by Angela Mack
“Oh Izzy…” It was an iPod. And now the voucher made perfect sense.
“This must have cost you a fortune, you shouldn’t have…”
“Shhh!” She pressed a finger to my lips. “You deserve this Josh and I wanted to get you something nice. I’ve already uploaded my favourite songs to it, too.” Not caring that everyone else was watching, I grabbed her chin and pulled her in for a quick kiss.
“You’re amazing,” I smiled at her, pushing down feelings of guilt, shame and embarrassment at not having been able to get her or her family something worthy. I was seriously doubting the pathetically underwhelming gifts I had stashed upstairs for them all, contemplating not giving them out at all. Ryan, Georgie and I had spent ages trying to think of gifts, but they looked fucking stupid compared to this lot. Nope, it was better to say we couldn’t afford gifts and not give them anything.
“Josh, go get their presents from us!” Georgie called out. Great. I glanced at Izzy, Sammy and Charlie, cringing as I saw the happy surprise in their faces.
“Don’t get your hopes up, they’re nothing special…” I trudged upstairs, retrieving my backpack and bringing it back to the lounge with me. I sighed as I unzipped it, reluctantly pulling the gifts out. I handed Sammy and Charlie one gift each and then explained that the third one was a joint present for them. I gave Izzy a bag of little gifts, mostly picked out by Ryan and Georgie, with my gift at the bottom. I was actually feeling a little nauseous at the idea of them opening them.
“Aww, you remembered!” Sammy gushed as she hugged a small elephant ornament to her chest. “I pointed one out just like this to Georgie the other week when we were out shopping. They’re my favourite animal.” To be fair to her, she was putting on a pretty convincing happy face, but I was finding it hard to believe she’d genuinely be pleased with an ornament from a charity shop. It only cost a couple of quid.
“And this is just what I needed,” Charlie smiled, holding up his knife-sharpening block.
“You kept saying how blunt your knives were and that you were going to buy new ones, so I thought this might save you some money,” Ryan shrugged.
“You’re right, good thinking.” Charlie was also great at faking facial expressions.
“Open the joint one, open the joint one! Joshy spent ages on it!” Georgie was bouncing with glee again as I felt myself shrink away in embarrassment. Why I had let my brothers convince me this was a good idea, I don’t know. But I felt like an idiot now.
“Oh my…” Sammy put her hand up to her mouth and went quiet.
“It’s silly, you don’t have to keep it, I…”
“No, don’t you dare! This is amazing, Josh. You did this?” Sammy interrupted and I nodded. “Breath-taking.”
“You’ve got them spot on,” Charlie added, nodding as he looked up.
“Let me see!” Izzy said, jumping up and rushing over, but Sammy held the gift to her chest.
“I have a feeling you have your own one and I don’t want to spoil it,” Sammy explained, winking at me. This was so embarrassing. Izzy sat back down, starting to rummage through her own bag. She laughed at all the chocolate bars Georgie had picked out, immediately slotted the bangles over her wrist that Ryan had chosen (costume jewellery from the charity shop again), and clapped happily when she saw some new DVDs.
“You said you hadn’t seen it yet and we love it,” Ryan nodded at the Venom DVD in her hand.
“I can’t wait to watch it,” she smiled. My heart jumped a little as she reached in and plucked out my gift. I was actually starting to sweat too. It was torture watching her slowly rip the paper off it. She gasped, raising her hand to cover her mouth in exactly the same way Sammy had.
“Josh…” To my horror, her eyes started filling up with tears. I leaned over to try and snatch the gift off her, but she pulled back, a deep frown pulling her eyebrows inwards.
“You don’t like it, so give it….”
“Don’t like it? Don’t like it! I love it. Did you really draw this?” I nodded again. She stared at the framed drawing for what seemed like forever, before flinging her arms around my neck and burying her head in my shoulder.
“It’s beautiful. How did you do it?”
“Your mum emailed me the photos from that day at the bowling alley, so I used a couple of them to copy from. I needed to practice them anyway.”
“Practice?”
