I should be angry that you cannot leave my mind for a moment. You have invaded my senses, my every waking hour and each night as well. I want peace and respite from this, Elizabeth! Yet I cannot blame you. It is my weakness that leads me to love a lady unsuitable for my standing. You are not charming, intelligent, witty and beautiful by design. Your enticements are wholly natural and intrinsic.
I am alternately angry and relieved that Miss Bennet does not hold my friend in the same esteem he holds her. If they had married, would I meet with you frequently? Would it be enough to simply keep an acquaintance with you and to satisfy myself with a few lively conversations a year? Would I be forced to see you marry another and bear his children? Or would I claim the honour? And should I try, would you deny me even as you have denied me a dance?
I have made a mess of things, Elizabeth. I cannot see myself through this, though I pride myself in my superior judgment. Since I cannot see clearly, I have run like a coward, hoping the distance would remove the need to find answers, but it has not. You are here with me, Lizzy. You are in my heart.
Perhaps this letter may serve as a balm, and I can regain my composure. Perhaps after this confession I will be able to close my eyes and not see yours laughing at me. It may be that after I conclude this note I will stop searching for your face everywhere I go, remembering your words, and faintly smelling your fragrance.
It may be. I pray it is. And yet my heart tells me there will be none but you residing in it.
Forever yours,
Fitzwilliam Darcy
By the conclusion Elizabeth’s handkerchief was sodden from her tears.
*****
Tuesday, December 10, 1811
Darcy House, London
10:30 am
Hoping his friend was awake, Darcy sought and found Bingley sulking in the library. The evenings of the last ten days had not been kind to Bingley’s constitution and last night, encouraged by Darcy’s more liberal consumption than usual, Bingley had decidedly overindulged in spirits.
“I had thought to find you in the drawing room,” Darcy ventured quietly, but still his friend winced at his voice.
Bingley shook his head and groaned at the motion, “No, I need quiet, and although your sister plays beautifully, it is not conducive to the ache in my head.”
“I shall have Mrs. Redding fetch some powders…” Darcy began, but Bingley interrupted him.
“Thank you, no. I prefer the pain to anything else I might feel.”
Darcy sat down and wondered how to begin what must be said to his friend. “Bingley, have you thought of returning to Netherfield?”
Bingley cast what looked like a sad puppy’s attempt at a glower: “There is nothing for me in Hertfordshire.”
Darcy cautiously said, “The estate is quite comfortable, and you should experience the winter there before deciding if you shall keep it.”
“I am perfectly resolved to give it up entirely.”
Darcy could see he must apply more pressure. “Is this because of your disappointed hopes with Miss Bennet?”
“You know it is! I cannot bear to see her again knowing…” Bingley’s voice trailed off.
“Ah, but we do not know. I only gave you my impressions and, even if I am correct, it is not hopeless. You could certainly court her and seek to gain her approbation.”
“I thought you believed her mercenary!”
“No,” Darcy stated firmly. He truly did not believe so. “Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth could never be mistaken for mercenary. I believe her heart is not easily touched, but yours seems still engaged. Perhaps you must try harder than you are accustomed to in order to gain her affection.”
Bingley’s brow furrowed in thought. “What of your and Caroline’s other complaints? Her connections are not likely to improve my position in society.”
“As sister to Mrs. Darcy, they will be quite sufficient,” Darcy said, almost smugly.
“Sister to Mrs. Darcy? What are you saying, man?”
Darcy was resolutely silent, but Bingley’s mind was suddenly up to the task, “It must be Miss Elizabeth you fancy! All that staring and disputing. I must tell you that is an odd way to court a woman! And it is you who shall have to try hard to win approbation, for she does not much like you!”
“Does not like me?” Darcy asked incredulously and felt insulted. Perhaps she did not make overt displays of her regard, but Bingley sounds as though he believes she hates me.
Instantly, Bingley was out the door of the library and racing up the stairs to the drawing room. Baffled, but amused, Darcy followed his friend. Georgiana was playing a lively tune, and Bingley grinned at the sound, his head miraculously recovered.
“I thought you felt unwell.” In truth, Darcy was not surprised. Bingley was suddenly much improved at the thought of seeing his angel again. Darcy also felt an unprecedented lightness at the idea of returning to Hertfordshire.
Seeing his friend take up writing supplies, Darcy queried him, “Do you write your housekeeper at Netherfield?”
Bingley looked at Darcy in confusion. “Why should I? I am certain Mrs. Clark has our rooms prepared still. I had not yet written her that I was to remain in Town for the winter. We can eat at the Tavern if there is no meal to be had.”
“To whom do you write then?”
“Caroline, of course. She will wish to see her friends again.”
Darcy recoiled in horror. The last thing he desired was the presence of Miss Bingley as he courted Elizabeth. Characteristically, Bingley did not notice.
“She will not want to leave Town so soon, and she ought to stay here for the Season.”
Bingley furrowed his brow in thought. “I should like to have a hostess.” Bingley looked toward Georgiana.
“Absolutely not! She is too young. And she is not related to you— she could not be your hostess.”
