by Noelle Adams
This is happening.
I’m having sex with Courtney. After so long.
I’m still myself, and she’s still herself.
And it’s better than anything I could have imagined.
“Courtney,” I say on a taken breath.
Her smile transforms into something softer and fonder as she gazes down at me. “Yeah. This is happening.”
She might as well have just read my mind.
She pulls her tank top over her head, baring her breasts to my view. They’re full and firm and rosy-tipped, and I gape at them like a horny teenager. She giggles as she wiggles out of her shorts and underwear. She has to get off me in the process, and I turn on my side and prop up on one arm.
“Do you want me to use a condom?”
She shakes her head. “I’m on birth control, and I’m healthy. I haven’t had sex in more than a year.”
“Me either.”
“So I’m good if you are.”
Our gazes hold across the distance between us. Then she drops her eyelashes in a look that’s almost shy.
It’s the very last straw for me. A wave of need overtakes me, and I move over her, sinking into a kiss and straddling one of her legs with mine. She kisses me back with the full force of her passion, wrapping her arms around me and holding on tight.
I’ve lost track of specific moves now. I know I kiss my way down her body, teasing her breasts and sliding my fingers between her legs. She’s hotter and wetter than I dared to hope, and she rides my hand shamelessly until I feel her coming all around me, her inner muscles clenching rhythmically around my fingers as she makes a soft sobbing sound.
I can’t believe I made her come so easily. I can’t believe she’s so responsive to my touch.
She’s still gasping as her body softens. She’s got her fingers tangled in my hair.
“Are you ready for me, Courtney?”
“Yes. Please. Now. I’ve been ready forever.” She’s parting her thighs to make room for me, so I reposition my body between her legs, bracing myself above her with one hand and using the other to position myself at her entrance.
She bends her legs as I push into her. She’s hot, wet, and pliant, and she seems to suck me in. I hear her ragged intake of breath. Her knees are bent up high now on either side of my pelvis.
I’m holding myself very still because she feels so good, so tight, so perfect that I’m sure I’m going to lose it.
She holds still too for a minute, but then she starts to shift beneath me, rolling her hips just a little and arching her back.
I blink a few times until I can focus down on her face. “Are you okay, honey? Is this comfortable for you?” The last thing I want is for me to take what I want if she’s not enjoying it too.
She makes a weird sound that I realize is a laugh. She pulls me down into a quick hug and says into my ear, “You’re the sweetest thing. You know that, right?”
“Really?”
She laughs again. “Yes, really. This is better than comfortable for me. It’s hot as hell. Exactly right. Now kiss me again, and we can see what we can do together.”
I do as she says. How can I not since it’s exactly what I want to do myself? As we kiss, I start to move my hips in slow, steady thrusts. She matches my motion. All the pleasure inside me tightens.
We keep it up for a while, kissing and rocking together slowly. I put more of my weight on my knees so I can slide one hand up and down her soft thigh.
Eventually the need is too much, and I have to speed up. I take her harder and faster, and I feel her arch up beneath me with a throaty cry as she digs her fingers into my lower back.
“Oh fuck, Courtney,” I mutter, my hips moving so vigorously I’m shaking the whole bed. “You’re gonna come, honey. I can feel you.”
“Yeah. Oh yeah.” She’s making soft little grunts as she tries to ride me from below. She’s completely uninhibited in her pleasure. She’s holding nothing back. “Ship-ley!”
She comes on the last syllable, her body shuddering through the release and her channel clamping down hard around me.
I bite back an outburst of pleasure as my rhythm gets hard and jerky. I push one of her knees in toward her shoulder. Our skin is slapping together. She’s still choking on those sobbing sounds, like her pleasure hasn’t yet diminished.
Then climax hits me like a tidal wave, and I lose it completely. My vision whites out, and my body jerks helplessly as the spasms rip through me. They last a long time, and I can’t stop groaning as I come inside her, giving her everything I have.
She moves her hands back up to my head, and she’s stroking my hair gently as I collapse on top of her at last. I catch the brunt of my weight just in time. She’s too small for me to lie on top of that way. I turn us over onto our sides, and it’s nice because we’re still tangled up together.
I kiss her softly. When the kiss breaks, she nuzzles my neck and nestles against me.
I never knew sex could feel like this.
I never knew anything could feel like this.
I’m so sated and so happy that I almost fall asleep.
Something jars me awake though. The memory of last night, of Courtney telling me that there’s a guy she’s interested in.
She didn’t want me yesterday. She wanted someone else.
Which means this is... what?
She made me promise that I’d never want to fuck her. And I just did.
I just did.
She obviously wanted it too. There’s no doubt about that. But if I’m not the one she wants for a romantic relationship, then what the hell is going to happen with us?
The questions bombard me, panicking me so much that I’m hit with a wave of nausea. I untangle myself from her quickly, roll out of bed, and stumble into the bathroom naked.
For a second I think I might actually throw up, but I don’t.
I stand in the bathroom with the door open, bracing myself on the fake-granite surface of the sink.
