by Sarina Dorie
“What do you think will happen if you control it?”
“I’ll stop blowing things up and electrocuting people.”
“Except when you want to.” He said it slowly, as if I were dense. “You’ll stop blowing people up unless you want to.”
“So, you’re saying you think I don’t want to control my affinity because I’m afraid I’ll want to kill people with it?”
“Do you think you’ll want to kill people?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I don’t want to kill anyone. I’m not going to become like my mother. I don’t want people to think I’m like my mother.”
“What if you need to? What then? Are you saying you aren’t going to defend yourself?” The kindness in his voice evaporated, replaced with vehemence. He sounded like he had when he’d told me about Alouette Loraline’s death, bitter and resentful. “Would you rather die because you’re afraid what people will say about you if you fight back?”
I turned away, not wanting to answer. He didn’t understand what life was like when everyone hated you and thought you were evil. Then again, maybe he did.
“How do you not let it get to you?” I asked. “The things people say? I’m a teacher, not a student anymore, but it still hurts just as much as it did when people gossiped about me ten years ago.”
“You get older, and you get tougher. With time and experience, you’ll grow a thicker skin. In the meantime, you will need to fortify yourself against your weaknesses. If Derrick should try to kill you, will you be able to defend yourself?”
I gaped at him. “Why would he try to do that?”
“Even with my wards and counter spells, the Raven Queen has a hold on Derrick that grows stronger every day. If she should command him to kill you, are you prepared to do what you must?”
I couldn’t answer that question. My heart felt as though it was dying when he talked about killing Derrick. He’d been so close when I’d gazed at him through the mirror. He’d been drawing my face. He didn’t look like someone who would hurt me.
Or perhaps that was just what the Raven Queen wanted me to believe.
“Your affinity remains out of your control because you’re afraid of your powers. Your fear is the only ghost that has been haunting you. If you can face your fears and release your magic with control and purpose, you will master your affinity.”
“But what does that mean? Face my fears? Does that mean I have to kill people and be okay with it?”
“No.”
“Or I need to kiss someone and not electrocute him?” My gaze flickered to his lips.
“Don’t even think about it. You’ve already kissed me. Nor would I count.” The gray of his eyes reminded me of a gloomy day. “I’m not you’re Prince Charming, nor anyone else’s.”
I opened my mouth to object, though what I meant to say, I didn’t know.
He regarded me with a haughty lift of an eyebrow. “If I was, don’t you think you would have stopped being afraid of your magic after today? But you aren’t, or else you wouldn’t have had this dream.”
“You’re a master witch,” I said. “It would probably take more than a kiss to electrocute you, so there’s a lot my mind might still fear.”
His lips twisted into a wry smile. “Do you mean sexual intercourse?”
“I meant, my magic might overpower yours.” My face flushed with heat as I thought about what we’d almost done earlier.
All things considered, he wasn’t yelling at me, at least.
“Keep practicing your magic. I’ll keep working on Derrick’s curse. When the time is right, you will be reunited with Derrick. You will kiss him and have your happy ending. After that, you might be able to prove to yourself that you can control your affinity.”
“Thank you.” I reached out my arms to hug him.
“No hugging, please.” He shook his head at me. “You know I find that sort of rubbish insufferable.”
I nodded.
We sat in silence. I thought about the events of the day. There was still only one thing left to say. “Earlier when we. . . . In your office today, we both kind of . . . do you think. . . ?” I wasn’t sure what to say about it. “Are you . . . mad at me?”
“Not anymore. I forgive you.” He lifted his nose up into the air in that way he did when he was trying to look like a snob. “It seems no one can resist my good looks and flawless charm.”
We both laughed at that.
I scuffed my shoe against the carpet. “I was wondering if we could talk about what happened.”
“Siren’s magic weakened my defenses. We both lost control and recognized our errors in judgment before we did anything stupid. End of story.”
That wasn’t the end of the story. I felt guilty. He’d listened to me when I said no, but I hadn’t listened to him. “I wanted to apologize—”
The dream shifted. The room transitioned to an exotic beach that might have been Hawaii.
“Thatch?” I called. “Felix?”
He was gone. I may have faced my dragons, but I had a feeling he was a long ways from facing his. I doubted my earlier behavior had helped with that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Library Dues
Maddy’s apology was first on my list. It was Saturday, and she didn’t want to get up out of bed or face the day, but I insisted.
“I could write him a note to apologize. That would make us both less uncomfortable,” she said.
This, coming from the girl who had faced werewolves, unicorns, and sirens the night before?
“No,” I said firmly. “You are going to apologize in person with me as a chaperone.”
Maybe it was because of what had happened the night before and that I’d been there in her greatest moment of need that she didn’t argue with me. Glumly, she followed me to the dungeon.
Unlike normal teachers who took the weekend off to enjoy themselves and get out of the school, he sat in his office, his expression grim as he prepared lessons for the following week. His scowl deepened when he saw us.
“Can we come in?” I asked. “Maddy has something to tell you.” I fought the instinct to put a hand on her back and push her forward. The less I touched her, the easier it would be for her to control her affinity.
