“It’s not me that has something to say,” Parvaneh answers. “Ferdous doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. She’s already made her decision. She isn’t a child. If there is something she wants to discuss, she should say so.”
Nadereh starts to say, “She’s not a child, but she’s stup…” then stops halfway through the word she is about to utter. She looks at Ferdous, who is chewing her nails.
Ferdous says, “I’m sick and tired of my life.”
Her eyes are fixed on Nadereh. She puts her arms on the table, lowers her head onto her arms and sobs. The sound of the telephone drowns out Ferdous’s sobs.
Parvaneh hurries to the telephone and mumbles, “That must be Mahasti, my poor baby. She wants to come back home.” She lifts the receiver. The look on her face changes into a smile. After a few words, she says goodbye and puts the phone down. Turning around, she smiles brightly and says, “It was Ghobad. He told me that Frida is running a fever and she can’t have the operation until her fever goes away. It won’t be necessary for Ferdous to go to the hospital right away.”
CHAPTER 6
PARVANEH AWAKENS TO THE SOUND of the telephone. Mahan isn’t in bed, and she thinks he might have gone to answer the phone. The ringing is incessant and disturbs the womblike coziness of the bedroom. Parvaneh’s thoughts turn to Mahasti as she fumbles for the receiver. She is relieved to hear Ghobad’s voice and asks quickly, “How’s Frida?” Ghobad’s reply is laboured, and she can tell he is straining to control his emotions. He says in a trembling voice, “Frida’s gone.” At first Parvaneh misinterprets Ghobad’s words. She is about to ask, “Where?” when she hears him sobbing on the other end of the line and realizes what he means. She recalls his call from the previous night, saying that Frida was running a fever. Parvaneh’s confusion is quickly dissipating as she returns to full wakefulness. Ghobad sobs as she asks, “What happened?”
“Frida’s gone. She’s gone forever,” Ghobad mumbles, and he cries bitterly.
Parvaneh says, “I don’t understand. How could it have happened so fast?”
Ghobad seems not to have heard the question. He chokes back his tears and says, “Excuse me for waking you so early in the morning. I wanted to talk to Mahan. If….”
Parvaneh calls for her husband, panic in her voice. She remembers they argued last night after Nadereh and Goodarz had left. This time she calls louder: “Mahan!”
She hears her voice echoing in the stairwell. Still, there is no answer. She tells Ghobad, “Hold the line please, I’ll call him. He’s not in the bedroom, and I don’t know where he is. Perhaps….” She climbs out of the bed, and tucking the phone between her ear and shoulder, she opens the door to the bathroom and peers inside. Mahan isn’t there. She calls him again, and, talking to herself, wonders where he is. To Ghobad she says, “I don’t understand. What’s happened to Frida?”
“She passed away an hour ago,” he replies. “The doctor says it was a stroke.”
Parvaneh is stunned. “No, that’s not possible.” Still in disbelief, she says, “This can’t have happened.”
“Sorry, sorry,” Ghobad mumbles. “I have to go. If Mahan…” There is further mumbling, then Ghobad whispers, “Sorry, I have to go,” and cuts the connection.
Parvaneh stares at the phone in her hand. She can’t believe what she’s just heard. She wants to call the hospital, but she can’t remember the number. Slowly she goes down the stairs, the phone still in her hand. In the living room, Ferdous is sleeping on the sofa.
Last night, Parvaneh tried to wake her up and send her to the guest room, but she refused to go. She has the blanket draped over her, but half of the blanket has almost completely slid to the floor, and Ferdous’s head is bent at an impossible angle. Traces of the lipstick she had smeared over her mouth remain. Her breathing is laboured, like she is stuffed up from a cold. Mahan is still nowhere to be found. The humming of the fridge is the only sound to disturb the early morning silence. Glancing at the clock on the stove, she sees it is six-fifteen. She opens the door to the backyard. The weather is damp and cool, and the sky is grey. Mahan isn’t out there either. Her anger at him starts to return. She still has the cordless phone with her. She dials Nadereh’s number. After a few rings, it goes to her voicemail. Nadereh’s greeting is short, like the sentences she sometimes doesn’t finish. Parvaneh mumbles, “Damn!” Surprised at her vehemence toward the recording and her growing anger toward Nadereh, she waits for the voicemail message to finish. Coldly, she states, “Frida passed away. And….” She doesn’t know what else to say. She is halfway down the basement stairs when she asks herself, “Why am I going down here?” But she continues to descend. The basement is dark and gloomy, but Parvaneh can see Mahan asleep under the basement window, on the leather sofa they picked up at a garage sale.
