Galaxy Cruise: The Maiden Voyage

by Hart, Marcus Alexander

  “Come on, one drink.” Jassi moaned. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

  “I have to work,” Kellybean repeated. She pointed a claw at Jassi. “Stay out of trouble.”

  With that she turned and darted away before she could change her mind.

  ***

  The sun dipped low over the rim of the volcanic wall as Kellybean waited on the dock. She checked the time on her tabloyd band. Twenty minutes until the hovercoach was scheduled to depart. The shore excursion had been a little rocky in parts, but overall she was happy with her performance. Now all that was left to do was round up the guests, get them on the coach back to Port Ardoba, then herd them down gift-shop alley for some last-minute shopping. She sighed happily. From here, the rest of the excursion was an easy downhill slope back to the ship.

  A gurgling, puttering sound got her attention, and she straightened up and smiled as the tour boat returned to the dock. The Halii guide helped Horman and Clermytha out of the craft and onto dry land. Kellybean hardly recognized them. There was something weird about their faces.

  They were smiling.

  “Hello, and welcome back!” she said. “It looks like you two had a good time.”

  “Oh, we did, dear, we did,” Clermytha beamed. She patted the Halii’s firm bicep. “This foreign boy talks gibberish, but he knows where the pretty scenery is.”

  “Thanks you much great,” the guide said with a nod.

  Horman snorted in agreement. “We’ve taken this tour twice before, and I gotta say, this was a vast improvement.” He thumbed at the boat. “The last time the engine was too loud to hear yourself think. This time it was smooth like butter.”

  “Your little green friend needs her mouth washed out with soap,” Clermytha said, “but she did a great job fixing this tub.”

  Kellybean raised a brow. “Believe me, I’m as surprised as you are.” She turned and waved a paw at the gleaming chromasteel hovercoach parked next to the boardwalk. “Go ahead and make your way to the bus. We’ll be departing just as soon as I round everyone up.”

  “Sounds good,” Horman said. “I’m ready to get to the ship for a nap.”

  “And I’m ready for my box lunch,” Clermytha said. “We get them on the ride back?”

  “You most certainly do,” Kellybean assured her for what felt like the ninetieth time.

  “That’s wonderful.” Clermytha smiled. “I can’t wait.”

  The two Geiko headed off toward the coach and Kellybean sauntered across the beach, locating her guests and reminding them of their imminent departure. There was really only one group she was looking for. Murderblossom was missing. Which meant Murderblossom was causing trouble.

  Panic wrenched her gut as a child’s scream cut the air. Then another. Kellybean’s ears flicked up. It was coming from behind a tall black dune.

  “Oh crap. Oh no,” she whimpered. “What are those jerks doing now?”

  She dashed to the top of the dune. On the other side was a broad gash in the planet’s surface, venting a geyser of warm gas from the long-dormant volcano. Like the other geothermal vents in the area, it had been fenced off for safety. But the largely symbolic barrier did nothing to keep out a half dozen Halii children, none of them more than ten years old.

  Kellybean watched in horror as one of the purple kids ran full speed toward the plume of volcanic gas and dove in headfirst.

  “No!” she screamed.

  Her paws slipped and she tumbled down the sand. She dashed over and hopped the fence, but she was too slow. Before Kellybean could stop her, another Halii child flung herself into the vent.

  “Stop!” Kellybean shrieked. “What are you—”

  The first kid fired from the rift like a rocket, sailing straight up with a joyful screech. The second kid was right behind, arms and legs spread as she launched upward on the hot gust. Right behind her was a clunky plastic robot.

  “Wheeeeee!” Hax cheered. “Look at me! I’m Superbot!”

  Kellybean gaped as another body was flung to the sky. Jassi threw out her limbs and came to a hovering stop ten feet above the ground. Her skirt and scalp leaves fluttered violently as she hung there, arms and legs splayed against the updraft like a stationary skydiver.

  “Oh, hey kitty,” she called out. “Wanna get high with us?”

  “What in the worlds is going on here?” Kellybean asked. “Did you tell these kids to jump into a volcanic vent?”

  “Pfft, no,” Jassi said. “They told us to.”

  A tiny girl put a hand on Kellybean’s hip. “Gas jumping! You little! Okay fun!”

