by Aaron Lazar
She nodded without hearing him. “Uh-huh.”
“Okay, then we’re all good.” The big man left her and turned to help the old man, who was mumbling on his hands and knees, trying to find all the scattered puzzle pieces.
“Some days I don’t know why I do this,” he mumbled, dropping to his knees to help.
∞∞∞
“Miss Lollie?”
Lollie’s eyes snapped open and she glanced around the sunroom. Where was Rosita? She was sure she heard her voice. But no sweet-faced Mexican lady stood in front of her. All she heard now was the drone of the television with Dr. Oz pronouncing the day’s forbidden and recommended foods.
She’d rather they watch a soap opera.
She closed her eyes again, and went back to dreaming about Colby.
∞∞∞
Hours later, she felt a gentle touch on her arm.
“Hola, Miss Lollie. It’s me.”
This time when she woke, Rosita really was there. Tears sprang to her eyes and she lunged forward to hug her.
“Oh, my goodness,” Rosita laughed.
Lollie felt nervous now, hoping she hadn’t blown it. Would Rosita get mad at her? Would she stop visiting? “I’m sorry!” she cried, and when the words came out she realized they were too loud. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, softer now. “Is it okay? Are you mad at me?”
“Mad at you?” Rosita flashed her a gentle smile. “Don’t be silly, Miss.” She pulled up a chair and sat in front of the rocker. As always, there was a fragrant basket wrapped in linen napkins on her lap.
Her eyes widened. “Oh! What did you bring me today?” She sat up, leaning forward to sniff closer.
“I baked you some nice shortbread cookies. You want one?”
All Lollie ever wanted was Rosita’s cooking; it was the only thing her stomach could handle. “Oh, yes. Please. I’ve been good today.” She shot Rocco a warning glance.
The big man’s mouth quirked and he chuckled. “Oh, sure, Lollie. You were an angel today.”
Rosita smiled. “Of course she was. She’s always a good girl.” She unwrapped the package on her lap, causing three other patients to close in on her.
“Get away!” Lollie screamed at them. “These are my cookies. This is my Rosita.”
Rosita gave her a mock frown. “Now, now, Miss Lollie. You know I make enough to share. And I always bring enough for Rocco, too.” She flashed a smile at him. “He’s a good eater, like my oldest boy, Juan.”
Lollie had to admit, the tin Rosita opened had at least three-dozen buttery cookies inside. More than enough, she grudgingly admitted to herself. “Okay. But I get first pick.”
“Manners, Miss Lollie.” Rosita tapped her hand. “You know we always offer to our friends first.” She lifted the tin to offer a cookie to the three robed figures who bore down on her, then beckoned to Rocco. “Venga, Rocco. Come have some cookies.”
When they all had reached into the tin and moved away, she finally offered the cookies to Lollie. “Remember what your Mama taught you? Polite people have social graces, remember? We offer to our guests first, si?”
Angry now, Lollie scooped out six cookies and put them on her lap, hovering over them. “They’re mine.”
“Si, of course they are. And I’ll put the rest of these in your room when I leave later. Don’t you worry.” She exchanged an amused glance with Rocco, and Lollie wondered what it meant. Would she really give him the cookies?
“I need milk,” Lollie said through a mouthful of cookies.
“Por favor?” Rosita said gently.
Lollie glanced up in surprise. “Okay. Por favor.”
“Bueno! I’ll be happy to help you.” Rosita rose and stepped gracefully toward the window where a nurse sat at the desk behind the glass. “She’s learning a little of my language. Isn’t that nice?”
The grim-faced lady behind the glass cracked a smile. “You’re the only one she listens to, Rosita.”
A minute later, she returned with a waxy carton of whole milk. “Here you go.”
Lollie looked at it. “Will you open it?”
“Please?” Rosita urged again.
“Por favor,” Lollie said. And with a sudden impulse, she said, “Thank you. I mean, gracias.”
