Pistols for Two

by Georgette Heyer

  ‘Yes, I dare say,’ said Mr Allerton, ‘but it ain’t the thing. What’s more,’ he added severely, ‘it ain’t the thing to kiss Hetty in a dashed inn parlour, and with me watching you, either!’

  Night at the Inn

  1

  There were only three persons partaking of dinner at the inn, for it was neither a posting-house, nor a hostelry much patronized by stage-coaches. The man in the moleskin waistcoat, who sat on one of the settles flanking the fireplace in the coffee-room, gave no information about himself; the young lady and gentleman on the other side were more forthcoming.

  The lady had been set down at the Pelican after dusk by a cross-country coach. Her baggage was as modest as her appearance, the one consisting of a bandbox and a corded trunk; the other of brown curls smoothed neatly under a bonnet, a round cashmere gown made high to the neck and boasting neither frills nor lace, serviceable half-boots, and tan gloves, and a drab pelisse. Only two things belied the air of primness she seemed so carefully to cultivate: the jaunty bow which tied her bonnet under one ear, and the twinkle in her eye, which was as sudden as it was refreshing.

  The gentleman was her senior by several years: an open-faced, pleasant young man whose habit proclaimed the man of business. He wore a decent suit of clothes, with a waistcoat that betrayed slight sartorial ambition; his linen was well-laundered, and the points of his shirt-collar starched; but he had tied his neckcloth with more regard for propriety than fashion, and he displayed none of the trinkets that proclaimed the dandy. However, the watch he consulted was a handsome gold repeater, and he wore upon one finger a signet-ring, with his monogram engraved, so that it was reasonable to suppose him to be a man of some substance.

  He was fresh from Lisbon, he told the landlord, as he set down his two valises in the tap-room, and had landed at Portsmouth that very day. Tomorrow he was going to board a coach which would carry him within walking-distance of his paternal home: a rare surprise for his parents that would be, for they had not the least expectation of seeing him! He had been out of England for three years: it seemed like a dream to be back again.

  The landlord, a burly, rubicund man with a smiling countenance, entered into the exile’s excitement with indulgent good humour. Young master was no doubt come home on leave from the Peninsula? Not wounded, he did hope? No, oh, no! Young master had not the good fortune to be a soldier. He was employed in a counting-house, and had no expectation of getting his transfer from Lisbon for years. But – with offhand pride – he had suddenly been informed that there was a place for him at headquarters in the City, and had jumped aboard the first packet. No time to warn his parents: he would take them by surprise, and wouldn’t they gape and bless themselves at the sight of him, by Jupiter! He had meant to have put up at the Swan, in the centre of the town, but such a press of custom had they that they had been obliged to turn him away. The same at the George: he hoped he was going to be more fortunate at the Pelican?

  The landlord, gently edging him into the coffee-room, reassured him: he should have a good bedchamber, and the sheets well aired, a hot brick placed in the bed, and a fire lit in the grate. The gentleman from Lisbon said: ‘Thank the Lord for that! I have had my fill of tramping from inn to inn, I can tell you! What’s more, I’m devilish sharp-set! What’s for dinner?’

  He was promised a dish of mutton and haricot beans, with soup to go before it, and a dish of broccoli to accompany it. He rubbed his hands together, saying boyishly: ‘Mutton! Real English mutton! That’s the dandy! That’s what I’ve been longing for any time these three years! Bustle about, man! – I could eat the whole carcase!’

  By this time he had been coaxed into the coffee-room, a low-pitched apartment, with shuttered windows, one long table, and an old-fashioned hearth flanked by high-backed settles. On one of these, toasting her feet, sat the young lady; on the other, his countenance obscured by the journal he was perusing, was the man in the moleskin waistcoat. He paid no heed to the newcomer; but the lady tucked her toes under the settle, and assumed an attitude of stiff propriety.

  The gentleman from Lisbon trod over to the fire, and stood before it, warming his hands. After a slight pause he observed with a shy smile that these November evenings were chilly.

  The lady agreed to it, but volunteered no further remark. The gentleman, anxious that all the world should have a share in his joy, said that he was quite a stranger to England. He added hopefully that his name was John Cranbrook.