“Oh, nothing. Just practising my skills in general. So, you really don’t mind that I only gave you a sketch for Christmas?” I asked, glancing at Sammy and Charlie as well to include them in the question.
“Are you for real? It’s the most romantic, thoughtful gift I have ever received!”
“You are so talented, Josh,” Sammy chimed in as she held out her sketch for Izzy to see.
“Oh jeez, this one is amazing too!” Izzy held both of them side by side and I looked over her shoulder, double-checking the accuracy of my sketches now that the subjects were all in the same room. Charlie and Sammy had a sketch of Izzy with my two brothers. None of them were looking at the camera as Sammy had caught them unawares, so they were all looking at each other with genuine smiles on their faces. It was my favourite picture. Izzy’s one was of the two of us. Again, neither of us were looking at the camera and in fact, most of my face was hidden. I had my arm wrapped around her shoulder, my face buried in her hair as I pressed a kiss to the side of her head. Izzy’s head was tilted up as she tried to look at me, another smile on her lips. Sammy was great at capturing the best moments on camera.
“I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I love you all a little bit more. What thoughtful, kind gifts!” Sammy started getting glassy-eyed as she took turns embracing me and my brothers.
“I couldn’t have asked for a better...friend...for my daughter,” Sammy said as she hugged me. It bothered me that she’d hesitated over what to call me.
“Actually, we’re more than friends. Right, Sunshine?” I pulled back from Sammy, looking over to Izzy.
“We...we are?” Her eyes were wide as she stared at me.
“Well, I was hoping you’d be my girlfriend. If you want to, I mean?” Asking her in front of her parents wasn’t my smartest idea, but I couldn’t stand the idea of everyone thinking we were only friends anymore. She was so much more than that to me. I needed her as much as I needed to breathe. She was my sunshine, after all.
Izzy launched herself at me, throwing her arms around me and wrapping her legs around my waist.
“Best Christmas present ever!” She whispered in my ear before kissing me roughly on the lips. Sammy laughed and clapped, but Charlie turned away, averting his eyes, making Izzy giggle. He cleared his throat.
“Right, who’s hungry?”
Chapter 29
Isabel
This has, without a doubt, been the best Christmas for years. Usually it was only me, Mum, Dad and Nanny Steph. Sometimes my uncle and his wife would join us, but never anyone else my age. And whilst Mum and Dad were usually on good form and liked to play board games and stuff, I couldn’t help but feel a little lonely every now and then. Nanny Steph was sharp-tongued and didn’t like to get involved in games, even though she’d observe and offer unwanted advice at every possible opportunity. I loved her to bits and her sarcastic wit was very entertaining, but not exactly someone I could have a great conversation with. Although I did love introducing Josh to her as my boyfriend.
Boy, I hadn’t been expecting that. Hoping, sure. Praying and dreaming, you bet. But I didn’t think he’d actually ask me. And don’t even get me started on his sketches. I hadn’t realised how good he was. He’d caught details that I hadn’t expected; Georgie’s freckles across his nose, Ryan’s creases near his eyes as he laughed, and how my hair was always tucked behind my right ear. He was crazy talented, the life-likeness scary good. It literally looked like a black and white photo. He must have spent hours on them, and there was something so gratifying about knowing he spent all that time trying to make me and my paren
ts happy. I knew he was special.
“So, did you have a good Christmas this year, honey?” Mum asked as she plopped down on the sofa next to me. I paused the film I was watching, tucking my legs up underneath me as I twisted to face her.
“It was brilliant, Mum.” I embraced her tightly, yet again inwardly giving thanks for having such great parents.
“I loved having Josh and his brothers over. We’ve all grown quite close. But we wanted to just check-in with you about a couple of things....” She trailed off as Dad came into the room, taking a seat next to her. Oh great, where the hell was this going? Josh was working at the shop and his brothers had gone home to pack some more clothes before returning tonight. It looked like my parents were making the most of having me to themselves.
“You and Josh have grown pretty close too, haven’t you?” Mum continued and I nodded cautiously.
