CHAPTER XIV.
A Glimpse of Paradise.
I know not how others saw her, But to me she was wholly fair; And the light of the heaven she came from Still lingered and gleamed in her hair;
For it was as wavy and golden And as many changes took As the shadow of sunlight ripples Or the yellow bed of a brook --J.R. Lowell.
For the next month Benny lived in a seventh heaven of delight. The onlydrawback to his happiness was that Nelly was not alive to share his goodfortune. Time was mercifully blunting the keen edge of his sorrow, andday by day he was getting more reconciled to his loss. Yet never a daypassed but that he wished a hundred times that his little sister werestill with him, that they might rejoice together in his good fortune. Heknew that she was better off, and even hoped that she was not altogetherignorant of his success in life. Yet how much pleasanter it would havebeen, he thought, if they could have journeyed on through life together.
Benny had wonderful dreams of future success. Though not of a veryimaginative temperament, he could not help occasionally indulging indaydreams and castle-building, and some of his castles, it must beadmitted, were of the most magnificent description.
He saw the glowing heights before him, the summits of which others hadreached, and why might not he? He certainly had commenced the ascent:what was there to hinder him from reaching the top? Had not grannytold him of poor Liverpool boys who, by perseverance and honest toil,had become wealthy men, and were now occupying high and honourablepositions? Surely, then, there was a chance for him, and if he did notsucceed it should not be for want of trying.
He felt that already he had got his foot on the first rung of theladder, and if there was any chance of his reaching the top he would doit. And as he thought thus, the future opened out before him in glowingvistas of unimagined beauty.
He knew that he must wait many years; that he must work hard andpatiently; that perhaps many difficulties would arise that he could notforesee; still, still, across the boggy valley the mountain rose up withits sunlighted crown, and the question came back--Others had reached thetop, then why might not he?
It is true he never attempted to put these thoughts into words. Theyseemed to him too big for utterance; yet they were always with him,lightening his toil and brightening the long future that lay before him.
If Benny had been of a less practical turn of mind, he might have donewhat so many others have done--dreamed his life away, or waited idly forfortune to drop her treasures in his lap. But Benny, notwithstanding hisoccasional daydreams, was sufficiently matter-of-fact to know that if hewas to win any success in life, it must be by hard work.
He was already able to read very creditably. But now a new desire seizedhim--he would learn to write as well. But how was he to begin? He had toconfess that that was a poser, for neither granny nor Joe could give himany assistance. Still he had set his heart upon learning to write, andhe was not to be defeated.
So one day he said to one of Mr. Lawrence's clerks,
"Does yer think, Mr. Morgan, that I could learn to write if I was to tryvery hard?"
"Of course you could, Benny," said Mr. Morgan, looking kindly down intothe dark earnest-looking eyes of the office boy. For Benny had doneseveral little things for Mr. Morgan, and so that gentleman was disposedto be kind to the little waif.
"But how is I to begin?" said Benny eagerly.
"I'm busy now," said Mr. Morgan, "but if you will wait till to-morrow,I'll bring you a slate and pencil, and will set you a copy, and thenyou'll be able to begin right off."
Just then Mr. Lawrence called Benny from the inner office, and sent himwith a note to Mrs. Lawrence, with instructions to wait for an answer.
"You know the way, Benny?"
"Yes, sir."
"But you've never been to the house?"
"No, sir."
"Then how do you know the way?"
"It's where you has the music an' 'love at home,' sir, ain't it?"
Mr. Lawrence smiled and said,
"You are on the right track, Benny, I think. Go to the house, and givethis note to the servant that opens the door, and say that you have towait for an answer."
"Yes, sir," said Benny, bowing very politely, and hurrying out of theoffice.
Benny had often longed to listen under the window of Mr. Lawrence'shouse that he might hear again the song that had so touched his heart,and see again the little angel face through whose intercession he owedhis good fortune; for Mr. Lawrence had hinted as much as that to him.But even if nothing had ever been said, he would still have connectedMr. Lawrence's kindness to him with his little daughter, who had spokenso kindly to him in the hour of his sorrow and despair, and whose brightshilling he still kept, and regarded with almost superstitious reverence.
