He curled his body around mine, resting his head on my chest.
“I need to take care of you,” I argued, my eyes still closed.
“You can do that in the morning. Get some sleep.”
He pressed a kiss to my cheek. It wasn’t passion or desire filled. Just a sweet kiss letting me know he was still there. And that was more important to me than anything else.
CHAPTER 23
Sawyer
My palms were sweaty and my stomach rolled. I hadn’t even been this nervous when I told my parents. It didn’t make any sense that I would be this nervous. Then again, I hadn’t only told one of my parents and kept it from the other. Heath and Mari had known my secret for years. Monty and Jackson were in the dark and I had no idea how they might react to the truth. I couldn’t keep it from them any longer. I may not want the press to know about mine and Reagan’s relationship, but everyone in the band deserved to know the truth.
“Would you stop pacing?” Reagan leaned his shoulder on the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.
My feet stopped moving and I looked up shocked I’d been moving. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the couch trying to figure out what to say. A drumstick was held tightly in my hand. “I didn’t realize…”
“You know, out of the two of us, I should be the one freaking out. You’ve at least done this before.”
“This is not the same things. And besides, those were my parents. I knew they wouldn’t hate me in the end. Hell, I think they knew before I did.”
He pushed off the wall and walked toward me. “What makes you say that?”
I brushed a stray lock of hair from his forehead. “My mom mentioned the way I watched you the night I told her.”
The corners of his mouth pulled up. “You watched me?”
“Yes.” I wrapped my hand around the nape of his neck. “But you already knew that.”
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing it.”
“You’re an egotistical bastard.”
A dark brow lifted and he shrugged. “Yeah, but you knew that before you sucked my dick.”
“Woah, way too much information.”
Both our heads snapped to the kitchen door to see Mari standing there, hands raised in the air, a wooden spoon in one of them.
“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes. “Like I never had to listen to or watch you with Cole.”
“Fair enough.” She pointed between the two of us with the spoon. “Now both of you get your asses in the kitchen and help me before I forget I’m doing you a favor and leave you both to your own devices.”
“Well, at least I can cook.” I threw my thumb over my shoulder at Reagan. “He can make like three things. Hot dogs, grilled cheese, and frozen pizza.”
“I can make more than that,” Reagan protested.
I stopped in my tracks and spun to face him with my arms crossed over my chest. “Oh yeah, like what?”
“I make an unbelievable bowl of Ramen.”
“Eww.” Mari scrunched her nose up as I burst out laughing. We both knew he burned that shit every time. “That shit’s nasty. You’re not eating it in front of me.” Still grumbling, she disappeared into the kitchen.
“Ramen? Really?” I asked, still laughing.
Reagan took a step forward. “What, you don’t like burnt Ramen? Unless someone wants to cook for me more often.”
“Ha. Nice try.”
He cupped my face in his hands. “Relax. They’re your friends, they’re not going to care. If they do, fuck ’em.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fuck ’em? Is that your answer to everything?”
“When someone doesn’t see things the way I want them to.”
“I’m sure that will go over well with a judge and jury someday.”
Mischief lit his eyes. “Maybe not, but who says it will ever get to a jury?” He took another step forward, pressing our bodies together. “I can be very persuasive.”
I wrapped my hands around his wrists. “This I already know.”
“Get in here,” Mari yelled.
Intense brown eyes focused directly on mine. The heat in them drew most of the blood from my brain and suddenly I wished we were alone in my bedroom instead of cooking for the band. Even through our pants, I could feel his body harden against me. I leaned forward to take his lips with mine.
“Sawyer!”
Reagan jumped at the sound of Mari’s voice. He glanced over at the doorway. “She sounds pissed.”
That made me laugh. “She’s not. That’s her way of getting my attention.” I nodded to the door. “Let’s get in there. Since I can’t have the distraction I want, I’ll take what I can get.”
He gestured forward. “Lead the way.”
We walked into the kitchen where Mari was stirring something in a pot on the stove. She looked over her shoulder at the two of us. “The chicken is already in the oven and I’m working on the sauce.”
Reagan clasped his hands together. “Sawyer wasn’t lying about my cooking skills, but I’ll do whatever you tell me.”
She pointed farther down the counter where there sat a cutting board and knife. “You’re on salad duty.”
Reagan lifted his hands and laughed. “Fair enough.”
I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and set it next to the vegetables he pulled from the fridge.
“Oh no, you don’t get to make salad and flirt with your boyfriend. You get to make the garlic bread and pasta.”
Unfortunately for Mari my brain stopped listening at the word boyfriend. Reagan’s eyes met mine and for that moment in time nothing existed but the two of us. We’d never discussed labels or dating or anything more than being together. A relationship with Reagan? Something I wanted more than anything. That didn’t mean he would be ready to define whatever this was as a relationship. He had just accepted he was attracted to another man for the first time in his life and I didn’t want to push him. A part of me still feared him freaking out about all of this and running. My heart pounded in my chest as I waited for his reaction. I should have known better than to question him.
