by Angela Mack
Alejandro’s was crazy busy and I should have booked a table, judging by the queue outside. It seemed to be shrinking pretty quickly though.
“Is there much of a wait for a table of two please?” I asked the waitress at the door.
“Just two? No, I can sit you now. They’re all large groups,” she gestured at the other people waiting and grabbed some menus, leading us inside. The interior was modern but under-stated, with exposed brick walls, plain black, metal chairs, and minimal furnishings. We followed the waitress to a little table near the back, which was set up so that we’d be sitting next to each other at adjacent sides of the table, rather than the opposite ones. The lights were dim and candles flickered, but the music and chatter surrounding us meant we needed to almost shout to hear each other. It was a great, lively atmosphere.
Josh had been staring at his menu in silence for almost ten minutes and I was starting to feel a little nervous.
“Anything you like? We can go somewhere else if you want?” I leaned in to be sure he heard me and he jumped, almost hitting me with his menu.
“Er, sorry! There’s just so much to choose from, I don’t even know where to start!” He smiled at me and I relaxed. OK, indecisiveness I could handle.
“Want me to order for you? They have another restaurant not too far from home and it's my mum’s favourite, so I’ve tried pretty much everything on the menu.”
“Er, sure. Why not?” He sat back and put his menu down and right on cue, a waitress appeared.
“Did you want to order some drinks?” She tilted her body so that she was facing more towards Josh, her shoulders pulled back and a sweet smile stretched across her face. Girls could be so predictable sometimes.
“Actually, we're ready to order food too. We’ll have a frozen strawberry margarita, a Desperado and some water for the table. And then we’ll have nachos to share to start, I’ll have the Mexican Sandwich with a side of fried beans and sour cream, and he will have the El Superior Burrito with a side of sweet potato wedges please." I handed my menu to her, praying that she wouldn’t ID us when I ordered the alcohol. I was acting far more confident than I felt.
“Sure thing." She looked impressed and after scribbling everything down, scurried away.
“What? You said it was OK for me to order for you, right?” Josh was staring at me and I was starting to feel uncomfortable again.
“That was brilliant! I have no idea what you ordered, but it all sounded amazing.”
“I ordered you a beer, was that OK? Well, it has tequila in it too, but it tastes like beer apparently. My dad loves them.” As it dawned on me that I had no idea what kind of food or drink Josh actually liked, I was starting to doubt myself. Maybe I shouldn’t have ordered for him.
“And the burrito has almost everything in it; pork, chicken, steak, guacamole, salsa…”
“I’m sure I’ll love it.” He smiled at me again and it hit home how attractive this boy was. No, I should say man. There was nothing boyish about him at all. He was wearing his signature black polo and black jeans again and he looked freshly shaven, with only the slightest bit of stubble around his jaw. He was way out of my league and I wondered why he bothered hanging around with me at all. Maybe he still wanted to be sure I wouldn’t tell anyone what I’d seen that time at his house when he’d collapsed? I hadn't said a word to anyone about it, and I hadn’t asked Josh or his brothers about it again either. I still had no idea what Josh was into that caused the bruises and cuts that appeared periodically, but I was sure it wasn’t drugs now. He always acted completely normal and I’d be able to tell if he was on something, right? I was leaning towards money problems, some kind of loan shark perhaps, but I’d not found the courage to ask him yet. In fact, we’d never spoken about his family or anything serious at all. We only spoke about movies, my family, my studies or my friends.
“I don’t know much about you,” I blurted, immediately embarrassed. My brain didn’t want to function properly around him.
“What do you want to know?” He shuffled around in his seat. “You know where I live, you know I have two brothers, you know where I work...I think you actually know a lot,” he joked.
“I suppose…” He didn’t look comfortable with this topic, but I didn’t know how to back-track. “What do you plan on doing after sixth form?”
“Well, if I even make it that far, I…” my eyebrows shot up. What was that supposed to mean?
“...I haven’t thought about it much, to be honest,” he finished, pointedly looking down at the table and avoiding my eyes.
“I’m thinking of studying biochemistry at university when I finish next year,” I said, shifting the conversation back to me. He was going to think I was self-centred and self-absorbed, but I didn’t know how to talk to him about himself when he seemed so affected by it.
“So you’ve made your mind up now? Which university?” He continued to grill me about my future career choices and soon we fell back into our easy banter. I still didn’t learn a damn thing about him though.
Chapter 22
Joshua
Well, tonight sure as shit hadn’t turned out how I expected it. At all. First, Izzy had turned all dominant and bossy and ordered my food for me. I don’t think I’d ever been so turned on in my life, which was ridiculous, but her taking control was definitely something I enjoyed. I was used to being the one in charge and having to look after other people all the time. It was nice that I could let her take charge and relax. Well, like I said, it was more than nice.
And don’t even get me started on this concert. I know Izzy had said they were ‘pop-rock’ but I was not expecting this. The arena was rammed with people, mostly grungers, and although near enough everyone had seats, no one was sitting down. Everyone was on their feet cheering, head-banging or dancing, even the ones way above us up high in the stands. Our seats were brilliant too; the first row of seats that wrapped around the edge of the arena, slightly to the right of the stage.
