“It doesn’t look like your body needs any more balancing,” I tease.
“Well, it’s not about looks!” he jokes back. “It’s about making sure that my spine is balanced—that nothing is pulling or straining. It was a good reminder for me. I like certain exercises better than others, so I need to be more self-disciplined.”
I sigh. “I need to adjust some things, too. As my body ages, I can see how much building muscle will help my bones and joints. I am old remember?”
“Kate, you are older than I am, true. But it doesn’t mean you are old. We might be the first generation to far exceed our parents in life expectancy. Think about it: when your Mom was your age, was she as healthy as you?”
I think for a moment. “No, definitely not. She already had cancer at that point. She lived until she was 45, but she fought it the rest of her life, which meant a lot of suffering.”
“Right. Did you know that you have an allele that is linked with a strong tumor- suppressing gene response?”
I pause, taken aback. “I know that,” I say guardedly. “How do you know that?” I ask, fully knowing the answer to that question.
“I ran our numbers, remember? I noticed it because I have the same allele variation. That means it is highly unlikely that you or I will die of cancer. Even if we see tumor growth, our body will have the tools to shut it down with minimal treatment. Kate. We could live well into our seventies.”
I stare at him. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about that before. I guess I didn’t ever expect to have a better or longer life than my parents. And honestly, until Eric’s research, I hadn’t ever thought twice about that gene or allele variation.
“What will society even do with us at that point?” I joke. “Don’t you think we will be bored?”
“I looked into it, and there are people in Tier 2 already starting to live past their fifties,” he says, ignoring my question.
“I know,” I say. “I met with one of them that same day I ran into you.”
“Right,” he goes on. “With adherence to health and nutrition standards, even those with poor genetics can extend their lifespan—their healthy and functioning lifespan. People in Tier 1 have been living into their fifties regularly. I even know of a few in their sixties. Cancer and a few mutated virus strains are the only things between us and living who knows how long. What if we can suddenly live to see our grandkids and great-grandkids? What if we can create close-knit communities of families like they did in the past? We wouldn’t need such a structured society because older family members could teach and mentor the young. Don’t get me wrong, mentoring is great, but this would take advantage of that biological link—the drive to keep your offspring alive. Families and individuals would be even stronger. We could see a population boom like before the Crisis, but this time it would be set up in a healthy, sustainable way.”
I can see that Nick is extremely passionate about this, so I hold back my reservations. I’m not sure it is sustainable for a population to boom so quickly. We have things under control right now, but it seems like Berg thinks that they can predict and control the trajectory of life on Earth. It isn’t that simple.
Eric was always talking about the need to factor in random variations, incidental mutations, unpredicted change. Our research has obviously been so necessary in helping us repopulate and live in harmony with ourselves and nature, but history shows that many groups of people have achieved this in history. Some variable always changes, resulting in collapse. Whether from disease, new settlers, or environmental shifts, the population wasn’t ready to adjust. How do we know we will be ready to accommodate when something else happens?
“Do you really anticipate it being sustainable?” I ask, trying not to burst his bubble. “One of the major factors that contributed to the Crisis was disease…” I trail off, not sure if I should say more. The population during that time was so large, and deadly illnesses could spread like wildfire. So much of it was preventable, but people didn’t know which warnings to trust. They had access to massive amounts of information, but it was arduous to sift through, none of it very reliable. New material was being created constantly, making it virtually impossible to discern what data was real and what had been massaged to meet an agenda. Large groups of people became convinced that scientific research was doing more harm than good, and they refused to follow any recommendations.
People simply stopped listening. Perhaps most significantly, many stopped using scientific and medical research to build immunity against disease. Old diseases came back and absolutely decimated the population. That, along with all of the other factors Grace talked about in her speech, was a major catalyst for decreased lifespan. Add in a lack of family stability and trust in society, and you can imagine why the situation was able to reach a boiling point.
“I think it could be,” Nick says. “Our general attitude is different now, as is our dissemination of information.”
“Do you think our overall immunity is strong enough that a population boom wouldn’t be begging for disease levels to increase?” I ask skeptically. I don’t see how Berg can keep close enough tabs on hygiene and compliance to prevent a similar problem in the future. Maybe with some better protocols in place. I don’t know. Beyond that, who is to say that we wouldn’t respond similarly if fear somehow crept back into our society? If an infectious illness mutated, can I really say that I would act in society’s best interest? None of us in our generation have been faced with a test like that.
“It’s a good point,” he says slowly, and I realize I have unintentionally killed his excitement.
“It’s not that I don’t think it’s possible,” I backtrack. “I do really hope that we can create a world like that. And I love that you are so sure we can. I guess I am having trouble imagining what that will look like.” I pause. “Would we spend those elderly years with our families? Continue to serve in the community? Would we still be allotted full resources if we are past the years of being able to reproduce?” I ask, growing more concerned at the thought.
“I don’t know, but I think Berg is discussing and researching all of this now. They know it will happen. Especially with Eric’s discovery. It seems completely within reach.”