“She is practically another sister.” Seeing Darcy’s glare, he added, “We can sort it out later; it will take either lady too long to pack.”
“When do we leave?”
“Immediately. Darcy, do you really think I can persuade her to love me?”
“Of course, my friend.”
Bingley actually leapt from his chair and let out some kind of whooping sound. At least one of us will feel comfortable with our in-laws, Darcy thought.
Georgiana broke in then, “Mr. Bingley are you planning to propose to Miss Bennet?”
Bingley grinned, “Only as soon as humanly possible!”
“William, please, may I come?”
“Georgiana, I really am uncertain…” between exposing her to the Bennets and the chance of her meeting Wickham, Darcy refused to countenance the opportunity.
“I wish to meet Miss Elizabeth Bennet!”
“Eliza…Miss Elizabeth Bennet? How do you even know of her?”
“Your letters were full of her when you were in Hertfordshire. Or were you too besotted to notice what you wrote?” Georgiana laughed—actually laughed—at her brother, causing Bingley to join in when he noticed his friend’s expression.
“I hardly think mentioning a new acquaintance is…”
“William, really! Your interest was obvious! My only concern is that, while you were enchanted with your debates and her lively mind, I worry she may actually dislike you. I want her for my sister, but I can see you will need my help.”
Darcy had every intention of refuting her claim and commanding her to stay, but she met his gaze with what he knew to be the Darcy spirit of determination, and he conceded. She nearly skipped away to make her plans, and Bingley left with an obvious bounce in his step to order the carriage. As his sister’s words settled in his conscience, it occurred to Darcy he was the only one feeling any trepidation with the scheme. He hoped it was only his continued reservations about the marriage.
*****
Fitzwilliam House, London
10:30 am
Lord Fitzwilliam stared at the letter he held in amazement. His nephew, Fitzwilliam Darcy,
announced his betrothal to a lady of no consequence in the world. Immediately, he sought out his wife and found her sitting with his sister and niece, who had arrived in Town from Kent for the upcoming Holiday.
“Eleanor, I have just received the most astonishing letter from our nephew Darcy! He is betrothed to some lady from Hertfordshire!”
His wife exclaimed with delight and jumped up to read the letter as well.
Lord Fitzwilliam and his wife were too preoccupied with scanning the contents of the letter to see Lady Catherine’s face contort in anger.
That lady knew she would gain no support from her brother and sister for her long-held plans, and so she quickly suppressed her feelings and coolly inquired, “Who is the fortunate lady?”
Fitzwilliam answered absently, “A Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourn.” He looked from his wife to his sister and asked, “Have you heard of her or the estate? What can he be thinking? I did not know he was even courting anyone!”
His wife answered, “Darcy was in Hertfordshire for several weeks. He has clearly fallen in love. You must forgive the boy for not informing you of his every thought.” As usual, no one noticed when Lady Catherine’s daughter, Anne, left the room.
His lordship resumed his puzzled observations, “It is so unlike him! He is always so fastidious and staid! He must not have known her very long, and she appears to be of no consequence in the world. Yet he has passed over all of the ton’s fashionable and wealthy ladies.”
Lady Fitzwilliam chuckled, “Of course, he passed over all those insipid ladies, he does not need them. And do you forget how difficult it is to command the heart? You proposed during our first dance, mere minutes after our first meeting!”
“Yes, but you refused me, dear.”
“Naturally, I have always had the most sense in this relationship.” Lady Fitzwilliam’s eyes twinkled with her teasing reply. “Now, write him our congratulations and tell him I insist on hosting a betrothal ball. I shall hear none of his excuses, and I cannot wait to introduce my new niece to our society.”
His lordship left for his study to write his reply, and his wife shortly excused herself to speak with the housekeeper, already consumed with plans for the ball. Several hours went by before either questioned the whereabouts of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Told by the housekeeper that their sister had a headache, they were not concerned until she did not appear for breakfast the next day.
Chapter Three
Longbourn
11:30 am
Elizabeth reread Darcy’s letter several times. She studied his every sentence, and her feelings towards its writer were at times widely different. At first, she was astonished to read that he was in love with her. That alone was gratifying and would answer the dearest wishes of her heart. But this sentiment was followed by anger as she read of his pride and false sense of familial duty. In addition to insulting her family, he declared her unfit to assume the position of wife to a man of his station in life and called his love for her a weakness of character. Most alarming were his claims against Mr. Wickham’s character and his confession of tearing Jane and Mr. Bingley apart.
But on a second perusal, she had to allow that her family’s behaviour was improper. She weighed the matter of Mr. Wickham and concluded that Darcy would never lie about his sister; she was ashamed to realize how prejudiced she had been to have readily accepted Mr. Wickham’s claims without proof. It followed then she was forced to recall that Charlotte believed Jane did not display her feelings enough. Mr. Bingley must have been persuaded that Jane did not love him, and although Darcy gave his opinion, it did not appear he did so with mean intentions. He even admitted that, although conflicted in his feelings, his friend marrying her sister would allow Darcy and Elizabeth to meet again.