“De nada.” Rosita beamed. “You are quite welcome.”
Rocco stopped by and nodded in approval. “You’re making good progress there, Lollie. Nice job with the Spanish.”
Suddenly, Lollie felt ridiculously proud of herself. “Thank you, Rocco. I’m getting better every day. I’ll be going home soon, I’m certain of that.”
Rosita patted her hand. “Of course you will, Miss Lollie. It will be so nice to have you home again.”
Rocco rolled his eyes and lowered his voice. “You shouldn’t encourage her.”
Lollie snarled at him. “Go away. You’re blocking my view.”
With a gentle laugh, he ambled toward the other side of the room.
Chapter 34
Dr. Worthy crooked his finger from behind his desk. “Please come in and have a seat, Lollie.”
Secretly, she called him Doctor Worthless. Or sometimes Doctor Wormface. She chuckled and wrenched her arm away from Rocco, who guided her to the chair that smelled of smoke and sweat.
“You’ve been smoking in here again, Doctor.” She sneered at him.
He tented his fingers, nodded to Rocco to leave, and frowned. “Now, Lollie. Why would you say that? This is a smoke-free facility. We’ve been over that a hundred times.”
“Because I smell it.”
He just stared at her with those beady black eyes. “Really.”
“You need some Febreze or something in here. It stinks.”
“So you say. Every time.” He shifted some papers around on his desk, reading through them. “I see you’ve had a tough week.”
“It was fine.”
“Uh huh. For starters, this morning you knocked over Mr. Wiley’s puzzle and kicked Rocco in the shins.” He looked up over his glasses at her. “Three times.”
“He can take it.”
The doctor snorted a sharp laugh. “Well, Lollie. That’s not very nice.”
“Nice doesn’t get you very far.”
“Why do you say that, Lollie?”
She stared back at him. “I had a good life. I had a husband. Two children. A house by the sea.”
“I know you did.”
“Now I have nothing.”
“You have me.”
“You!” Trilling a laugh, she repositioned the chair so she could see out the window. A glisten of blue shone from the horizon. “You’re useless, Doctor.”
“Useless?” He placed his glasses on the desktop, then rose and walked to the window. Slowly, he pulled down the shade. Next, he locked the door to the hall. Turning back to her, he said, “You really think I’m useless?”
A strange thrill ran through her.
“Let me show you how useful I can be, Lollie.” He approached her slowly this time, from behind. Rubbing her shoulders, he waited until she relaxed and then slipped both hands under her gown and grasped her breasts, kneading them vigorously. In seconds, somehow, his fingers were probing beneath her panties.
How had it happened so fast? He was a slick one, that was for sure. And he really wanted her.
“Doctor, you know we can’t do this,” she protested weakly.
“Shh. Let me be the judge of what you need, Lollie.”
She stood and turned, looking up at his dark face. “The couch,” she rasped.
She stood before him and he lifted her gown over her head, leaving her naked in the smoke-filled room. She smiled and took his hand, placing it between her legs, anxious for what would come next.
“Fuck me, Doctor,” she cried aloud.
“Excuse me?”
The fog lifted and there she was, still in her chair. He sat across from her, still in his seat, scowling at her.
“Lollie. You know I don’t approve of that kind of talk.”
Pissed off now, she huffed. “I know you want me,” she said, trying to sound sexy. “I can see your hard-on from here.”
“No, you can’t. There’s a desk between us. We’ve talked about this before, Lollie. You’re hallucinating again.”
Standing up suddenly, she raced around the desk and reached for his crotch, unzipping his fly and releasing his organ for the whole world to see. It stood two feet tall.
“Lollie?”
Oh, crap. She was still sitting in the chair.
“Yeah, what?”
“Can’t we try to have a nice conversation today? I’d like to talk about new therapies we can try. You need some hobbies. Last week you said you might be interested in genealogy, you know, tracing your ancestors?” He wrote something down in his book and looked back up at her. “Does that still appeal to you?”