Quietly, Parvaneh approaches him and puts her hand on his head. When Mahan opens his eyes, Parvaneh asks, “Have you been sleeping here all night? Didn’t you hear the telephone?”
He doesn’t respond.
“Ghobad just called,” Parvaneh says. “He said that Frida’s gone. I didn’t believe him. I was half asleep. It’s true, though. He wanted to speak to you. What are you doing down here?”
Mahan stands up. He glances out the window and says, “It’s already morning.”
Parvaneh still has the telephone in her hand. She says, “We have to go to the hospital.”
Ignoring Parvaneh, Mahan starts up the stairs, and she follows him. Mahan slips into the washroom and closes the door firmly behind him. Parvaneh tries the handle of the door; it is locked. Inside there is the noise of running water. She returns to the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed. She replays last night’s argument in her mind. She remembers the looks Mahan had exchanged with Nadereh, and she feels a twinge of jealousy. She tries not to allow her mind to wander along those lines.
Back in the bedroom, Mahan continues to ignore Parvaneh and goes toward the closet. Parvaneh is sitting on the edge of the bed; she’s hurt by his behaviour and she doesn’t want to accept that he is still annoyed with her. In earlier days, it was always Mahan who made the first overtures after a conflict; he would always say that when two people can talk and understand each other, there was no reason to argue or fight. Our annoyance with each other has never lasted more than a few hours, so why can’t he step forward and break the ice this time?
Last night’s argument comes to her mind again. Why didn’t she stay in the kitchen to talk to Mahan? Why, instead of confronting him, did she act like a spoiled child, and run off to bed and pretend to fall asleep? Why does he blame her? Is it her fault that she wants to help people? She wants to help Ferdous but she cannot allow her to live in their basement apartment. Ferdous gives her enough trouble, and if she comes to live with them under the same roof, she fears that Ferdous would become a real burden. Mahan should have understood her feelings, but instead he said she wasn’t genuine about helping people. He accused her of living a lie. He called her a hypocrite, and said he admired Nadereh and Goodarz, who were honest and generous to people and to themselves as well.
Thinking about last night makes her feel angry and ashamed of herself. However, she eases her own guilty feelings by reminding herself that whenever Mahan is angry or upset with he, he always sulks for a while, and it isn’t uncommon for him to not sleep in the same bed with her. As Mahan is leaving the bedroom, she says, “Wait. I want to come with you.”
Without looking at her, he states, “You and Ferdous can come later. I have to go and see what Ghobad needs. He might….” He leaves without finishing his sentence.
When Mahan closes the front door behind him, Parvaneh bursts into tears. She can’t figure out whether she is crying for herself or for Frida. But her thoughts are mostly occupied by Mahan and Nadereh. She has a feeling that Mahan is leaving and not coming back. Angrily she says aloud, “That bitch! I’m not going to give her the satisfaction of….
”
She is once again surprised at her vehemence. She mumbles to herself, “Nothing happened. Why am I mad at Nadereh? It should be Ferdous I’m mad at.” She hurries down the stairs. Ferdous is still asleep on the sofa. She sleeps with her head resting on her arm, her hair draped across the side of her face. Her mouth is half open, and she snores lightly. For a moment, Parvaneh looks at Ferdous, not knowing whether to wake her and thinking to herself, “What’s she still doing here? Should I get rid of her? If Ferdous hadn’t been here, I could have gone with Mahan.” It crosses her mind to leave Ferdous on the couch and just get in the car to follow Mahan. But she doesn’t really want to go to the hospital; she just wants to talk to him. She still can’t believe that Frida is dead. It is as if she is dreaming. She imagines when Mahan returns he will saying something like, “Ghobad likes to make mountains out of molehills.” Then she remembers Ghobad sobbing on the phone.
She goes to the living room and walks toward the sofa where Ferdous is sleeping. A quiet moan escapes from Ferdous’s lips. Parvaneh sits on the edge of the sofa, reaches out, and gently shakes Ferdous’s shoulder, saying, “Ferdous, honey, wake up, we have to go.”
