by Calia Read
He tosses his bag at the table. “Ah. I wondered who was screaming out, ‘Oh, God yes!’ last night.”
Emilia turns beet red and she quickly covers her face with her hands. Chris keeps talking. “But then I thought it was this one chick named Sammie, who I’m ninety percent sure is a hooker. She shares the same wall with us, so it had to be her because Macsen never has girls screaming out in his room...” He takes off his jacket and looks at me. “Unless it’s coming from the television.”
I flick him off and he laughs and walks into the kitchen. Leaning down, I whisper to Emilia. “Give him a few more minutes and he’ll leave us alone.”
She sits down on the nearest bar stool and looks over at me. “Could he really hear us?” she whispers.
Chris slams a few cabinets before he walks out carrying a box of fish food. “Hell yes, I could hear you guys. The two of you were loud.”
Emilia ignores him and points at the food in his hand. “You have a fish?”
“Yeah,” he holds the fish food in the air and shakes it up and down. “I’ve had Channing for a few months.”
Sitting down in the seat next to her, I tell her, “Please, don’t ask him about the fish.”
It’s too late for my warning. Emilia turns in her seat and watches Chris drop a few pieces of food into the fish bowl placed on the end table in the living room. “Does Channing have a last name?” she asks.
Chris snorts. “Yes, Tatum.”
“You named your fish after the guy from Magic Mike?”
“Let me explain it to you, Rapunzel. I named my fish after the dude from Magic Mike because all the girls start dropping panties when they hear that dude’s name.” He walks back into the kitchen and keeps speaking. “And when I tell them that I know Channing Tatum, and that he lives with me, they go fucking wild.”
“That’s deceptive,” she murmurs but there’s a smile on her face.
“And the world’s greatest method. I’ve had some of the greatest sex of my life thanks to that fucking fish.”
Emilia shakes her head and hops out of her seat. She walks into the kitchen and peers into a cabinet. “I’m starving.”
“Me too.” Chris holds his hands together and nudges his head in her direction. “Why don’t you make Macsen and I some food, woman!”
Turning around, she smiles brightly with a gleam in her eyes. “I’ll make Macsen something, and you can watch us eat our food while you talk to your fish, Channing.”
“Oh!” Chris claps loudly. “Rapunzel is coming alive. I like it.”
“We have nothing in the fridge, Emilia,” I tell her. “But if you open up the drawer behind you, there’s a bunch of take-out menus.”
She pulls out a few and lifts up the Jimmy John’s menu in the air. I give her a nod and grab my phone while she tells me what she wants. Walking down the hall, I order our food. When I turn around, Chris is right behind me. “She’s already making you do things,” he comments.
“I ordered her food.” I toss the phone in between my hands and frown at the ground. “That’s nothing. I’ve been ordering your food from Panda Wok for the last six months.”
“For good reasons.”
I give him a dull look. “Sleeping with the delivery girl and being too chicken shit to call because you’re afraid she’ll remember you and spit in your food is a good reason?”
Chris flings his hand in the air like it’s nothing. “Enough about me ... you and Emilia?”
I stand up straight, already feeling my temper rise. “Is there something you want to say?”
His brows draw tight as he looks away. “Mac, she doesn’t seem like a girl you can just fuck for a night and be okay with it.”
“Maybe I’m okay with her being more than a one-night fuck.”
“Are you sure about that? I was talking to Thayer at the gym this morning-”
I grip my hair tight. “I know where this is going. I’ve already talked to my brother about this.”
“Look, I like Emilia,” Chris admits. “She’s strange, but so are you. All I’m saying is just be careful.”
“I am.” My expression is hard. “Now are we done? Because talking to you about my life is creeping me the hell out.”
Chris says nothing and I walk down the hall toward Emilia, thinking about Thayer’s warning. It had stuck with me last night until I finally asked Emilia if it was true. His words were poison to my brain. I had no solid foundation with Thayer to believe him, but I did. He’s my brother. And yet I defended Emilia yesterday, and I still will. There’s something about her that I get, and maybe I’m the only one that sees it.
