by T L Swan
She smiles. “You are lovely and have nothing to be ashamed of.” She hands the top to me and I take it, sliding it on. It’s so short that the bottom of my breasts are peeking out from underneath it. She straightens my wig and passes me a lip-gloss. I turn to the mirror and reapply.
I blow out a breath.
“Any man would be lucky to lay eyes on you in that,” She says softly.
I smirk.
“Go out there and show him what he can’t have.”
I grin. I needed to hear that. “Wish me luck.”
“Good luck.”
I walk out the door and into the alcove where three bouncers wait. My friend Matt is there and he turns to face me. “Hey.” He smiles as his eyes scan my scantily dressed body. “Look at you.”
I cringe. “Oh God. Do I look okay?” I whisper.
“You look fucking hot.”
I smile, grateful.
“You dancing tonight, babe?” he asks.
I nod. “Just one.”
“Let’s go.” He gestures to the door.
“Huh?” I frown.
“I will come with you. You won’t be anywhere alone out there.”
“Oh.” My eyes widen in horror. Oh no, he can’t watch me. I’ll get stage fright.
“Matt, can you do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Can you just watch me from over near the wall. I won’t be able to do it if I see you right there.”
He smiles and nods before we walk out into the club. The lights are dimmed, and scantily dressed girls weave between the mass of powerful men. The mood in the room is sexy. It’s forbidden desire at its best. How many of these men are married, here to quench their thirst for new flesh?
I look over and I see Cameron. Wearing his expensive suit, he is seated in the large, leather chair, drink in his hand as he waits for his own pound of flesh. His dark hair is wavy on top and he has a growth shadow over his square jaw.
I slowly walk over to stand in front of him. His eyes rise to meet mine and a sexy smile crosses his face.
He won.
“You wanted a lap dance, sir?”
He sits back and readjusts the obvious erection in his pants.
Fuck, he’s hot.
“I did,” he replies as his eyes hold mine and he slowly sips his drink.
I walk toward him and slowly drop to my knees between his legs, he inhales sharply.
“Your wish is my command,” I whisper.
His eyes are locked on mine and his jaw hangs slack. Electricity zaps between us.
“What do you want?” I breathe as my tongue darts out to lick my bottom lip.
His hungry eyes watch me. “You,” he whispers. “I want you.”
The music starts. Rude boy from Rihanna and I smirk. This song is very fitting.
Come here rude boy, boy,
Can you get it up?
Come here rude boy, boy,
Is you big enough?
Take it, take it.
Baby, baby.
I seductively slide my hands up his shins and rest them on his inner thighs to push his legs apart and pull him forward in his chair. He inhales sharply and places his drink down on the side table. His eyes never leave mine. I drop my head between his legs and blow hot air through his pants, onto his thigh. I hear him moan softly and I nip his thigh with my teeth. His hands instinctively go to the back of my head, and he holds me tenderly between his palms. My eyes close in pleasure.
This man…
I move my ass in time to the beat as I focus my attention on his hard cock, placing my mouth over it. His hand tightens on the back of my head.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispers.
I look up at him and smirk from my position between his legs. “My name is Ashley,” I whisper.
His eyes hold mine. His face falls as something changes between us. He brings his hand up and tenderly cups my cheek, and I turn my head to kiss the palm of his hand. Dear God.
What is this? What is this feeling between us?
I remember where I am and continue to move to the beat as I climb onto his lap. My knees rest on either side of his legs, my body only inches above his crotch. I lean closer so that my breasts are only inches away from his mouth, and arch my back.
“Fuck.” He growls as he reaches up and grabs my hips to slam me down onto his hard cock.
My head rolls back in pleasure and Matt suddenly appears out of nowhere. “Hands off,” he orders Cameron.
I put my hand up in a stop signal. “Go away, Matt,” I snap. I need Cameron to touch me.
Hell, I really need him to touch me.
Matt backs off to his corner and my attention goes back to the hard man beneath me. With his hands planted firmly on my hips, he drags me over his hard cock, and my body shudders in approval.
His eyes flicker with a dangerous level of arousal, and it’s all I can do not to slide my shorts to the side and mount him.
Fuck… I need this. He sways my hips and grinds me onto his hard body. His mouth opens and he takes my nipple between his teeth and bites down.
I shudder as an orgasm teeters dangerously close.
Holy fucking hell.
“Ride me,” he whispers. “Ride my cock.”
I circle my hips and begin to rock back and forth, round and round, and he grips my hips with a bruising strength.
His eyes search mine. “Kiss me,” he breathes.
I can’t help it. I know I’m not supposed to do this. Hell, he isn’t even allowed to touch me, but those are rules that I have no chance of obeying when I’m on top of him.
“Cameron,” I breathe as he rocks me back and forth. Holy fuck… I’m going to come.
His lips take mine, aggressively, passionately.
Perfectly.
