by Hua Laura Wu
“Aren’t you afraid that Situ will find out?” I asked. She shook her head. “This is strictly between you and me. That bookworm husband of mine won’t ever know.” Then it suddenly dawned on me that I had not used a condom. She assured me that she was not ovulating and so there was no need to worry. We began to make love again.
When I got back home, pretty light-headed, it was already four o’clock. I went to bed, and when I caught a glimpse of Dan sleeping sweetly, the guilt crept up on me. However, fatigue quickly overcame guilt, and I was soon fast asleep.
After that night, Ping did not come to our place as often, but I became a frequent visitor to her apartment. She regularly called me at my office late at night to invite me over. When I arrived, she would feed me a big bowl of soup. She claimed that her soup was nutritious and could boost the yang in a man. Then we would have sex without any further delay. I had to admit that she was the best partner I’d ever had. Probably as a result of being a nurse, she had a superb knowledge of the human body, and I admired her for her expertise. I love women who are graceful hostesses in the living room, excellent cooks in the kitchen, and lustful partners in bed. Dan could not compete with Ping in bed. Very soon I was as addicted to her love-making as an opium user is to the drug. I had to visit her bedroom every night, and, every time we were together in bed, I was inexhaustible and insatiable.
I was still worried, so I asked her again if she was concerned about her betrayal of her husband. She smiled and said, “How about you? We’re just having sex, and the affair won’t last. So it will not have any real impact on our respective harmonious family lives. Situ is a good husband to me. I agreed to be his wife in the first place because I liked his honesty and kindness. Also, he is from a family with money. So I will not give him up, not without good reason. Just as you will not divorce Dan. But Situ is burying himself in his studies. He got his PhD, but he is rather slow. Believe it or not, his IQ is only one hundred, even lower than mine. It is a shame that modern science can only clone sheep. If human beings could be cloned, I’d choose someone like you, both handsome and intelligent.”
I did not expect that Ping would put forward such a self-serving “theory” to justify our actions. But if she was not worried, why should I be? As long as no one got wind of what we were doing, all was fine. However, I cautioned her a number of times that we could not risk a pregnancy. She assured me that she was taking birth control pills. A couple of times she took them in front of me.
Things did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. One night in early February, Ping showed up at my office door. She was holding a test result and told me, with abundant joy, that she was pregnant. I felt dizzy and broke into a cold sweat. “You have been on the pill, haven’t you?”
“Of course, but you must have very active semen.”
“What do we do now?”
“I want to have the baby.”
“What? I’ll become the father of two children in the same year?”
“Whatever you say, I want to keep this baby. I will be a mother sooner or later; and I’ve got you, a top-notch semen provider.”
“What am I, then, a semen-spitting machine?”
“What’s wrong with that? You have made a huge contribution to the human race. There are not that many geniuses in this world, you know.”
“Are you sure this child will be intelligent?”
“Of course! I have complete confidence in you.”
“Be honest. Did you do this intentionally?”
“How do I put it? It was somewhere between subconsciously and intentionally. But I did forget to take the pill a few times.”
“Is your husband unable to have children?”
“No. But I do not want his semen. He is stupid and ugly, unlike you. You are clever and handsome.”
“You could have gone to a semen bank. You can even get the semen of a Nobel Prize winner.”
“I thought about it, but it could hurt Situ’s ego. Also, it would feel weird to have the semen from a total stranger put into my body. I could not tolerate that psychologically.”
I didn’t answer.
Doubtlessly, Ping used me as a surrogate father. I bet she never bothered to take the pills. I felt cheated. Had I really been fooled by that woman? But she eventually talked me into accepting her plan of keeping the baby. Everything went as she had planned. That weekend, she drove to Chicago.
