I could tell she wanted to keep arguing, but something made her close her mouth and keep it to herself. She nodded.
“Fine, but if you change your mind, call me, you know I’ll be there.”
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I know.”
The back of my throat started to burn. I knew it was time to get out of there before I lost it in front of the others. Without a word, I stepped out of her arms. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I walked out the back door to the car service Tom had set up when he made the hotel reservation and scheduled the news conference.
The door of the hotel room closed behind me. For the fiftieth time, my phone lit up. Another message from Mari.
“Enough,” I screamed and chucked my phone across the room, watching with satisfaction as it shattered against the wall.
Unable to keep my emotions at bay, I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, letting the tears come.
CHAPTER 33
Reagan
My desk had papers lying everywhere. A pretty good indication I had too many things on my plate. But I would not let my first solo case be a failure when I knew I could win. The pieces were all there. All I had to do was put the puzzle together. I ordered lunch an hour ago thinking food might help. It still sat in a bag on the corner of my desk.
Two years at the firm and I’d been waiting for this moment. The time when I would have a case and not have to completely rely on one of the senior associates to guide me through. I grabbed my sandwich from the bag, taking my first bite, when my cell phone rang. Setting my food down, I wiped my hands on a napkin and pulled my phone from my pocket. A quick glance at the screen told me how late it was.
I hadn’t heard from Sawyer in hours. Not completely surprising. I knew his publicist wanted to talk tour dates with the band today. They’d probably just finished up. I opened the message to see that it wasn’t from Sawyer, but Heath.
Heath: Watch this
The next message was the link to the news website. My stomach dropped. Not that it stopped me from clicking on the link. A video opened up and that one bite of sandwich turned sour in my stomach. Sawyer stood behind a podium, his gaze focused on the people seated in the chairs in front of him. Whether he realized it or not, his fingers lightly tapped out a rhythm on the top of the podium.
He greeted everyone. I wasn’t listening to a word that came out of his mouth, too busy trying to figure out what in the hell he was doing up there. Then he let the bombshell drop and you could hear a pin drop in that room. “The reality is I’m gay.”
My ass flew out of the chair, but I couldn’t stop watching the wreck happening before my eyes. Sawyer had mentioned a picture of him kissing another man.
Oh, fuck.
He’d kissed me when we were getting into the car last night. When he realized what he was doing he backed away quickly, looking around to make sure no one saw what we were doing. The place had been deserted. We thought we were in the clear. Apparently, we’d been very wrong. I held my breath, waiting for the question I knew was coming.
Was Sawyer seeing anyone?
I had no idea whether I was ready to be outed publicly, but the time to worry about it had come and gone. My reality had changed. For Sawyer’s sake I had to accept it with grace and move on. Sawyer would need me by his side when he faced down the media. And even if it tanked my career, I would be right next to him, holding his hand and doing everything I could to shield him from the bullshit.
“Who’s the man in picture?” Not exactly the question I expected, but still the same answer.
“No one of importance.”
No one of importance? I had to be hearing things. My nerves had taken control of my brain. Then he answered about having a boyfriend. The moment he said no, I knew exactly what he was doing and I had no plans on letting him. He figured if he pushed me away, I’d be safe from dealing with the hoard of paparazzi about to descend on his life. And at the same time be able to keep my job at the firm. Which wasn’t even close to what I wanted. If he had to face the masses, I’d face them with him. I wasn’t delusional enough to think we wouldn’t face hurdles. Plenty of people would hate us for loving each other, especially my boss.
Suddenly, I wanted to slam my head against the wall. I still hadn’t told Sawyer that I loved him. In his mind, I could find a woman and fall in love with her without any of the damaging consequences to my career. I glanced around my office. The simple desk and chair. A picture of my parents on one corner. Papers strewn everywhere. Would I be able to give this up if they couldn’t accept the fact I was in love with a man?
For Sawyer?
I’d give up anything.
Ignoring the mess on my desk, I grabbed my keys and went in search of my assistant. If I wanted the firm on my side through all of this, I needed to give them the courtesy of not running out without an explanation. Not that I had high hopes for that, but it was worth a shot. Bridget was seated at her desk amongst the multitude of cubicles.
“I have a family emergency to take care of. Let anyone who’s looking for me know I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Her eyes widened. Leaving halfway through the day didn’t really fit my style. I worked late. “Okay.” She nodded slowly. “I’ll take care of everything.”
“Thank you, Bridget.”
“My pleasure. I hope everything’s okay.”
“Me too,” I called out on the way out the door.
My steps ate up sections of pavement on the way to my car. The first thing I needed to know was where he went. I texted Heath.
Heath: The Homestead Hotel
Why would he go to a hotel? In the end, it didn’t matter. I knew I needed to find him and soon. There was no way I planned on letting him push me out of his life. Not without a fight.
I slammed my foot on the gas, the smell of burning rubber filling my nostrils as I peeled from the parking lot. My phone rang and I hit the button on my steering wheel to answer it. My mom’s voice filled the car.
