“But why do you seem so unsettled?”
“I…” Darcy gulped. He had severely broken with propriety and was rather hesitant to admit the truth of it to his sister, but he always found it difficult to resist anything she asked when she looked upon him with that expression.
“Elizabeth—forgive me, I cannot think of her as anything else now—is a stellar woman. I cannot explain it, but she has a combination of virtues that makes her the most amazing and fascinating young lady I have ever met. But I had not planned to propose. Her family has connections in trade, and she is nearly penniless.”
Darcy rolled his eyes at the look on his sister’s face. It was obvious she had been reading too many novels, for she seemed entirely unmoved by his reasonable scruples. Real life was not a fairy tale. It was natural to be prudent as to fortune, but he knew he was blessed with the independence that made the match bearable.
“But her lack of fortune and the situation of her mother’s family, though objectionable, are nothing in comparison to the total want of propriety frequently and nearly uniformly betrayed by her nearest relations, except for her eldest sister.”
Georgiana flushed in apparent sympathy for the young lady she had never met. “And your pride would not allow you to connect yourself with them? Honestly, Brother! Must I give you a lesson on family history? Shall I start with the noble Fitzwilliams? Now, which relative is your favourite? The one who seduced the youngest daughter of an earl? Or perhaps our Darcy ancestor, Marmaduke, who attempted to lead his troops entirely bottomless into battle, more than once, due to emptying a gin bottle the night before?”
Darcy held up his hands in protest. “Georgiana, you previously illustrated your point, and I had already begun to think differently upon the subject. But there is more…” Darcy trailed off.
Georgiana was not deficient in understanding. “If you had not planned to offer for her while you were in Hertfordshire, and have only just recently thought better of your reasons against the match, why are we already on the road?”
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Darcy attempted to explain. “You may have noticed I have been in poor spirits.”
Georgiana rolled her eyes. “Poor? You have had all the geniality of a bear with a thorn in its paw.” Darcy met that piece of impertinence with a grunt. Clearly she will enjoy Elizabeth’s company.
“And Bingley as well.” Bingley straightened when he heard his name.
“Yes, he has not been quite his energetic self of late.” Bingley smiled at the tease, and Darcy could only shake his head in amazement.
Was it the hope of meeting Elizabeth which restored her good humour? How had he not thought it before? Georgiana did not need a marriage to a wealthy and well-connected man, she needed love and acceptance. If somehow marriage to Elizabeth damaged his position in Society, they would gain things of much greater importance.
He redirected his thoughts to the point on hand. “He has been mourning the loss of Elizabeth’s eldest sister whom, he idolized. In addition to the evils against the match that I had put to him, the same as I used to suppress my own desires, I did not notice any sign of regard on Miss Bennet’s side. This last was telling, and he decided to give up the lease on Netherfield so he would not be in her company again.”
Georgiana chewed her bottom lip in thought. “What has changed the circumstances?”
“I now know that Miss Bennet loves Bingley.” Both of his companions gasped.
“How can you possibly know that now?” They asked nearly in unison.
“Elizabeth wrote me a letter.”
Georgiana’s eyes went wide, and she gasped.
“I do not believe it!” Bingley nearly shouted as though Darcy had insulted a lady.
“I do not believe she meant to send it.”
Georgiana scowled. Darcy saw she believed Elizabeth Bennet was nothing more than the rest of the conniving and mercenary women who hunted him.
“How can that error possibly be made?” she asked.
“I can easily understand it, for the same has happened to me. Last night my head was not as clear as usual.”
“You were in your cups?” Her gaze drifted to Bingley, and he hung his head in shame.
Darcy gave her a reproachful look. “Hardly. You know I never over-indulge.”
“According to Richard, not since that one night at Cambridge when…”
“Georgiana! Let this be a lesson to you even as that story is. I was not in my cups, but I still felt some impairment, my faculties still affected.”
