“Now get your alcohol ridden ass out of my room and in the shower. Find out what he has to say.”
He turned on his side and pulled the cover over his head. More confused than ever, I stepped out of Heath’s room and glanced down the hall at my own door. I didn’t think there was a chance in hell Reagan would want me the way I wanted him. I’d already walked away from him once in my life because of my secrets, I wouldn’t do it again. If anyone was going to leave, it was going to have to be him.
I went in the bathroom and turned on the shower. Maybe Heath and Mari were right. Keeping a part of who I was locked away wasn’t helping anyone. Even the songs I wrote had taken on an edge. I’d chalked it up to what the fans liked. I told Mari before that I didn’t want my personal life to hurt Jaded Ivory. Didn’t mean I had to keep Jackson and Monty in the dark. They deserved to know, no matter who I was or wasn’t involved with.
The tile was cold on my feet as steam filled the room. I reached for my toothbrush first. God, I needed to stay the hell away from tequila. Nothing good came of it. After popping some ibuprofen, I stepped under the warm spray. The hot water beat down on me, driving away some of the hangover. The ibuprofen helped with the rest. By the time I reached for the towel I felt almost human again. There was a low throb in my head, but that was about it. After some water and greasy food, I would be right as rain.
My hand covered the door handle and froze. I came to the shower empty-handed, which meant I now had to walk back to my room with only a towel around my waist and Reagan waiting. If he didn’t already want to run, he would now.
I sighed and pulled the door open. There wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it now. I didn’t want to wait any longer to hear what conversation he wanted to have. For a brief moment, I thought about hiding in Heath’s room again, but he’d only kick my ass out. Time to pull on my big boy pants and face the consequences of my actions. I pushed through my door and found Reagan sitting on the edge of my bed where I’d left him earlier.
His dark hair was tousled like he’d been raking his fingers through it and for a moment I was jealous of those fingers. What I wouldn’t give to run my fingers through his thick locks and see just how soft they were. I shut the door behind me, moving directly to my dresser. The least I could do was pull on a pair of boxers before this whole situation got any more awkward.
I opened the drawer, searching for something to wear, when two arms boxed me in. I could feel the heat of his chest against my back.
“What are you—”
Reagan grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. Before I had a second to process what was happening, his mouth was on mine.
Holy shit.
Reagan, the man I’d wanted my most of my adult life, had his mouth pressed to mine. It wasn’t a dream. Reagan had his lips pressed to mine.
What was he doing?
He’d lost his mind. Then his tongue moved across my bottom lip and I ceased to think at all. My lips parted, his tongue slipping between them to tangle with mine. I moved my hands up his chest and into his hair. The texture was softer than I imagined. How could I have forgotten what his felt like? Desire pulsed through every nerve ending. My body was on fire. This man, this very straight man, was kissing me.
That thought brought me back to the present. This was a really fucking bad idea. I placed my hands against his chest and shoved him away.
“What are you doing?” I panted, trying to get my body under control. There was no hiding the erection the simple kiss caused with the flimsy bath towel around my hips.
“Kissing you.” The words were so simple and yet so foreign my brain had trouble processing them for a moment.
I skirted around him, grabbing a pair of boxers on the way by. With the towel still around my hips, I yanked them up and kept my distance from the temping man in front of me. “And why do you think that’s a good idea?”
“You’re telling me you don’t want my mouth on yours?”
I shook my head. “How much did I have to drink last night?” I couldn’t fathom a situation where Reagan was the one trying to seduce me.
He took one step forward and I took one back. “More than you needed, but alcohol has nothing to do with this.” He moved his finger between the two of us.
“I think it does. Or did you forget somewhere between last night and this morning you don’t like guys?”
“I like you.”
Oh, fuck. I wasn’t strong enough for this. “As a friend.”