“Reagan Michael Setton, you better start explaining why I just saw Sawyer standing up there all alone to tell the world he’s gay. Why wouldn’t you stand up there and face it with him?”
My hands tightened on the wheel. Normally, I’d be more sympathetic of her ability to jump to conclusions. Not tonight. Not when I needed to find Sawyer.
“That’s not what happened, Mom.”
“Well, that was sure what it looked like happened.”
I held on tighter, doing my best not to lose my temper on her. “I didn’t even know Sawyer was giving the press conference. Heath sent me the link when it started. I would never leave him to the wolves like that.”
“You didn’t know he was going to announce that?”
“No. I would have gone with him. Whatever happened it has something to do with the photo he mentioned. He kissed me in the parking lot of my office last night. We thought we were alone. Turns out we weren’t.”
“Oh my, poor Sawyer. Do you know where he is?”
“Yeah, Mom. I’m on my way there now.”
She was quiet for a long minute and I was curious about what might be going through her head.
“Are you going to be okay when all of this comes out?”
“I love him.” The answer was so simple in my mind, no other words needed to be said.
“Then go to him and call us if you need anything.”
“I will. Thank you, Mom.”
“Anytime, sweetheart. We love you.”
I disconnected the call when I pulled into the lot of the hotel. I’d call her back after I talked to Sawyer. Heath texted me with his room numbers and I made my way immediately to the bank of elevators on the right and took one up to his floor.
I stepped up to his door and lifted my hand to bang on it.
No more hiding. It was time for both of us to come clean.
CHAPTER 34
Sawyer
Something slammed into the door over and over again. I ignored the sound. I didn’t
give a shit who was on the other side of it. At the moment, there was only one person I wanted and I couldn’t have him.
Pound. Pound. Pound.
“Sawyer, you better open this goddamn door right now before I kick it in.”
His voice drew me from my misery if only for a second when I remembered all the reasons he couldn’t be there. I stood on the other side of the door. The pressure in my chest made it hard to breathe. But I forced myself to not reach for the handle. Not drag him inside and press my body against his to remind him who he belonged to. I clenched my hands into fist at my sides and stood my ground.
“I’m not opening the door. You need to go.”
“Open the fucking door,” he yelled loud enough that I was sure the people in the rooms next to me heard him.
“I…I can’t.” Two words. Only two words and they felt like they were being ripped from my throat.
“Yes, you can.” His voice was softer this time, but still held a slight edge.
I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. I had no words left. Hearing his voice, knowing he was on the other side of the door, was like the dagger was back in my chest and being twisted for fun. Why did the cosmos need to torture me that way?
I heard another thud against the door, much heavier than the previous sounds.
“Sawyer, please open the door.”
I told myself to be strong. To tell him I didn’t want him anymore, but I couldn’t make the lie pass my lips. Instead the truth came stumbling to the surface. “I won’t ruin your career too.”
“Is that what you think?”
Think? “It’s what I know. I can’t have you suffer for me.”
“Open the door so we can talk about this.”
“No.”
He was quiet for such a long pause, I thought for a moment he left. “Sawyer?”
I took a step back from the door. “Go,” I begged. “You can find a nice girl, settle down, and have a family. No one knows it’s you in the picture and they never need to know.”
I could hear the scoff through the door.
“Is that what you think? I’m gonna leave after all we’ve been through and find a woman to stick my dick in?”
I was hoping he could. At least a part of me wanted him to be happy. The other part I was doing my best to keep buried, so I said nothing, afraid of what might come out of my mouth next.
He sighed. “Sawyer, I’m not going to go find a girl. I don’t want them anymore. I don’t love them.”
My heart stuttered in my chest as he continued.
“I want you. I love you.”
Three simple words and nothing could have stopped me from reaching for the door this time. I yanked it open and fisted my hands into the front of his shirt, dragging him into the room.
My lips were on his in an instant, our tongues tasting each other like we’d been separated for months, not hours. I had to make sure he was real before pulling away. Positive, I pulled back and gazed into his eyes. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Sawyer.”
My eyes burned as moisture rushed forward. It seemed like I waited my entire life to hear him say those words. It was everything I ever wanted and never thought I would have. His green eyes held mine and for the millionth time I saw the small flecks of gold inside that brightened with desire. I knew that walking through that door tonight took miles and miles of courage. There was no way I could push him away now. Time for the whole truth. All of it.
“I love you, Reagan.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I covered his lips with my fingers. There was so much more he needed to know.
“I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old. I know that’s a long time to keep a secret like that. When you found out I was gay, you asked if that was the reason I left. A small part of it was, but mainly I left because I wanted you and knew I would never have you. It hurt too much to admit I was gay and that I was in love with you when I thought that love would never be returned.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat, forcing myself to continue. “You once accused me of keeping secrets from you. You’re right, I have, because not telling you the truth was so much easier than the risk of hearing you say you would never love me. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
This time, Reagan wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled my hand away from his mouth. “Now it’s your turn to listen.”