“What do you think? Do you like them?” Izzy shouted across at me, moving her body in rhythm to the music whilst shouting the lyrics towards the stage. She looked a little sweaty and for the second time tonight, I found myself extremely turned on. She was shaking her head from side to side, her hair whipping across her face as the band played a song called If Today Was Your Last Day.
“Actually, yeah! I really like the music,” I shouted back, and I meant it too. The songs were relatable and catchy, and more than once I found myself singing along to a chorus or two. The energy in the hall was exhilarating and I had never felt so carefree before. I felt like a regular teenager for a change.
As the hours ticked by and the music flowed, I felt myself letting go more and more. With every fast tempo song, I found myself jumping around right alongside Izzy and laughing with her. And with every softer, gut-wrenching tune, I would get lost in the lyrics and really listen to the words. I was surprised by how much I was enjoying myself.
“OK everyone, this is our last one now…” The lead singer shouted to the crowd and I laughed as a bunch of people booed. “Thank you, London, you’ve been awesome. This is my all-time favourite one of ours, just for you!” He started to strum a melody on his guitar and the whole place fell silent, immersing themselves in the music. The song was called Savin’ Me.
I felt my arms break out in goose bumps as the lead guy turned and sang directly to me, which I know sounds absurd, but that's what it felt like. It was as if they’d written the song about my life and I shivered as the words coursed through me. By the time they neared the end of the song, I was lost.
The arena erupted into cheers and screams but I couldn’t move, I was completely paralysed. I felt embarrassed and stupid at how much the words had spoken to me, but suddenly, for the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful. Maybe I really could come out the other side of this shitty life and make a new one, a better one. One that was free of my shithead father and one where I could afford to keep Ryan and Georgie well-fed and dresse
d. I felt Izzy’s hand wrap around my wrist, squeezing. I looked up at her and she wore a serious expression.
“You are,” she leaned in and shouted in my ear over the noise. I pulled back, frowning, not understanding.
“You are worth saving.”
◆◆◆
Izzy was babbling excitedly at me on the train, recounting her favourite parts of the show. The train was over-crowded, so we were standing up near a set of exit doors, squashed right into the corner. Her chest was inches away from mine, with her face tipped up towards me as she spoke a million miles an hour. I don’t think I’d managed to say a word since we left, but I was grateful, needing the time to process through my emotions in my head. I had a twist of sadness, hope, lust and maybe something more swirling through my stomach. I was reeling from both the music and what Izzy had said to me. I was confident in saying that Izzy and I were friends, and as much as I promised myself that I would keep her at arm’s length, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep that promise. After tonight, I was 100% sure that I did not want to be friends anymore. I craved more.
The train arrived at our stop and we fell off the train, squeezed out by the mob of people behind us. It was pummelling with rain and we ran over to a parked car that Izzy pointed out, her holding her jacket above her head with one arm.
“Hey you two, how was it? Josh, didn’t you take a jacket? You’re soaked already! Did you have fun?” Sammy prattled off as we climbed in, not giving me a chance to answer.
“It was so awesome, Mum, thanks so much for the tickets!” Izzy continued to fill her mum in on the details of her favourite parts all over again.
“How were Ryan and Georgie? Did they behave themselves?” I interjected as soon as Izzy took a breath. Ryan had text me half-way through the night saying I’d have to drag Georgie away kicking and screaming when we left tomorrow, which I had taken as a good sign, but I was desperate to know for sure.
“They have been an absolute pleasure, Josh. They both helped clear the table after dinner and then we watched three movies back-to-back. Charlie had to carry little Georgie up to bed, he could barely keep his eyes open, bless him.” Sammy’s eyes flitted to mine in the rear-view mirror and I saw something flash through them, although I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. They then crinkled a little at the edges, so I knew she was smiling and I relaxed, pleased that things had gone well.
“You are welcome over ours anytime you like. Anytime at all. All of you.” Again, there was an under-tone of something I couldn’t quite make out in her voice. We pulled up back at the house around 1 a.m. and all the lights were off. Sammy opened the door quietly, ushering us inside. We followed her up the stairs and she pointed at a closed door.
“Your brothers are in the guest room,” she whispered and I nodded. “My office is up those stairs and I have made up the sofa bed for you.” She nodded her head at a narrow, spiral staircase ascending to another floor.
“Night sweetie, glad you had a good time.” Sammy embraced Izzy, kissing her on the cheek. “It was great to meet you, Josh. I’m glad Izzy has a friend like you.” To my complete horror, Sammy hugged me and kissed me on the cheek too. She pulled back, pausing to look me in the eyes and squeeze my shoulders, before turning around and entering a different room. The door closed softly with a click behind her.
“Sorry. She can be quite full-on sometimes. Always wants to be friends with my friends,” Izzy chuckled in a whisper. I didn’t know how to respond. I felt completely taken aback by Izzy and Sammy and this whole bloody night. I padded silently over to the spiral staircase, unsure how I felt about sleeping in a different room to Ryan and Georgie.