The longer she considered it, the more she felt she could understand his reservations, even if she disagreed with his perceptions and mode of statement. She considered again the matter of his pride. Her eyes, now free from prejudice, saw more clearly that his actions and words against their union held some merit. While his manners were not amiable, she could truthfully only accuse him of being too quiet. Was his behaviour really so different from that of her esteemed father, who disliked society so much that he would rarely leave his book room?
Additionally, as little as he may care for the ton, he did owe it to his family—his young sister and future children—to not harm his position in society. He was willing to lay aside his ardent love for her, deny his personal satisfaction and desires, for the good of his family. This could be seen as an honourable sacrifice!
And yet, he said he would reconsider it all if he knew of her regard. She blushed at the thought of him reading her sentiments. Her blush was quickly replaced with agitation when she recalled her own written sentiments were not entirely pleasant. Indeed, they were more offensive than his words. How cruelly did she accuse him of mercilessly destroying her sister’s happiness and of wrongdoing towards Mr. Wickham! He was worthy of every respect and esteem and yet she had rebuked him most vehemently. How heartily did she grieve every ungracious word, every saucy speech!
*****
Darcy House, London
12:00 pm
Charles Bingley had spent the past several hours recalling his every interaction with Miss Jane Bennet and realized he was no closer to feeling assured of her heart. Of one thing he was sure after all the reflection: he was a coward.
His elder brother, Harry, was always self-assured and confident. He was Darcy’s true friend. They met at Eton but became closer friends just after graduating from Cambridge when their father unexpectedly died, leaving the siblings orphans. Having recently been through such a hardship, including being given the guardianship of a much younger sister, Darcy paid a call on Harry, and their steady friendship was established. Two years later, Harry passed from a sudden fever, and Charles was left filling the void. Darcy readily helped his good friend’s brother, and although the younger of the Bingley brothers would not see it, Darcy found himself in a deeper friendship with Charles than he had with Harry regardless of the difference in their ages.
Charles’ father, Hal Bingley, had been amiable and good-natured and made all his new acquaintances forget that he was the son of a carriage maker. Harry was meant to be the first landowner of the family and was driven in his attempts to succeed at his task to raise the family’s consequence. Charles was too easy going for such things, and many who knew him wondered if he might not just rent an estate forever and leave the purchasing to the next generation, but they were wrong. His hesitancy came from fear of making a mistake, of failing his family name, not because he was too happily settled anywhere.
And so it was with matters of the heart. The fear of putting himself out there and proposing to Jane and meeting a refusal or worse, experiencing an indifferent or unhappy marriage, paralyzed him. Darcy’s words of encouragement allowed him to see matters differently. He would take on the yoke of his forefathers and be courageous and bold.
*****
12:30 pm
Darcy House, London
The threesome was packed and ready for an extended stay in Hertfordshire when the butler met Darcy with the post as they gathered in the drawing room awaiting the carriage. Darcy still had not rescinded his order that all mail would pass directly from the butler’s hands to his, either sent or received. His eyes widened as he saw the top envelope. It did not bear his full address—simply Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, London—but it was no surprise it found its way to his house. More shocking was the unknown and clearly feminine penmanship. Upon further examination the letter was postmarked from Meryton, Hertfordshire.
“Darcy! Did you hear me? They just announced the carriage is ready.”
Darcy could not hear Bingley over the pounding of his heart. “Forgive me. I have urgent business to attend to.” Darcy did not wait for a reply before departing rapidly for his private study.
He sat behind his desk staring at the letter addressed to him in a delicate, feminine
hand. Darcy was terrified. He had not expected any sort of reply from Elizabeth. What was the meaning of the letter in his hands? She was not the sort to break with propriety, and there was no formal engagement between them…yet.
Darcy tried to recall the letter he had written her. Truthfully, he had written it for himself; she was never meant to read it. He could not remember the exact words, but suddenly understanding dawned on him. He chose to be harsh with the reality of the situation to firm his resolve to abandon the acquaintance, intending to read it at a later date. He made it very clear he would never offer for her, and she had no way of knowing he did not intentionally mail the letter.
Bingley’s words reverberated in Darcy’s mind. She must be soundly rejecting my sentiments and improper behaviour. But why would she write and risk so much, only to berate me? Such thoughts were unconscionable, and his pride demanded they turn in another direction.
Bingley is wrong, any lady would be flattered by my attentions, and Elizabeth is sensible. I have seen her embarrassed by her family. She will not be offended by my letter. Instead, she must be begging me to return. Fear not, my lovely Elizabeth; I shall declare myself properly quite shortly.
Encouraged by his latest thoughts, he boldly opened the letter.
December 9, 1811
Longbourn, Hertfordshire
Dear Mr. Darcy,
Twice now I have attempted to glean information from you to better understand your character and yet I am no closer to being reconciled with the differing accounts I hear of you.
I have heard from Mr. Bingley what a great friend you are. Yes, I see you are so very kind as to not have a care for his feelings of happiness, and to separate him from my sister, leaving her with disappointed hopes and in misery of the acutest kind. How can wealth and consequence replace affection and love in the ways of happiness? Can you be so lost to feeling as to suggest he marry where he does not love?
Seven Days With Mr Darcy Page 10