It was just yesterday she said she wanted someone else.
How am I going to survive if she meant it, if she hasn’t changed her mind?
“Shipley.” The soft voice comes from doorway of the bathroom. She moves closer, putting a hand on my back.
I jerk away from her touch abruptly.
“Shipley, talk to me.” She’s already put back on her tank top and shorts. Her hair is a tangled mess around her face.
Talking isn’t my instinct when I’m hurt and scared like this. Withdrawing is always what I want to do. But Courtney is too important to me. I try to get the words out. “You... you said...”
She waits without speaking, moving one hand very slowly until she’s rubbing the back of my neck.
I try again. “You said that... that there’s a guy you...” I can’t finish the sentence, but I don’t need to.
Her body tenses up beside me. “Oh my God, baby, you still think I was...”
I turn my head toward her with a jerk. I see her expression—a tight mingling of fondness, amusement, and guilt. And I suddenly—finally—understand something.
My eyes narrow. “You little sneak,” I breathe.
She covers her mouth in a failed attempt to hide her giggle. “I really wasn’t trying to be sneaky.”
“What the fuck, Courtney? You just about killed me! I went through more than twenty-four hours of torture. Why the hell did you do that to me?”
She must realize there’s part of me that means it because she’s not laughing anymore. She takes my face in her hands and meets my eyes. “I never meant to do that. I came over yesterday to tell you how I felt. For real. How I wanted our relationship to change. How I was finally ready. But then... but then I got scared.”
“Scared of what? Nothing in the world would have made me happier.”
“I didn’t know that. Not for sure. I started to say it, and you just automatically assumed I was talking about some other guy. And then you looked so calm, so unconcerned. Like it didn’t matter to you t
hat much. And I was so scared that maybe I was wrong about... about us. That maybe this wasn’t what you wanted. So I chickened out and made up that ridiculous story. I thought maybe if we tried to go out on a real date, even if you didn’t know that’s what it was, maybe I could feel out whether there was something really here or if I was just making it all up.”
I believe her. I see exactly how it happened. And if I was in her place, I might have done exactly the same thing.
But I need a bit more confirmation before I can release the wave of joy that’s almost crested in my heart. “So there’s no guy? No guy you’re interested in?”
“There is a guy,” she says, dropping her eyes and then slanting me an enchanting little look. “But the guy was always you.”
I make an embarrassing sound as I pull her into my arms. The hug is tight, desperate. It turns into a sloppy kiss until I finally gather her up in my arms and carry her back to the bed.
I lay her down and then snag my pants from the floor, pulling them on before I climb in beside her. I stretch out on my back and pull her over so she’s lying on top of me. She kisses my neck and shoulders. I stroke her hair and her back.
“So this is real?” she asks, lifting her head to check my face. “It’s for good?”
“Yes. It’s for good. There’s never been anyone else for me.”
“Me either.” She’s still pressing little kisses against the pulse in my throat. “I love you like I’ve always loved you, and I also love you like this.”
“Me too. I love you in every way it’s possible to love. Surely you already knew that. You really didn’t know how gone I was for you?”
She giggles softly. “I thought maybe... I hoped so. I would sometimes catch you looking at me in a way that made me think you were... seeing me as more than a little sister. I’d catch these hot, soulful looks. But you never said anything. Even after that night when I came to your bed and I tried to make it clear I was ready to move on, how I didn’t want to hold back anymore, you still didn’t say or do anything. I’ve been practically throwing myself at you, and you still did nothing.”
She sounds a bit peeved about that, so naturally I have to defend myself. “You made me promise to never ask to fuck you. What was I supposed to do?”
“That was ages ago. But I was hoping maybe that’s why you were holding back. So I finally decided I needed to just come out and tell you. But then I got scared. I was so afraid of ruining what we have. You’re the most important person in the world to me, Shipley. Even if we never got together like this, you’d still be the most important. I couldn’t stand to lose you.”
My throat is closing up from the emotion, from the pure earnestness of what she’s telling me. “That’s exactly how I felt. It was too big a risk. I had to keep you in my life even if it was never in all the ways I want you.”
She stretches up to kiss my mouth, sweet and unfocused. “So you don’t think of me as a kid anymore, right?”
I choke on the surprised amusement. “Uh, no. I should think that was more than obvious in what we just did.”
“Okay, good. Just making sure. I would have hated that.”
I slide my fingers through her long hair. “I haven’t thought of you as a kid since... ever. I never really thought of you as a kid. I just did my best to try to.”
“Good. I’m glad it was a failed effort.”
“When did you stop thinking about me as a big brother?”
She smiles against my shoulder. “That would be that very crowded bus ride we took to the movies. You remember that?”
“Of course I remember that. It’s burned into my brain. I was having a panic attack because I was getting turned on.”
“You were not! I thought you were claustrophobic.”
“That was just the excuse I used so you wouldn’t know how unbrotherly I was feeling.”