She studied him for a long time, weighing her options. Computer privileges were coveted in this place. If she could convince him she had a real interest, it might be useful. Maybe she could contact Colby and have him come get her out of here.
Wait.
Colby was gone. She’d thrown him down the stairs.
“I killed my husband,” she whispered.
He glanced up. “What was that?”
“Um. I said I’d like to do the genealogy, Doctor.”
“Very well.” He wrote another few words on his pad. “Now, let’s talk about our goals this week, shall we?”
He droned on for another twenty minutes, and it was all she could do to pretend to listen, nodding her head like a good little lamb.
The computer might connect her with the outside world. Maybe she could find someone who’d break her out of here. Set her free.
And maybe then—just maybe—she could reclaim her babies from the brutes who stole them away from her.
Chapter 35
Lollie woke up earlier on Tuesday morning to claim her slot in the library on one of the three computers available to the patients. She sat on her bedside—fully dressed and ready to go—watching for Rocco.
At seven-thirty precisely, he unlocked her door and gave her his usual morning greeting.
“Time to rise ‘n shine, beautiful. It’s a brand new day.” He didn’t smile or meet her eyes, but when she didn’t give him her usual retort, which was, “Bullshit, Rocco. Leave me alone,” he glanced up at her.
“Morning, Rocco.”
“Well, my, my, my. Look at you. All ready to go. And dressed, to boot. Good job, Lollie.”
“Thank you. I’m taking my computer privileges this morning. Right after breakfast.”
Rocco checked the chart in his hands. “I see you are. Pretty excited by that, are we?”
“Yes. I’m going to study my ancestors and see where they lived.”
“Sounds pretty good to me.”
“Did you ever do that?”
He waved a big hand at her. “Nah. No time for that stuff.”
“Do you know how to work a computer?”
“Course I do. But when I get out of here, Miss Lollie, I go to my second job, and that’s taking care of my grandchildren so my oldest can go to her job. Never no time for playing on the computer.”
She liked that he’d started calling her Miss Lollie, like Rosita did. It felt more like home that way. “You have children?” she asked.
“Yes indeed. Two grown boys and two girls. It’s the oldest girl who lives with me. She has three children.”
“I never pictured you with a family. What about your wife?”
“She’s been gone a long time.”
“Oh.” She wasn’t sure what else to say.
“You ready for breakfast, or you wanna sit ‘n chat?”
She jumped up; realizing that asking all the questions had slowed down her morning already. “Let’s go.”
They walked side by side down the hall, and she peppered him with more questions. “What do you do when you get home every night?”
“Well, first I kiss my daughter, Brandy, on her way out the door to her job at the salon. She’s usually got dinner cooking in the oven, so I have to keep an eye on that. A little bit later, I pick up two of my granddaughters from school—I hate them going on that damned school bus—the kids are so mean.”
“Then what?”
“Oh, it depends. If the boy has practice, he usually stays at school until five, so we work on the girls’ homework together. Once that’s done, we toss a ball around the backyard with our dog.”
“I love dogs.”
“You do?”
“I used to have one.”
“Well, isn’t that nice.”
They reached the breakfast room. Lollie ran over to the buffet table, scooped a pile of eggs and toast onto her plate, and chose a single table by the window. Rocco went back to retrieve another patient, and she made sure she was done with her meal before he returned.
“I’m ready, Rocco. Can you take me to the library?”
He checked his watch. “Well, you’ll be a little early, but I guess I could walk you up there on my way to pick up Miss Fletcher.” He glanced at her empty plate. “You really ate all that?”
“I did.”
“Well, okay then. Come on.”
Plans had been brewing in her head since the doctor went on and on about his own genealogy research. She had ideas on how to use some of the newer map tools, too, that he talked about. He’d told her he could zoom in on his great grandparents’ farmhouse in Italy using something called Google Earth. Well, she’d figure that out.