  The lady subjected him to a speculative, if slightly surreptitious, scrutiny. Apparently she was satisfied, for she relaxed her decorous pose, and said that hers was Mary Gateshead.

  He seemed much gratified by this confidence, and bowed politely, and said how do you do? This civility encouraged Miss Gateshead to invite him to sit down, which he instantly did, noticing as he did so that a pair of narrow eyes had appeared above the sheets of the journal on the opposite settle, and were fixed upon him. But as soon as his own encountered them they disappeared again, and all he could see, in fat black print, was an advertisement for Pears’ Soap, and another adjuring him to consider the benefits to be derived from using Russia Oil regularly on the hair.

  Searching his mind for something with which to inaugurate a conversation, Mr Cranbrook asked Miss Gateshead whether she too had found the Swan and the George full.

  She replied simply: ‘Oh, no! I could not afford the prices they charge at the big inns! I am a governess.’

  ‘Are you?’ said Mr Cranbrook, with equal simplicity. ‘I am a clerk in Nathan Spennymore’s Counting-house. In the ordinary way I can’t afford ’em either, but I’m very plump in the pocket just now!’ He patted his breast as he spoke, and laughed, his eyes dancing with such pride and pleasure that Miss Gateshead warmed to him, and invited him to tell her how this delightful state of affairs had come about.

  He was nothing loth, and while the man in the moleskin waistcoat read his paper, and the landlord laid the covers on the table, he told her how he had been sent out to Lisbon three years ago, and what it was like there – very well in its way, but a man would rather choose to be at home! – and how an unexpected stroke of good fortune had befallen him, and he was to occupy a superior place in the London house. He didn’t know why he should have been chosen, but Miss Gateshead might imagine how he had jumped at the chance!

  Miss Gateshead suggested that the promotion might be a reward for good service, which made Mr Cranbrook blush vividly, and say that he was sure it was no such thing. In haste to change the subject, he enquired after her prospects and destination. Miss Gateshead was the eldest daughter of a curate with a numerous progeny, and she was bound for her first situation. Very eligible, she assured him! A large house, not ten miles from this place; and Mrs Stockton, her employer, had graciously promised to send the gig to the Pelican to fetch her in the morning.

  ‘I should have thought she might have sent a closed carriage in this weather,’ said John bluntly.

  ‘Oh, no! Not for the governess!’ Miss Gateshead said, shocked.

  ‘It may rain!’ he pointed out.

  She laughed. ‘Pooh, I shan’t melt in a shower of rain!’

  ‘You might take a chill,’ insisted John severely. ‘I don’t think Mrs Stockton can be at all an amiable person!’

  ‘Oh, do not say so! I am in such a quake already, in case I do not give satisfaction!’ said Miss Gateshead. ‘And there are nine children – only fancy! – so that I might be employed there for years!’

  She seemed to regard this prospect with satisfaction, but Mr Cranbrook had no hesitation in favouring her with his own quite contrary views on such a fate.

  The landlord came in, bearing the leg of mutton, which he set down on a massive sideboard. His wife, a decent-looking, stout woman in a mob-cap, arranged various removes on the table, bobbed a curtsy to Miss Gateshead, and asked if she would care for a glass of porter, or some tea.

>   Miss Gateshead accepted the offer of tea, and, after a moment’s hesitation, untied the strings of her bonnet, and laid this demure creation down on the settle. Her curls, unconfined, showed a tendency to become a trifle wayward, but, rather to John’s disappointment, she rigorously smoothed them into decorum.

  The man in the moleskin waistcoat folded his journal, and bore it to the table, propping it up against a tarnished cruet, and continuing laboriously to peruse it. His attitude indicated that he preferred his own company, so his fellow-guests abandoned any ideas they might have had of including him in their chat, and took their places at the other end of the board. The landlady dumped a pot of tea at Miss Gateshead’s elbow, flanking it with a chipped jug of milk, and a cup and saucer; and John bespoke a pint of ale, informing Miss Gateshead, with his ingenuous grin, that home-brewed was one of the things he had chiefly missed in Portugal.