I wanted to protest, but instead I waited.
“I will never leave you alone to face this mess. When two people love each other, they don’t abandon each other when things get tough. They hold on tighter and face the challenge together. And that’s what we are going to do. No matter what it takes to save your career, we’ll do it together.” My knees weakened and I slowly lowered myself to the floor, unable to stop the single tear from tracking down my cheek. “Nothing is as bad as the thought of losing you again. I’m sorry I walked away.”
Reagan reached a hand down and pulled me to my feet, dragging me over to the sofa in the center of the room. He cupped my face in his hand and used his thumb to brush away the tear. “I know you are. I forgive you as long as you promise to never do it again.”
“You have my word. I have never felt so sick as I did the moment I told those reporters you were no one important when you are the most important person in the world to me.”
He lifted a brow. “I wouldn’t worry about that, because we are going to fix that little bit of information tomorrow morning.”
“How?”
“Heath has already been on the phone with Tom setting up an interview with Joni Taylor so you can introduce your boyfriend to the world.”
I shot to my feet. “Absolutely not. I will not let them make your life a living hell too.”
He grabbed hold of my shoulders, forcing me to stay still. “You think my life is better without you in it?”
“You’ve spent the last few years working your way up in the firm. I won’t be the reason you lose everything you worked for.” My chest ached.
He took my face between his hands and captured my lips in a kiss so sweet, it seared itself in my memory. I wasn’t sure I could survive without it.
When he pulled back, he kept hold of my face. “If I lose anything it will be because people are narrow-minded bigots. If the firm can’t accept me for who I am, then I’ll find a place that will. Braddock & Minetti isn’t the only law firm in town.”
“But—”
He took my lips again, silencing me. This time, he didn’t let go, backing me toward the wall. Right before we reached for it, I spun us and shoved him face first against the wall.
I needed him. I didn’t want to think about pictures or press conferences. I didn’t want to think about being without him. What I wanted was to fuck him until I didn’t have to think anymore.
I ran my tongue along the shell of his ear and watched the shiver run through him. “I wanna fuck you right against this wall.”
“Do it.”
I popped the button on his dress pants and yanked them down to his thighs. We could undress later. Right then, I didn’t give a fuck. I ran my finger through his crease. He was so dry, there was no way I wouldn’t hurt him. There was one way to fix that. I dropped to my knees behind him, spreading his cheeks. At the first swipe of my tongue, his ass bucked back toward me.
“Oh shit, I had no idea that could feel so good.”
I kept at him, getting his ass nice and slick. His hands gripped for purchase on the walls. I added one finger, then another, loosening him up. The sounds coming out of him almost made me come. When I knew he was wet enough and ready to take me. I stood and grabbed a condom from my wallet. After rolling it on, I lined up my cock and with one sure thrust I was balls deep in Reagan.
“Fucking move,” he ordered.
Normally I’d argue with him about topping from the bottom. Not tonight. I needed to come with this man and I’d do anything to get us there. I pulled back and slammed back in, setting a rhythm I wasn’t sur
e either of us could survive. Reagan reached down and began stroking his cock.
“Make me come.”
“My fucking pleasure.” I moved faster, if that was even possible. Two thrusts later, he erupted all over the wall, shouting out my name. I joined him in ecstasy, thankful we were close enough to fall on the bed. There was nothing sweet or romantic about what we’d just done.
It was rough and carnal and perfect.
CHAPTER 35
Reagan
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
We sat in the greenroom at the studio, waiting to be called to the set. The thought of being on television had never crossed my mind before. Yet, there I sat waiting to admit to the whole world that, not only was I Bi, but that I was in a relationship with the drummer of one of the hottest up and coming bands. To say my nerves had gotten the best of me was an understatement. I had to concentrate to keep my whole body from trembling.
I glanced over at the man seated beside me, the way our hands looked laced together, and I knew no amount of fear would keep me from standing next to this man forever.
“Yes.”
“You can change—”
I squeezed his hand, hoping he’d look at me. “Would you stop trying to talk me out of this? I made up my mind and we’re doing this.”
The last few days hadn’t been easy for either of us. While I didn’t think it was the partners’ business who I decided to have in my bed, under normal circumstances, I would’ve kept the information to myself. This wasn’t a normal circumstance and I wasn’t dating an average guy off the street. The next day I went to work and spoke with the assistant of the partner who had hired me. The meeting went almost exactly like expected.
Not good.
He told me my personal life was a reflection of the office and he wouldn’t force the clients to be represented by someone like me. I had to choose, the firm or my perverted lifestyle. If I chose Sawyer, I’d be stuck in the office with shit cases. Never seeing the inside of a courtroom again. With a smile on my face, I thanked him for the chance he’d given me in the beginning and walked out the door to clean out my office.
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