by T. A. White
Don't even think about it. Jost will throw us both off the ship if you damage any piece of it.
Ilith bared her teeth, the thought of another cold dunking as she ungracefully flailed about in the water was unappealing.
"Dragons are nearly as good at swimming as they are at flying," he told her. "Next time fold your wings close to your body. It'll be much easier."
There wasn't going to be a next time, because Ilith wasn't going back into that hell pond.
Ilith let herself be soothed by the feel of her potential mate's hand along her neck and side as the sun heated her scales. She ignored the stares and hushed voices as she flopped onto her side, stretching out so the sun could warm as much of her as possible.
Ryu sighed but didn't say anything, keeping the rest of the two-legged creatures away from her as she sulked. Eventually she snoozed, her concern over her failure fading as the rocking of the ship lulled her into sleep.
*
Tate woke in a nest of blankets, the coiled rope for the masts acting as her bed. Memories of what had happened came rushing back to her.
She sat up, tugging the blankets around her to protect against the chilly wind blowing off the water. She flicked away a stray piece of fish tail from Ilith's last meal.
"You're awake." Ryu's voice came from the darkness.
Tate lifted her head, not spotting him until he moved out of a shadowy spot against the side of the captain's cabin.
It was nighttime, the moon high above.
Ilith must have relinquished her hold because the sun was no longer out to warm her. Ilith shared Tate’s extreme dislike of the cold.
"I'm assuming training didn't go according to plan," Tate said.
His lips quirked. "Yes, your dragon's inability to fly was most unexpected. It was humorous until she refused to transform back and then started crying for food."
Tate cringed. Yes, she remembered something to that effect. Her dragon had no shame.
The crew had taken turns setting their day's catch in front of Ilith before scuttling out of the way and watching with interest as she devoured it.
"How angry is Jost?" she asked.
He wasn't one to welcome disturbances in his crew's efficiency and Ilith had gone out of her way to create problems. She'd acted like a truculent toddler denied a treat.
"He'll get over it," Ryu said, moving silently across the deck to stand at the rail beside her. "Just expect to take some ribbing in the meantime."
"I guess I deserve it," Tate said. It'd be no different than her last time on the ship. The crew tended to pick and prod, behaving like an overgrown family whose only goal was to nettle you about your greatest weaknesses.
Ryu's chuckle was warm, the sound of it brushing against Tate's senses like heated velvet. "I've never seen anything quite as funny as your dragon trying to fly. She looked like a newborn."
Tate sighed in resignation. "She's not exactly the most graceful of beings."
Ilith's voice was quiet in Tate's head. She was too busy resting from her active day to take umbrage with the insult.
"It's cute," Ryu said.
"Not exactly how I would describe it.”
Cute wasn't a word that should be used in association with a ruthless killing machine, a deadly creature capable of inspiring kingdoms to send out their most lethal warriors in the hopes one of them could defeat the dreaded beast at their doorstep.
Yeah, cute definitely wouldn't be her first choice of adjectives.
"I quite like it," Ryu said, propping his chin on his hand. "Too many people associate the dragon with death and destruction. One look at yours makes it hard to hold onto the old fears."
"Until you get a look at what she did to the monster who attacked us," Tate said wryly.
Ilith was bumbling and easy to underestimate, but Tate had a feeling that would be a mistake. She'd torn the monster apart in seconds and left it in pieces on the ground. Ilith always held the potential for great destruction, hilarious antics aside.
Tate couldn't ever forget that. She had a feeling if she did, she'd find herself neck deep in bodies.
"When you transform, are you in control or is the dragon?" Tate asked a question that had been bothering her for a while.
She knew for Thora, his dragon had complete control while he was just a bystander. It was the same for her and Ilith.
"It's a little different for everyone," Ryu said, glancing down at her. "For me, it's more like I become the dragon. My thinking patterns and instincts change, but at our root we're no longer two separate individuals. We're one. Sometimes his desires edge out mine or vice versa, but we're always partners."
Tate thought she understood, just a little. Ryu had managed to achieve some balance with his dragon, or perhaps because his dragon wasn't as old as Ilith, Ryu was the more dominant of the pair.
For her, she didn't think it would ever work that way. Ilith was too fully her own individual to ever meld fully with Tate. They might achieve a harmony of purpose but they would always be separate entities.
"Do you ever regret becoming dragon-ridden?" Tate asked, looking up at him.
Framed in the moonlight, Ryu looked almost ethereal. He was a handsome man, his profile strong and masculine, but here in the silvery light, the ocean waves a soft song, he was more. He was magic and lightning and everything mysterious.
He was quiet, his face creased in thought. "That is a difficult question."
Tate waited, the shadows of the night embracing her.
"I miss the life I might have had before my family was killed," he said finally, staring out across the water. "Dragons largely walk this world alone. Many fear us. Those who don't and who aren't among the long-lived races pass from this world so quickly."
Tate held her silence, her stomach dropping as he said everything she'd feared. One of the reasons she had never let herself fall into a relationship with him was the fear he didn't want her for herself. He wanted the potential she held.
