by Samantha Bee
He looks grim and I know he heard what Ian said. He shakes his head. "He's right. If we have any hope of getting out of this, you need to act like none of this involves her."
Can I even do that though? Can I block my feelings for her, my fear, and rage, and fuck, my love for her to handle this with a calm head? To make moves that will not only keep us alive but her as well. From wherever the fuck she may be?
I close my eyes and feel Noah's hand on my shoulder, mimicking the gesture I had tried to comfort him with earlier. Surprisingly, it steadies me. I take a deep shaky breath as I force everything that has to do with Scar into a box. I force all of the confusing and overwhelming emotions into a tiny box and bury it into the recesses of my mind. I know I'm not capable of maintaining it for long, but I just need to clear my mind long enough to get through this conversation.
"Romano?"
His voice snarls through the line and I can't help but clench my fists at the disrespect. Ian was right, I've let way too many things slide because of my fears for Scar. I've just been painting a bigger target on all of our backs.
I feel my tightly wound control snap back into place and something settles in me. "Romano," I drawl in a cool, calculated, and deadly tone. It's time to remember who the fuck I am. Even without Scar by my side. I'm Luca Cole, and I take shit from no one. I've built this empire to protect her and even if she walked away and never looks back, I can't slip now and risk her.
He instantly shuts up, recognizing my tone and knowing he's finally pushed me too far. "We're friends, I know how stressed you've been, but my patience has officially run the fuck out. Take that tone with me again and I'll dispatch the rest of your empire my damn self before taking your head for my wall. Do you understand?" I snap out.
I can hear the shuddery breath through the phone. I turn to meet Noah's eyes and see a savage smile on his face. Not quite deranged like Scar or Kade but showing far more darkness than I would have thought him capable of before.
I hear Romano's agreement, but he doesn't bother to apologize. The facade of our friendship rapidly deteriorates with every word spoken between us, it will never be the same after this. Fear consumes me at the thought while at the same time, I can't deny the relief rushing through my veins. I hated being nice to this scum. Hated chatting with him and acting as his friend. Hated joking with him and putting him anywhere close to the same vicinity as Scar.
Fuck. Maybe she was right. I should have declared war at the first signs of disrespect. He's done more than deserve it. The world needs to be rid of men like him and William. I'd love nothing more than for it to be at my hand. Except... maybe I can. Ending them with Scar by my side, watching her act out her most ruthless fantasies on their skin. Marring them with every ounce of pain she has endured because of them and men like them.
As pissed as I am at her, I'm pissed at myself too.
Fuck. What a goddamn mess.
Romano repeats his request in a much less demanding but still somewhat haughty tone. Asking for answers that I just simply can't give him. Ironically, I'm not even lying this time around. I can't get even a scant of information or trace on the person leaking his information. She's a ghost.
I sit in my chair as I spin a pen in my hand. I gesture to Noah and he hands me the file we have on the deaths we believe Scar has been the cause of. I start going through them as I listen to Romano ramble. He really did never know when to just shut the fuck up.
"I think we've been going about this the wrong way," I cut off his rant. I don't need to hear anymore from his vile mouth. He's giving me exactly zero new information and only throwing a tantrum fit for a toddler.
I start listing off the names to him, throwing a couple of others with no association to him before asking, "Any of those mean anything to you?"
He grunts, "Yeah, a few."
I grin at Noah and nod before gesturing to the computer. I've just had a different idea on how to get this piece of shit off our back for the time being. As Noah starts going back through the files I had him working on earlier, I explain to Romano that I just named off people who had died or disappeared recently and we believe to be connected with the evidence coming to light on his organization.
"The only explanation I can think of, is you have a leak, my friend." I just barely manage to keep the smugness out of my voice but somehow, I pull it off.
He roars in response, Noah and I smirk at each other. Always happy to piss Romano off. "I've been investigating every damn avenue in regard to that and I can't find a damn thing!" I can almost picture the spit flying out of his mouth as he curses into the phone. Satisfaction fills me as I hear the sounds of things crashing into the wall and know he's throwing another tantrum. Fuck, I can't even deny that as much of a clusterfuck as this has been, I'm fucking preening that Scar has managed to knock him so far off his pedestal. And she's doing it by herself.
