—”
“It won’t tell you the future,” Alicia said gently. “Usually, readings don’t even tell you anything you don’t already know. But it can help clarify what you do know. Put things into focus.”
“I guess I could use that.” Bess laughed and followed her to the back room, where Alicia motioned toward chairs and a small table. The she lifted a velvet bag, the contents of which clinked as she did so. “Pick three. Put them faceup on the table.”
Bess did.
“This is Nied. It represents the past,” Alicia said, pointing. “But it’s reversed, so that means you made a mistake. But the next rune is Dagaz, which shows me you’re dealing with the results of choices you made in the past, some for the better and some for the worse, but you’re letting go of them. You’re growing. The choices you made work together to make the whole. Even the negative has added up to the positive present. And this final one, the future…” Alicia trailed off, studying the runes, then looked up at Bess. “This is Uruz, and it’s upright. It can represent strength. What I’m getting is that you’re going to have to make another choice, one you’re not sure is a mistake or not. You’ll be uncertain, but in the end, you’ll prevail. You have the strength to do the right thing.”
Bess bit down hard on her lip and couldn’t answer for a minute. Then she nodded. She looked up at Alicia and smiled. “Thanks. This helped a lot.”
“I hope so,” the woman said. “You can come back sometime when we can do a longer reading, if you want.”
Bess stood. “Thanks. I might do that.”
But she really didn’t need to, she thought as she waved goodbye and headed out of the shop. Headed home. Alicia had been right. She didn’t need the runes to tell her what she should do.
At home, her cheerful greeting did nothing to dispel the dark and quiet of the house. On the deck, a candle burned. Nick’s shadowed form hunched in one of the deck chairs. The breeze swayed the candle flame, but didn’t blow it out.
Bess let herself out the sliding-glass doors to the deck, where she slipped onto the chair behind him and put her arms around him. Her chin fit just right on the curve of his shoulder. She breathed him in, the scent of sand and sea.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey.” He half turned his head to let her kiss his cheek. “Did you get what you needed?”
“Connor’s going to buy them with his discount and leave them with Robbie.”
“Okay.”
“Have you been sitting out here a long time?”
“Just a few hours.”
Bess heard the smile in his voice and pinched his sides lightly. Nick squirmed, laughing, and turned to pull her across his lap. She didn’t fight him.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
He didn’t answer for a few minutes. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just…”
He trailed off. She waited. When he didn’t speak, she stroked his face. “What?”
“It’s the ocean,” he told her. His eye
s looked far away, past her shoulder, over the deck railing. Across the sand.
“What about it?” Concerned, Bess put herself in his line of vision.
Nick’s gaze cleared, but slowly. “Nothing. It’s just loud tonight. Isn’t it?”
Bess tilted her head to listen. “It sounds fine to me.”
Nick shook himself lightly. He came back to her, bit by bit. His smile didn’t quite chase away the chill sweeping over her, but it helped.
“You want to go for a walk with me?”
Her stomach was rumbling, a familiar faintness washing over her at the lack of food. “In a few minutes, okay? I want to grab a snack.”
“Sure, sure,” Nick said absently.
She kissed him. He kissed her back, but his embrace was distracted and incomplete. Bess tried not to let it bother her. She got off his lap and went inside, where she rummaged through the cabinets for something that would satisfy her but not take too long to make. She settled for a package of peanut butter crackers and a glass of milk. By the time she went back out on the deck, Nick was gone.
Bess looked over the railing, but the beach was too dark for her to see far. She opened her mouth to call his name, but closed it just as quickly. Instead of yelling, she took the stairs to the sand.
He stood at the edge of the water, looking out. When Bess came up beside him and slipped her hand into his, he didn’t move. His hands, for the first time, were cool.
“It just goes on and on, doesn’t it?” he said without looking at her. “It doesn’t end.”
Bess looked out, trying to see what he saw. “It does end, Nick. Somewhere, the water ends.”
His fingers curled in hers. “I wasn’t talking about the water.”
And because she was a coward, Bess didn’t ask him what he’d meant. She was pretty sure she already knew.
CHAPTER 38
Then
A day had never passed so slowly for her, but finally five o’clock arrived, and Bess was out of the shop as soon as Ronnie came in. She didn’t even bother saying goodbye, and when Eddie tried to catch her attention on her way out, she brushed him off in her haste to be gone. She felt bad about it, yes she did, but not bad enough to stop and listen to what he had to say.