Walking into the front room, I find her sitting in the recliner. She looks over at me cautiously. “So Thayer talked to him, too?”
I sit on the armrest and she scoots over for me. “You heard?”
“The two of you aren’t exactly quiet.”
Rubbing a hand down my face, I lean back in the chair. “I think they’re just worried.”
Emilia rests her head against my shoulder, but not before her brown eyes look at my face solemnly. “Are you worried for yourself?”
I’m worried about one thing: finally realizing why Thayer was patient when it came to Severine, why he took his time with her. His patience, along with Chris’s words brought a different realization. You take your time with girls like Emilia, because there really can’t be a one-time thing with her.
You breathe Emilia in, even if it’s only once, and you’re fucking done.
I realize that she’s waiting for me to answer and turn my head down to look at her face. “No, I’m not worried.”
She moves closer to me. I can’t see her face but I’m sure she’s smiling. “Oh, by the way, a one-time fuck?”
“Chris said it!”
She lifts herself up and straddles my waist. Her eyes are cast down and when she looks back up at me, her eyes are apprehensive. “So what was last night to you?”
My hands grip her hips tightly. I have no plans of letting go. “More than one time.”
Emilia says nothing. And finally, she looks up at me. “Will your answer still be the same tomorrow?”
“Yes.” I turn the question around on her. “What’s your answer?”
She smiles. It’s devious and wicked, and I swear she’s going to kill me. “Chris is right. I don’t think I can handle being just a one-time fling.”
“You aren’t.”
Emilia says nothing back. She gives me a simple kiss. And without trying, she has left a brand of her own.
It’s only been two days since I slept with Macsen. And in those two days, I’ve had more excitement, happiness and laughter than I’ve had in the last three years.
It makes me want to freeze time. I don’t want to move forward, because the next time I blink, I’ll be back in New York for Thanksgiving break. In reality, it will be a short visit but when I step foot in my family’s home, I’m stepping into a whole different world. The Emilia Wentworth here is different. There are no weights strapped to my shoulders, keeping me down.
In New York, I’ll be Emiliana Wentworth. And that’s it.
I’m skinned down to a last name that has enough power to bring fear.
I don’t want that and I don’t want the guilt that comes with going back home. The minute I see my family, everything I’m doing with Macsen will be staring me right back in the face. Can I honestly handle that? I’m not sure. Can I stop seeing Macsen? No. I know I can’t.
“Well, I knew it was only a matter of time,” Tosha says smugly.
We’re sitting on a bench outside of the library. I spilled the latest about Macsen to Tosha. She now has a huge grin on her face.
Smirking, I look over at her. “No, you didn’t.”
“I really did.” She flicks a piece of dirt off her boot and looks over at me seriously. I brace myself. “Does your family know?”
I stare down at bench. “No, they don’t.”
“You’re just going to keep him a secret?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead,” I admit.
“Aniston is going to find out. Maybe not Eden or your parents, but your brother will,” she warns.
Everything Tosha’s saying is true. It makes me speak sharply to her. “Not if no one tells him.”
“Are you serious?” Tosha looks skeptical. “You’re too close to not let it slip.”
“I’m not going to say anything,” I may speak with conviction, but deep down I doubt myself.
“He knows you’re avoiding his texts.”
I wasn’t expecting her to say that. “You’ve talked to him?”
She nods. “Two days ago. Julian had a party and Aniston was drunk when he called.”
My face turns ashen with guilt. “What did he say?” I hold my breath as I wait for her to answer because I’m afraid of what her answer will be. It seems like Aniston is slipping further away from reality. His only way to cope with his pain is to drink. His vice is beginning to take over his life.
