by Shayne Ford
Gently, he strokes my hair, his fingers warm against my skin.
“We’ll live a little...” he says again. “And then we’ll take it one moment at the time,” he mutters somewhat distracted or perhaps just sunk deep in his thoughts while I stare at him with almost no breath left in me.
12
THEA
“You can stay here while I’m gone,” I say, my voice hovering over the phone while I pick up boxes and stack them in the closet.
“Are you sure?” Liz asks, her voice echoing in the room.
“Yup.”
“Are you sure you want to move to Turkey?”
I straighten my back and stare at my cell for a few moments before I speak.
“Yes...” I say suspiciously. “What makes you think that I changed my mind. And for your information, I am not moving over there. I’ll be spending one semester there.”
“And possibly the summer.”
“Yes. If things go well, the summer too.”
“You’re not even close to him.”
My hands clutch my hips.
“What’s your point, Liz?”
“How can things work out between you two if you’re away from each other?”
“Let me worry about that.”
She goes quiet.
“He said he’s going to come to visit me. And I’ll go to see him as well.”
“Okay.”
“You don’t sound okay. Why are you so nervous about this thing, anyway?”
“I’m not. ”
My eyebrows knit into a frown.
“Are things okay with you and, um... What’s his name?”
Her answer comes after a moment of silence.
“We’re on a break.”
“Oh... What happened?”
“Boredom.”
My eyebrows push up as I stare at the screen.
I crash into a nearby chair and pick up my phone. I hold it in front of me.
“How come?” I ask, no longer smiling.
“Well... The novelty wore off, and there was not much to hold us together.”
“I’m sorry to hear that...” I say, gazing at my phone. “What about Chloe? Is she okay?”
“She’s fine, but her thing is not much better than mine. Her guy spent the evening watching sports while she was dying to go out last night.”
“Was it sports?”
“That’s what he said. Mine spent time with his family.”
“Oh...”
“Yeah... So anyway. It was one of those things, but it’s all right. Spring is here, and we can find new guys.”
“That’s the spirit,” I say when a text message pops up. “Oh... I gotta go. It’s my new roommate. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay. Bye.”
We end the call when a picture flashes on my phone. It’s my new roommate and a bunch of other people.
She’s a brown-haired girl with freckles and hazel eyes.
She’s already there, in Turkey, and sends me photos of the place we rented together and our colleagues.
We opted against the dorm and found an apartment in a house not far from the campus. The space has two bedrooms, a kitchen and a nook where she already suggested that we should have a dining table. A small balcony overlooks the street, flower plants sitting in the window sills.
It’s really pretty.
She sends me more pictures of herself and a few other students, all part of the exchange program.
I get giddy as I look at them.
I feel excited, eager to see and experience new things, and then Liz comes to mind and my smile dies out as I understand her regret because she can’t come with me.
Then I remember Ed, and as I think about him, my eyes fly to the two suitcases waiting for me on the bed.
Two more days.
I check the time on my phone. With the seven-hour time difference, it’s almost five o’clock in the afternoon in Monaco.
I sweep my finger on the screen, pull up an app, and start typing.
Me: How’s life in Monte Carlo?
I add a smiling face emoji and tap ‘send’ before I set the phone down, wondering if he’d answer me.
A few minutes pass by, shattering my hope. I push up to my feet and start packing my clothes in my suitcases.
A sound alert makes me dash to my phone. I laugh as I pick it up and almost drop it a couple of times before I get steady on my feet and suck in a deep breath.
Calm down, Thea.
I slide my finger onto the screen and read his reply.
Ed: Life is good. Still at work.
The corners of my lips slant down.
Oh... I caught him at a bad time.
I set the phone down when another alert flashes.
Ed: Staff meeting.
Okay, Mr. Boss.
I put the phone down again when a third message arrives. A picture, this time.
I tap it and enlarge it.
A beautiful space decorated with sleek furniture–– a large table and chairs as well as a small screen at the front of the room sprawl in front of my eyes.
People sit around the table, their backs to the camera as they focus on a presentation held by someone at the front. I can’t see that person as he or she is most likely standing somewhere on the side.
Something tells me that it’s not him since he was the one who snapped the picture. I let my gaze roam over the people, studying the photograph.
I count ten men and six women, their ages spanning from twenty-five to sixty-five.
Not far, on the left, I get a glimpse of the back and profile of a blonde woman clad in a navy business suit. Her silhouette and wasp waist catch my eye. Her hair is long, a mane of silky waves.
I start chewing on my lip.
‘Don’t go there, Thea,’ says the wiser part of me. Too bad I rarely listen to it.
But I’m trying at least.
I decide not to get bothered with the woman in the beautiful suit, so I put the phone down.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long and I change my mind.
