by T L Swan
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I’m serious.”
There’s silence down the line.
“Are you there?” I eventually whisper.
“I can’t believe this. Are you sure it’s him?”
“It’s him!” I snap.
“Jeez.” She laughs. “Wow. I told you to wear the skirt today.”
I glance down at my daggy attire. “Oh God, Jen, this is a disaster. I’m the fuckwit he never called.”
“What are you going to do?”
I close my eyes. “I don’t know.”
“Where are you now?”
“In the courtyard. “I glance around at my surroundings. “He’s taking a call.”
“Well go back in. Who cares? Just do it.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Shall I buy wine?”
“Buy a case.”
“Bye. Love you.” I hear the smile in her voice.
“Yeah, bye.” I hang up.
* * *
For the next three hours, the group and I follow Dr. Cameron Stanton around as he sees his patients. He is knowledgeable, caring, gentle, and absolutely orgasmic. He has the whole group as well as his patients under his spell. Everyone is hanging off every word that comes out of his mouth with that beautiful Australian accent.
Amber laughs at everything he says, and the boys are trying to become his best friend. Maria is quiet.
Me… well, I’m just plain horrified—horrified that a man I met five years ago for a period of twelve hours still has the ability to make me feel the way I am feeling at this moment.
This is the opposite of professionalism—this is loserism.
We continue to walk around the ward, and for some reason I begin to feel annoyed with him. Everyone in this hospital idolizes him like he’s a damn rock star. He’s gorgeous, smart, witty… and he didn’t fucking call me. En-route to another ward, he stops to talk to another doctor walking in the opposite direction as they cross paths.
“Ten minute break, guys,” he says to the group. The doctor he is talking to is also young and good looking, and it is obvious they are friends out of work.
I turn my back to them, but stay in the same spot as Amber starts to talk to me. I can’t listen to what she’s saying because I’m too busy eavesdropping on Dr. Panty Dropper and his hunky friend.
“Are you going to the conference in Geneva?” The other doctor asks him.
“If I can swing it, I am,” Cameron replies.
“Yeah, well try and come and we can make a week of it.”
“Okay, I’m on it.”
The visiting hours have started and the corridors have people coming and going. One particular woman is on her own with three small children. The two smallest children are throwing tantrums and the youngest one is screaming the place down and she is dragging her along by the arm.
Dr. Stanton turns and smiles in acknowledgment to her before she disappears up the hallway with her screaming kids, then he turns back to his friend. “This is why condoms were the greatest ever invention,” he casually whispers.
“Deserves a Nobel prize,” the other doctor replies.
What? I frown.
Is he kidding? Who the hell does this twat think he is?
Condoms are the best thing ever invented. Well, he obviously hates kids.
I begin to hear my heart beat in my ears. And to think… I thought he was actually hot. He’s an arrogant fucking asshole.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I whisper to Amber.
“Sure thing.”
I turn and walk up the hallway.
“Ashley?”
I turn to see Cameron behind me. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
I swallow my nerves. “Okay.”
“In here?” He opens a door into an office.
I follow him into the small space and he closes the door behind me.
His eyes soften and he appears nervous. “I came looking for you.”
I frown.
“I came to New York looking for you. I lost my phone with your number on it the day after you left.”
What a crock of shit.
“Je vous ai souvent pensé,” he whispers.
Translation: I have thought of you often.
My eyes drop to the floor. Oh God, he remembers our bilingual love making. I drag my eyes back up to his.
Why does he have to smell so good?
Every woman in this hospital is in lust with him, and if I let myself go there I will just be another on the list that he didn’t call. I can’t do it. I’m not going to be that needy girl who pines for Dr. Love.
“I’m sorry?” I reply flatly.
His face falls. “Vegas.”
“What about Vegas?” I ask.
He narrows his eyes as if annoyed. “We met in Vegas a few years ago.”
I purse my lips. “Did we? I don’t think so.”
He frowns.
“Vous ne vous souvenez pas de moi?”
Translation: You don’t remember me?
My eyes hold his. “I’m sorry. I don’t speak German.”
Hi lifts his chin defiantly as his ego takes a physical blow. “That was French,” he replies sarcastically.
My eyes hold his. “I don’t speak French, either. You’ve got the wrong girl.”
He steps back from me. Shock flashes across his face. Hell, I surprised myself. Why did I just say that? His eyes hold mine and he frowns as if processing my lie.
“Please excuse me. I thought you were someone else,” he murmurs.
“Who?” I ask as my eyebrows rise. “Who did you think I was?” I don’t know why, but I have to know his answer.
He smirks. He’s got me. He knows it was me. Why did I bloody ask that question? If it wasn’t me, I shouldn’t need to know that answer.
He tilts his chin sarcastically. “Just this amazing girl I met five years ago that I haven’t been able to forget.”
My face falls. Oh no.
Anger flares in his eyes. “Never mind. It wasn’t you. Sorry to take up your time.”
He brushes past me angrily and out the office, and the door bangs with a thud.
I stand in the silence for a moment, the sound of my shallow breaths filling the air.