He set his quill aside and folded his hands over the wooden desk. I rarely observed him give anyone this much attention.
Maddy stared at her feet. “I’m sorry I tried to seduce you and use my magic on you.” She scuffed one shoe on the ground. “I did it because—well—because you were the only man I respected, but Miss Lawrence helped me realize that wasn’t a very nice thing to do to someone I cared about. I’ve decided I don’t want to be like the other sirens. I want to control my magic. I don’t hurt anyone or use them.”
“Good for you. I appreciate your heartfelt apology. I have spoken with Miss Periwinkle about her being your new mentor. You’ll study with her in the library during your open periods.” His gaze flickered to me. “It would be best for everyone if you spent less time with those who draw out and intensify your powers.”
She nodded and sniffled. She glanced up at me, the well of sorrow inside her overflowing. I pushed down the instinct to hug her and handed her a tissue instead. My heart broke at the idea of not getting to be there for her anymore, but I knew this was for the best.
“Let me just say one more thing before you leave, and this will be my final word on the subject.” He cleared his throat and sat up taller. “You are a nice young lady. You can be very sweet and considerate, and I can see you care about others. I hope you will forgive yourself for being young and still learning about the world and yourself. You are far too young and idealistic and . . . too young for me.” He looked at me when he said it.
My soul felt as though it shriveled up as he did.
Maddy stared intently at her feet, her hair a curtain that fell into her face and hid her from view.
He smiled kindly. “I am not interested in having a relationship with you. Nor will I ever desir
e such a relationship so long as you are my charge and my student. We all make mistakes, and I can forgive this. The key is to avoid repeating the same mistakes.” His lips twisted into the shadow of a smile, a darker ghost of happiness that he might once have felt in another lifetime.
I got the message.
Hailey was next on my list.
I stood beside her in the library. She held the stolen library book in her hands.
The moment she started to grumble, I put up a hand to silence her. Like magic, she stopped complaining. She might have respected me before, but I didn’t think she would have allowed me to force her to undo her previous deeds with an apology before last night.
I nudged her closer to the desk where Miss Periwinkle stood stamping the cards in the back of library books that had been returned. Her eyes were dark and droopy with fatigue. It had been a late night for her, and I suspected she rose earlier than I did on weekends.
“Um,” Hailey said.
“What?” Miss Periwinkle’s tone contained enough venom to petrify me—and I wasn’t even the one in trouble.
“I, ah, um. . . .” Hailey looked to me.
Miss Periwinkle stacked the books up and set them on a wooden cart next to the desk. “Well? Did you burn another book?”
“No,” Hailey said. “I took something from the library without letting you . . . um . . . check it out first.”
That was putting it mildly. I tried not to laugh at Hailey’s attempt to downplay her theft.
“Just put it in the stack.” Miss Periwinkle waved a hand at the piles of books she was checking in.
Hailey sighed in relief. She dropped the book on the counter and leapt back, everything in her posture telling me she was about to run. Not that I blamed her.
I snagged her arm. “Not so fast.” I was careful to hold on to her sweater and not touch her skin, but I didn’t know if that would make me less likely to transfer my energy to her accidentally. “Tell Miss Periwinkle what book you took and where you got it.”
This got the librarian’s attention.
“I might have found it in your office,” Hailey mumbled.
Miss Periwinkle peered around the mountain of literature and found the leather-bound book.
“It was you!” Miss Periwinkle’s voice turned scratchy and hoarse.
“I’m sorry,” Hailey said. “I shouldn’t have taken it off your desk.”
“Sorry you got caught.” Miss Periwinkle hugged the book to her chest, her wrinkled fingers smoothing over the worn surface. “Ten points from your team. And I’ll be talking to your advisor about this so we can come up with a suitable punishment for you.”
Hailey glared at me, yanking her arm away. “Are we done here? I’ve got a Saturday detention to serve in the greenhouse with Grandmother Bluehorse.”
The moment I let her go, she bolted.
“I’m proud of you for coming clean,” I called after her.
Miss Periwinkle unlocked her office with the keys.
“I told you I hadn’t stolen any library books,” I said, grinning.
“Indeed. You did.” Miss Periwinkle smiled.
I felt like I’d made a breakthrough. She’d come with me to save Hailey and Maddy because she’d seen how much I cared about them. Maybe she wouldn’t hold my mother’s ill deeds against me, and we could be friends.
Miss Periwinkle beckoned for me to follow her into her office. I did so, expecting her to apologize for accusing me of being a thief. She used a key and then a magic spell to unlock the case of forbidden books. I skimmed the titles: Blood Mages of Ancient Times, Necromancy for Business and Pleasure and the faded words of one looked like it said How to Serve Man—Not Just a Cookbook.
Previously when Miss Periwinkle had accused me of stealing the book, she’d implied I had taken it from her locked case. Hailey had said she’d taken it from her desk. Considering Hailey’s repertoire of magic that didn’t involve fire was limited, it made more sense she wouldn’t be able to get into the case. If the book had been on the desk, did that mean Miss Periwinkle had been reading the forbidden book?
“So, why does the library have books that are locked up?” I asked. “Who gets to read them?”