“Well, you know we love having them over, we just want to make sure you don’t feel pressured into anything.”
“What do you mean?” I was confused.
“What your mum is trying to say, is that you have clearly become some kind of role model to all three boys and that can be a lot of pressure for a young woman. We want to make sure you know that you don’t have to be Josh’s girlfriend because you think that’s what he needs, or will make us happy, or his brothers happy, or…”
“No, no. I want to be with Josh. I do.” I was starting to get annoyed at them implying I had anything other than genuine feelings for him.
“And that’s great honey, really it is. We think he’s a fantastic boy. But his family is obviously going through a tough time. I haven’t heard him speak about his father or even make a phone call to him the entire time they’ve been staying here. We just want you to know that if things get tough or you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, it’s perfectly fine to take a step back. You don’t have to feel like you’re responsible for them.” Mum was smiling encouragingly at me, but all it did was piss me off.
“So, what you’re saying is, is if things start getting too difficult or Josh needs too much help, I should just back off?” I folded my arms, raising my eyebrow as Dad sighed.
“No Izzy, that’s not what we are saying, and you know it. We just want you to know that we will support you no matter what. And that we will support Josh and his brothers no matter what. Whether you are together as a couple or not.”
“OK. I understand.” Kind of.
“And he really is a great guy. Very sweet and he clearly cares a lot about you. It’s like you’ve gone back to your old self this year and I couldn’t ask for anymore,” Dad explained, making me feel a little guilty about not telling them about the whole Ellie situation. But if they thought Josh was the reason I was ‘back to myself,’ then hey, I wasn’t going to correct them. Well, I guess it was true at least in part. He had given me the confidence to be myself, be open and honest and not be afraid to voice my opinion, even if I disagreed with something.
“You’re just saying that because you’d miss your sous chef if we ever broke up. Ryan never leaves the kitchen!” I said playfully, trying to lighten the mood and change the subject.
“That’s true I suppose,” Dad chuckled and nodded.
“So, what are we watching?” Mum asked, laying back into the sofa and hooking her legs over Dad’s.
“I had Venom on, but it’s only been on about ten minutes. I’ll rewind from the beginning so you can watch it.”
“Oooh, you know I love a bit of Tom Hardy,” Mum laughed as Dad rolled his eyes. I was in the process of rewinding when Mum’s phone started ringing. She jumped up, grabbing it off the side in the kitchen and lifting it to her ear.
“Hi Georgie, what’s…” she paused, the colour draining from her face.
“Mum? What’s wrong?” I sat up and Dad did the same, both of us alert. She gestured at us to be quiet as she listened intently.
“OK, OK, darling. I need you to go hide somewhere safe and we will be over straight away. OK, Georgie? Georgie? Are you there?” She stared at the phone in her hand.
“Car. Now. Something’s wrong.” Mum frantically started looking for her car keys, running for the front door. Dad and I leapt into action, scurrying after her as a sickening feeling churned in my stomach.
“Sammy, what’s going on?” Dad jumped into the driver’s seat as Mum turned around to face me.
“What’s their address?” she asked and the serious expression on her face scared the hell out of me. I reeled it off as Dad repeated his question.
“Georgie is in trouble. He kept saying he’s back, he’s back. He’s going to kill him. And then the line went dead.”
“Who is back? That doesn’t make any sense!” Dad floored the accelerator, flying around corners and charging down the road as fast as possible.
“He was crying, Charlie. He sounded terrified.” Mum was sitting as far forward in her seat as possible, as if willing the car to go faster. She had a look of determination on her face, but I didn’t understand how she could hold it together after that phone call. I tasted vomit at the back of my throat and I concentrated hard on keeping it at bay.
“This is all my fault,” I sobbed, intense fear and shame threatening to overwhelm me. Why hadn’t I just told them about Big Mike? Why hadn’t I told anyone? It had to be him Georgie was referring to and now their lives were in danger. What if something serious happened to Georgie? To Ryan? To Josh? I couldn’t breathe.