I pick up my cell, and check the photo again, enlarging it as much as I can. Not satisfied with the brightness of the photograph, I move to the kitchen, hoping to study it better in the light flowing through the windows.
With the keen attention of an investigator, I analyze the woman’s posture and the way she purses her lips. I even let my gaze hover over her left hand, looking for a ring.
There is no ring.
Frustrated, I puff and throw my hand in the air.
Why do I care?
That doesn’t stop me from taking another look at her face. She’s pretty.
A slow growl crawls up my throat. There’s no point in driving myself crazy, yet, I can’t stop myself from doing just that.
Another picture arrives. A snapshot of him–– his shoulders, suit jacket, blue tie, his signature starched white shirt.
His chin tipped up, his hand fixing his tie knot.
It’s a snapshot taken in the hallway in front of the door of that conference room, I believe.
In a hotel.
My fingers get busy, typing again.
Me: Are you done?
Ed: Almost. Business dinner next.
A blood vessel pulses in my neck. What’s up with the cryptic messages?
I try to match the cadence of his words.
Me: Same people?
Ed: Yup.
Ugh.
I toss the phone on the bed.
Another message pops up.
Ed: Talk to you later.
My teeth begin to grit.
I slide the phone onto the mattress away from me and glance around. It’s only ten o’clock in the morning and I have a day full of chores ahead of me, and now, my stomach is tied in knots.
Somehow I pull myself together and spend the next few hours cleaning the house and cooking for myself before I finish packing my suitcases.
Liz does her best to take my mind away from him, inviting
me downtown for a last round of shopping. Politely, I excuse myself, blaming it on my hectic schedule, and a headache that I haven’t invented.
It’s real.
The hours pass by tediously, and by the time the afternoon sneaks in, I’m already a nervous wreck.
I check the time on my phone way more often than I should. It’s close to midnight in Monaco when I finally curl up on the sofa with my tablet and start reading a book. It doesn’t take long before I realize that I can’t read a single line.
I try to talk myself into calming down, and not fretting over stupid things. There’s no reason to get worried because of a picture.
He gave me no reason to suspect anything bad.
To a degree, I realize that my turmoil has nothing to do with him as much it has to do with my insecurities and the fact that I’ve been a mess since he left, not to say that I feel threatened by that woman, at least to an extent.
The fact that we haven’t seen each other in two weeks, only spoke on the phone sporadically as he was busy with his work and we had to deal with the time difference, doesn’t help at all.
My insecurities have to do with the distance––I recognize, seeing him in his work environment surrounded by accomplished women making me nervous as hell.
Suddenly being a young student on her way to a foreign country that is not even close to where he works, doesn’t feel so good.
I give up on reading, leap up from the sofa and head to the kitchen, occupying a few minutes of my time preparing a cup of java, although coffee is the last thing I should be drinking right now. I’m wired up as it is.
The phone rings in the other room.
Startled, I jerk my hand, spilling hot coffee on my sweatpants before I slide the cup onto the counter, mumbling a curse.
I dry off my hand with a paper towel and run to the other room.
It’s Liz again.
My stomach starts to fray.
“Hey...” she says, a lot of noise in the background.
“Hey,” I gasp, panting.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you at the gym or something?”
“No. I’m waiting for a phone call.”
“Oh, oh... I’m sorry. Him?”
“Yup,” I say, dragging my feet back into the kitchen.
“Are you excited to see him?” she asks in a cheerful disposition.
“Well. I don’t know how soon I’ll see him tough. We haven’t talked about it.”
A small pause comes from the other end.
“What did you talk about then?”
“Not much,” I say, grabbing the cup of coffee and bringing it to my lips.
I take a sip.
I set it down just as fast. It’s too hot.
“He was really busy, jet-lagged for a few days in the beginning and then he had meetings back to back. Today I caught him in a staff meeting as well,” I say, itching to spill out more.
“Got it,” she says curtly, trying to curtail my bitching and moaning.
“And one of his employees is a gorgeous blonde, who probably has a stack of diplomas.”
The words just fell out from my mouth, and although my voice was sort of light, prompting her to laugh, I don’t feel like chuckling.
“Oh... I see. Gotcha.”
“Anyway. He said he’s gonna call me and I’ve been waiting for the last six hours or so, and I thought that it was him when the phone rang. I burned myself with coffee, and of course, it wasn’t him. He said they’d have a business dinner–– him and the employees. What kind of business dinner goes well into the night? It’s almost midnight there.”
“Perhaps that’s what they do in Europe, or in... Where is he exactly?”
“Monte Carlo.”
“There. I’m sure that’s how people roll over there. Isn’t he in the Casino business?”
“Yes, he is.”
“Then why are you so worried?”
I muse for a second.