But he had never dared to listen under the window again; he felt somehowas if he had no business in that neighbourhood, no right to look uponthe face of his little benefactress; so he kept away and spent his longwinter evenings by granny's fireside, poring over the few books that sheand Joe were able to procure for him.
Benny could not help wondering, as he hurried along the streets, holdingthe letter very carefully in his hand, whether he would see again thelittle face at the window or hear her voice in song. He hoped that oneor the other would greet him; but he was disappointed in both. No facewas at the window, no sound of music floated out on the bright frostyair.
He pulled the door-bell very timidly, and then waited a long time verypatiently for the door to open. It was opened, however, at length, and,bowing very low, he said,
"Please, 'm, here's a letter from the master, an' I's to wait for ananswer."
"You'll have to wait some time, then," said the girl, scornfully, "forMrs. Lawrence has gone out;" and she shut the door with a bang.
"May I wait here?" said Benny, looking round the roomy hall.
"Yes," said the girl; "I'll have no brats in the kitchen; you can sit onthat chair if you like;" and she hurried downstairs.
Benny obeyed, and sat for a long time holding his cap between his knees.At length, as he was growing rather impatient, he heard a light step onthe stairs near him, and, looking up, he saw his little benefactressdescending, carrying a huge doll in her arms.
Benny felt himself growing hot all over, for he had no idea whether itwas the proper thing to stand or sit still, so he shuffled about on hischair in a very uneasy manner.
The little girl looked at him curiously for a moment, and then cametowards him, saying,
"Are you not Benny, that papa has in his office?"
"Yes, 'm," said Benny, shuffling dangerously near the edge of the chair,and blushing to the roots of his hair.
"Don't be frightened," she said, noticing his embarrassment. "I've beenwanting a long time to see you. Are you waiting for something?"
"Ay," said Benny, regaining his composure; "the master sent me with aletter, an' told me to wait an answer."
"Well, mamma won't be in yet, so you can come into the nursery; it iswarm there."
Benny had not the remotest idea what a nursery was, but he followedhis guide at what he thought a very respectful distance, and soonfound himself in the most wonderful room he had ever seen in his life.Toys of every description were scattered about, and pictures of everydescription adorned the walls. A swing was suspended from the ceilingin the centre of the room, and in the nearest corner was a doll'shouse furnished in magnificent style. But what most attracted Benny'sattention was a huge rocking-horse. At first he thought it was alive,but soon found out his mistake, though his wonderment was not in theleast diminished by his discovery.
Little Eva Lawrence was evidently amused at Benny's astonishment, andafter regarding him for some time with a merry twinkle in her eyes, said,
"Did you never see a rocking-horse before, Benny?"
"Never!" was the laconic reply.
"Would you like to ride, Benny?"
"Wouldn't I just!" said Benny, his eyes beaming with pleasu
re.
"Well, here are the steps; take care you don't fall off, though," saidEva.
"Oh, never fear," said Benny, mounting the horse. "Now for 't, miss, an'see if I ain't a stunner at it!"
And the next moment our hero was sprawling on the floor in the middle ofthe room.
"Golly!" he ejaculated, picking himself up with a bewildered air, andscratching his head. "I's floored, to a sartinty."
"You tried to go too fast to begin with," laughed Eva; "you'll do betternext time."
"May I try again?" he questioned.
"Oh, yes," was the reply; "I want you to enjoy yourself."
And enjoy himself he did, to his heart's content.
After awhile Eva said, "Now, Benny, I want to know more about you: won'tyou tell me something about yourself and about your little sister?"
"Ay, that I will, if you wish," said Benny, sitting down in a low chairbefore the fire. And in his simple childish way he told her all thestory with which the reader is acquainted--for he had lost all shynessnow--told it with a simple eloquence and pathos that brought the tearsagain and again to his little listener's eyes. Ay, he wept himself whenhe told of his little sister, of her goodness and of her love. He didnot even hide from his listener the story of his temptation, and how butfor his little Nelly he would have been a thief in act as well as inheart.