As a female dragon-ridden, she'd never grow old and she'd never fear what he was. He’d always be safe with her.
But he might not ever love her, and that was something Tate wanted with all her heart. She deserved to be someone's moon and stars, not a partner they had to settle for because it was the only option they had.
"Still, there's something to be said for this life." Ryu’s lips curved in a small smile that hinted at things Tate could only guess at. "I've seen more wonders and amazing things than I would have if I’d remained as I was. And flying—there's nothing that compares."
Ryu glanced down at her, his enigmatic gaze pinning her in place.
"I don’t regret becoming a dragon. The only thing I'd change is the death of my family. Everything else I'd leave the same," he said, his voice a silken caress.
His gaze burned into Tate's and her lips parted as she fought for something to say. Since waking with no memory, she'd been cautious about getting close to others. Night and Dewdrop had somehow finagled their way into a spot in her heart, but everyone else was held at arm's length. Ryu included.
She didn't want to chance falling for someone, only to learn she'd left a love behind she simply couldn’t remember. That would lead only to heartache.
Since discovering everyone she knew and loved was long dead, that reasoning had fallen by the wayside.
Still, something held her back, kept her from closing the gap between them.
She wanted him with a ferocity she didn't know was possible. There'd be no way to cross back from that line, if she was wrong.
So, she remained stuck in place—yearning, wanting, but unable to gather the courage to try.
The moment stretched out between them. Both of them trembling on the brink.
A muttered curse escaped him. He reached out and pulled her to him. Her chest brushed his as his lips closed on hers.
It was like someone had dipped her in pure electricity. The small leash she kept on herself snapped and she pressed closer, meeting his intensity wi
th her own.
His arms crushed her to him as passion whipped through them. Tate felt filled near to bursting, unable to get close enough no matter how she tried.
The opening and closing of a door let out a rush of sound.
She jerked back. This wasn't the time or place for such things, tempting though he may be.
He read the thoughts in her expression before she could say them. "Next time I'll make sure my timing is better."
A small chuckle escaped her and she buried her face in his chest. "You assume there will be a next time."
"I can promise there will be," he said, the words sounding like a vow.
It was a change from the last time, when he'd promised to wait as long as she needed.
A shift had occurred between the two of them. He was patient for now, but she sensed it wouldn't be long before that changed, anticipation making the chase all the more interesting.
Tate stepped reluctantly back, a small smile playing on her lips. It was harder than it should have been, leaving him alone in the moonlight. A huge piece of her wanted to linger and explore, delve deeper into this thing between the two of them.
Instead, she headed for the door to the lower deck where her quarters were, stepping through and pulling it closed behind her.
She stopped abruptly, feeling her heart lurch, when she realized Jost was standing there.
“Captain,” she said, giving him a cordial nod as she stepped past him. She internally cringed as she did so. The last person she wanted to see after Ilith’s antics was, of course, the first one she ran into.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Jost said.
Tate paused and shot him a questioning look, coming to a stop. She’d planned to, but this chance encounter made further avoidance impossible now.
“Are you really still that angry over what you perceive as my betrayal?”
Tate hesitated, facing him fully. This wasn’t a conversation she’d ever wanted to have—especially not in the corridor of his ship.
“I know you didn’t betray me,” she finally said. “You were just doing your job.”
She turned to go.
“Yes, I was.”
“Glad we have that settled.” Tate took a step toward her cabin.
“But you still don’t trust me,” he stated.
Tate stopped and sighed. Guess they weren’t done with this topic after all.
She faced him with forced patience. “What makes you say that? I’m on this ship again. If I really didn’t trust you, would I be here?”
He clasped his hands behind his back as he met her eyes. “I watched you very closely while you were on the Marauder. I know your tells. You hold your friends from the Marauder at a distance now, and you’ve been avoiding them.”
“I’m not avoiding anybody,” Tate argued. She didn’t know where he was going with this.
“It’s not a big ship, Tate. Yet you’ve managed to only say a few words to both Riply and Danny. You’ve been more friendly with Trent, but admittedly it’s a lot harder to avoid him once he’s set his mind on becoming friends.”
Yes, Trent did tend to resemble an overly large puppy—one it was exceedingly difficult to wound without feeling like a monster.
“I made my amends with them months ago,” she said.
She’d let go of the past—for the most part.
She’d been telling him the truth earlier. She knew he hadn’t betrayed her in the strictest definition of the word—simply because she’d never had his loyalty to begin with. She’d always been his assignment. Her emotions might have been involved and she might have thought her relationships with Danny, Riply and him were different than they actually were, but Jost had always known the truth.
It was a small distinction, but an important one. In his place, she’d likely have done the same. She’d been an unknown entity, possessing a powerful weapon in the form of Ilith. He’d needed to make sure she wasn’t a threat before bringing her back to the empire.
Still, he may have had a point about her trust. It was hard to pick up the reins of their former relationships after everything that had happened.
Because although they might not have technically betrayed her, it certainly had felt that way.