Ferdous doesn’t move. Her moaning turns back into snoring. Parvaneh shakes her and tries again, a little louder this time. “Ferdous!” Ferdous wakes up and looks at Parvaneh through sleepy eyes. She says nothing; she is confused and disoriented. Parvaneh says, “Sorry to disturb you, but…”
Parvaneh is not sure whether Ferdous is fully awake. Parvaneh stares at her closely and wonders if she should tell her about Frida’s death. Frida’s death?
Parvaneh abruptly gets up and goes into the kitchen, tears coursing down her face. She remembers Frida and her magical dancing feet—how she could thrill everyone! She climbs back upstairs to get dressed. She thinks of leaving Ferdous at home. She has to accept the fact that Frida is gone.
Back in the living room, Ferdous is sitting up and staring into space. When Parvaneh comes downstairs again, she says, “I had a dream that there was a fire in your house. Mahan and Mahasti died in the fire, but you were screaming and crying when they rescued you. The sound of the fire truck woke me up. Did you hear anything?”
Parvaneh sits beside Ferdous and prepares to break the news to her.
Ferdous looks at Parvaneh and asks, “Do you think that Nadereh is right? Am I making a mistake? Last night I dreamed they took both my kidneys and I was going to die. Do you think…?”
Parvaneh puts her hand on Ferdous’s shoulder and says, “My dear…”
“Is something wrong?”
“We have to go to the hospital. I’m not sure yet. I don’t know anything. We just have to go to the hospital. Mahan’s already gone and we have to go too.”
“If nothing’s wrong, why are you dressed all in black?” Ferdous asks.
She breaks down, suddenly dropping her head onto the pillow. Sobbing loudly, she cries, “I don’t want to give my kidney to Frida. Nadereh is right. They don’t care about me, they only want my kidney.”
Angrily, Parvaneh says, “Sweetheart, you don’t have to.”
Ferdous sits up straight and says, “What’s wrong with you? You call me sweetheart all the time. I hate you, I hate all of you. Nadereh is my only true friend. All of you want to use me.”
Parvaneh stands up and says, “Are you coming with me or not? Hurry up. It’s already too late.”
Ferdous calms down and wipes the tears from her eyes. She gets up and goes to the washroom. A few minutes later she returns, her hair still messy and the smear of lipstick still on her lips; she looks even more pitiful than usual.
Parvaneh says, “Couldn’t you even comb your hair and wash your face? We’re supposed to…” She doesn’t continue. She’s wondering how to get rid of Ferdous. Frida’s death overshadows her thoughts. Parvaneh feels even angrier than she did last night after the argument with Mahan. She isn’t sure if it’s because Mahan slept in the basement, or because Ferdous is still in her house, or whether Frida’s sudden death is causing her to lose control. It is as if a voice inside her is warning her that with Frida’s death, the sanctuary that is her home is threatened, too.
Absentmindedly, she leaves the house and climbs into her car, then leans her head back and closes her eyes for a while, wondering what she will do with Ferdous when she reaches the hospital. I’ll leave her with Nadereh, she thinks, then mumbles out loud, “I have to go to Farnaz’s place and get Mahasti, too.” The thought of Mahasti brings a smile to her face. My poor baby, I was too busy to get her last night. Tonight I’ll make it up to her. We’ll all be together again, Mahan, Mahasti, and me. He is right. I shouldn’t concern myself with other people’s affairs. I can’t do anything for them anyway; I just cause more trouble for myself.
She parks the car close to the hospital. Ferdous has fallen asleep again in the back seat. Parvaneh jerks open the car door to wake her up. Ferdous opens her eyes and looks at Parvaneh, puzzled, as if she doesn’t know where she is, then slowly gets out of the car. Parvaneh takes her arm and leads her into the hospital. Ferdous asks, “Where are you taking me? I don’t want to donate my kidney to Frida. I wish she was dead.”
Parvaneh drags her along and says, “You don’t have to donate your kidney. Don’t you remember last night when Ghobad called and said that she wasn’t going to have surgery today?”