His eyes are closed, his cock is hard, and this is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. We lose control and our kiss turns desperate as he grinds me harder and harder and hell... I can’t hold it. I shudder as an orgasm rips through me. Satisfaction flashes across his face, but it’s short lived as he pulls me down with pressure and I feel the telling jerk of his cock. His breath catches as his orgasm steals his ability to speak. We kiss and we pant until, finally, I can’t ignore where we are any longer. As my orgasm fog lifts, I look up to see I am in a club… and he is just another client. As if having the same epiphany as me, he pushes me off his lap and stands abruptly. His haunted eyes hold mine for an extended moment and then he strides toward the door. Oh God.
I hold my hand up to Matt, asking him to give me five minutes before I take off after Cameron. I catch him as he reaches his car in the parking lot, his back to me.
“Cameron.”
He turns. “Go back inside,” he growls.
“Cameron…”
“Get away from me, Ashley, before I fucking lose my shit with you.”
“Don’t be angry with me,” I plead.
“Don’t be angry with you!” he yells, outraged. “I have thought of nothing else but you all week, and then I find you here practically naked for other men after lying to me about where you’re supposed to be!”
“If you have thought of nothing else but me for the week, why are you here, Cameron?” I cry. “Are you here to have sex with somebody else while you think of me? Is that it? Is that how your fucked up, high flying world works?”
He narrows his eyes in contempt.
“You don’t know what it’s like to struggle,” I cry.
“So you work in a brothel?” he yells.
My face falls in disappointment and my tears break free. I swipe them away angrily. “Don’t you dare judge me! I don’t have a castle and a two-hundred-thousand-dollar car like you. I can’t even pay my fucking phone bill this week, Cameron.”
His nostrils flare in anger and he points to his Aston Martin. “Get in the car.”
I frown. “What?” I glance back at the door across the road. “I can’t just leave, I’m in the middle of a shift.” I can’
t leave. We’ve only kissed twice, and he may not even be around next week, and I will have no job.
“So help me God, if you don’t get in the fucking car…” he yells so loud that they could probably hear it in the next suburb.
“I will lose my job.”
“You will lose me if you don’t,” he yells.
“Cameron. Please…”
“Last chance.”
“Cameron,” I plead.
With one last look, he gets into his car and starts the engine. I step back as he revs the shit out of it before he tears off down the road.
I stand in the darkness, listening to his tires screeching in the distance.
“You alright, Ash?” Matt voice calls from across the road.
I nod and drop my head as I let the disappointment sink in. Matt walks across the road and stands next to me silently, staring up the road where Cameron has disappeared.
“Was that your boyfriend?” he asks quietly.
I shake my head. “No.”
“Then why was he losing his shit?”
“It’s… complicated.”
“Want to go back inside?”
I blow out a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess.” I frown. “Matt, have you ever had the feeling that you may have just made the biggest mistake of your life?”
He smiles sarcastically. “Every hour, on the hour.”
* * *
Timing can make you or break you, and tonight I learned just how true that statement is.
It’s 4am when I slowly pull into my driveway. That was the longest shift in history. I had to stop myself from walking out at least ten times. Why did he have to come tonight, and why couldn’t he have handled it better?
Fuck. I’m so full of regrets right now, I can hardly see straight.
I hate that I need this crappy job, and my mind is weighing heavily on Cameron Stanton. I know I did the right thing by not leaving with him, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. The cold, hard truth is… he was there. He was there when he said he had been thinking about me all week, and after we made out yesterday. I know that, even if we did have any chance of working out, a long-term future with him is not on the cards. My first instinct was right. Once a player, always a player. He never lost his fucking phone in Vegas all those years ago and he probably slept with someone he picked up in the casino the very next night. Who was I kidding? I frown as I see the lights in our house are all on. What’s happening? Why is everything lit up? I quickly climb out of the car and head to the front door, but it opens before I put my key in. It’s Jenna. She’s been crying.
My face falls. “What’s wrong?”
She screws up her face. “Mom’s had a heart attack.”
“What? Oh, Jenna.”
She nods, unable to speak through her tears. I wrap her in my arms and hold her as she sobs. “Where is she?” I ask.
“At the hospital.”
“You need to go to her.”
She nods as she wipes her nose with a tissue. “Is that alright?”
“Of course it’s alright.”
“What will you do with Owie?” she whispers.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll work something out.” I lead her into the kitchen, put the kettle on, and sit her at the table.
“What if she dies?” Jenna whispers.
I take her hand in mine and watch her for a minute. “Everything is going to be okay. Heart attacks aren’t always as bad as they sound.”
She puts her head into her hands and really starts to cry. What can I do to help her? I grab my laptop and go online in search of an airline ticket for her to fly home to Iowa. “There’s one here for today at ten in the morning. Will that be okay? That’s in about five hours from now.”
She shrugs.
“Let me check the other airlines to see if I can get one cheaper.” I continue to search, but eventually end up going back to the first flight I found.
Jenna finally falls into an exhausted sleep on the sofa, and I sit quietly at the kitchen table as I try to work out what to do with the disaster that is my life.