“He asked how you were…” Awkwardly, Tosha shifts her body on the bench and stares out at the parking lot. “He also asked how Macsen was.”
“You didn’t tell him about…”
Tosha gives me a hurt expression. “Of course not!”
My fingers tap against my jeans as I think about my brother. There’s nothing I can say. Too much panic is rushing throughout my body.
“Tell him soon, okay?”
“Aniston?”
“I was thinking Macsen … but Aniston, too.”
I’m slow to nod my head because I know that soon I’ll have to admit everything to Macsen. And how could I possibly tell Aniston how I feel about Macsen? Three years of pain won’t disappear overnight, and for Aniston, the hatred is stronger than ever. I’d be a traitor in his eyes if he knew. And, let’s be honest, is there any other word for me? I’m sleeping with someone I’m supposed to hate.
You can’t get any lower than that.
Yet, with Macsen, it’s impossible to really open my eyes and see how deep I am. The person written in my sister’s journal is not the person that I see everyday. And each time I talk to him and kiss him, I’m even more convinced that something doesn’t add up.
But there are memories with E that will never go away. And those memories make it hard to doubt my sister.
Tosha wraps an arm around me and pulls me close. It pulls me away from my thoughts. “Enough serious talk. I want to know if you’re going to see Macsen again.”
Tucking my hands underneath my thighs I give her a look. “Of course.”
“And there’s not any ... intense feelings involved?” she asks.
My gaze goes straight to the ground. I stare at the fallen leaves as I answer her. “No. It’s too soon for that.”
Her arm disappears from my shoulder and she gives me a doubtful look. “Total bullshit.”
That grabs my attention. “What?”
“You heard me. That’s bullshit. I think you can fall in love. Just. Like. That.” Tosha snaps her fingers and I flinch over her words.
“Sounds dangerous,” I say thoughtfully. As an afterthought, I add, “And not very practical.”
“You’re right. It’s both of those things. And that’s the difference between good love and bad love.”
“Come again now?”
“Do I have to teach you everything?” She crosses her legs on the bench and revolves her body to face mine. “Me and you,” she points between the two of us. “We have the good love. It’s the kind love. It makes me want to see you happy all the time.”
I watch her as I she keeps her index finger pointed in my direction. “And there’s the dark love. Dark love is intoxicating. You’ll do anything for that person. Be anything for them. It’s desperate and holds on tight and that’s what makes it so strong–it never lets go.”
Her words scare me. I’m not superstitious, but I don’t like her finger pointed at me. It’s like poison. If she gets any closer, all her words could seep into my body and that dark love would consume me.
“Are you speaking from experience?” I ask her with a frown.
“Hell no,” her lips thin slightly before she gives me her typical confident smile, “and I never will, either.”
My eyes narrow because Tosha’s hiding something. “You just said that with a lot of conviction,” I comment quietly.
“Enough about that,” Tosha waves her hand in the air and switches the subject in seconds. “You gotta tell me ... what are we dealing with here?” Tosha spreads her hands a few inches apart, wiggles her eyebrows, and waits for me to answer.
Before my face is completely red, I ask, “We?”
“Answer,” she insists firmly.
I look down at her hands and finally adjust them to the correct size. “There you have it,” I announce.
Her eyes are wide as she stares down at her hands. All I can think of is Macsen above me, moving in and out of me. I clear my throat and her eyes move to my face. “Well, it’s settled,” she says in a high voice. “We need to clone Macsen Sloan.”
Tosha elbows me, her hands still frozen in place. I cover my face with my hands and laugh.
“What are you doing?”
I jump at the sound of the deep voice and instantly look up. Macsen is standing in front of us, staring down at Tosha’s hands. He looks over at me and his eyes instantly change from friendly to hot. My lips curve upward as I look up at him. I can’t help it.
Tosha lowers her hands and smiles up at Macsen. “Well, hellooo!” Macsen raises a brow over Tosha’s seductive voice. “Emilia and I were just doing some math.”