In early March, Situ came back with Ping. They happily announced that Ping was pregnant. Dan, who was heavy with her baby, gave Ping her blessing, while I shook Situ’s hand and offered congratulations. Dan even joked that our baby now had a buddy even before it was born. If our babies were a boy and a girl, they could be husband and wife in the future. That remark made Ping laugh like crazy but sent chills up to my spine. Wouldn’t that be incest?
A few days later Ping came to my office in the evening to say goodbye. She would go back to Chicago with Situ and be an accommodating, good wife. She said that Situ was such a fool that he believed the baby was his. He was so pleased that he had even shed tears. Suddenly, she began to weep. A crying woman was what I feared the most. So I held her in my arms, wiping away her endless tears. She, on her part, urged me to treasure Dan and also asked me to visit her if I got the chance. We were like two lovers parting forever. I was even moved to tears. Just before she took her leave, she lifted her wool skirt and leaned on my desk, invitingly. I could not help but throw myself onto her.
When we were in the heat of the act, somebody knocked at the door. I stole a glance at my watch, which indicated eleven o’clock. It was the time for the housekeeping staff to clean the offices. We had to wrap it up in a hurry. Ping was tidying her long hair as I went over to open the door. It was Situ who was at the door. Ping and I were stunned.
Ping reacted first and accosted her husband, who pushed her aside and yelled: “An adulterer and a whore! I listened in and heard you, clearly! I could not believe my ears but now look at you! What a sight! Somebody e-mailed me some time ago. It said you two had been up to some hanky-panky. Don’t kid yourselves into thinking you were so clever that you would never be caught. Even walls have ears, and you cannot pull the wool over everyone’s eyes. That thing in your belly, it might be his….”
Neither Ping nor I said a word. We just let him talk and talk, to let out his pent-up anger. Then I pleaded with him that Dan should not be told about the affair, not until she gave birth. It was not the time to stir up unnecessary trouble. If Dan was enraged, she would kill a cheating husband like me.
The final round of negotiations took place in my office, but Situ had the upper hand. He insisted on a DNA test to decide the paternity of the child. If he was the father, all was well. If I was the father, he would consider the option of divorce. Or he would require me to pay support until the child reached sixteen in the amount of five hundred Canadian dollars each month, totalling one hundred thousand dollars. He would also hire a lawyer to draft the document. Eventually, he promised that he would leave Dan out of this messy affair. To avoid further complications, I agreed to all his demands. Ping just bent her head and kept silent throughout the negotiation.
The next day at noon, they left for Chicago. Before their departure, Ping cried until her eyes were red and swollen. Dan was in tears. I gave Situ’s hand a squeeze and said, “Take care” to Ping. Then they were gone, but trouble was looming. This was my year, the Year of the Rabbit. Could it be that my own year would be my unlucky year, and that I would not be able to escape the coming disaster?
The frozen soil thawed, and soon the earth was covered with tender green grass that had an intoxicating fragrance. Our son was born during that early spring. Dan’s smiling face told all our friends that she had forgotten the pain she had suffered when in labour. Our eight-pound boy was, to her, a sun that never set.
As a new father, I experienced a happiness that could not be described. But when I recalled th
at a woman in Chicago was pregnant with another child of mine, I was deeply disturbed. I had no clue how to deal with the birth of a second child in six months. As it turned out, Situ was quite a handful. I had been contemplating the possible outcomes, but all seemed to end in tragedy.
To my great surprise, three days after my son’s birth I received an anonymous by email. It read:
Dear Mr. Qiao the Genius,
Congratulations on your precious son! There is no need for you to worry. Situ Jianye is sterile, but his wife does not know. So your affair was predestined. Even God cannot judge who of the three of you is right and who is wrong. Perhaps you did someone a big favour, even if it was unintended.
