by Danni Roan
“Yep. It’s been nice getting to know you a little more. Just because you might have had one error in judgment doesn’t make you a bad person Marissa. We’ve all sinned and fallen short, but there is love and forgiveness if we admit it.”
“I don’t see it that way,” Marissa admitted. “I know where you’re coming from though, and I don’t think you’re judging me. Still it’s nice that you care enough to say it.”
Trace dropped a kiss to Marissa’s dark hair, surprised at how much he liked this woman. “I’ll be here if you need me,” he said. “Just remember that.”
Marissa smiled her eyes still studying his face. “That’s why I agreed to this. I know I made this mistake and have to live with it now, but knowing there is someone I can turn to if I need to has really helped take away some of the fear.”
Trace wrapped an arm around her shoulders and together they walked to the back stairs slipping onto a bench seat at the long table as others smiled a greeting.
“Now, how about that mountain of pancakes,” Trace teased, delighted at the reward of Marissa’s sweet laugh.
Chapter 15
“You’re sure you want to do this?” Trace asked as they walked toward the courthouse in Tipton. “You don’t want Michelle with you?”
“No, I want it to just be the two of us,” Marissa said wrapping her fingers in the cowboy’s warm hand. “Are you sure you want to go through with it?”
“I’ve never had one doubt,” Trace said with a grin. “It’s the right thing to do, and you’ll know I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
Marissa nodded walking into the courthouse and heading for the waiting area. In a short time she would legally be Mrs. Trace Sparak. “I’m pretty sure we’re both crazy,” Marissa finally spoke as they took up their paper work and found a bench to wait on.
“Nothing wrong with being crazy for a good cause,” Trace teased trying to lift some of the tension. His smile was kind and full of affection and for a moment Marissa wished it was for her alone.
In the past month and a half she had developed a strong respect for the soft hearted cowboy. He was passionate about his beliefs and was obviously willing to put himself on the line for his beliefs.
“I still don’t really understand why you’re doing this,” Marissa said. “I’m no one to you.”
“You’re far more than no one,” Trace said. “Almost from the beginning, I could see where your heart was, but that your head was telling you that you couldn’t do this. Being on your own and being responsible for another life can be scary. Now you don’t have to be afraid because I’ll be here if you need me.”
Marissa shook her head. “I’m sorry I’m such a coward.”
Trace squeezed her hand. “You’re not a coward,” he said softly. “You’re doing whatever it takes to look out for yourself and the baby. I think that is brave.”
Over the past month, Marissa had gotten to know Trace better, and once again, she wished she’d met him before this whole mess. How was it that she hadn’t realized that she had simply clung to her old relationship from familiarity? What was wrong with her that she always seemed to be trying to fill the hole in her heart? She was now hanging her hopes on the new life that was growing within her. Surely once the baby was born, she would feel complete.
“Brighton and Sparak,” a clerk called from an open door and Marissa shivered with the reality of her choices.
“You ready?” Trace said pulling her to her feet, his strong fingers clinging to hers.
Marissa nodded, not willing to trust her voice with any words as she walked through the door to stand before the justice of the peace.
***
“I hope you don’t mind but I need to stop by and check in on Daisy,” Trace said less than half an hour later. “It won’t take long,”
“That’s fine,” Marissa said, her mind still reeling from the brief ceremony.
Turning to look out the window, she watched the landscape whizzing by. Pushing the button on the door, she ran the window down and breathed in the smell of summer dry grass, and mature sagebrush.
Wyoming was beautiful and she could understand why Michelle was so happy here. Not only was her sister a graphic designer, she was a huge shutterbug, and Wyoming was very photographic.
Soon they were turning into the familiar drive of the Pregnancy Center and Trace was hurrying around the truck to open the door for Marissa who waited for him this time.
“Come on in, and we’ll see what Daisy needs,” Trace said, a grin tugging at his full lips.
Marissa hopped out of the truck, her floral skirt swishing around her knees as she headed for the door.
Trace tried to repress his grin as he opened the door to his sister’s building, shoving it open fully and ushering Marissa into with his hand on her back just as a happy squeal of “surprise,” echoed around them.
“What’s this?” Marissa said gazing around the room decorated in pink and blue bunting and tables full of refreshments.
“It’s a party,” Daisy said, making her way to Marissa and hugging her. “We’re celebrating life, love, and hope today,” she finished gesturing around her at several pregnant women who were nodding excitedly.
“We just had a baby shower for Brenda,” one of the younger women said, “so when Daisy told us what you and Trace were doing, we had to have a party for you too.”