“You’re right. I have no reason, and yet I can’t stop myself from feeling like shit.”
“You need to calm down. You’ll talk to him. You’ll get there, and see him. Things will look much better then.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.”
I slump on the sofa.
“Thanks for saying that,” I say with a quiet voice. “This waiting is killing me.”
“Try not to think about it. If it makes you feel any better, I’d be a nervous wreck too if were you.”
I breathe out a nervous chuckle.
“So I’m not the only crazy one.”
“No, you’re not. It’s normal to feel that way. You’re head over heels in love with this man.”
My laugh dies out.
She goes quiet as well.
“I am?”
“The real question is... Are you really asking me that?”
I laugh again.
Bittersweet.
“That’s bad,” I comment.
“Only if he doesn’t love you back.”
“He never said it.”
“Did you?”
“No, but I showed it to him.”
“Did he show it to you?”
I ponder.
“Yes, I think he did, but that’s not why I said it’s bad. When we had that fight on Valentine’s Day, I promised myself not to let myself carried away again. I knew–– and I told him as well, that it wouldn’t do us any good if we get too close to each other.”
“Oh... For fuck’s sake. Stop playing the shrink, Thea. That’s not something you can control.”
“No, no. It’s true. After I did that, things were so much better between us. We had a great time in Vegas. We’ve never been so close as we were that weekend, and I think it’s precisely because I backed away a little. ”
“Whatever... I don’t think it had anything to do with that. You can’t control how you feel for someone. It’s normal to freak out once in a while, just don’t act on it. Take a few deep breaths. Try not to think about the distance and blondes, and shit. Blondes have bad days as well, and not all men love them anyway.”
Her conviction makes me laugh again.
She chuckles as well.
“See, now you feel better. You should get out for a few hours. It would drive me nuts to spend so much time alone at home as you do. And speaking of that... That’s why I called you. Chloe and I plan on eating out after we’re done shopping, and then we’re going to a party. You should come and hang out with us.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Come on. One last time before you leave.”
“I said I’d think about it,” I say grinning just as my phone flashes another call.
My hands begin to tremble.
“Okay. All right. This is him calling me. I’ll talk to you later.”
I hung up, take a few long breaths and answer the call.
13
THEA
“Hey...”
His voice is smoky and relaxed, tinged with a grin.
“Hey...” I say.
My voice trembles and quivers, feeling like a heap of broken glass.
“Are you done?” I ask with a quiet voice.
“What?”
The volume of his voice fluctuates as if he moves away from the phone and comes back.
“Is the business dinner over?” I ask, trying not to slip the slightest hint of irony in my voice.
“Yup.”
“Some business dinner, huh?”
I can’t refrain it seems.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s late,” I say, pointing out to the fact that he called me late.
“Yeah...” he mutters, not registering the nuance in my voice, or so I think.
An then he continues.
“We stayed late and then we spent some time in the Casino.”
“We?”
My voice is sharp, filled with suspicion.
He pauses as if he final
ly takes notice.
“What is going on, Thea?”
His voice lost its warmth, my name rolling off his lips cold and distant as if he’s a moment away from hanging up on me.
In an instant, I morph into a different person.
“Um... Nothing. I was just wondering how it was,” I say with a sweeter voice, but I can’t fool him.
“Are you jealous now?”
“Me? No, no... Why would I be?”
“I don’t know. Why would you be?”
There’s no humor in his voice, and I can see how this whole conversation is meandering toward disaster now.
“I’m sorry I sounded that way. I was just worried... You didn’t call me and it was late. And also, who eats dinner that late anyway?”
I can see how I’m digging my own grave here, and yet I can’t stop.
“And then I check those pictures again, and, um...”
I finally draw my mouth shut, the silence coming from the other end making me shiver.
“And then what, Thea?”
I imagine him, frowning.
The fangs of panic sink into my neck.
“Uh... There was a woman.”
“What woman?”
He’s pissed now. I get angry too.
If I’m about to go down, let’s do it in style.
“The blonde.”
“What about her?”
“She was part of the ‘we’, wasn’t she?”
“She’s an employee.”
“I’m not saying that she’s not,” I say, finding my voice. “But she is there with you while I am here,” I snap, my frustration finally surfacing in its full glory.
“And who’s fault is that?” he tosses right back at me.
I go speechless for a moment.
“What do you mean?”
Silence is his answer.
I start to mumble.
“I didn’t want to be away from you, Ed.”
He doesn’t comment.
“Not intentionally, anyway.”
A few more moments slip away.
“She works for me. Nothing else,” he says with a calmer voice as if he’s trying to make a concession to me.
I de-tense a little too.
“I understand... My feelings had nothing to do with her. It was just the way I felt about the whole thing and the fact that you made me wait for your call.”