When they reach the hospital entrance, Ferdous suddenly stops and says, “I’ll wait here until you have a visit with Frida and come back down. Tell her I have a cold and I don’t want to give it to her.” She turns and walks toward the coffee shop.
Waiting for the elevator, Parvaneh suddenly remembers she doesn’t even know which floor Frida is on. She worries that if she goes back to the reception area to find out, Ferdous might see her and change her mind about coming with her. Instead, she shrugs her shoulders and steps into the elevator, gets out at the first stop and makes her way to the nursing station. The young woman behind the desk sends her to another ward. At the end of the hallway, Parvaneh sees a crowd standing around a door. As she strolls toward the group, she recognizes Ibrahim and Sussan among them. She can’t see whether Mahan is in the crowd. As she is searching for him, Ghobad comes out of the room. His son and daughter are hanging onto him on both sides as if they are afraid to let him go. Parvaneh hugs the three of them and sniffles. Not allowing herself to cry, she wipes the tears from her eyes and asks Ibrahim about Mahan. Nadereh isn’t there either. She fights back the thoughts that are taking shape in her mind. When the crowd leaves and Ghobad and the children are alone, Parvaneh steps close to him and whispers, “Mahan came to the hospital early this morning. Have you seen him yet?”
Ghobad says, “He was here. But he didn’t stay long. He didn’t say whether he’d be back or not.”
The idea that he may have gone to Nadereh’s is eating away at her. Ghobad asks, “Have you heard from Ferdous? She told me that she was going to spend the night with you before the surgery.”
“Yes, she stayed with us. I brought her to the hospital with me. She went to the coffee shop and I hurried on up.”
Another group arrives, and Ghobad greets them sadly, accepting their condolences. Back in the lobby, Parvaneh doesn’t see Ferdous anywhere. Glad to be rid of her, she goes to her car and calls home on her cellphone. The call goes to voicemail. Then she dials Nadereh’s number and gets her answering message. She gets into the car and drives directly to Richmond Hill.
Hassan invites her in and follows her into the kitchen. It is nine in the morning, but no one is there.
“Isn’t anyone up yet?” she asks.
Farnaz comes into the kitchen, wearing a colourful robe with big red, yellow, and orange flowers over her nightgown. Her hair is pulled back and tied at the back of her head. When Parvaneh sees Farnaz, she covers her face with both her hands and starts to sob. Farnaz rushes to her and hugs her close, asking, “What’s wrong, honey? Wher
e’s Mahan?”
Parvaneh wipes the tears from her eyes and answers, “It’s all my fault. Mahan disappeared early this morning. I’m not sure if he went with that girl….”
Then she notices her mother has come into the kitchen and is staring at her questioningly. “What’s wrong?” she asks. “Why are you crying?”
Parvaneh looks at her mother and says, “This morning, Ghobad called and said Frida passed away.”
Mother gives her a shocked look and says, “Passed away? No! When? The poor woman!”
Farnaz says, “Wasn’t she supposed to have surgery today? Wasn’t Ferdous donating her kidney?”
“She never got a chance to have the surgery,” Parvaneh says. “Last night Nadereh khanum tried to convince Ferdous not to donate her kidney, but in the end the poor woman didn’t even last till this morning.”
“You shouldn’t condemn Nadereh just because Frida died,” Mother objects.
Parvaneh, ignoring Mother, says, “I’d told Ferdous to come to my place and spend the night before the surgery. I asked Nadereh to accompany Ferdous to the hospital, too, just so she wouldn’t be by herself.”
Farnaz says, “This is your own fault. How many times have Mother and I told you not to get mixed up in other people’s business? You didn’t listen to us.”
Parvaneh interrupts her angrily. “Do you think I like it? It’s my job.”
Hassan, who has been standing back, not saying a word, speaks up. “At least you shouldn’t bring your job home with you. I have to tolerate my wife’s job at home and put up with her customers, but you don’t have to.”
Farnaz turns and looks at Hassan, who still has his coffee in his hand and is leaning on the counter. His hair is dishevelled and his striped white shirt is stretched over his belly. She says, “I have to work from home. If you earned more money, I wouldn’t have to work so hard to cater to people’s high expectations.”
Mother asks Parvaneh, “So what caused Nadereh and Mahan to become Layli and Majnoon overnight and run away?”
A Palace in Paradise Page 8