Marissa gaped around her as tears filled her eyes. This was only a marriage of convenience. A way to keep from having to explain everything a million times over the next few months. It didn’t mean anything. Still her heart was touched by the kindness of those around her and she entered into the party willingly.
“I told you it would be fine,” Daisy said as she nibbled a piece of cake watching her brother watch his new fake bride.
“Uh huh,” Trace said absently.
“You like her don’t you?” Daisy asked bumping him with her elbow to make sure he was listening.
“Well sure,” Trace hedged.
“No, I mean you like her,” Daisy insisted noting the soft flush of his neck. “Why don’t you tell her?”
“It isn’t the time,” Trace admitted. “She has enough on her mind right now. I’m just glad I can help out.”
Daisy shook her head. “Trace, I think you’re in this deeper than you know,” she said a slight frown marring her usually cheerful face. “I love what you’re doing to help Marissa and her baby, but I’m afraid you might lose your heart at the same time.”
Trace turned looking at his little sister, his blue eyes meeting her lapis gaze. “I’m willing to risk it,” he said quietly. “If that’s what God wants, I’ll go with it. Some things are more important than the well being of my heart. Like a soul.”
Daisy reached over and touched his hand. “We’ll keep praying,” she said. “You’ve made the first step and saved that girl from a life of heartache and regret. We’ll just have to have faith for whatever comes next.”
Chapter 16
The first week back at school felt odd as Marissa organized her classroom, worked up lesson plans and settled into her own small apartment much closer to work.
It felt good to be back in the classroom and she couldn’t help but grin every time a colleague noted her small gold wedding ring.
She loved telling the story she had embellished slightly, to her friends. After all who didn’t love a whirlwind romance that ended in a wedding and honeymoon baby? Even with the tiny twinges of guilt she felt about the half-truth, it made her feel better about her situation and less uncomfortable.
Knowing that Trace was just on the other end of the phone line each night helped tremendously as well. Soon her students would be arriving as classes began, and she felt not only ready to face the year, but ready to face the changes that were taking over her life.
“So when are we going to meet this wonderful new man in your life?” Alice asked one day as Marissa stepped into the break room for an extra snack.
“I don’t know,” M
arissa hedged. “He’s still working in Wyoming, and we don’t really know what we’ll do next.”
Alice smiled. “It’s like some novel romance,” she gushed. “I’m so happy for you.”
Marissa smiled, but something in her heart sank as she remembered that somewhere along the way this fake marriage would have to end.
Dropping a few coins in the snack machine and pushing a button, Marissa grabbed her snack and turned preparing to leave only to notice one of the other teachers bowing her head over her meal.
Moving to the table where the other woman sat, Marissa took a seat waiting for her to finish.
“Oh, hi Marissa,” Susan said with a grin. “How’s the new year starting?”
“Good,” Marissa said her voice sounding distracted. “Susan, why do you pray over your meal?” she asked bluntly. Trace had done that, and it seemed like such a normal thing to him, but she hadn’t really noticed others doing it before.
“I’m saying thanks,” Susan said swirling a bit of cheesy pasta around her fork.
“But why?” Marissa said. “You work for the money that pays for that food. Why thank someone else for your food?”
Susan put down her fork and looked at Michelle.
“Yes, I do work for the money I use to pay for my food,” the dark-haired woman said. “But I also know that all good things come from God and want to remember that what I have comes from Him.”
Marissa nodded, but still couldn’t really make sense of what Susan said. “Okay,” she said standing and heading for the door. “Have a good day.”
***
The phone was already ringing as Marissa put the key in her door and she smiled. Trace had called every day as soon as she got home from work, and today she was running late.
Pushing the door open, she hurried to the phone. “Hello.”
“Hello,” Trace’s warm voice rolled over her like a warm hug and she flopped into a squishy chair. “You have a good day?”
“I did,” Marissa said curling her feet under her. “I got a new student today and he’s going to be a challenge.”
Trace chuckled. “Somehow I think you’ll figure out what to do.”
“I paired him with a table full of girls who really like school. I think it will help.”
Silence filtered over the line, and Marissa imagined Trace standing in the barn at the Broken J or looking out over the fields full of horses.
“So what are you doing tonight?” Trace finally asked.
“I gave a start of the year quiz today,” Marissa replied, “so I’ll be grading those then I think I’ll watch a movie.”
“You gave a quiz in the first week of school?” Trace asked surprised.
“Yes,” Marissa giggled. “It gives me an idea of what the students remember and gives me a road map to get started on new learning.” She could almost imagine Trace nodding on the other end of the line and suddenly missed the cowboy terribly.
“Like when I go over the same thing at the beginning of every training session with a young horse.”