Her body shakes with her amusement. She’s idly scraping her fingernails up my side. “I didn’t know that. You have no idea how sleazy I felt, suddenly all aware of your manliness for the very first time when I thought you were having a real panic attack. I kept telling myself it was a brief aberration and I wouldn’t feel that way again.”
“But you did?”
“Yeah. I did. Occasionally at first and then more often. For the past year, it’s been all the time. All the time. But it was never simple for me. Even though I was attracted to you, I didn’t think I could... We could... be anything else. I wasn’t ready.”
I lift my head so I can kiss her temple. “I know you weren’t.”
“I still had a lot of growing up to do.”
“It wasn’t growing up, Courtney. It was healing. And I had a lot of healing to do myself. I was waiting for you, but I was also waiting for myself. It’s only now that we’re both ready.”
She raises herself up slightly so she can meet my gaze. Her eyes are big and soft and hopeful.
And it’s the strangest feeling because, for once, I know exactly what to say. And I’m not afraid to say it. “I don’t regret a single second we’ve had together. We were what the other needed, when we needed it, every step of the way. The greatest thing that’s ever happened to me has been having you in my life. Getting to have sex with you as well is just an added bonus.”
A couple of tears stream out of her eyes as she listens. Her face twists with emotion, but she says with a lilt, “It’s a pretty good bonus.”
“No argument here.”
“I guess this is where CourtShip was headed all along.”
I chuckle. I know I’m smiling like a fool. But Courtney is lying on top of me, and I’m finally allowed to hold her, touch her, love her exactly as I want. “So let’s see where it goes from here.”
WE FINALLY GET OUT of bed around lunchtime on Sunday. We hang around and enjoy our sappiness for a while until Courtney decides she wants to get out and stretch her legs.
So we get dressed and wander around town until we end up in the coffee shop where April works. She’s behind the counter this afternoon, and Tish, Kelly, and Todd are sitting at a nearby table. We greet everyone, order our coffees, and then go to sit down with them.
Courtney is almost in my lap, but the booth is crowded with all of us squeezed in, so no one seems to think anything is unusual.
Part of me wonders if Courtney might just announce to the others that we’ve had sex, but she doesn’t, and I’m certainly not going to bring it up myself.
In some ways it’s not going to change much in our friend group. Tish was right last month. Courtney and I were already a couple.
Kelly is looking for a new job, and we talk out some of the possibilities with her. It’s still amazing to me that I have friends like this, people who genuinely know and like me.
And it’s doubly amazing that I can have friends and have Courtney too.
She’s shifted as we talk, draping her legs over my lap and leaning against my shoulder. She’s wearing shorts today, and my hand is holding on to her bare thigh, occasionally stroking it as we sit.
At one point, I glance over and see that Tish is watching me. Her eyes move down to my hand, holding Courtney’s thigh, and then back up to my face.
I know what she’s thinking.
I give her a little twitch of a smile.
This must confirm to her that she’s allowed to ask the question. In a lull in conversation, she asks, “So is there something you two need to tell us?”
“About what?” I ask blandly, trying very hard to keep a straight face.
Tish arches her eyebrows. “About all that touchiness going on in that side of the booth.”
Everyone turns to check out Courtney and me, and their expressions change into surprised excitement.
Courtney laughs and hides her face in my shirt as I wrap both arms around her. When she raises her head, I kiss her among the hoots and applause of our friends.
They’re all happy for us. They tell us they’ve been waiting for us to get it together for ages.
It’s only
then that I know for sure that this is real, this miracle has happened to me.
Three years ago, she was crying on the floor in front of my door about a television show that betrayed her.
And today...
Today she is mine.
Epilogue
Next year
WHEN THE SHOW WE’RE watching ends, I get up from the couch to go to the bathroom and stretch my legs, leaving Courtney to look through upcoming episode descriptions on the streaming service.
For the past week, Courtney and I have been watching through a several-year-old spy show from the beginning. She’s seen it before while I haven’t, and occasionally she’ll want to skip an episode she doesn’t like.
When I return, I check my phone, which has been on the kitchen bar because Courtney gets huffy when people play on their phones instead of focusing on whatever they’re supposed to be doing.
She’s frowning as I return to the couch.
“What’s the matter? I was just checking messages. I promise the phone isn’t going to take over.”
She’s wearing thin knit sleep pants and a tank top, and she looks particularly soft and curvy this evening with her messy hair and peeved expression. “I know. That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
“We can watch one more episode. Then I have to stop with this show.”
“What? There’s still a season and a half left.”
“I know, but I’m not going to watch the rest of it. I prefer to pretend the show stops here and the rest of the episodes don’t exist.”
I think for a minute before I realize the problem. “Ah. You mean they don’t stay together?”
“No. They break up.”
“And they don’t get back together at the end of the show?”
“Nope. He goes off with rando ex-girlfriend. It’s ridiculous. So I pretend the series ends with the next episode.”
I chuckle and pull her against my side in a one-armed hug. “I see.”
“You can keep watching if you want. I’m sure the rest of it would be okay if you don’t mind the writers destroying their own characters’ happiness.”