He tucks his hands in his pockets and looks as if the thought of me doing math willingly is impossible. He’s right. “Yeah?”
“Oh, yes.” She stands and looks up at Macsen innocently. “Here’s a math problem for you, Mac. If someone has an 8 inch-”
I lurch forward, covering her mouth with my hand before she can say anything else. “Tosha has to go.” I look over at her and her eyes dance mischievously.
My hand lowers. I’m still afraid she’s going to say something inappropriate in typical Tosha fashion. Instead, she looks between us with a smile. “Emilia’s right. I have to go and test my little math problem.”
When she backs away, Macsen cocks his head to the side and looks at me with a lopsided grin. “You told her?”
I step back with my hands in the air and he follows. “She pulled it out of me!”
His arm is at his side one second, and around my waist the next. I lean into him and look up at his face. His signature baseball cap is on. It hides all that dark hair that I love so much. Before he can react, I yank it from his head. With my free hand, I slide my fingers through his hair and tug. “I promise my estimation was right,” I say sweetly. “You’ve taught me well.”
He leans down and his face is closer to mine. “And now Tosha is going to give me winks and creepy smiles.” Macsen looks cautious. “Nice.”
“Are you embarrassed?”He shrugs and rubs the back of his neck. I want to attack him with more kisses for being so shy. To me, that is sexier than anything else.
“If you gave her a small ... measurement, maybe.” He admits wickedly.
“I didn’t, so you’re good.” I turn toward the bench and grab my bag. “I thought you had to work?” I ask him.
“I almost had to work tonight.”
“And you actually got out of it?”
“Barely.” My arm slips around his waist. It’s an action that I do tentatively because I’m still nervous about everything between us. Macsen grins at my boldness and keeps talking. “Glenn hired another guy so I’m not working all the time now.”
“I like that,” I say softly. I probably like it a little too much. Time with him always goes by too fast. If there’s a chance to see him, I will take it.
He smiles again before he gives me a kiss. A small kiss. It starts out sweet until his hands drift lower down my back, molding me against his body. A groan escapes h
is mouth and I move my head to the side, kissing him in a way that drives him wild.
Macsen pulls away first. His chest is moving up and down. I feel his strong, calloused hands frame my face and when I look up at him, his green eyes stare at me thoughtfully. “God, you’re fucking killing me.” He bends down to pick up his book bag, pulling me toward the door with his hand wrapped around mine.
My cold hand is instantly warm. “Is that bad?” I tease.
He opens the door for me and as I pass by him, he gives me a thoughtful expression. “I’m not sure.”
We walk into the study room together and for thirty minutes, Macsen is the same tutor I’ve had since September. I work on my problems and he reads his book quietly, but after that, I feel his eyes on me.
Lifting my eye away from my notebook, I look at him curiously. “What?”
Macsen leans back in his chair and nudges his head to the right. “Sebastian keeps looking over at you.”
I glance over in that direction and see the tutor that Macsen put on the spot almost a month ago. Sebastian looks over at me for a quick moment and then looks away. “Maybe he’s looking over at the two of us because you keep looking at him?” I suggest.
Macsen continues to frown at Sebastian. “He’s been staring at you since the first day you walked into this room.”
I like the dark gleam in his eyes and the possibility that it’s there because of me. “Are you getting all alpha male on me, Macsen?”
His eyes instantly veer down to his book. “I’m going to assume that’s popular in your romance books?”
“Why do you think I read lady porn, as you once called it?”
“Because-” He crosses his arms. I know he’s speaking, but all I can do is count the buttons on his shirt, trying to guess how quick it will be to take it off. “-I think every female does.”
I have no idea what he said, but I nod anyway. Macsen leans closer, with narrowed eyes. “Were you even listening to me?”
My cheeks turn red over being caught. But I ignore my embarrassment and whisper to him, “I was thinking about other things.”