She snorted. “So you sent a young lady a letter?”
“No!” He was perhaps too vehement in his protest. “I only wrote one. I never meant to send it, never meant for her to read it. It was meant to be an exercise to firm my resolve and persuade me that I was right to not pursue Elizabeth. And her letter to me seemed, similarly, to be more an attempt to decipher her own conflictions over me and, obviously, was written in ignorance of my letter. She was painfully honest in stating her confused feelings, and strongly berated me on some issues; it could never be interpreted as an attempt to entice me. Neither letter, I suspect, was written in a calm, rational state, nor were they intended to be posted.”
Clearly only somewhat mollified by her brother’s thoughts on Elizabeth’s intentions, Georgiana persisted. “Well, you did send yours, and now her reputation will be in tatters. So you are doing your duty and will marry her.” She sighed. “No lady wishes to be married in such a way.”
No true lady anyway, Darcy thought. He knew several who would gleefully accept him even due to scandal.
“I have my hopes that she has not read mine and may not know of it. I received an express from Mr. Bennet, so I do assume it has been received, but he may have withheld it from her.”
Georgiana seemed confused by her brother’s logic. “If you love her and your judgment was so impaired last night, then I suppose you said as much in your letter. Why would you wish she not know of it? She must know her letter was sent, and there is no alternative but to marry. Knowing your affection would be a reassuring balm.”
Darcy grimaced. He sincerely doubted Elizabeth would find any comfort in his words. His sister saw his expression and gave him a sharp look. “What did you write?”
Darcy looked away, guilty. “Remember, I meant to save the letter to remind myself of the reasons why, no matter how great my affection, I could never marry her.”
“You wrote that you disapproved of her family? Denigrated her lack of connections and dowry?”
Darcy nodded his head affirmatively. Georgiana’s disgust showed on her face, but then a thought seemed to strike her. “But it is her letter you look at anxiously.”
“Yes.” Darcy said nothing more.
Georgiana looked at him in exasperation. Darcy did not doubt she was quelling the urge to lunge for the letter and read for herself. “William, do not try me today. You have insulted the lady you love and wish to marry… and now must marry. If you have any desire to begin your marriage in happiness, you will tell me what her wayward letter says.”
“That she loves me against her reason and against her will, and knows nothing good of me.”
Georgiana gasped. “She confessed love? Oh, William!”
“Calm yourself. She has much against me. She has surmised that I separated Bingley from her sister, who does love him. And…”
“But, we bring him back with us, which should ease her heart and display your honour in correcting your very wrong presumption. A lady appreciates that!”
Bingley seemed to take notice of this more than the other parts of conversation and looked quite thoughtful.
Darcy hesitated. Georgiana looked as though she might shake him until he spoke again. “And she has believed Wickham’s usual lies about me.”
Georgiana paled. “He-he-he…she knows him? How?”
“He has joined the Militia regiment that is quartered in Meryton.”
“Has he said anything about me?”
�
��I do not believe so. He would know better than to risk me calling him out.” Darcy’s fists tightened in reflex, and Bingley’s look of interest piqued.
Georgiana was quiet for a moment and Darcy looked at her in concern. “We can turn around, if you wish.”
She vehemently shook her head. “No! I will no longer live in fear of him ruining my life. I once was lively. I will be myself again.” She paused and looked at Mr. Bingley’s confusion then straightened and held her head high. “I am ready to speak about it now. I wish to tell Mr. Bingley and then Miss Elizabeth if it should prove necessary to change her mind. You helped me and I will help you.”
Darcy attempted to argue but again saw his sister would be firm in this. She succinctly told the tale and he was never more proud of her than that moment.
When she was finished Georgiana immediately resumed her questioning. “How long have you known he was there?”
“He arrived the week before I left.”
“Her acquaintance with you is longer, and yet she believed Wickham.”