“Something like that,” Marissa said. “It just makes it easier to know exactly where my students are.”
“How’s everything else?” Trace asked. “You feeling pretty good?”
“Yes, I’m feeling fine. I also got my paper work for my maternity leave.”
“That’s good.” Traces voice sounded worried.
“What’s wrong cowboy?” Marissa asked hanging on the line as her heart kicked up a notch.
“I was wondering if you’d want me to come out when the time comes,” Trace finally admitted.
“You don’t have to do that. I have my mom here.”
“I know I don’t have to,” Trace’s voice was soft, breathy. “I’d like to though.”
Something in Marissa’s heart turned over at the thought. Trace wanted to be here for her, and it made her want to be there with him. To wrap her arms around him and feel the steady, warm presence of his hug.
“I’d love you to be here if you want to,” Marissa said, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Thanks,” the smile in Trace’s voice carried all the way along the phone line and warmed Marissa’s heart.
They spent a few more minutes talking over the phone before Marissa had to get supper and get back to work, but that night as she tumbled into bed, she found herself more content and secure than she could ever remember being.
Trace would be here when the time came, and she had to admit that she couldn’t wait to see the cowboy again. Deep down she was starting to suspect that she was falling in love with the crazy man who had convinced her that she could get through this difficult time in her life with a little help.
Chapter 17
Thanksgiving was just around the corner and Marissa was feeling tired. The school year had been grueling, but her students were doing well. As they approached the end of quarter grading, she was happy with the grades and with where her students would be when she took leave starting with the Christmas holidays.
Every night she hurried home to her tiny apartment expecting the call she seemed to live for. There was no doubt in her mind now that she loved Trace, even if the feelings were all mixed-up with fluctuation hormones, and appreciation for is help.
She had never felt so connected to anyone like she did with Trace. He was easy to talk to, caring, and funny. All day she would think about his call and smile each time the phone rang.
“Hey you,” Trace’s voice came over the line as soon as she picked up the phone that night.
“Hey yourself,” Marissa said with a smile, surprised when only silence came across the line. “Trace, are you still there?” she asked sitting up in her favorite chair.
“Ya, I’m here,” Trace said his tone making Marissa’s heart leap into over drive.
“Trace is something wrong,” Marissa asked her voice shaking slightly. Perhaps he was having second thoughts about this whole arrangement, and she realized that she didn’t think she could handle that.
“I was just wondering,” Trace said, his voice hesitant, “I was wondering if I could come for a visit.”
Marissa sagged into the chair as she sucked in a breath. “Really?” she asked her heart now skipping with joy. “I’d love for you to come to visit.”
“I’ve already asked Chase for a few days off over Thanksgiving if that would work for you,” the cowboy said. “I thought since you’re off too, we could hangout.”
“I’d really like that Trace,” Marissa said tears springing to her eyes as she cursed her crazy hormones. “When can you come?”
“How about I fly out next Friday? You have the week off, so I’ll be there for the first weekend.”
“That sounds great,” Marissa said. “Do you want to join me for Thanksgiving at my parents’ house?” she asked a little worried. She had explained the situation to her parents, and her mother was livid while her father was relieved.
“You sure I’ll be welcome?”
“Yes, I’m sure you will be welcome,” Marissa said. “And if my folks give you a hard time, we’ll go out to dinner together.”
Trace chuckled. He couldn’t wait to see the smart, funny, and slightly snarky Marissa. The more he had gotten to know her, the more he realized that he was losing his heart. It had been a crazy impulse to offer her his name and support, but now he realized that he was in trouble.
Daisy had been right, he liked Marissa, perhaps even loved her in more than one way. He needed to see her, and he only prayed that his visit would be a time where he could share more of his greatest love.
He was just a simple cowboy, but he knew his heart. “I guess I’ll see you in a week,” he finally said his rich voice rolling over her with a warmth that trickled to her toes.
“I can’t wait,” Marissa said bidding the cowboy good night.
***
Trace clicked off the phone then headed for the house in the middle of the pasture to talk to Chase. He was hoping that Jackson and Red would still be there
as well, having their monthly conference. He was in deep and needed the only thing that could help: prayer.
“Trace, what are you doing here?” Chase asked opening the door and welcoming the wrangler into his home.
“I just talked to Marissa,” Trace said meeting Chase’s gaze. “Are Red and Jacks still here?”
“Come on into the office,” Chase said, “they’re both still here.”
Trace stepped into the office at the front of the old house, smiling when he saw Red smoothing his red and white beard in a rough hand.
“Trace,” Jackson said, shifting his wheelchair with one foot.