“You’re no fun, Mari. I like flirting with my boyfriend.”
He didn’t blink or flinch as the words left his lips. And to prove his point, he grabbed a handful of my ass and pulled me closer. He must have noticed the shock on my face because he gave me a wink and turned back to the task at hand. In a daze I walked over to the table, where Mari had already set the bread out, and got to work.
I’d just dumped the pasta into the boiling water when someone called from the front door. “Anyone home?”
Mari dropped the spoon and bolted from the room. I kept my feet firmly planted where I stood.
“Who’s here?”
I chuckled. “Cole. Mari only runs if it means getting down and dirty with him.”
Cole had been on the road so often lately, Reagan hadn’t had the chance to meet him yet. The few times Cole had been around since the season started, Reagan had been at work or home going through a case. Cole came back into the kitchen with Mari’s legs wrapped around his waist.
“For fuck’s sake, get a room.”
Mari scoffed. “I would, but I’m doing your sorry ass a favor. Besides, this is cleaner than what I walked in on earlier.”
Cole glanced down at Mari. The way the corners of his mouth curved up watching her made you realize how in love with her he was. Not for the first time I wondered if I had the same smile when I looked at Reagan. I’d be willing to bet I did. The question was did anyone recognize what it meant? Mari and maybe Heath did, but they were the only ones who knew how deep my feelings went for the man on the other side of the kitchen.
Reagan watched the two of them, then his eyes went wide. “Shit, I can’t believe I’m meeting Cole Wallace.”
Cole wasn’t an idiot and looked back and forth between the two of us. He glanced at me with a smirk on his face. “About time you met someone.”
&nbs
p; “I actually met him a long time ago. Things just finally lined up for the two of us.”
He let Mari slide from his grip and turned toward Reagan with his hand extended. “Nice to meet you...”
Reagan dried his hand off on a towel and took his hand. “Reagan Setton.”
“It’s nice to meet you. I see Mari’s put you to work.”
“He apparently has the same ability to cook as Jackson,” Mari offered
Cole’s face scrunched up and I understood the feeling. “That bad?”
“It’s pretty bad,” Reagan assured him.
I nodded. “It’s definitely Jackson level bad.”
Cole walked over to me. “Good thing you and Mari are in charge.”
Mari plunked her hands on her hips. “Who’s this you and Mari? It’s just Mari, thank you very much.”
“Fine, fine.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek. “What do you want me to do?”
Mari watched me out of the corner of her eye as she turned back to stir the sauce. “Get Sawyer a drink before his hands shake so bad he drops part of dinner.”
“I’m fi—” When I saw the movements of the colander in my hand, I knew she was right. I thought I’d pushed it all out of my head. Apparently, I’d been pretty wrong. “A drink would be good.”
Cole moved to the cabinet where we kept the liquor and scanned the contents. “How about a shot of tequila?”
“No,” the three of us practically shouted at the same time.
Cole’s head snapped around. “’Kay, no tequila.”
“Let’s just say Jose and I don’t have the best relationship.”
Reagan lifted a brow over the dark eyes focused on me. “I don’t know. You’ve had at least one good night with Jose.”
“Not sure I’d call that a good night, but I’m happy with what happened the next morning.”
Cole moved to the fridge and pulled out four beers, handing one to each of us. “So what’s the occasion? Why the big dinner?”
Mari sidled up next to Cole. “Sawyer’s finally planning to tell the rest of the band.”
Reagan brought the bowl of salad to the table and came to stand by me. Every time I looked at him, I got caught in his gaze. Being surrounded by our friends made no difference. It was like everything else in the room faded away. “I finally have a reason to tell everyone.”
“It’s time they know.” Heath stepped into the room, running a hand through his long black hair.
I sighed. “I know, I know. You both have been trying to convince me of that for years. I probably should have told them earlier, but honestly, I never thought I’d have a reason it would matter to anyone but me.”
A timer went off. Mari grabbed the pot holders and pulled the chicken from the oven, setting it on the table to cool. I flicked the water off on the pasta when I heard the front door open.
“We’re here,” Monty yelled, dragging out the words.
My breath caught in my throat. Was I really ready for this? Mari walked over and cupped my cheek. “Breathe. For crying out loud, breathe. They’re not going to care. They might be a little pissed you waited this long to tell them, but they won’t care.”
“She’s right,” Heath chimed in. “We’ll go keep them occupied and give you a few minutes to calm down.”
Mari leaned up on her toes and pressed a light kiss to my cheek. With a small smile, she followed Cole and Heath into the living room. Reagan wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. “It’ll be fine. And I’ll be here no matter what happens. Whatever you need.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and turned my lips to his neck. “Thank you,” I whispered.
We stood there for a few more seconds, when Reagan began to fidget. “I know you want to tell them, so unless you want to let them hear what’s going on between us, I think you need to get your lips off my neck and let me calm down for a moment. Otherwise I’m taking you down the hall to your room and let them hear the truth.”