“Izzy, calm down or you are going to have a panic attack and we can’t stop this car,” Dad said calmly, catching my eye in the rear-view mirror. I focused on controlling my breathing, realising that Dad was right and that I couldn’t fall to pieces right now.
“Izzy, what’s going on? Do you know?” Mum twisted around in her seat and we locked eyes in an intense stare.
“The bruises...the ones you told me about...it was...their dad…” I tried to explain between sobs, but as I said the words out loud, terror started to vibrate through my body. I realised just how much I’d screwed up by not telling anyone what had been really going on. Forgive me, Josh. Please be OK...
Chapter 30
Joshua
Even though it was Boxing Day and I’d spent most of the day working, I couldn’t help but have a spring in my step on the walk home. I was listening to my new iPod with All Time Low’s Something’s Gotta Give blaring as loud as possible. I felt great. Like the dog’s bollocks. Izzy was now my girlfriend, her parents were amazing, and I’d eaten so much the past week or so that I had definitely put on some size. I had been doing push-ups religiously every day to keep up my upper body strength and I was pleased with the difference I had seen already.
I hadn’t been hungry once and neither had Georgie or Ryan. This had been the best Christmas for a long time, maybe even ever. No, definitely the best Christmas we’d ever had. And it wasn’t over yet. I was going to swing by the house, make sure Ryan and Georgie had packed their clothes, then we'd all head back to Izzy’s for the rest of the Christmas break. Izzy and I had been invited to a New Year’s Eve party over Sophie’s and for once, I was looking forward to the New Year. Much like Christmas, we hadn’t felt like celebrating the New Year much the past few years. Why celebrate the start of a New Year when it’s going to be just as crappy as the previous one? But not next year. Next year was going to be a great year for us, I could feel it.
I could see the house in the distance and 30 Seconds to Mars’ Walk on Water started up. I smiled, thinking how perfect that sounded. That was exactly how I felt right now, like I could walk on water. Usually I’d feel embarrassed or frustrated every time I saw our shitty street and our shitty house, but not today. Nothing was getting this good mood down.
“Ryan, Georgie, you ready?” I called as I turned my key in the lock, pushing the door inwards.
“Hello dickhead.” I yanked my headphones out, letting them hang loose by my side, my eyes locking with the monster standing in the kitchen. It was like everything was in slow
motion and my brain couldn’t comprehend what was in front of me. Blood. So much blood.
“Ryan…” his name escaped from my lips in a whisper. Big Mike had bloody knuckles and Ryan was in a heap on the floor, unmoving. Unconscious. His face was a pulverised mess. I couldn’t see his eyes or make out his nose or his mouth. It was a scene from a horror movie. I turned and vomited on the front doorstep, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. My vision went blurry with tears. But then I felt it. The uncontrollable, unwavering, unforgiving rage. I clenched my fists, locking eyes with Big Mike again, taking deep breaths. In. And out. In. And Out.
And then I launched myself at him, my fingertips stretched wide as I aimed for his throat.
“You thought...you could break my nose…then live it up in here like kings?” We struggled as he grabbed my wrists, holding them an inch or two away from his neck. Our faces were so close I could smell the alcohol on his breath and see how wide his pupils were. The pulse in his neck was throbbing.
I jerked my hands back, slamming a fist into his stomach and bringing my knee up to his face as he crumpled. He twisted his face at the last minute, so my knee bounced off the side of his head.
“When they sacked me, I admit, I wasn’t going to bother coming back to this shithole. And I don’t give a crap what happens to you worthless bastards. But…” He swung at me and we were too close for me to move out of the way, his fist connecting with my jaw. The force flung my head backwards, my body soon following. I stumbled backwards into a kitchen chair, wiping blood from my mouth with my fingers.
“...When I heard you were getting food delivered every week and walking around town all smug, I knew I had to teach you a lesson.” He advanced, homing in on his target. And that’s when I knew that today was it. Only one of us was going to walk away from this. And I had a shit ton of things to fight for. People to fight for. No, I wasn’t going down without a fucking good fight.