The thought feels like a dagger to my chest. Shit that hurts. My grin sags but Noah pierces me with a glare, and I remind myself that I can hurt later. I take a deep breath and recenter myself. Noah's steady gaze reminding me of what I have to do and just why it is so important. It's crucial to all of our survival to not drop the act now. My reputation protects us. I can't be seen as weak now. We worked too hard to get here to let it fall through our fingers now.
I hum into the phone. "I have my guy here with me, I'll look into it and get back to you."
He starts huffing but I cut him off, not willing to listen to anymore of his tirade. "And Romano?" I wait for his acknowledgment before I smile into the phone. "You owe me." I hang up before he can respond.
I sag into my chair and exhale dramatically. Fuck this is draining. I usually get off on this shit, but it just hasn't felt the same. I get none of the same satisfaction. I need Scar back home. I need to know she's safe. I need to be by her side for this war.
Even if I plan to wring her neck first.
A small smile splits my face as I hear the telltale pitter patter of Rowan's feet as she runs through the house towards us. She squeals as soon as she sees us and runs straight to us, wrapping her arms around Noah's legs first. She squeezes and goes through the line, waiting for hugs and affectionate pats before she grabs mine and Ryder's hands in her little grip and drags us out to the backyard. Kade and Ian are already sitting in the shade with the twins and Trevor, looking up at a treehouse that I swear was not there just two days ago.
"Look what Mommy bought me!" Roe sighs as she jumps up and down where she stands. Like any time Scar is mentioned we all tense, but Rowan doesn't notice as she begs Charlene for her to be allowed up there now.
Charlene looks at all of our faces before nodding to her and the boys. "Pops made sure it was safe. You guys can go play, just be careful." She gives a pointed look to each of them, but I notice her gaze lingers on Kai for a beat longer than the others. It's Roe who blushes though before grabbing his hand and running off with the other two.
We all watch the kids teasing and laughing together as they race to the treehouse. Kai helps Roe up and I once again marvel at how protective all three boys are with her. Joe's hand slaps down on my shoulder and breaks me from my musings. I can't help but startle. I turn to look at him and see the stern look on his face and fight the flinch that almost escapes as I prepare for the lecture I know I'm about to receive.
He pins me with that knowing look in his eyes that tells me he isn't letting me squirm out of this conversation before swinging his eyes to each one of us. Charlene gives all of us a very out of character smirk before following after the kids and Joe nods back inside.
We aren't even fully seated before he rips into us. "How fucked up does this mess need to get before you pull your heads out of your asses?"
Kade rears as if he's been slapped. "We aren't the ones who left," he spits with a level of disdain I'm still surprised he's capable of. I always knew he had a dark side hidden under the goofy smiles and jokes. How could I not when it was so evident every time he jumped into the rings? I just n
ever thought it would ever be directed at our girl.
Joe doesn't budge, just stares him down until even Noah and Ryder are twitching in their seats next to him. Kade refuses to back down, wearing his anger like a shield from the true pain he feels at her abandoning him. I don't know if he will be able to survive the pain without the anger. Joe is unphased as he stares him down. There's a good chance I'm going to have to tear the two of them off of each other if this continues. I sigh and shake my head.
"Who are the ones so far up their own asses they didn't even realize yesterday was Roe's first Christmas?"
Silence.
All four of us stop breathing. I feel my heart seizing in my chest. Just how far have we all fallen? We missed her first Christmas. I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the emotions stuck there and fight the overwhelming feeling of disappointment in myself. "The treehouse?"
Joe nods. "Scar showed up here on Christmas Eve," he hesitates, looking between all of us, weighing our reactions. "She was in bad shape. Worse than she has been. She set up Santa and then crawled into bed with Rowan." He shakes his head. "She refuses to talk about it.”