  ‘And what for you, sir?’ asked Mrs Fyton, addressing herself to the man at the bottom of the table.

  ‘Mr Waggleswick’ll take a heavy-wet as usual,’ said her spouse, sharpening the carving-knife.

  It was at this point that John, suppressing an involuntary chuckle, discovered the twinkle in Miss Gateshead’s eye. They exchanged looks brimful of merriment, each perfectly understanding that the other found the name of Waggleswick exquisitely humorous.

  The soup, ladled from a large tureen, was nameless and savourless, but Miss Gateshead and Mr Cranbrook, busily engaged in disclosing to one another their circumstances, family histories, tastes, dislikes, and aspirations, drank it without complaint. Mr Waggleswick seemed even to like it, for he called for a second helping. The mutton which followed the soup was underdone and tough, and the side-dish of broccoli would have been improved by straining. Mr Cranbrook grimaced at Miss Gateshead, and remarked during one of the landlord’s absences from the room that the quality of the dinner made him fearful of the condition of the bedchambers.

  ‘I don’t think they can enjoy much custom here,’ said Miss Gateshead wisely. ‘It is the most rambling old place, but no one seems to be staying here but ourselves, and you can lose yourself in the passages! In fact, I did,’ she added, sawing her way through the meat on her plate. ‘I have not dared to look at the sheets, but I have the most old-fashioned bed, and I asked them not to make up the fire again because it was smoking so dreadfully. And what is more I haven’t seen a chambermaid, and you can see there is no waiter, so I am sure they don’t expect guests.’

  ‘Well, I don’t think you should be putting up at a place little better than a hedge-tavern!’ said John.

  ‘Mrs Stockton wrote that it was cheap, and the landlady would take care of me,’ she explained. ‘Indeed, both she and the landlord have been most obliging, and if only the sheets are clean I am sure I shall have nothing to regret.’

  Some cheese succeeded the mutton, but as it looked more than a little fly-blown the two young persons left Mr Waggleswick to the sole enjoyment of it, and retired again to the settle by the fire. The room being indifferently lit by a single lamp suspended above the table Mr Waggleswick elected to remain in his place with his absorbing journal. When he had finished his repast he noisily picked his teeth for some time, but at last pushed back his chair, and took himself off.

  Miss Gateshead, who had been covertly observing him, whispered: ‘What a strange-looking man! I don’t like him above half, do you?’

  ‘Well, he is not precisely handsome, I own!’ John replied, grinning.

  ‘His nose is crooked!’

  ‘Broken. I dare say he is a pugilist.’

  ‘How horrid! I am glad I am not alone with him here!’

  That made him laugh. ‘Why, we can’t accuse him of forcing his attentions on us, I am sure!’

  ‘Oh, no! But there is something about him which I cannot like. Did you notice how he watched you?’

  ‘Watched me? He barely raised his eyes above the newspaper!’

  ‘He did when he thought you were not looking at him. I know he was listening to every word we said, too. I have the oddest feeling that he may even be listening now!’

  ‘I would wager a large sum he is consuming another of his heavy-wets in the tap rather!’ replied John.

  The door opened as he spoke, and Miss Gateshead’s nervous start was infectious enough to make him look round sharply. But it was only the landlady who came into the room, with a tray, on which she began to pile the plates and cutlery. She remarked that it was a foggy night, so that she had tightly closed the shutters in the bedrooms.

  ‘Get a lot of fog hereabouts, we do,’ she said, wiping a spoon on her apron, and casting it into a drawer in the sideboard. ‘Like a blanket it’ll be before morning, but it’ll clear off. I come from Norfolk myself, but a body gets used to anything. It’s the clay.’

  ‘Who is our fellow-guest?’ asked John.

  ‘Mr Waggleswick? He’s an agent of some sort: I don’t rightly know. Travels all over, by what he tells me. We’ve had him here two-three times before. He’s not much to look at, but he don’t give no trouble. I’ll bring your candles in presently. Your room is at the end of the passage, sir: turn to the right at the top of the stairs, and you’ll come to it. Fyton took your bags up.’