He took another step forward. I matched him step for step until my back hit the far wall of my bedroom. I glanced around the room, trying to figure out a way to escape. Apparently, I was in the Twilight Zone. That or a really bad horror flick and I was the next poor schmuck to die. “Would you stop trying to get away from me?”
I threw my hands up in an attempt to keep him an arm’s length away from me. “I will not let one bad decision ruin our friendship. I did that when I left.”
“You won’t ruin our friendship.”
CHAPTER 19
Reagan
Sawyer clenched his eyes shut. His back planted firmly against the wall. I had the feeling if he could move through it he would. I probably shouldn’t have kissed him without talking to him first, but something about his lean muscles drew me to him. The way his arms and shoulders tightened as he tried to keep the towel snug around his waist. I couldn’t stop myself. He tasted ten times better this morning.
His hard cock was perfectly outlined in the small towel. My hands itched to drop it to the floor and take him in my palm. Something I’d never experienced and had to understand. “You won’t ruin our friendship.”
He scoffed and looked at me. “Says the man who left in a rage last night.”
Regret filled me. I moved backward and dropped down onto the bed. “We’ve shared everything with each other from the time we were ten. And then you keep something like this from me. I shouldn’t have gotten pissed, but it hurt to think you didn’t trust me. I’m sorry I acted like a dick.”
He opened his eyes and looked at me. “So it has nothing to do with me being gay?”
“Not a goddamn thing. Do you think I would have kissed you if it did?”
He ran a hand through his wet hair. A bead of water slid down the side of his face and onto his chest. “Fine, you have a point.”
“Good. Now come over here.” I moved over, making room for him next to me on the bed.
He put his hands up. “I don’t think so. Let me get dressed and we’ll go have breakfast.”
“No. I want you to come over here.”
He shook his head. “Not happening.”
I spread my legs a little wider, adjusting my still hard cock. I couldn’t help notice the way his eyes zeroed in on my hand. The irony wasn’t lost on me that it was the straight guy trying to seduce the gay guy. Okay, maybe not so straight. But until Sawyer got his ass over here, I’d never get an answer to that question. “Why not?”
“’Cause it’s just not gonna happen.” Sawyer pushed away from the wall, walking toward his dresser.
“I want to understand.”
“Understand what?” He made a big show of pulling clothes from the drawers.
“You sure as shit know what I mean. I want to know why my dick is as hard as steel right now.”
He turned to face me and sighed. “I can’t be your experiment. I won’t be.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who says you’ll just be an experiment?”
“You’ve never been with a man and I’m supposed to assume you suddenly want to be with me?” He turned his back toward me, tugging on a pair of basketball shorts.
I could have argued with him, but I knew when Sawyer got like this, words wouldn’t be enough. I had to show him I meant it. I stood and walked up behind him, placing my hands on his shoulders. “Last night you kissed me and I’ve thought of nothing else since. There has to be a reason and I want to understand.” Tightening my grip, I spun him around to face me. “You also said you left b
ecause you couldn’t have what you wanted. Here I am, waiting for you.”
He laughed, but I could hear the tension lacing the sound. “Think pretty highly of yourself?”
I took a step closer until our bodies were aligned with one another. “Not really. Just stating facts. I know you want me.”
My eyes never left his, and for the briefest of moments, I thought he’d push me away. My fingers itched to grab him and pull him to me. The green of his eyes seemed to grow darker. His breathing sped up. A vein pulsed at the base of his neck. The silence closed in on us.
“Fuck it,” he whispered, slipping his fingers into my hair and dragging my mouth to his.
This time I didn’t wait, parting my lips and letting his tongue slide inside to tangle with mine. My heart hammered in my chest. I gripped his biceps, no fear of hurting him. The kiss was unlike any other, each of our mouths fighting for dominance over the other. Sawyer plundered my mouth, making everything else disappear. I hadn’t realized he walked us back to the bed, until the back of my knees came in contact with it. I dropped down on top, Sawyer landing on me. The weight was welcome.