“You been really good today, Lollie. Did the doc change your meds?”
She shook her head. “Nope. I just feel better today, Rocco. Much better.”
She knew she could do it. As long as she could keep the hallucinations at bay, which wouldn’t be easy or even in her own control, she could act nice. She’d faked it her whole life, she could do it now.
Rocco unlocked the door to the library, and Nancy, the short, plump attendant who usually watched over the room, scurried down the hall toward them, waving her arms.
“Sorry I’m late,” she said, out of breath. “My car wouldn’t start again.”
“No worries, Nancy,” Rocco said. “You’re right on time.” He turned to Lollie. “This here is Lollie. She has orders from the doc to be on the computer this morning.”
Lollie tried to be polite. She stuck out her hand. “Hello.”
“I was expecting you, Lollie.” Nancy took her hand and gave it a warm squeeze. “Nice to meet you. Come on in and I’ll get you started. You can pick any booth you like.”
“This looks good.” Lollie picked a computer station where the screen faced away from Nancy’s desk. She could still see over the top of it to ask questions, but whatever ended up on her screen wouldn’t be open to the world.
“You get settled and I’ll be right back over to help you boot up.” Nancy walked Rocco to the door. They spoke in low tones with their heads bent close together.
Lollie figured he was warning her. She hadn’t been the easiest patient in the world. But that was okay, because things would change now. She was on a mission.
Chapter 36
Nancy pulled a chair up beside Lollie and handed her a printout. “The doctor said you’ve run a computer before. Is that right, Lollie?”
“Yes. We had several at home. I’m pretty good at getting into Google and stuff like that.”
Nancy clapped her plump hands together and beamed. “Well, that’s just wonderful. You’ve got a head start, honey.”
“Thank you.” Lollie held back her usual comments that would have spewed out of her mouth, like, “Why would you expect me to be a moron, you fat-assed simpering fool?” or “Get the hell out of my face so I can do what I really want to do without you slobbering over me?”
But she didn’t let the words out. She just sat. And she smiled.
“Now, dear. I’ve taken the liberty of running an advanced search for you for the top genealogy search sites out there. Th
ese are ranked highest of all. But if you really get into it, you might have to join, and there’s a membership fee. Is that something you’d want to do?”
Lollie felt her anger rise. She was rich. She had all of Colby’s money. “I have money,” she said calmly. “I can afford the memberships.”
Nancy’s face lit up. “Oh, fantastic! Then you won’t be limited. You can dive right in.”
Lollie tapped her fingers on her knee. “So, may I start?”
Nancy stood. “Of course, dear. Just hit the space bar and she’ll light up. I always keep them powered up anyway. Do you like the mouse on that side? If not, I can switch it.”
“No, it’s good this way. Um. Thanks.”
“What I suggest is that maybe you start by finding a site you like and filling in your parents’ and grandparents’ names so you can start the family tree. How does that sound?”
Lollie gritted her teeth. She figured she’d have to do at least some of this work to make it look real. But all she really wanted to do was search for articles about Scarlett and Rhett, and find those farms they lived on. Maybe she could try to connect with the family, too, on Facebook or something. Tell them how much she missed the children. They might feel real sorry for her.
A sudden thought hit her.
If I can get out of this loony bin, maybe I can get them to invite me out to visit the babies.
Now that was a reason to try to “get well” or at least do a good job of faking it.
She could cooperate. Sure she could. And if she stopped spitting out all the meds they gave her, maybe one or two would start to help the hallucinations.
That’s another thing she could do. She could research the meds the doctor prescribed to see which ones she thought she really needed. She always knew more than the dumb old doctors, anyway.
“All right! Let’s get you started, honey.”
Nancy’s overly eager smiling ways were starting to get on her nerves. But she gritted her teeth and tapped the space bar. It opened right up to the familiar Google search page.
“Why don’t you type in this first genealogy website, Lollie? See? Right up here in the address window.”