Bingley interjected here. “Ja…Miss Bennet did ask me about Mr. Wickham at the ball. I did not know much to tell her. I believe Caroline said something as well but it was probably done in her usual, supercilious and insulting fashion. I do not believe Miss Elizabeth believed Mr. Wickham implicitly, but the man seemed very nice when I met him.”
Darcy shook his head. “I did not make myself agreeable. I disliked the Bennets, and others, for their lack of decorum, and my natural reticence in crowds was seen as haughtiness. And I worry whatever feelings she has, that have withstood her disgust at my manners, will not survive the direct insult I gave in my letter.”
“I assume you made it very clear you would not marry her?” Georgiana asked.
“Yes.”
“She must either be very angry or entirely despairing, if she has read the letter.”
“And now you know the cause for my anxiety.”
Bingley was more hopeful. “Perhaps she has not read it, and only her father has.”
“Elizabeth is unlikely to be alone in her criticisms of me. Mr Bennet will likely feel nearly as insulted and may refuse my offer. She is not of age.”
“Most would consider you an illustrious match.”
“Nothing about the Bennets adheres to a normal way of thought. She is his favourite daughter, and he often seems not to care about the components of Society that would rouse most men to take an interest in their family. If the exchange of letters is not widely known, he may not favour the match. I fear Elizabeth would refuse me should I ask her.” The lack of surprise on his companions faces when he uttered his final words was telling. He would deserve it if she refused him, no matter his wealth and rank.
Georgiana broke the silence. “You do not plan to speak to her?”
“I…I have never been in the position of being less certain which path is correct. I alternately wish for the letter to be known to her, and I wish for it not to be.”
“You must settle this with her. Regardless of whether the letter is known or not, nothing but entire transparency will ensure your future felicity. Anything less merely stores troubles and magnifies them.”
“When did you get so wise, little mouse?” He affectionately tapped her nose. She wrinkled it but smiled at the endearment.
Bingley agreed, “Yes, you are quite wise, Georgiana. You have given me much to think on as well.”
The three shared a hopeful smile as the carriage brought them closer to Meryton.
*****
The Darcy carriage ambled into Meryton, and Darcy did not miss the sight of several townsfolk gawking at the crest. It drew even more attention than he anticipated, and he worried anew what may already be circulating. He saw the woman he believed to be Mrs. Bennet’s sister flap her arms wildly about and scurry down the road to Longbourn. Bingley noticed as well and let out a strange longing-like moan.
“We do not go straight to Longbourn?” Georgiana asked.
“No. There is time for me to change at least before arriving for dinner, and you shall remain at Netherfield.”
“Oh, please allow me to come!”
“You do not have an invitation and neither does Bingley, actually.”
“I hardly think they would mind!” Bingley cried.
“I arrive to sort out a terrible mess and may very much be unwanted. Elizabeth wrote in her letter that she has been led to believe, by your sister no doubt, that I desire to match you with Georgiana.” He ignored the looks of alarm from his friend and sister. “The family may not welcome you back so easily either. Allow me to go and do my duty and then we will see on the morrow if we may all call together.”
Georgiana and Bingley let out nearly identical sighs of frustration, and Darcy rolled his eyes. His own frustration was from a different sort entirely.
An hour later he arrived at Longbourn’s door in fresh clothing. The house was strangely quiet. He chose the coward’s way out and requested Mr. Bennet immediately instead of greeting the ladies in the drawing room. Mr. Bennet did not seem very welcoming and chose to stare at him directly.
“Mr. Darcy, would you care to tell me your reason for visiting today?”
“I believe I owe you an apology, sir,” he humbly began. “I have reason to believe a mislaid letter was sent here this morning. In it, among other things, I insulted your family.”
Mr. Bennet raised an eyebrow, and Darcy had the uneasy feeling that he was the prey being played with, as a cat toys with a mouse. “And is that the extent of your travesties?”