He seemed hurt that I didn’t remember him. I already know that no woman with a pulse has ever forgotten Cameron Stanton.
I tip my head back to the heavens in despair.
Why on earth did I just do that?
6
Cameron
The sweat is running down my torso and the sound of my feet connecting hard on the surface rings loudly through the gym.
The treadmill is flying, but I need to get rid of this fury that’s boiling over.
Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes and then I can stop.
She didn’t remember me.
I glance up at the music channel playing overhead and wipe the perspiration from my brow as I think back to Vegas when I met her.
How could she have possibly forgotten the night that we had together?
It’s seared into my fucking soul.
I’ve compared every woman since. Nobody has ever measured up. Both physically and mentally, they always fall short.
Until her, I didn’t know what I was looking for.
Until I got on the plane empty handed in New York to return home from trying to find her, I didn’t know what disappointment was.
Was it even her?
I get a picture of her in my office earlier and trace my mind for the image I have in my head of our time in Vegas.
Yes, it fucking was her!
She has some kind of golden unicorn status in my mind and she was definitely in my office…
Today.
I turn up the speed and run as fast as I can.
“Are you trying to kill yourself?” Murph asks, interrupting my thoughts.
I’m too short of breath to answer him so I shake my head.
“Did someone die today?”
he asks, concerned.
I shake my head, still too short of breath to answer.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Fuck… off,” I pant. I’m near having a heart attack here. What could possibly be wrong?
“You’re a cranky shit, you know that?” Murph frowns.
I continue to concentrate on the belt zooming by beneath my feet.
My brother Joshua—Stan as we call him—walks into the gym dressed to train after finishing work. We are in his office building gym, and it’s 5pm in the afternoon. We come here most days, and although he is only in LA a few days a week, Murph and I are here daily. This is the only reliable place where we get to see each other. Obviously, Stan and Murph work together, but with my crazy work schedule and all of us busy on weekends, this sixty minutes a day with my two best friends is sacred. When they are not annoying the fuck out of me, that is.
Stan frowns as he sees me and walks over to the treadmill to watch me for a moment. Murph joins him and they stand in front of me, both smirking.
“Fuck… off,” I pant. “I’m not in the mood for your fucking shit today.”
“Did someone die?” He frowns. Usually I only get like this if I lose a patient. Thankfully, that’s not my reasoning today.
“Nobody died,” I grunt, exasperated.
“Then what’s up your ass?” Stan asks.
“Nothing. I’ve had a prick of a day, that’s all.”
I continue running as they both move on and do their weights together. This is Joshua’s second workout for the day. He works out morning and night. He’s abnormal, I’m sure.
Why did she say she didn’t know me? Could she really have forgotten? A disturbing thought crosses my mind. Fuck, what if she’s married? What if I found her too late?
Found who? She doesn’t even know who you are, I remind myself. Maybe it was all one-sided. Hmm, it could happen, I suppose. I mean, it normally happens to me, only the other way around. The girls fall in love while I look for the closest exit door.
I think back. She was very eager to get away from me that morning. Maybe too eager.
Fuck, I shouldn’t have let her go. It’s the one thing I have regretted over the years, that I didn’t push the concierge for more information on her. And that I lost my stupid phone that night. If I had known what affect she was going to have on me, I would have gotten Joshua to hack the security footage, right there and then on the spot.
The treadmill finally comes to a halt and I step off it, my fatigued legs adjusting to the hard floor. I’m panting, covered in perspiration, and exhausted. I walk into the bathroom and get under a burning hot shower. I’ve never felt so out of control of a situation before.
It’s very… unsettling.
I stand under the shower and let the hot water run over my head as I feel my body recover from its exertion.
I think on it for a long time and I know I’ve got two choices. I can make a fool of myself by trying to make her remember me, even though I know she really already does, or…
I stare into space for a moment as I think. A smile crosses my face as a plan comes to mind.
You want to play mind games, baby?
Let’s go!
Ashley
Four hours later, I turn the key in the front door. Exhausted doesn’t come close to what I’m experiencing right now. It’s 8pm. Nerves, concentration, and the shock of coming face-to-face with—and lying to—an ethereal creature has all taken its toll. I don’t think I have ever been so tired in my whole life.
“Momma!” Owen yells excitedly as he jumps from the back of the lounge and runs to meet me at the front door. I scoop him up and squeeze him tight. Coming home to him reminds me why I put myself through this hell: To provide a better life for us. To have stability. I want him to be proud of who I am.
That’s the plan, anyway.
“Hi, baby.” I smile into his hair. “Sorry I’m late. Did you have a good day?”
He grins. “I got you a present.”
My mouth drops open in an over exaggerated gesture, and I place him back down on the floor. “You did?”
He swings back and forth with his hands behind his back and nods proudly. “It’s flowers.”
I smile broadly. “Why did you buy me flowers?”
“They are first day flowers.”
I bend and kiss him.
“But I can’t buy them for you tomorrow,” he says seriously. “Because it won’t be your first day.”