Yours truly, Anonymous
This was certainly a poison-pen letter, but who had sent it? Was it a bag of lies or was it the truth? I would have to play the part of the detective. The investigation was by no means easy. The email came from a yahoo address. Anyone can get a yahoo address, so as a clue the e-mail was like the needle in the proverbial haystack. All of a sudden, I became conscious that time was passing far too quickly and Ping’s child would come into this world in no time. Then Situ would conduct the paternity test. Catastrophe would descend on me because I could not deny the child was mine. My guilt was eating away at my conscience day in and day out, and I could not endure the torture. I wanted it to end, no matter what the outcome. What was the worst-case scenario? Dan kicking me out?
At last, October came and Ping gave birth to a seven-pound baby girl. Hearing the news, Dan laughed heartily, so much so that she almost dropped our son. She said that Ping gave us a daughter-in-law. Then she told me that the three of us should drive to Chicago to visit our relatives.
Ping, meanwhile, called me at my office to inform me that she had reached an agreement with Situ Jianye. She had admitted that the child was mine, but said she had used me merely as a surrogate father, or a semen donor. Consequently, there was no need for a paternity test nor should I have to pay child support. If he failed to honour this agreement, she would divorce him.
I had to let her know about the anonymous letter I got months before. She was speechless for a moment and then said very calmly: “No wonder he accepted my ultimatum without much fuss. The message you got seems to have come from a highly reliable source. Since he has kept me in the dark on such an important matter, we do not need to feel guilty for what we did. Life will go on just as the earth revolves and the sun rises and sets.”
It does not matter if Situ is sterile. Nor does it really matter who of the three of us is at fault, Situ, Ping, or I. However, I can never be as guilt-free as Ping is whenever I face Dan and our son. I will always be afraid that Situ might someday decide to confess to Dan. My carefree days are gone forever, and I am laden with a heavy burden of uncertainty. Having slept with Ping is indeed the source of all my troubles!
Translated by H. Laura Wu and Cory Davies.
“Surrogate Father” was originally published in Fiction Star Monthly, No. 7, 2000.
1The phrase “Guangzong yaozu” means “bringing glory to one’s ancestors.” So Guangzong and Yaozu used to be popular names for boys in traditional China.
An Elegant But Stiff Neck
TAO YANG
THE RAINBOW BRIDGE International Airport is enveloped in a light mist. While waving at Zhou Bu, Xue is not sure whether she means to say “Farewell” or “Wait for my call.” The sticky sweat under her armpits refuses to dry. Pressed against the hard railing, she senses a stinging pain on her round arms and curvy bust. She wraps herself in a black silk scarf to cover up her bare back, clamps an amber-coloured purse under her arm, and walks towards the overpass leading to the departure level. Her drifting thoughts seem to settle down as she threads her way through the noisy crowd.
During the Shanghai-Tokyo leg of her flight to Toronto, Xue has kept quiet and managed to blend into the mass of excited passengers. Now she is sitting in the economy section of the airplane heading to Toronto. She is acutely aware that finally she has left behind the robust yet maddening Shanghai she knows so well. She is surprised by the mature age of the healthy-looking, blue-eyed, blonde stewardesses working for Air Canada. One of the stewardesses offers her, with ample kindness and composure, a choice of food and drinks. Xue doesn’t give it much thought and asks for a drink. The stewardess babbles something she fails to understand. A hand beside her takes a pack from the tray, and its master interprets for her.
“Good for you,” the stewardess says. The way she speaks tells Xue that she considers Xue fortunate to have a gentleman companion. Xue turns her head and notices that the young Japanese man sitting beside her has somehow become a Shanghai native in a dress shirt and a tie. “It’s a sandwich, a snack recently added to the menu of Air Canada flights. Air China does not have this. Just the right amount for you.”
Xue gives him a standoffish nod. “Thank you but I am not hungry.”
“It must be your first flight. You are still not used to it. When you adjust, you’ll be hungry. This is not enough for me. But it’s not a problem; we can ask for more.”
Xue smiles at him out of politeness.
“We all experience this for first time. Enjoy your sandwich. I’ll be back in a moment.” He gets up and walks to the back of the airplane.