  2

  Waggleswick did not return to the coffee-room, and as no other visitors, other than the local inhabitants, who crowded into the tap-room across the passage, came to the Pelican, Miss Gateshead and Mr Cranbrook were left to sit on either side of the fire, chatting cosily together. Miss Gateshead was most interested to hear about Portugal, and as John, like so many young travellers, had filled a fat sketch-book with his impressions of an unknown countryside, it was not long before she had persuaded him to fetch down from his room this treasure.

  The landlord was busy in the tap, and Mrs Fyton was nowhere to be seen, so John went upstairs unescorted, trusting to the landlady’s directions.

  Another of the hanging oil-lamps lit the staircase, and rather feebly cast a certain amount of light a little way along the passage above, but beyond its radius all was in darkness. For a moment John hesitated, half-inclined to go back for a candle, but as his eyes grew more accustomed to the murk he thought that he could probably grope his way along the corridor to the room at the end of it. He did this, not entirely without mishap, since he tripped down one irrelevant step in the passage, and up two others, slightly ricking his ankle in the process, and uttering an exasperated oath. However, he reached the end of the passage, and found that there was a door confronting him. He opened it, and peeped in, and saw, by the light of a fire burning in the high barred grate, his two valises, standing in the centre of the room. As he knelt before them, tugging at the strap round the larger of them, he glanced cursorily round the apartment. It was of a respectable size, and boasted a very large bed, hung with ancient curtains, and bearing upon it a quilt so thick as to present more the appearance of a feather-mattress than of a coverlet. The rest of the furniture was commonplace and old-fashioned, and comprised several chairs, a dressing-table, a wash-stand, a huge mahogany wardrobe, a table by the bed, and a wall-cupboard on the same side of the room as the fireplace. A pair of dingy blinds imperfectly concealed the warped shutters bolted across the window. Some attempt to embellish the room had been made, for a singularly hideous china group stood in the middle of the mantelpiece, and a religious engraving hung above it. Mr Cranbrook hoped that Miss Gateshead’s room might be less gloomy: for himself he cared little for his surroundings, but he could imagine that a lady might find such an apartment comfortless, and even rather daunting.

  The sketch-book was easily found, and he went off with it, shutting the door of the room behind him. He remembered the treacherous steps in the corridor, and went more carefully, putting out a hand to feel his way by touching the wall. It encountered not the wall, but something warm and furry.

  He snatched it back, his eyes straining in
the darkness, his heart suddenly hammering. Whatever he had touched was living and silent, and quite motionless. ‘Who’s that?’ he said quickly, an absurd, nameless dread knocking in his chest.

  There was a slight pause, as though of hesitation, and then a voice said in a grumbling tone: ‘Why can’t you take care where you’re a-going, young master?’

  Mr Cranbrook recognized the voice, which he had heard speaking to the landlord, and knew that what he had touched was a moleskin waistcoat. ‘What are you doing here?’ he demanded, relieved, yet suspicious.

  ‘What’s that to you?’ retorted Waggleswick. ‘I suppose a cove can go to his room without axing your leave!’

  ‘I didn’t mean – But why were you spying on me?’

  ‘Spying on you? That’s a loud one! What would I want to do that for?’ said Waggleswick scornfully.

  John could think of no reason, and was silent. He heard a movement, and guessed that Waggleswick was walking away from him. A moment later a door opened farther down the passage, and the glow of firelight within the room silhouetted Waggleswick’s figure for a brief instant before he went in, and shut the door behind him.

  John hesitated, on the brink of retracing his steps to lock his own door. Then he recollected that he carried his money on his person, and had packed nothing of value in his valises, and he shrugged, and proceeded on his way.

  Miss Gateshead was seated where he had left her. She greeted him with a smile that held some relief, and confided to him that she hated foggy nights.

  ‘There’s not much fog in the house,’ he replied reassuringly.

  ‘No, but it muffles all the noises, and makes one think the world outside dead!’ she said. She perceived that he did not quite appreciate this, and coloured. ‘It is only a foolish fancy, of course! I don’t think I like this house. A rat has been gnawing in the wainscoting in that corner, and a few minutes ago I heard the stairs creak, and quite thought it must be you. Do you believe in ghosts?’