Miss Periwinkle pointed a finger at me. “Not you. Forbidden knowledge shouldn’t fall into the wrong hands.”
So much for the librarian becoming my bestie.
I crossed my arms. “But you get to read those books. So that makes you the right hands?”
She aimed her wand at the door. It closed behind me with a thud, making me jump. The office was smaller than Thatch’s, and the bookshelves around the desk made it more crowded. Miss Periwinkle stepped closer, wand still in her hand.
I stumbled back, but there wasn’t anywhere to go.
Her eyes narrowed. “I know what you are. You’re like your mother.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t kill people.” I tried not to. Didn’t she understand? I was trying to be a good person. Hadn’t she seen that last night when we had saved the students?
“You have powers like hers. You draw out other people’s affinity,” Miss Periwinkle said. “I had my suspicions, but last night you dispelled any doubt in my mind.”
I couldn’t deny this, considering what she’d seen and how I’d amplified her powers. Lamely, I kept shaking my head. “I’m not evil.” I fumbled for the doorknob behind my back, but it was locked.
“I know. You’re just trying to be good and help people. Like she did.” She waved a hand at her face. “Your mother did this to me. You want to be good and helpful. You can undo this.”
“I don’t know how to do that kind of magic. I only just learned how to stick posters to my walls and warm myself.”
She stepped in closer. “You don’t need to know any spells. All you have to do is hold my hand. I’ll perform the spell while you intensify my magic.”
“This doesn’t sound like a good idea. It didn’t work correctly the first time when Alouette Loraline gave you her magic. Why would you think it’s going to go any better this time?”
“Fine.” She smiled a little too sweetly. “You don’t have to help me. I’ll simply tell Jeb what you are. I’ll tell him you’re a Red affinity, and you’ve been using forbidden magic. He’ll be forced to fire you and report you to the council—if the Fae don’t snatch you up first.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Beauty and the Blackmailer
I’d always gotten the wicked-witch vibe from Miss Periwinkle. Not that I wanted to stereotype her just because she wore animal skulls on her hat, but I should have taken that as a giveaway. She would be the kind of Witchkin who coerced and blackmailed me about my affinity.
I could help her or risk her telling Jeb—and all of the Unseen Realm—about what I was. Neither option was ideal. But if I helped her, I might be able to undo a wrong my mother had committed—or make it worse.
I sucked in a lungful of air and tried to calm myself. “Okay, I’ll help you, just—let me get Professor Thatch first. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”
“No,” she said firmly. “We are not getting Mr. Thatch or anyone else involved in this.”
“If I do this, will you promise not to tell anyone about my affinity? You’ll do that Wiseman’s Oath spell?”
“Of course. Whatever you want.” She waved her wand over the empty wall across from her desk. It shimmered and changed color. The bricks were replaced by a wooden door that creaked open. It could only open partway with her desk and chair blocking it. She shoved me through the door and navigated in after me.
We strode though a short passage that opened into a studio apartment. Sunlight streamed in through the skylight and the windows high up in the wall. Plants hung from the ceiling in baskets that made it feel like a forest canopy overhead. Stacks of books as high as the ceiling hid the brick walls, making the room feel like a courtyard made of book trees. On the other side of the room, Thatch’s painting leaned against the wardrobe next to the bed. A bunch of un
lit candles rested on stacks of books on the wooden floor.
I stared in wonder at the bedframe made of books and the cushioned chair next to the fireplace. Words danced and undulated across the surface of the cushions. I recognized a quote from The Picture of Dorian Gray: “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself. . . .” I caught another line scrolling across the armrest: “And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” I thought I remembered that from The Great Gatsby.
My awe at the magic was second to what I noticed next. The most incredible detail of all was that unlike my room, Miss Periwinkle had a kitchenette and a private bathroom through a door to the side.
There were no mirrors here. No surprise.
My foot kicked a candle. It rolled across a giant chalked spiral on the floor. Miss Periwinkle tsked. Candles were placed at intervals along the spiral. I recognized the Fibonacci sequence in the arms of the nautilus she’d drawn. I bent to scoop up the candle.
Miss Periwinkle jabbed me in the side with her wand. “Don’t touch anything. This took all night to prepare.”
No wonder she looked so tired. Drawing all the arms of the nautilus coming out of the center point would have taken time. Miss Periwinkle took me by the shoulders, walked me through the spiral to the center and sat me down.
“Don’t say anything. I need to concentrate,” Miss Periwinkle said. She lit the candles one by one.
“This isn’t going to hurt, is it?” I asked. I didn’t want her to think I was like Thatch with pain magic. Then again, she might be oblivious to his affinity. She hadn’t blackmailed him into helping her recover her lost youth. But she had read books about the affinity. “Just so you know, I’m not that kind of Red.”
“Shh.” She sat down beside me, taking my hands in hers.
I tried not to touch the chalk or the candles with my butt. I prayed Miss Periwinkle wasn’t going to drain me. My mother’s journal had said people could steal a Red affinity’s powers that way. But maybe that wasn’t her intent; she simply wanted me to intensify her powers like I had the night before.