  Kellybean looked from the girl back to the bodies shooting out of the hole in the ground. Hax fumbled awkwardly, dipping and lurching like a malfunctioning elevator, but the children flew like birds, maneuvering their arms and legs to sail in swirling formations through the gas. In all her trips to this beach, Kellybean had never seen anyone do this. The grace and agility on display was mesmerizing.

  Jassi rolled in the air. “The kid says you’re cool. Jump in!”

  “I… I couldn’t,” Kellybean said. “In fact, you guys need to come down. It’s almost time to go.”

  “Aww, c’mon,” Jassi pleaded. “How often do you get a chance to fly with a bunch of freaky purple kids?” She reached out a hand. “I won’t let anything bad happen to ya. Trust me.”

  Kellybean’s lips pursed. In her experience, people who said “trust me” were not to be trusted under any circumstances. But there was something in Jassi’s eyes that made Kellybean want to jump in and fly with her. The way her skirt flapped scandalously around her green thighs also didn’t hurt.

  “Okay,” Kellybean conceded. “But just for a minute.”

  Another kid raced past her and dove into the hole, plunging into the pit before firing back out. It looked easy enough. Kellybean took a steadying breath, ran toward the cliff, and grabbed her knees as she hurled herself into the gassy abyss.

  She did not soar. She did not fly. She did not even float. She dropped like a stone into the dark, warm crevice. The pink gas stung her eyes, but she could see dense twists of spiny, berry-covered brambles clinging to the sloped walls as she plummeted into the bottomless chasm. She opened her mouth to scream, but before she could make a sound, two woody hands grabbed hers and heaved her arms out to her sides. Her vision blurred as she was thrown upward, spinning around and around until she burst into the light. She blinked and got her bearings, finding herself serenely floating high above the pit, her paws in Jassi’s hands.

  “How… What…” Kellybean stammered. “What happened?!”

  Jassi smiled as the two of them drifted, slowly pivoting around each other.

  “You can’t keep your limbs tucked in or you fall,” Jassi explained. “I didn’t know you were gonna cannonball.” She snorted. “Bold choice.”

  Kellybean laughed, despite herself. “Sorry, I don’t really know how to dive.” Her tail thrashed. “Gellicles don’t swim.”

  “This is way better than swimming anyway,” Jassi said.

  The wind rippled through Kellybean’s fur in a full-body massage of exquisite weightlessness. Her worries and stresses blew away on the warm gas, leaving her in steamy serenity. The moment was like a blissful dream. Nothing seemed real except for the rough, barky hands in her paws. She squeezed them tight.

  “It is pretty good,” she admitted.

  “You glad you trusted me?” Jassi asked with a grin.

  Kellybean gazed into Jassi’s eyes. “It’s not the worst choice I’ve ever—”

  “No! No!” a child shouted. “You big! No okay!”

  “Ah shut yer hole, ya filthy little grape.”

  Down below, Stobber wrestled his massive body over the low fence. The children crowded around him, trying in vain to push him back as he plodded toward the vent on his elephantine legs.

  “No okay! No okay!” they repeated. “You big!”

  Hax spun across the fissure and shouted
down to Stobber. “I think they’re trying to say that you exceed the maximum weight for this attraction.”

  “Whatever,” Stobber said. “I’m not just gonna hang back and let you shixheads have all the fun.”

  With a bellowing cry, the Nomit ran full speed toward the pit. Three children grabbed onto his arms, clinging like anchors in a desperate attempt to stop him. But he plowed on like an idiotic juggernaut. He ran off the edge of the cliff and plunged straight down. A second later, the three kids fired out of the hole. Stobber did not.

  “Stobber!” Hax cried.

  “You hucking imbecile!” Jassi added.

  The gas did not even pretend it could lift the Nomit’s massive weight. He screamed as he hit the chasm’s sloped side and flipped end over end. Prickly briar vines ripped from the walls, slowing his descent as they wrapped around his body until he smashed down on an outcropping of rock.

  “Oh my gosh!” Hax squeaked. “Are you okay, buddy?”