Xue thinks, It might be my first time, but it won’t be with you. She gives another glance at the retreating back, taking note of his high-quality white shirt, carefully cut short hair, and English that she cannot fully understand. Another self-assured immigrant in the technical category.1 Don’t assume that I’ll throw myself onto your lap the moment I find myself on an airplane. She then examines the multi-coloured sandwich: green lettuce, yellow cheese, and reddish cold cuts bookended by two pieces of brown bread. She takes a hesitant bite and puts the sandwich down. Mixed feelings well up inside her, and she finds the dizziness and persistent unease suffocating.
Outside the window, the sky foggy and leaden. Xue cannot tell if it is dawn or dusk. She used to lead a carefree life, but the past twelve months have been filled with ups and downs, satisfaction and frustration. This fluctuation of emotions has transformed her formerly full body into a slimmer, more inviting figure. Zhou Bu said that she looked thin and weary, but Yihai assured her that she was even more willowy and graceful. Xue knows that Yihai is obsessed with her breasts, which are firm and high, yet soft to touch. He saw them just once. It was during one of their trysts, and, by pure chance, her breasts were bared. The nipples, softly pink, suddenly stood out. He tried to fondle them with his mouth, but she deftly slipped away. After that encounter, he could never say no to her. She knows that she owes him a lot. Money is not a concern for Yihai, who is willing to do anything to win her smile; however, thirty-five thousand U.S. dollars is by no means a trifle. At the very least, the amount exceeds his annual salary as a departmental manager in a foreign company. He laments the brevity of life, and meeting her when he was already forty. She tells him that there are many more happy days ahead, if he is not afraid to be decisive.
“If you really want me, get a divorce.” She watched him intensely, with a bewitching air of hurt and displeasure. His silence reminded her of their favourite song:
If you love me, then give me a sip of water;
If you love me, then give me a kiss so tender.
That night, at his wife’s dressing table, she struggled in his embrace with unyielding determination. He persisted but eventually stopped. Then he said he understood. He swore to heaven and earth that he would win her over, persuade her to lie willingly in his arms. So he gave her all the money she asked for, and now she is living her dream—to emigrate. The route she has chosen is unconventional and even somewhat absurd, and she herself is not sure if the risk is worthwhile. She has yet to give herself to him, avoiding it even at the last moment. The day before yesterday, Yihai paged her persistently the entire evening. She did not call back. She was with Zhou Bu, who w
as helping her pack. He gave her tiny room a thorough search, and the only thing he could add to her packed suitcases was a reference book on medicine and pharmacy. She took it out, complaining that the cases were too heavy.
He said, “It is handy to have your own reference books. You will not need to go to the library whenever you want to check some information. If you find the suitcases too heavy, I can sort them out one more time.”
He did that, but he only took out a bottle of perfume. He knew very well what was in those suitcases, since he had bought most of the things himself the last few days. Xue sighed but did not stop him. She just wiped the sweat and dirt from his hands. She had told him that she was going to a medical school to study pharmacology. It was better to feed him a white lie than tell him the truth.
“Please go home. It’s almost dawn, and you have to work today.”
“No, I don’t. I’ve got a half-day leave.”
He caressed her soft hands, looking intently at her. “After I send you off, I’ll start to inquire if I can visit you as your fiancé. Canadian universities might have different rules and regulations than the American ones.” She stared at the shadows cast by the light and inhaled deep and long. If her sham marriage had been with him, at least he would not have wasted all those years of courtship.
It was quiet in the other room. Apparently her parents were too tired to stay up. They were both in their late fifties. Certainly, they would have wanted to be with their daughter and talk, but they did not want to intrude. She thought, I have married myself off in such an underhanded manner, even had a picture taken of the wedding party as proof. The parents were hired and the groom was bought. This is a horrid betrayal of my own parents.
Her pager kept vibrating. She could imagine the desperation Yihai was suffering. Zhou Bu said: “Call back. It might be something very urgent.”