With the account of little Nelly's death Eva was much affected, andBenny sobbed again as the recollection of his loss came back to him.
"I thought I should ha' died when she were took," said he, between hissobs.
"Poor little boy!" said Eva, soothingly; "but you see your littlesister's words have come true, after all."
"What words, miss?"
"Why, what you told me just now, Benny,--how the Lord would provide."
"Oh, ay," said Benny, reflectively, "though I wur as near as nothin' tostarvin' the day I fust seed you."
"Were you? Then perhaps the Lord sent me to help you."
"Oh, no doubt on that score," said Benny, stoutly; "I's sartin aboutthat matter."
"Do you go to Sunday-school, Benny?"
Benny shook his head.
"Nor to church or chapel?"
"Not since that night me an' Nelly went, that I told you 'bout."
"How is that?"
"Well, we did try to get into another place o' the sort, smarter like,but the gent at the door shoved us out, an' said there wur no room forsuch brats as us, an' told us to be off 'bout our bizness."
"Poor boy!" said Eva, wondering if he came to the chapel she attendedif he would not receive similar treatment.
At length she looked up and said, "I would go to that chapel again, thatyou and Nelly attended, if I were you, on a Sunday. It would not beclosed then, and I'm sure that kind gentleman would be glad to have youin the Sunday-school."
"Oh, then, I'll go," said Benny, who felt that this little girl's wishwas law to him.
Soon after Mrs. Lawrence came in, read her husband's note without aword, and hastily wrote a reply.
"Make haste, Benny," she said kindly, giving him the letter she hadwritten. "I'm afraid Mr. Lawrence will think you've been away a verylong time."
Benny took the letter without a word, and hurried away with a heart fullof gratitude for the kindly treatment he had received. It seemed to himas if that day he had had a glimpse of Paradise, and had spoken to oneof God's angels face to face.
How bright and smooth his path of life was growing! He almost fearedsometimes that he was dreaming, and that he would awake and find himselfdestitute and forsaken.
He was now beginning to enjoy life, and as he looked back upon the pasthe almost wondered how he and his little sister had managed to live inthose dark years of cold and want.
When Joe Wrag first heard of Benny's good fortune, he lifted up hishands, and said in a voice of reverence,
"The Lord is good! the Lord is good!" Then after a moment's pause hewent on, "But oh! what an old sinner I've a-been, to be sure."
"How so?" said Benny.
"How so? 'cause as how I turned my back upon God, an' tried to persuademysel' that He had turned His back on me. Oh, I did, lad, an' in myheart I called Him 'ard names. I didn't dare say it wi' my lips, but inmy heart, boy, I said He wur cruel--that He wur a monster, that He hadno feelin', that He had shut the door agin' me, when all the time He wura-sayin', 'Joe, come back, come back, for there's room in the Father'sheart and home for thee.' But, oh! praise His name, He sent His hangelto tell poor owd Joe the way, an' reveal the Father's love--He did, boy,for sure."
"His hangel, Joe?" said Benny, trying in vain to comprehend all Joe hadsaid.
"Ay, His hangel, boy. An' that hangel wur little Nell, bless her! she'swi' Him now, in the land where there's no more sorrow nor pain, an'Joe's on the way."
And the old man looked up into the star-bespangled sky, as if he wouldlook through the very floor of heaven.
Benny thought of all this, as he hurried from Mr. Lawrence's door, andfelt as if he, too, had had an angel sent from God to help him on theway to heaven.
Poor boy! he did not see the heavy cloud that was gathering in the sky,nor the dark and painful paths that lay before him, which he, withbruised and bleeding feet, would have to tread. He only saw the promisedland, bathed in sunshine and clad in beauty, a land where plenty reignedand want could never come, and knew not of the weary wilderness that laybetween. He thought that he had passed through the wilderness already,and that all the sorrow, and hunger, and pain lay behind him.
It was well he did so. Let him enjoy the sunshine while it lasts, anddream his happy dreams of coming joy. The awaking will come all toosoon. Poor boy! may God protect him in the struggle of life.
Her Benny: A Story of Street Life Page 14