He lifted his mouth from mine. “Want me to stop?”
I hesitated for the briefest of seconds. Sawyer was a man, I shouldn’t want him, but for reasons that were unclear to me, I desperately did. I pushed my doubts aside.
“No.” I was shocked to hear the rough timbre to my voice.
Sawyer punched his hips forward, his hard cock rubbing against my own. A tortured groan escaped my lips.
“No?” he asked again, a light to his eyes I hadn’t seen in weeks. The smug bastard knew what he was doing.
“Now who’s cocky?” He did it again and my hips thrust up to meet his. “Fuck, no.”
Sawyer ran his hand down my T-shirt to the hem, fingering the fabric. “Can I touch you?”
His fingers were so close to my aching shaft, I wanted to grab his hand and cover my dick with it. “Yes,” I hissed out.
Sawyer, the damn tease, ran his fingers along the edge of the shirt, skimming the skin right over the waistband of my jeans. Tired of his games, I reached behind me, drawing the shirt over my head. I tossed it to the floor and skimmed my hands down the smooth skin of his back. “Touch me, you damn tease.”
He smirked and lowered his head to my nipple. I sucked in a breath when his lips closed around it. An inferno built inside me from each simple touch. I never imagined something so simple being so erotic. “I want to touch you everywhere.”
“Fuck, if it feels that good, you can touch me anywhere.”
He lowered his hand to the button of my jeans and in the blink of an eye, he had them unfastened and was reaching past my boxer briefs to free my cock. The head bounced off my stomach, pre-cum leaking from the tip. He took hold of my cock, rubbing his thumb over the head.
“God, you’re sexier than I ever imagined.”
When he bent his head and ran his tongue over my crown I thought I saw stars. Nothing had ever felt as good as what Sawyer did to me. He had me tied in knots. He stroked once, then twice. On the third time, I couldn’t hold in the moan of desire anymore. Every nerve ending was electrically charged, waiting for the explosion.
“I need to come,” I begged.
“Your wish is my command.”
He bent his head over my crown and sucked my entire dick into his mouth. I felt myself hit the back of his throat. My eyes rolled into the back of my head. For a moment, I forgot to breathe. Nothing compared to a hot, wet mouth wrapped around your dick, but this was much more. Sawyer knew the exact pressure to drive me out of my mind. A groan left his lips, the vibrations doing even more damage to my tenuous control. The sheet bunched between my fingers of one hand, while I slipped the other into his hair, gripping tightly to the soft strands. At that point, I was along for whatever ride Sawyer wanted to take me on.
He worked my aching shaft like a master, taking deep, greedy pulls and playing with my balls at the same time. When he let my dick fall from his mouth, I almost groaned in response. He lowered his head and sucked one of my balls into his mouth. My hips thrust up, trying to get more friction on my dick.
“Impatient, aren’t we?”
Impatient? The guy was driving me out of my fucking mind. “Make me come,” I ordered.
“Bossy, I like it.”
He lowered his head again, taking my aching shaft back into his mouth and using his hand to jerk me off in this magical flick of his wrist that had my knuckles turning white as I clenched my fist in his hair. My balls pulled tight to my body, the suction increasing until I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“Shit, I’m gonna come.”
I expected Sawyer to pull his mouth and jerk me through my release. What I didn’t expect was for him to lower his mouth to the root of my shaft and suck even harder. The climax sizzled up my balls before I had the chance to stop it. Jet after jet of hot come shot into his mouth. Lifting his eyes to mine, I watched as he swallowed down each and every drop of it.
My breath came harder like I’d just run a fucking marathon as he pulled his mouth off me. I dropped a hand over my eyes, trying to get myself under control. I lay there panting. Not a chance in hell would I be able to move anytime in the future. As my breathing settled, I noticed the room was awfully quiet. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought I was alone.