“No, sir.” He gulped. “I also declared my love for your daughter, Miss Elizabeth, and then arrogantly laid out all the reasons I chose not to offer for her. I insulted her, I blamed her for my own lack of composure, and now I worry that I have compromised her reputation.”
Mr. Bennet was silent for a long time. “I believe she has sent you a letter as well. I am inclined to let the issue pass. I understand you have both exchanged admiration and insults and agree a match is nonsensical.”
This was not how Darcy imagined the meeting to go. “Sir! I…you must see that there were others who handled these letters. An attachment, even an engagement, must be presumed.”
“You sound very certain when you have only arrived to the area yourself, and it has been mere hours since the letters were sent.”
Blast the man! He would make Darcy confess all. “I arrogantly sent notices to my solicitor and family in hopes of making it seem as though there was a pre-existing engagement. Before reading Miss Elizabeth’s letter the idea that she would refuse me never occurred to me.”
“Well, it is as you say. She did not think highly of your insults and might refuse you, even with what appears to be weighty proof of an engagement. It is not uncommon for ladies to think better of an attachment.”
Darcy sank back in his chair. “She would harm her reputation? Even that of her sisters? The engagement would be well known, nothing so easily silenced. Does she truly think so little of me?”
He had been humbled thoroughly this day. More than this, many times now he saw that he chose a cowardly way, but now his heart demanded he be brave and fight. Not because he deserved it, but because he would not harm Elizabeth if he could help it and did not want to lose hope of her regard.
“Might I speak with Miss Elizabeth, sir? I wish to know her thoughts on this.”
Mr. Bennet looked surprised, which only humbled Darcy further. The older gentleman undoubtedly did not believe Darcy was capable of following another person’s wishes.
“Very well.”
Mr. Bennet excused himself, and after a few moments, Elizabeth was brought in. Darcy almost knocked over his chair when he stood at her entrance. She looked more beautiful than he recalled, but was subdued, and he would wager he saw caution in her eyes.
“You wished to speak with me, sir?”
Was she trembling? Why did he always lose his ability to speak sensibly around her? She motioned to his seat, and he obeyed her
silent request.
“Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature and, while it may wound your feelings for me to mention it, I must apologize for my unjust accusations in my…” she trailed off before quietly finishing, “in my letter.”
“What did you say of me that I did not deserve? Even more so in light of my letter. I hope you have destroyed it. I wrote harshly, and it is full of expressions that should justly make you hate me.”
“Please,” she replied staring at her hands. “Please, do not apologize for your letter. It begins in bitterness, but the ending is so full of hopeless love.”
He reached for her hands, but she pulled them away. She turned from him but said in a shaky voice, “You wrote many sensible things in the letter as well. It would be an imprudent match for you. My family’s behaviour is unpardonable. I would be nothing but a blight on your family name, and I bring nothing but myself.”
He stood at her words. “Elizabeth, you mean everything to me! There is nothing greater I could desire. Do not I owe it to my family to be happy?”
He had never been more ashamed of his selfishness. In his letter he sought only to ease his own feelings. Although he did not mean for her to read his thoughts on her family and connections, it was inexcusable for him to even think them. If, in the last day, he wondered if he truly loved Elizabeth he could have no more doubts. Her pain was his, all the worse for it came by his own hand.
“But would your happiness last? When your family name is diminished, your wife scorned, and your children unaccepted would you still be happy? What of your sister?”
“You are rejecting me?” This morning he felt disbelief at the notion. Now he felt only fear and knew she was every bit justified.
Her voice was low. “The feelings which hindered your earlier regard will soon allow you to overcome your pain, sir.”
Darcy was silent for a long moment, desperately trying to find some kind of composure. His heart pounded and every second he was sure it would be its last beat. He circled around her, willing her to meet his eye. “And what of you, Elizabeth? Do you still find nothing to esteem in me? You wrote you love me. Are you willing to go through life without that love?”
Seven Days With Mr Darcy Page 14