I’ve lost Cameron, even though I never had him to begin with.
I now have no babysitter, which means I can’t work, which means I may now lose my internship.
* * *
The house is silent and dark, just like my options. I know I got myself into this life, but hell, it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. It’s 6am and I plan to wait up to call work in an hour to tell them I won’t be in. I guess the worst thing of all is that it looks to Cameron that I am not going into work because of my fight with him last night. This timing sucks so badly.
What the hell am I going to say?
Oh, I can’t come in because I have no babysitter for a child that doesn’t exist.
Or how about I can’t come in because I gave my boss a lap dance last night when I told him I was seeing my mother after we dry humped on his washing machine.
Or maybe I made my boss blow in his pants last night and I refuse to pay for the dry-cleaning bill.
I put my head into my hands. This is a fucking disaster.
“Hey.” Jenna smiles from the door.
I smile back. “There she is.” I stand and wrap her in my arms. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. Thank you for last night.”
“We should go and get you packed.”
She nods. “Did you ring your mom?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Why not?”
I shrug. “It’s all a bit too hard. I’ll have a couple of days off and then work something out from there.”
She watches me for a moment. “Why don’t you just ring your mom and offer to fly her out here for a week or two. I’m sure I will be back by then.”
I exhale slowly. I want to tell Jenna about Cameron and our fight, but now is not the time.
“Maybe.” I sigh.
“She won’t mind, and she can stay in my room.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
She watches me for a moment. “You okay?”
I smile sadly. “Yes. Of course. I’m just really tired.” I grab her hand in mine and squeeze it. “You should go pack. Owie and I will take you to the airport.”
She smiles, nods, and disappears up the stairs. I pick up the phone and stare at it for a moment. I love my mom with all of my heart. I love my mom, but things are a little strained between us—because of me, not her.
I guess I never got over the disappointment I saw in her eyes when I fell pregnant out of wedlock. She didn’t want me to have the baby and, although she has been amazing since Owen was born, it was like a fire in my belly was lit and I vowed to never rely on her for anything.
I especially don’t want to now.
I put the phone back down onto the kitchen table and head up to shower as I run over my options in my head. I’m so tired that the tears are just running out of my eyes as the hot water runs over my head. I keep seeing Cameron’s beautiful eyes looking up at me as I sat on his lap. The regret runs deep through my soul.
What could we have been if our timing had been different?
If we had met up after that weekend in Vegas five years ago, things could have been so different between us. I put my head in my hands as the tears flow. I need them to stop. I’m a mother now. With that, I lost the right for any romantic notions I ever had for myself.
But I can’t help it.
I feel it. I feel that pull towards him, and I so badly wanted to see where it could go.
I allow myself to cry for ten minutes and then I pick myself up and dust myself off.
That’s it now. Get on with it. I wipe my eyes and mentally prepare myself to toughen up. I need to stop with this sappy shit.
He’s gone.
I shower, dry, dress, and then go downstairs and dial Mom’s number. She answers on the first ring.
“Hello, Ash. What’s wrong?”
I smile and roll my eyes. “Hi, Mom.”
“Is Owie
okay?”
“Yes, Owie is fine,” I reply. “Sorry to ring you so early.”
“Oh gosh, Ash, you scared me. I never hear from you at this hour.”
“I know, I’m sorry. Jenna’s mom had a heart attack.”
“Oh no.” She gasps. “Is she okay?”
I nod. “Hopefully.” I shrug. “They are doing more testing to today.”
“Is Jenna going home?”
“Yeah.” I hesitate, this is the part I hate—the asking for help bit.
“What are you going to do with Owie while you work Ash?” she asks.
“I’m kind of stuck, Mom.”
“Oh—”
I cut her off. “I was wondering, if I bought you an airline ticket, would you be able to come over here for a week or two and help me out with Owen?”
“Of course, love.”
I smile. “Really?”
“Of course I can. I would love to get to spend some time with the both of you.”
I close my eyes as they fill with tears again. “Thank you, Mom. It means so much.”
“I’m going to the doctors first thing this morning for my blood tests and then I will call you later and we can arrange flights.”
For the first time in ten hours I feel optimistic. “That’s great. Thanks, Mom. Love you.”
“I love you, too, Ash. Speak soon.”
* * *
At 7am sharp, I ring the hospital. I know Cameron does his hospital rounds at seven on the dot and that there is absolutely no chance at all that he will be the one to answer the phone.
“Hello, surgery,” the female voice answers. I frown as I try to remember the girl’s name. Shit, what is it?
“Hello, this is Ashley Tucker. I’m one of Dr. Stanton’s interns.”
“Yes, hello, Ashley,” the kind voice replies.
I scrunch up my face. I really don’t want to do this. “There’s been a family emergency and I won’t be in for a few days.”
“Oh dear. I hope everything is okay.”
I nod. “Me, too.” I pause for a moment. “Would you please be able to give Dr. Stanton a message for me?”
“Yes, of course.”