My anxiety gets the best of me and the words explode out of me before I can even wait to see what he was going to say next. "What the fuck do you mean by bad shape?"
He scoffs at me. "Just worn down. Emotionally beat up and exhausted. It was clear something happened, but she wouldn't tell me what. She wanted to focus on Rowan." I notice Kade flinch at his words. I glare his way trying to assess him, but he meets my gaze before looking back out towards the back. I realize he must also be feeling the guilt of missing her Christmas. We are going to have to make it up to her.
A part of me is relieved that Scar didn't abandon Rowan when she left us, but I can't help but feel slighted that she can pull herself together enough for her but not enough for us. The fact she’s been able to avoid us while we are here hasn’t escaped my notice either. How can she not see how much better we all are together? We work together fluidly, balancing each other out, proving to be more a family than anything else. Even the way Joe is lecturing and calling us out reeks of intrusive in laws.
"Fuck," Ryder curses as he hangs his head in his hands. He's barely spoken since she left and he discovered the truth about his father and sister. I looked into his dad's case, but Scar ensured everyone she released evidence on was quickly arrested and processed. I have no idea how to get access to him for Ryder to get his closure.
I can't even comprehend how many strings she must be pulling behind the scenes to be pulling this off by herself. Is she even sleeping? How is she coming down from the highs of her kills without Kade?
"We really fucked up, didn't we?" Ryder asks.
Joe sighs and moves to pat him on the back. "Look, you all have been a fucking wreck. I get it."
"Ian already told us to pull our heads out of our asses," Noah sighs, even though Ian really only said it to me. Guess it kind of was a one for all and all for one type of sentiment. We've all been trash lately.
"Truth is, Rowan didn't know any better. Scar made it special enough for her, and she was ecstatic enough to see the lot of you today. So no, you haven't fucked up beyond repair with Roe."
A collective sigh of relief escapes the room as we all look towards the backyard. I'm thankful in this moment that Scar was able to do what we weren't able to, even if she couldn’t include us in it.
"But," Joe's gruff voice continues, "you all have fucked up things with my other girl. What the fuck is happening?"
Kade launches to his feet and starts pacing. "What the fuck do you want us to do?" he rants. "You know she took out her tracker, you know she changed her phone number, you fucking know she left us! Abandoned us!" He finishes with a scream, he's panting as his emotions threaten to overwhelm him. In this moment, I see just how similar he and Scar really are. So fucking damaged. So much anger and pain in their life their bodies can barely contain it. It ends up seeping and pouring out of them as it overflows and explodes out of them in violent, merciless waves.
Joe launches to his own feet. "I've heard a hell a lot out of all your mouths about what she did but when the fuck are you lot going to look in the mirror and own up to your part in this?"
Kade goes toe to toe with him, yelling right back. "We were trying to love her and make her whole!"
Joe doesn't back down, even though Kade has at least three inches on him. He throws his head back and lets loose a cackle like I've never heard from him before. "She didn't need you to fix her, you jackass! She needed you to support her."
"How the fuck were we not supporting her?" Kade has refused to speak about his feelings on this, only spitting vicious remarks any time her name has come up. He's treated the entire topic with disdain and avoided it as much as he could. I know he's just as desperate as the rest of us to find her, but he refuses to own up to it. I think he's too scared to even let himself have the slightest bit of hope. All of his pent up fears, doubts, and acrimony finally exploding out of him so fast, the rest of us don't even get a chance to respond to Joe's words.
I just don’t think I can give up on her. Not now, not ever. I'll always have a place for her to come home to when she's done running.
Joe takes a step back from Kade and levels all of us with calm eyes. He's meeting Kade's fury but in no way has his control over his emotions slipped. He's passionate about this but nothing he is saying is without intent. He planned this. "That girl has had one goal for as long as I've known her. I gave you lot the benefit of the doubt. Defended your inaction to her. Gave her the same platitudes you were feeding her, all in hopes they would buy you time to put together a sensible plan. You failed."
Kade gets back in Joe's face and pushes him. "We were trying to keep her safe," he hisses.