  “I’m fine,” Stobber groaned. “I’m not a wussy.” He thrashed against the brambles, tearing his clothes and knocking his tabloyd off his wrist. It bounced once on the narrow rock shelf before plunging into the bottomless chasm. “Damn it! Somebody fly down there and grab—”

  He yelped as a dense swarm of bulbous yellow insects blasted out of the pit. The children pointed and screamed. “No okay! Run! Glomps!”

  Their terror infected Kellybean. “Wait, what? What are glomps? Hey! Stop!”

  The kids did not stop. They launched themselves out of the buoyant gas and hit the ground running, screaming at the top of their lungs. “Glomps! Tiggy wonk! Glomps! Tiggy!”

  Jassi looked to Hax. “What’s happening? What are they saying?”

  “Let me see…” Hax’s eyes blinked out as his tape shuttled. “Ah, here we are. Volcania Glomponosta, commonly known as ‘glomps’ or ‘gas glomps.’ Indigenous insect. Natural habitat, volcanic ducts. Best known for their role in the fertilization cycle of baisenberry brambles. Harmless unless disturbed.”

  “What if they are disturbed?” Kellybean shouted.

  Hax blinked. “Then not harmless.”

  Stobber wailed as the storm of glomps turned in the air and pelted against his body. Each fat insect exploded upon impact, letting off a splash of bright yellow venom.

  “Aagh! Son of a bish! That smarts!”

  He grabbed at the craggy walls and hauled himself toward the surface. A rock broke free in his enormous hand and another spray of insects buzzed from the cliff face and swirled through the gas. Jassi jerked as they peppered her bare belly. “Ow! Damn it!”

  “Jassi!” Kellybean gasped. “Are you—”

  A cluster of glomps pelted against her fur. Each impact was like being snapped with a thick rubber band. The sticky venom burned like drips of hot wax. And there were thousands more of them buzzing murderously through the chasm.

  “Let’s get the huck out of here!” Jassi shouted.

  She swung herself under Kellybean and angled her body against the gas. Before the Gellicle knew what was happening, they slipped beyond the boundary of the updraft and dropped a few feet to the ground. Jassi’s boots hit the dirt and she caught Kellybean in her arms and set her lightly on her hind paws. It was the most chivalrous thing anyone had ever done for her, but before Kellybean could acknowledge the moment it was ruined by a flurry of stinging insects splattering against her face.

  “Ow! Son of a…” she hissed.

  Hax’s tires squealed against the ground as he backed away from the pit clutching one of Stobber’s large hands. The other big hand clutched the edge and the smaller ones desperately swatted against the swarming glomps. Stobber howled in pain as they bombarded his bramble-scratched skin, but he hauled himself up and ran after the girls.

  Kellybean and Murderblossom crested the dune with a million angry glomps at their back. Everyone on the beach looked up in horror at the thunderous buzz of insects swarming into the sky and blotting out the sun.

  “Glomps!” a Halii bartender screamed.

  “Tiggy!” the tour boat captain cried. “Glomps! Tiggy wonk!”

  Kellybean didn’t understand the native language, but the meaning was clear enough. All over the beach, Halii ran for cover in cafes and shops, slamming heavy shutters behind them as the venomous yellow swarm surged over the black dunes.

  The glomps assailed the Screetoro newlyweds, drawing out an earsplitting sixteen-mouth scream. More bulbous insects bombarded the Krubb family, bursting against their hard exoskeletons like bright yellow paintballs.

  “Get to the hovercoach!” Kellybean screamed.

  She swatted the bugs away as she raced across the sand, herding her tourists toward the bus. Horman and Clermytha clutched each other’s hands as they climbed on board, followed by the rest of the group. Jassi and Hax shoved Stobber’s oversized body through the narrow door and Kellybean pounced in behind them.

  The driver slammed the door and Kellybean fell into her seat, gasping for breath. The shell of the bus vibrated as thousands of glomps hammered its outside like a gooey yellow hailstorm.

  She swiped the custardy venom off her arms and face, and realized it no longer burned. The toxin was apparently fast-acting and temporary. But it didn’t matter. The damage was done. All through the bus, tourists wailed and clawed at themselves, too traumatized to realize they were unharmed. Kellybean took a deep breath, stood up, and addressed the sticky, sobbing crowd.

  “So, who’s ready for their box lunch?”