The statement was so outrageous it helped settle my nerves enough that I could draw a full breath. I stepped back and ran my eyes over the room, making sure everything was done. Steam rose from the boiling pasta. I pulled if from the stove and after draining it, poured it into the pot of sauce. I moved it to the table and looked over at Reagan.
“Do I tell them now or after dinner?”
CHAPTER 24
Reagan
Sweat beaded all along Sawyer’s brow. Before long, he’d be trembling again and I didn’t know what to do to help him.
“What do you think?”
He shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”
He tried to play it off like this was him asking if they liked the lyrics to the new song he wrote. I knew better. His words and actions didn’t line up. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and drag him down the hall to his room. If I could cocoon him away from the pain people might cause him, I would. Not that I had any experience with any of this. This was all new for me and there were so many things I hadn’t considered.
For the first time in my life, I saw a man as more than a friend. And that didn’t even begin to describe my feelings for Sawyer. The easy camaraderie had been there since we were little kids, but there was a sexual attraction I couldn’t explain. Everything about Sawyer made me want to get him naked. It didn’t end there, though. This was a man I cared deeply about. We shared so much with each other, I could see those feelings growing into more than either of us was ready for.
I shook those thoughts away. Right then, we needed to deal with Monty and Jackson. I had a feeling Mari and Heath were right. They wouldn’t give a shit who Sawyer was sleeping with. They might be pissed at being left in the dark, but that would be about it. At least, I hoped they were right. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if they were wrong.
I placed my hands on Sawyer’s shoulders and massaged the muscles. “I figure it this way. You either tell them and risk them getting pissed and leaving before we eat, which means more for us.”
Sawyer rolled his eyes. “Go on.”
“Or you wait until after we eat, which means you won’t touch a bite of food until after you talk to them and most likely make yourself sick in the process.”
“Why wouldn’t I eat?”
“I know you. You’ll be too nervous.”
He closed his eyes. “You’re right.” He cracked one eye. “And you know how much I hate admitting that.”
“Oh, trust me, I know.” I chuckled, which made him laugh. When the laughter died down, I continued. “I think you tell them now. Why wait and give yourself an ulcer in the process? Wouldn’t you rather know their reaction sooner, rather than later?”
Sawyer leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. It wasn’t erotic or sexy. It was to remind me we’d take it on together.
He glanced at the door. “Let’s get this over with. If they get mad and leave, at least they’ll have time to cool off before we play again.”
“Tell them. I’ll be right here with you.”
Focusing on Sawyer’s predicament with his friends made me think of my own with my friends and family. How did I explain to them that I suddenly liked men? Not that I could say I liked all men. It all had to do with Sawyer. I hadn’t thought about what label I might use to describe myself. The whole label thing made me want to open my own bottle of tequila. Being with Sawyer didn’t scare me. It was the consequences of that decision that almost had hives breaking out all over my skin. One of the partners at the law firm turned down a case a few weeks ago because he refused to represent ‘faggots.’ I had no idea what they’d say about one working for them. Ugh. This is not what I need to be thinking about right now. I turned my attention back to Sawyer and saw he was still standing in the kitchen, staring at the door.
His back looked like a rod had replaced his spine. I stepped forward and trailed kisses up his neck. “You can do this.”
He nodded. After another moment he lifted his head and rolled his shoulders back. �
��Let’s go before I fucking drink the tequila.”
I gave him a light shove to the back. He walked to the door with me following closely behind. We stepped through and found everyone else sitting around like it was any other night.
For them it was.
Sawyer shuffled into the room and Mari’s eyes caught mine over his shoulder. I could see the way her brow creased with worry.
“Yo, Reagan. What’s up?” Monty reached out to slap hands with me.
“Nothing much, man.” I hoped I could give Sawyer a few minutes to get himself together.
“No work tonight?” Jackson asked.
Cole sat on one end of the couch with Mari in his lap. Sawyer had taken the seat next to them. For the briefest of seconds I thought about sitting with him but stopped myself and leaned against the doorway. This was a move Sawyer needed to make on his own. I couldn’t nor would I force him into it. He sat with his arms on his thighs, his head bent.
“Nope, but I have a brief due to the court by Monday.”
Monty raised his beer. “Better you than me. Best part about a music degree, we never had to write papers.”
“Don’t I wish.”
Sawyer finally lifted his head. “We need to talk.”
Silence filled the room, pressing in on my chest, making it hard to breathe as I waited with everyone else to hear what Sawyer would say. Heath sat forward on the chair.
“Dude, you don’t look so good,” Monty said, watching Sawyer. “Everything okay?”
Sawyer sucked in a breath and moved his gaze to me for a second before looking back at Monty. “Everything’s great, but there’s something you need to know. Something I should have told you a long time ago.”
“What is it?” Jackson asked, his attention completely focused on Sawyer.
His hand trembled as he ran it through his hair. I wanted nothing more than to go over and hold that hand in mine. Sawyer stood from his seat and began pacing the room. He stopped in his tracks and turned in my direction. I nodded at him, hoping to give him the courage to continue. He came over and stood next to me.
Ride Me Page 16