Eric. I will be seeing him tomorrow. My stomach fills with butterflies and I remind myself that I have to be strong. Unselfish. Thinking of society improving to the point where there isn’t suffering makes it easier.
The car slows down in front of the cafe. Nick opens my door for me and we walk in. We are seated at a table in the corner, along the exposed brick wall. Sunlight is streaming in, bathing us in warmth as we take our seats. It’s cozy and quiet at this time of day, with the hustle and bustle of the morning already past. I order a fonio bowl, Nick orders an omelet. As our server walks away, I feel exposed and vulnerable. I hide in the motion of drinking my water.
“What are we doing, Kate?” Nick asks softly.
My heart starts to race. “What do you mean?” I say, stalling.
“You know what I mean. What are we doing? Where is this heading?”
I want to tell him everything. I want to say that I love Eric, but I also know that I have a responsibility to society. I want to tell him that I know we are one of five matches in our region, that if we don’t pair, we will exponentially affect the growth of a resistant generation. That I am so worried about what this will do to my boys, but I know there’s no going back to how life was before, either. I want him to know that I care about him, that I am attracted to him, but that Eric is an extension of me, and I don’t think that will ever change. That I feel like I can’t be fair to him. But I want to be.
I want to be the type of person who can move forward and do something important. I blocked Eric so I could try. I want Nick to know how grateful I am for his companionship. That I love how strong he feels when we embrace. I love his dedication to the greater good and how he is such a good example for Bentley and Tal. I want to kiss him. I want to never see him again.
>
I look into his gentle eyes. And I do it. I say it all. When I’m done, Nick is still staring at me. He doesn’t say anything for a minute, and he is about to speak, when our server returns with our plates. I clear my throat and look down, waiting for him to leave, then look up and all I see is Nick. Nick with tears welling in his eyes, and I am worried that I have wounded him.
“Kate,” he starts and then pauses. “I know that you and Eric are bonded strongly, and I never thought or hoped that I could replace him.” His eyebrows furrow. “Did Eric tell you about the match?”
“Yes,” I admit, and it feels so good to be free of the information. “I have known for a couple of weeks. Since the night of the ceremony. I am sorry I didn’t tell you then. I didn’t know what to do.”
“No, this is exactly what needed to happen. Your brain needed time to process. Just allow yourself to move through this without judgment. I am not convinced that any of our conditioning really prepared us to deal with something like this.”
“Yours obviously did,” I laugh.
“I told you, Kate. I have nothing to lose here. I just feel really lucky.”
“So you are okay pairing with someone who might not do this gracefully? Who might have constant second thoughts? I likely will have a tougher time reproducing at this point. Who knows how my body will respond. And how the boys will respond? I am planning to do reversal therapy with them, but it will likely be a process. You are fine with all of that?” I motion with my hands and realize too late that my voice has gotten loud. Other people are looking in our direction. I place my hands on my lap as my cheeks flush.
“I am,” he says, amused. “Like I said before, I’m one hundred percent in. I know that it might take time for us to bond the way you and Eric have, and maybe we never will. I know that. I accept that. But I think we will have a lot of fun, and I will be a full partner in raising a family with you. At the end of it, we will be able to say we did our part. That’s enough for me. And,” he clears his throat, “are you remembering that I do actually want you? I think about you all the time, Kate. Just put me out of my misery, please.” He laughs nervously. “I need to know one way or the other.”
“Okay, yes. You say that,” I counter, “but would you have wanted me if you hadn’t been forced into it? You were told that we needed to pair. Would you have ever thought about me had that not happened? When did you get that information?”
When he speaks, it is hurried and intense. “I don’t think I ever would have had a reason to hope, without the match. My mind wouldn’t have gone down that path, since I knew you were paired. But, don’t think that I didn’t want to. I didn’t know until Eric knew. When he left on that first trip, we met together at headquarters. When I ran into you at Washington Park and had that first meeting to start forming introductions, I didn’t know anything. I was attracted to you then and shut it down, because I knew those thoughts weren’t helpful. Then, when I knew...well, I didn’t shut it down as easily anymore.” His blue eyes sear into me.
We haven’t even taken a bite of our food. I pick up my fork and start to eat, sitting in his revelation for a few moments. Nick is the first to speak.
“So,” he says leaning back. “Am I understanding correctly that you have hesitations and concerns, but you do want to pair with me?” He puffs up his chest and has a mock arrogant look on his face.
I laugh with food still in my mouth. “Now I am rethinking my decision...” I say, taking a drink.
“I use humor as a distraction. I’m sorry.” He looks at me seriously, all of his defenses down. “Have you actually made a decision? Are we doing this?”
“Yes.” I say definitively. “I have decided. It’s the right thing to do. I’m terrified, though.”
“Okay, then. I can deal with terrified.” He smiles and reaches out for my hand. We finish our food and let our server know that he can log our meals as he takes our plates.
“What do we do now?” I ask. “Will they let me dissolve my pairing with Eric and submit this?”
“I think you know the answer to that. Berg is highly invested in us.”
“True.”