"She didn't need to be safe, she needed revenge. You want her whole? Stop letting your fears get in the way of what you promised you would do for her." Joe punctuates every word by stabbing Kade in the chest. Kade is practically frothing at the mouth, far too lost to his anger to even think clearly about Joe's words.
Fuck me. Noah and Ryder are awfully quiet as they observe the interaction between the two men. If we are being honest, they were dragged into mine and Kade's conflict with Scar. It shouldn't have ever involved them. It was our hesitancy that pushed her away. Our fear.
There's that damn fucking word again.
Fear.
Were we too scared to act and it lost us our girl?
Does this really land back on our shoulders?
I shake my head. No. We may have made the wrong call. I may have made the wrong call, but it was her selfish decision that tore us apart. We could have worked through the inaction. How the fuck are we supposed to fix shit when she went fully off the grid?
She didn't just leave, she fucking disappeared.
It's not the same.
I stand and wrap my arm around Kade. "We will be back with more presents for Roe."
"No," Joe grunts. "You're going to do better than that. All of you, get your shit together. You have a week."
"What the fuck does that mean?" I snap.
"We are having Rowan's birthday party here on the first.” He glares at Noah. “You will be present." Then at Ryder. "You will be sober." Swings his glare to Kade. "You will be presentable." He looks at all of us. "You will be fucking reasonable. You will arrive early, and you will work your shit out with Scarlett. I'm not standing for this bullshit anymore."
He doesn't give us a chance to react before storming out the back door.
All of us are far too worked up, bundles of energy ready to cause destruction. We can't go back out to see the kids like this. We can stop by again tomorrow. Hopefully with cooler heads.
My heart does a little flip in my chest, I feel an unnerving mix of excitement and nerves brewing in my gut. We are going to see Scar again, whether we like it or not. Whether she wants to or not.
Does she know she's seeing us?
How the fuck is this going to g
o?
Chapter Ten
I wipe my hands against my jeans for the umpteenth time since we got to Joe’s. Declan looks down at me and chuckles. “Just breathe, pretty girl. It’s going to be okay.”
“Is it?” I snap. I don’t mean to snap at him. He’s been nothing but supportive as I’ve developed a whole new level of crazy these last couple months. Trust me, that is saying something. He may not know about the savage and blood thirsty side of me, but he has definitely seen my crazy. He’s held me together at some of my lowest points and has held my hand as I started finally healing.
He understands just why I’m so nervous and how much the way today goes could determine my future. Have I fucked up so bad the guys have moved on? Will they be disgusted by the mere sight of me? Disappointed? Pissed? Do they hate me? I would probably hate myself if I were them. I do hate myself.
Instead of spewing useless words at me and giving me false promises, he just runs his hands down my back, settling on my hip before giving me a quick, reassuring squeeze. “They’ve earned your trust,” he reminds me.
It’s something we’ve talked about a lot since that night in that bar bathroom with Kade. I was ripped open that night by the cold and callous treatment he gave me, realizing that’s exactly how I had treated them for months. Without the anger maybe, but keeping them at an arm’s length, when it’s clear there’s so much more between us. I can only imagine it was slowly eating away at them every time I turned away from their affection. They’ve done more than earn my trust. They’ve earned my strength and my vulnerability too. They’ve earned my acceptance and my apology. They’ve earned my courage to be more for them, to be the best version of myself, whoever the fuck that is.
“I’ll get you a drink,” Declan whispers before releasing my hip and leaving the room. Bless his soul. Hopefully, he knows to grab whiskey and not a beer. This is a whiskey type of night.
I take a few deep breaths as I try to prepare myself to see them again. I wonder who all will be coming, Joe didn’t tell me. I wonder how they are doing. I doubt Joe reached out to Noah. I really need to go to him and apologize. He probably has no idea what even happened to me. Hopefully, he isn’t too worried. I groan, not for the first time realizing what a massive cunt I have been. Just as I start to bang my head against the wall behind me, I catch sight of Declan across the room moving back towards me. Thank fuck he has whiskey in hand.