“Josh, are you OK? You’ve been quiet since we left. I didn’t mean to upset you. With what I said at the end of the concert, I mean.” She wouldn’t look me in the eyes and I felt terrible for making her feel bad.
“You didn’t make me feel bad, Iz. I’m just a little...overwhelmed…” I didn’t know how to voice the tumultuous feelings pulsing through me. Izzy nodded, looking a little disappointed, turning away from me.
She opened yet another door and started moving through the doorway.
“Iz...wait. I, er…” Shit. What should I say? I was holding so much back from her, but I wanted her to know that I did care. I really cared. I stepped towards her, shrinking the distance between us until we were as close as we were back on the train. I lifted my hand, my thumb grazing her cheek as I lowered my head. I gently pressed my lips to hers and watched as her eyes fluttered closed. Our first kiss had been intense, a bit flustered, and very erotic. This was completely different. I wanted to show that she meant something to me.
My right hand was still caressing her cheek and I let my left hand trail down her arm until I found her fingers. I tangled my fingers through hers, squeezing them as she parted her lips and I let my tongue tenderly explore. I moved slowly, real slow, trying to put into the kiss exactly how grateful I was to her. How much I needed her in my life right now. How much she was brightening my dark world. Without warning, some of the lyrics from Nickelback's last song floated into my mind, causing waves of hope and despair to crash into me at once.
I pulled away, avoiding eye contact as I fled up the staircase, embarrassed by the tear that had escaped and slid down my cheek whilst kissing her.
Chapter 23
Isabel
I knocked gently on the bedroom door, being quiet so as not to wake Josh upstairs. I had spent most of the night replaying our kiss over and over again, but couldn’t understand why he had pulled away so suddenly. He was the one that had initiated the kiss, but then he'd abruptly run away, without so much as even a ‘goodnight.’ He confused me and I was planning on avoiding him all morning until he left. Maybe he’d sleep right through breakfast and then I could escape to Jess or Sophie’s before he even woke up.
“Ryan? Georgie? Dad’s making breakfast if you’d like to come down…” I called softly, easing the door open a little.
“Mmmm...huh?” someone groaned, and I pushed the door open a little wider.
“Breakfast is…” I trailed off as the door thudded into something. I frowned, squeezing my head through the gap and peering into the room. Josh was laying on the floor next to the double bed where his brothers were sleeping, a quilt wrapped around him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and the quilt slipped, revealing his muscular shoulders and chest. I’d seen him shirtless before but there was something about him lying in bed that made me blush. Well, laying on some form of a bed on the floor.
“Why are you on the floor?” I whispered, careful not to wake his brothers.
“Er…” he shook his head, sitting up a little. “I, er…” He clearly didn’t want to answer.
“Dad’s making breakfast. If you’re hungry.” I retreated from the room, pulling the door shut silently. So much for avoiding Josh all morning.
I padded downstairs, tiptoeing into the kitchen and helping Mum lay the table.
"They coming down?" Mum asked as she lined the middle of the table with place mats.
"I'd be willing to bet a million pounds that they are coming down. I've never seen kids pack away so much food so quickly! They definitely won't miss this," Dad laughed as he flipped some bacon over in a pan. We'd already delayed breakfast as late as possible; the Bugg boys obviously weren't early risers. Fifteen minutes later and a herd of elephants came crashing down the stairs.
"We didn't miss breakfast, did we?" Georgie called as he skidded into the room breathlessly.
"Nope. I was just about to dish up. Take a seat, boys," Dad gestured to the table with the spatula he had in his hand.
Georgie and Ryan eagerly sat at the table, waiting for the food to come out.
"Morning," Josh greeted warmly as he entered the room. I was pouring pineapple juice into Georgie and Ryan's glasses, my back purposely towards Josh as I concentrated too intently on the task at hand. But a moment later he came into view, taking the juice from me and kissing me on the cheek.
&
nbsp; "Morning Sunshine," he smiled as he put the juice back in the fridge for me. Morning Sunshine? And a kiss? Well, I wasn't expecting that after last night. I glanced at Mum and Dad by the oven and they were both pretending to be very busy, dutifully not looking in our direction as my face went bright red.
"Do you need a hand bringing anything to the table?" Josh asked them.
"No thanks, honey. You go ahead and sit down. You too, Izzy," Mum nodded at the table. I sat opposite Georgie and Josh slotted next to me.
"Be careful, the plates have been in the oven," Dad announced as he placed them down on the table in front of everyone.
"These are hot too," Mum said as she started piling food up in the middle of the table. They'd gone completely overboard, with a mountain of bacon, sausages, mushrooms, fried tomatoes and scrambled egg. There was even some black pudding and hash browns.
"Bon appetit!" Dad sang as he and Mum sat down. After a few mouthfuls, I noticed that neither Josh nor his brothers were eating. I paused, watching as Ryan and Josh stared at Georgie.