“Should we head down there and take care of it now?” He sees the hesitation in my eyes. “Too soon?”
“I think we should wait until after I meet with Eric, so I can tell him in person. Who knows, maybe he has already dissolved things,” I say, choking up a little bit.
Nick stands up and pulls me from my chair, into his arms. “You don’t have to do this alone,” he says, stroking my hair. Not worrying about the people around us, I softly cry into his shoulder. Then he walks me to the car, and we ride home.
Chapter 32
Nick stays the rest of the evening with us, even offering to pick up the boys from conditioning so I can finish my work. Tal and Bentley walk in the door laughing, and the sounds makes me cringe. I am going to have to crush that silliness by prepping them for our meeting tomorrow. Tomorrow, I think, and my lungs refuse to breath. Their worlds are going to be rocked. Tomorrow.
I consider asking Nick to leave, but realize it might be helpful for him to see and hear the boys’ reactions. After dinner, I ask them all to join me in the living room. Tal immediately stretches out on the couch, tempting Bentley to jump on him, which predictably causes a commotion. Once they are settled—on opposite sides of the couch—they are still, the busyness of the day finally seeming to sink into their small bodies.
“Bent, Tal, do you remember what we are doing tomorrow?” I ask.
“Yep!” says Bentley excitedly. “We get to meet with Dad!”
“I still don’t know why we have to have an official meeting,” Tal mumbles.
“I think you will understand more tomorrow,” I say. “I am sure Dad is so excited to see you two.” I pause. “We are also going to meet with the doctor at some point after the meeting.”
“Why?” asks Tal. “We already had our annual checkup and scans.”
“I know, but there is a new therapy that we have been selected to try. I think it will be great. Really similar to what you experienced at the center, Tal.”
I called Shari earlier, and she walked me through the reversal therapy process. The first treatment should be fairly quick and simple, but also very helpful after our meeting. It will soften the blow for the boys. I made their appointments, still refusing to do so for myself.
“Do you have any questions?” I ask.
“No,” Bentley says, flipping himself upside down.
“I am just really tired, Mom,” Tal says. “Can we go to bed?”
“Absolutely. We have a long, exciting day ahead of us. Run, brush your teeth and I will come tuck you in.”
“Can Nick tuck us in?” Bentley asks.
I look at Nick and see him smile, obviously honored. “Sure,” I say. Bentley races to the washroom and Tal follows.
I reach over and squeeze Nick’s hand. “Thanks for being here.”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” He cups his hand around my face and gently kisses my lips. Every nerve response in my body is heightened, and my lips tingle. My head spins at the unexpectedness of it.
“Nick! We are ready to be tucked in!” Bentley yells. They must not have brushed for the requisite two minutes, but I decide to let it slide. Nick stands, quite enjoying the stunned look on my face, and walks down the hall.
I hear his voice waft down the hall, the words a familiar bedtime story, and smile. We will be okay. This will all be okay, I think. I force myself to get up and clean the rest of our dinner mess, but all I want to do is sit there, feeling.
About half an hour later, Nick returns to the kitchen, as I am just finishing up.
“The boys are fast asleep,” he says, quite proud of himself.
I grin, giving him a thumbs up. He leans on the counter.
“I don’t want to go home, Kate,” he says softly.
I rinse out the cloth and hang it up to dry.
“Then don’t,” I say, turning to me
et his eyes.
He moves with purpose around the counter and pulls me close. I am guilty and desperate and ecstatic all at once, but I turn those thoughts off and just enjoy being held. Being touched. My body lights up as his hands move across my neck and through my hair. He doesn’t kiss me softly, and I am more than okay with that.
Chapter 33
Nick leaves early the next morning, so we don’t have to explain anything to the boys. We plan to meet the next day at the Town Hall to officially submit for pairing. Cerebrally, I am second guessing our decision to spend the night together before making things official, but my body is humming, and at peace. We made the decision to pair, and that’s all society requires. Filing our status is secondary. I am sure Berg is probably already aware, since our sensors were in the same location all night and they are likely monitoring us closely. They are likely thrilled. As if on cue, a notification on my sensor alerts me to a call from Shari.
“Good morning,” I say, smiling.
“Good morning? That’s all you have to say to me? Why didn’t you tell me you were officially pairing with Nick?”
“Shhh! The boys are still sleeping! Let me turn your volume down.”
“Sorry. But seriously, why didn’t you tell me?” Shari says, almost in a whisper. She looks genuinely hurt.
I laugh. “I’m sorry! We just talked about it yesterday. I think I made the decision a while ago, but I needed time to process.”
“Well, a message would have been nice. Instead I wake up to an alert.”
“What kind of alert?”
“The kind that says ‘warning, a new sensor was detected during off-times’. Before I saw it was Nick’s, I was worried you had been murdered.”
I laugh again. “I am really sorry, Shari. That is pretty funny, though.”
“So funny,” she says sarcastically. “Seriously, though. I am really happy for you. Are you still going to meet Eric today? Won’t that be hard, considering?”
Tier Trilogy: Books 1-3 Page 20