She knew, even now, if one of Jost’s handlers instructed him to act against her, he’d do it. He might not like it, but he would protect the empire’s interests. Same for all of them.
For that reason alone, she could never go fully back to what they’d once been.
“I have no doubt you think you have. You might even believe you’ve let things go,” he said. “But I don’t think that’s the case.”
“If Danny or Riply have something to say, they can come to me themselves,” Tate said. She was done with this conversation and the feelings it was dredging up.
“Did you ever think they might have been equally scarred by what they had to do?”
Tate looked away as his question hit home.
“We walk a difficult path. Sometimes we do things that don’t feel right but are necessary,” he continued.
Tate watched him quietly, waiting for him to get to the point of all this.
Jost glanced at the closed door, his shoulders tightening. Realization shot through Tate. He’d been the one to open it, breaking the moment between her and Ryu. Why?
“Ryuji is a good man. In many ways, he’s the greatest man I’ve ever known,” Jost said slowly.
Tate knew this. Ryu was complicated, his motivations sometimes hard to understand. He operated too often in the shadows, which made him hard to trust, but he did so with the best of intentions.
“His loyalty will always be to the Emperor,” Jost said, his expression as sympathetic as a man with Jost’s background would ever get. “He might want to be what you need, but he will always act for the Emperor first and everyone else second.”
He finally moved, setting one hand on her shoulder. “Decide what you need to be happy and what you can bear. You deserve to be someone’s priority. I sincerely doubt Ryu will ever be able to give you that.”
His warning delivered, he moved past her down the corridor, leaving Tate to stare blankly at the wall. The bubbly feeling from earlier deflated, leaving nothing behind but the cold grasp of reality.
CHAPTER FIVE
The port of Auburn was as different from that of Aurelia as one could get. Small fishing boats dotted the bay and surrounding ocean, their nets cast wide as the Marauder sailed past. Unlike Aurelia, where ships were expected to weigh anchor and send smaller boats into the docks, Auburn was set up so you could moor your ship at a dock.
The city had an ageless grace, red and beige buildings standing sentry over impossibly blue waters. The roofs were flat with roof top gardens spilling greenery over the sides.
The wide, arched windows and complex networks of interconnected balconies created another layer of allure. Tate had a feeling it would be a struggle to keep Night from exploring those balconies and gardens.
The Silva’s senses were nearly as perceptive as his. They'd know if the bearcat decided to wander through their territory. The last thing she needed was to upset anybody when she didn't have to.
The pace of life along the docks was more relaxed, with none of the clamor and din Aurelia was known for. The people wore vibrant and colorful clothing that fit in with the rest of the atmosphere.
Despite the curiosity at being in a new city, one very different than her own, Tate gripped the railing tightly, trying to control the flutter of nerves in her belly. Sometime in the last few weeks, nervousness had set in.
Between flying lessons with Ryu and etiquette lessons with Roslyn, Tate had realized how totally unprepared she was. Bravado and confidence only carried you so far.
Right now, both felt distant from her.
Have you ever been here before? Night asked from where he sat beside her.
"Once." Dewdrop folded his arms over the railing and plopped his chin onto them. Despite his stomach finally calming afte
r a good two weeks at sea, he was thinner than he'd been when their journey began. He'd only just started to regain the weight he'd lost and looked almost fragile as a result.
"The Silva aren't as prejudiced against the Avertine as the human settlements. My people have always enjoyed a warm welcome in their lands. As a result, we have many routes that travel through Silvain. A few even reach this far west," he said.
"Don't be surprised if their welcome has changed in the past few months," Tate cautioned.
The Avertine's role in the incident in Aurelia wasn't widely known. The majority of them hadn't been willing participants, but there were those among them who shared the same culpability as the Black Order and the guardians. It would be within the Silva's right to call in a blood debt, and since the Avertine weren't in good standing with the empire, they had little protection against the Silva's reprisal.
Dewdrop's nod was grim but accepting. He knew more than most how gray this area was. His own family had exiled him to save him after he’d stumbled onto what was going on, but that didn't take the sting of rejection from him.
Tate glanced over to find Blade disappearing down the gangplank. He didn’t look back or raise a hand of acknowledgement, not even as a goodbye.
“Should I be worried?” Tate asked as Ryu joined her.
“You should always be worried when Lyre is involved,” Dewdrop grumbled.
She sent him a quelling glance. After pulling a face, he fell silent and pretended to busy himself taking in their surroundings.
Ryu’s gaze was thoughtful as it met hers. “Your guttersnipe is correct. It’s always wise to treat Lyre and those of his ilk with extreme caution.”
Tate narrowed her eyes. That wasn’t really an answer.
“But in this case, no. He has other business in the city. We were simply a convenient way of getting him here,” Ryu said.
“Why not book his own passage on a ship?” Tate asked suspiciously.
There was more to this than he was telling her. As usual.
It reminded her uncomfortably of the conversation she’d had with Jost the night she’d kissed Ryu, something she’d been determined to put out of her mind until she had time to sift through her feelings on the matter.