Moving my hand, I saw Sawyer sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to me. Not willing to let him put distance between us, especially not after what just happened, I moved to my knees and laid my hands on his shoulders. Was it the right thing to do? I had no freaking clue, but it was the best I could come up with. The moment my fingers touched his skin he flinched.
Something still had him freaked the hell out. A voice in the back of my head yelled that I should be freaked out, but I wasn’t. Even if I was, I’d deal with it later.
When he continued to keep his back to me, I let go and moved to sit next to him. His eyes were focused on something across the room. Wrapping my hand around his bicep, I tugged on his arm, forcing him to face me. He tried to keep his gaze over my shoulder, but I wasn’t letting that happen. “Dammit, Sawyer. Look at me.”
His eyes slowly moved to mine. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why the hell not?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d just had the best orgasm of my life and he was the one regretting the decision?
“Because it was a bad idea. I knew it, yet I did it anyway.”
He ran a hand through his hair and tried to turn away again. I cupped his cheek with my hand and brought his face back to mine, pressing our lips together. For a moment, he sat frozen, his lips unmoving against mine. The second his mouth parted, I slipped my tongue inside, only for him to jerk backward out of my reach. I would have thought his ass was on fire with how quickly he jumped from the bed.
“Stop,” he said, backing away from me. “This is wrong.”
“Why is it wrong?”
“This is gonna fuck everything up for us again. I’m not sure I can handle it a second time.”
I stood up and moved slowly toward him again. I reached out to take his hand and lead him back to the bed, but at the last second pulled back. Instead, I gestured toward the bed. “Would you please come sit down and talk to me?”
He shook his head. “That might be an even worse idea.”
I scoffed. “You talk about ruining our friendship, but you can’t even sit and talk to me. I’d say that alone isn’t a good sign.”
He rolled his eyes. It was good to see Sawyer coming back to himself. “I can talk to you, just not in my bedroom.”
“Bullshit. We’ve talked plenty of times hanging out in one of our bedrooms, sitting on the bed.”
“That was different.”
“Why was it different?”
“Because…”
CHAPTER 20
Sawyer
Because… What the fuck was I supposed to say? Because I’m scared? Because I love you and want us t
o be together more than my next breath, except you’re only dipping your toes into the gay pool not even sure if you want to get all the way wet?
Warm fingers wrapped around mine. I flinched but didn’t stop him as he walked us over to the bed.
“You’re scared. I get it. I honestly can’t explain any of this. I’ve never come so hard in my life and the fact it was because of a guy terrifies me.”
I tried to stand up and move away from him once more. All the words that left his lips were exactly what I feared.
“Wait.” He used his grip on my hand to keep me there. “I wasn’t done.”
I moved my eyes to the other side of the room, unwilling to let him see the pain his words caused. Each and every one of them was like a punch to the gut. Many more and I wouldn’t be able to stand.
“I think you’ve said enough.”
He yanked me down onto the bed, rolling me until his body covered mine. I squirmed to free myself, but when our cocks rubbed against one another, it was all I could do to keep the groan from leaving my lips. Fuck, he wasn’t lying. It couldn’t be possible. He’d just come in my mouth. His dick was as hard as mine.
“Would you stop jumping to conclusions and reading things into what I’m saying. I’m not freaking out because it’s you. You’ve been my best friend for my entire life. I’m not going to suddenly push you away.”
Another shot. That one I more than deserved.
“What do you want from me?” I would be surprised if he couldn’t hear my heart pounding in my chest while I waited for his answer. Having Reagan once would never be enough. It was one thing to wonder what it would be like, it was something else entirely to know and then walk away.
“I want you to explore this with me.”
“Am I supposed to believe you suddenly want to be with a guy after finding out last night that I’m gay?”
He lowered down to his elbows on either side of my face. “I have no idea what I’d label myself. All I know is that I’ve been hard since last night when you kissed me. This morning wasn’t enough. I don’t know what any of it means or why I’m suddenly interested in a man. The only part that makes sense right now is that it’s you.”
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