“Oh, okay,” I reply. “That’s a sensible plan.”
I catch sight of Jenna hiding in the kitchen as she eavesdrops and I blow her a kiss.
“Do you want to see them?” he asks.
“Yes please.” I smile. My little man is so articulate. He grabs my hand and leads me upstairs to my room and sure enough, there on my bedside table is a vase full of beautiful, brightly colored flowers. I bend to inhale their scent. “I love them, thank you, Owen.”
He remembers something and runs off to his room. “I did something else,” he calls over his shoulder.
I smile and sit on my bed as I wait for his return. Within moments, he is back with me again. He passes me a picture he has drawn. I smile as I try to work out what it is. Hmm. Tricky. It could be anything to be honest. “I love it,” I gasp.
He points to it. “Yes, because sometimes you won’t have a coat.”
I frown. Okay, he’s lost me now. I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Oh, so this is me?”
He nods. “Yes.” He replies as he crawls onto my lap. “Of course it’s you. See?” He points to the squiggly lines in a square. “This is the hospital and you are the doctor.”
A broad smile crosses my face. “Ah, yes, I see it now.”
His proud smile beams up at me. This beautiful child is such a blessing in my life. “Where’s Jenna?” I ask.
“In the kitchen.”
“Come on, let’s go and show her my flowers. She will be so surprised.”
Owen frowns as he thinks and then gestures for me to come close so he can tell me a secret. I lean my ear down so I’m closer to his mouth.
“She knows about your flowers,” he whispers.
“She does?” I whisper back in surprise.
“She bought them.”
I smile. “Oh!” I try to act shocked.
“But I have to pretend I bought them even though I don’t have any moneys,” he whispers.
“Okay.” I kiss his cheek. This kid’s honesty kills me. “I won’t tell her you told me,” I continue. “Your secret is safe and thank you, I love them.” I wink to seal the deal.
“Good,” he replies as he takes my hand and leads me downstairs to my beloved friend. This is her. This is how she operates. My birthday and Christmas presents from Owen all come from Jenna. She has been the stand-in sensible dad to Owen since he was born because his father was hopeless and my happiness is more important to her than her own. I could never repay her for everything she has done for me. I smile as I walk into the kitchen as she serves up my dinner onto a plate, and I kiss her cheek. “Thank you,” I mouth.
She throws the tea towel over her shoulder. “Congratulations on your first day.” She smirks, her eyes alive with mischief.
Owen climbs up onto the stool next to me, smiling like the Cheshire Cat.
“Owen bought me flowers,” I reply.
“I saw them.” She smiles. “You are so lucky to have a son like him.”
Owen smiles a proud of himself smile.
I put my arm around his shoulders and kiss the top of his head. “I know. My little prince.” I begin to press kisses all over his face until he swats me away, laughing.
“Stop it, Mom,” he squeals. “Stop it.”
Jenna pushes my plate over to me and I look down at the casserole and mashed potatoes she has made.
“Thank you.” I grab her hand over the table as emotion overcomes me. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you do all you do.”
She smil
es warmly. “I know.”
Her eyes glance to Owen as he sits beside me, and then she pours me a glass of wine. “I can’t wait to hear all about your day and your new boss.” She widens her eyes in jest. I shovel the first fork full of food into my mouth. “My new boss is nice.” I gesture to the food. “This is delicious.”
“And?”
I smirk around my mouthful, not wanting to elaborate in front of Owie. “And I will tell you later when I have drunk this bottle of wine.”
* * *
Two hours later I am trying my hardest to explain my predicament.
“The forms were really long and I was doing them for an hour. I don’t know why I wrote it, I just did.”
We are on our second bottle of wine at the kitchen table with Owen safely tucked up in bed.
Jenna frowns. “I just don’t understand why you lied. There is nothing wrong with having kids Ashley.”
I blow out a defeated breath. “I know, but I didn’t know I was going to know him when I filled it out, did I?”
Her eyes hold mine.
“I don’t want to be judged and given special treatment because I’m a single mom.”
“You won’t be.”
“I will be. I will get the whole ‘you go first, your kid is waiting’ bullshit. ‘You can’t do overtime because you have a kid at home’.”
Jenna watches me sadly. “But what happens if you like this guy and he asks you out on a date?”
“He won’t.”
“He might. He remembered you. That’s something.” She smiles hopefully.
I roll my eyes as I drain my glass. “Trust me, as soon as he finds out I have a kid he will lose interest instantly and I will become someone’s mom who is not needed anymore.”
Jenna purses her lips as she thinks. “You need to tell him, so if there’s a chance, you can rekindle what you had.”
My eyes hold hers.
“You’ve talked about this guy for years, compared everyone to him, and now he’s come back to you in a weird twist of fate and you’ve started it all with lies. What’s wrong with you?”
I drop my head into my hands. “Oh God, I don’t know. I was flustered, he’s all gorgeous, and the women swoon over him. I just felt so bloody old.”
“Go in there tomorrow and tell him everything. Tell him you remember him, tell him you had a son, and tell him you want to explore anything there might be between you.”