  Chapter Twelve

  Hours after the Americano Grande departed Halii Bai, Leo had retired to his stateroom to prepare for the evening’s activities. Next up was an outdoor concert by legendary Geiko crooner Swaggy Humbershant, Jr. The old man played a program of old-fashioned, velvet-throated standards the seniors enjoyed nostalgically and the youngsters enjoyed ironically.

  Swaggy worked on a lot of levels.

  Leo finished buttoning the coat of his dress uniform, admiring his reflection in the full-length mirror. He gave himself a confident wink and a set of pistol fingers.

  “Lookin’ good, Captain MacGavin!”

  He was excited to attend the concert in his official capacity as the captain. Because, for once, he felt like the captain. Ever since he’d fixed the power drain on the engines, the bridge crew had started taking him more seriously. Even Burlock had reluctantly backed off. He grinned and straightened his hat. Today had really turned around since the debacle this morning.

  As soon as he thought it, the image of Varlowe—yellow-skinned and sweaty and bulging with veins—torpedoed his good mood. He hadn’t heard a word from her since the medics had wheeled her off the ship. Guilt chewed at his gut. Varlowe had trusted him and he’d poisoned her. Accidentally, but still… He was worried.

  He frowned and pulled back his sleeve, revealing the white band of his tabloyd. A wheel slowly spun on its face. Ugh. It had been trying and failing to connect to the tab network for hours. Maybe he’d have better luck if he went outside.

  He tapped on the device as he crossed through a set of transparent, airtight doors and out onto his enormous private balcony. Cool, exterior air tingled on his skin, but the wheel continued spinning. Nuts. He blew out a long breath and tipped his head back to gaze out at the night sky.

  He froze. Eyes wide. Mouth open.

  Space was broken.

  That was the only explanation. The usual velvet-black expanse pricked with twinkling stars had become furious, boiling chaos. Angry blue gas churned and spiraled in a storm thousands of miles wide. Electrical disturbances the size of continents raged across its face, whipping off breathtaking tendrils of sapphire lightning. And in the center of it all was a circle of blackness. Leo’s brain tried to tell him it was a planet, but it wasn’t a planet. It wasn’t made of dirt or rock. Some deep, primeval part of his psyche told him it was made of nothing. Just a hole in the very fabric of reality, slowly devouring the storm as it coiled into its nigh
tmarish mouth.

  Looking at it made Leo’s throat feel raw and blistered. Some tiny collection of synapses at the edge of his consciousness wondered why it would do that. The seed of curiosity took hold, pulling him back from the brink of madness.

  Leo realized he was screaming. Just standing there, limbs slack, eyes wide, staring at the sky and screaming in primal terror. He clapped a hand over his mouth and turned to run back inside, but before he could move an enormous spider crashed down in front of him.

  “It will protect you, Captain.” Security Chief Dilly scuttled around Leo in a tight circle, its glowing eye pits scanning the balcony. “What is the threat?”

  Leo wailed and clutched his heart. “Gah! Dilly! What are you doing here?”

  “It is the head of security, sir. Its duty is to keep guests and crew safe.”

  “But what are you doing here? On my balcony?”

  “It heard you screaming.”

  “And…”

  “And it came to help,” Dilly said without emotion.

  Despite its assurances, the sudden appearance of a nightmare beast with slavering mandibles and razor-sharp forelimbs was not helping Leo’s sphincter-loosening horror. He thrust a finger at the sky.

  “What’s happening?” he shouted. “What is that?”

  “Is Blue Hole, sir. Sightseeing attraction. Is harmless.”

  “Harmless?” Leo repeated, as if trying to convince himself. “But… what is it?”

  “Unstable, electrically charged accretion disc orbiting supermassive gravity well.”

  “So… it’s a black hole?”

  “No, is blue hole.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  Dilly’s glowing eyes blinked. “Is blue.”

  Leo smirked, unsatisfied with this answer. He’d add this to his ever-expanding list of things to ask Varlowe. She’d know all about it. She knew everything. If he could just get in touch with her. He cleared his throat. “Hey Dilly, could I borrow your tabloyd? I have to make a call.”

  “You cannot make calls from dead zone.”

  “Okay, but I really need to…” Leo squinted. “I’m sorry, did you say ‘dead zone’?”