“Where’s Tal,” I ask again.
“Yes or no, Eric. I won’t ask again.”
My stomach turns. “Yes,” I sob desperately.
“Lean back,” he commands, and I lower my back to the chair.
Across the field, I see Nick slide a hand around Kate’s waist. I watch them as the balloon next to me begins to inflate, breathing hot air across my skin. They talk, Kate’s shoulders lifted, obviously tense. Though I wasn’t expecting Nick to be here, I can’t say that I’m surprised. Initially, I allowed myself to believe that his involvement was purely out of obedience to the Committee, but seeing the way he looks at her…
Pulling my clenched hands out of my pockets, I begin to make my way through the balloons. The brightly colored canvases against the brilliant orange hues of the sunrise serve to highlight my mood. Today I will be reunited with my family. The seemingly endless days without them are actually ending, and I can hardly believe it. Still, there is a part of me that begs to turn around, to stick it out. Ashamed at my weakness. For a long time, that part was strong enough to keep me going, but not anymore.
As I draw closer, I notice Kate scanning the crowd, her hands jammed into her pockets. The boys’ eyes are wide in awe of the scene before them. For a moment, I stop, watching them experience the magic. When Kate’s eyes meet mine, my heart leaps, making my extremities go numb. My focus shifts to Nick—oblivious—as I walk toward them. As if sensing Kate’s emotions, the boys turn and notice my approach, immediately jetting toward me. Tears sting the corners of my eyes, and I stretch my arms wide to embrace them. How did I ever think I could live without them?
“Kate, what’s going on?” Nick questions.
“Nick…” Kate starts, but stops short.
“Hey Nick,” I greet him, speaking gently, and purposefully keeping my distance. Not wanting to cause a scene, I turn the boys’ attention to the nearest balloon.
“Eric, what’s going on?” Nick asks quietly. “I don’t think you are supposed to be here.”
“I’m not,” I answer, my heart pounding. “Kate, why don’t I watch the boys for a minute and you can have a moment with Nick to explain.” I look at her, trying to communicate that I understand. She and Nick, as much as it pains me to admit, have created a relationship. A life. I don’t blame her for a second, and I want to give her the space to help him understand. I am here, and the fact that she is also here means that I don’t need to know or worry about what has transpired between them.
Nick looks back at her, his face pained. “Explain what?” he asks. Her eyes swim with tears as she begins to lead him away from us.
“I’ll meet you at the balloon rides, Kate,” I call after them.
“So, what should we do while we wait?” I ask, turning back to the boys.
“Play tag,” Bentley suggests immediately.
“Seems a little dangerous with all of this fire everywhere,” I tease.
“It’ll just make it more fun,” Tal says, slamming his hand into my shoulder. “You’re it.”
The boys scatter and I have to call out the rules above the sound of the fans and burners. “No actual running, only speed walking,” I say, and Tal throws his arms up in dissent. “You can still go fast, I promise! And no walking through the balloon prep areas—you have to go all the way around.”
The boys nod, and I dramatically begin my chase, goofily swinging my arms by my sides. Bentley roars with laughter, almost forgetting to escape. It proves to be a game of hide-and-seek, rather than tag, as the boys’ strategy turns to remaining silently obscured by half-filled balloons. Swiftly turning around each one, confusion sets in. How have I not found one of them yet?
“Bent! Tal!” I call, “I give up!”
No response. Running my hands through my hair, I turn back the way I came and stop short. Shari. And Grace. With Tal and Bentley in hand.
85 Kate
“When is Nick getting back?” Bentley asks. He still hasn’t said much to me since our conversation.
“He should be home tonight, I think he was only planning to spend a couple of days with his Dad,” I answer. “How was conditioning today?”
Bentley shrugs his shoulders, picking up an apple and wandering toward the back door.
“Bent,” I call. “What’s going through your head? I shared all of that information with you the other day and you haven’t said much.”
“You haven’t said much either,” he responds, taking a bite and chewing. He has a point.
“I didn’t want to seem overbearing.”
“Neither did I,” he says. Still chewing. What do I say to that?
“Okay,” I nod. “But I’m talking now.”
“It’s going to be alright, Mom. I know we’ll figure out a way to be a family again.”
“How do you know?” I ask in disbelief. “How, Bent? This is serious, bud. The Committee is not going to just allow us to waltz out of Tier 1 and join Eric and Tal—”
“They don’t have to allow us to do anything,” he says, licking the juice as it drips onto his fingers. “Don’t worry, Mom.”
“Don’t worry!? Bent—”
He runs to me and hugs me tightly around the waist. “Nick’s on it, remember? You’re a team,” he says, then runs to the backyard.
A team. If only it were that simple.
Nick arrives late that night, nearly stumbling through the front door in exhaustion. Though I am lying down, ready for sleep, I sit up to greet him.
“You okay?” I ask, laughing slightly at his disheveled appearance.
He looks up at me, not amused. I burst out laughing, not able to hold it back any longer.
“Seriously?” he asks, throwing his arms wide.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I have ever seen you look so out of sorts. I know it’s not funny, but...it’s kind of funny.”
A smile plays at the corners of his mouth as he walks over and slumps next to me on the couch.
“Good visit with your dad?” I ask.
He nods. “Good visit, but travel is exhausting.”
“I wish I could commiserate, but I have no experience with it.”
Nick pauses, breathing deeply.
“What?” I ask, noticing his hesitation.
“I have to report to the Committee in a few days,” he says.
“That’s going to be great, right? Show them all of your impressive research and score massive points with the Director?”
“Something like that,” he chuckles.
“You’ll be great, Nick.”
“Thanks,” he says, patting my leg. “I’m going to get ready for bed before I pass out right here.”
“Do you need anything to eat?”
“No, I’m good, thanks though,” he says, heaving himself to a standing position. I watch him go, then hit the lights, pulling a blanket over myself and closing my eyes.
As I’m walking home from the outdoor nursery, I see Shari walking down the path toward me. Though I don’t have the energy for a superficial conversation, I plaster a smile on my face and slow to greet her.
“Girls are loving this still?” she asks.
“They are. It hasn’t gotten old yet,” I say. “It helps that they are always bringing in new toys and obstacles.”
“I can’t believe they are pulling themselves up,” she comments.
“You and me both, it’s crazy. What brings you down here?” I ask, keeping the mood light.
“I was hoping to find you, actually. With Nick being out of town, I wondered if you could use some help?”
“You didn’t have to come all the way down—you could have just sent me a message,” I tease.
“Yeah, I know. Maybe I also wanted some fresh air,” she says, looking at the ground. “Do you have plans now? Could we take a walk?”
“I actually do need to get a few things done at home, but you can help me if you want,” I offer. Something is different in her demeanor today. She seems grounded, more humble.
“Sure
, you can put me to work.”
We meander home, taking the long way, while Shari fills me in on her most recent trip. I can’t remember if I told her that Nick had filled me in on everything, but she must have assumed.
“Have you ever traveled beyond our region?” I ask. So far, she has only described other territories. With everything I have learned in the last few weeks, my curiosity about the outside world is peaking. What if there are other things Berg has decided to keep from us? Things that the various Committees don’t feel are necessary for us to know?
“Only once,” she answers softly.
“Where?” I ask.
“North. Years ago.”
“For fun?” I ask.
“No, it was a recon assignment. At the time, Berg was looking for salt. It is still one of our most limited resources, but back then it was extremely rare within our territories. Before I joined the Committee, I was chosen to go. I remember being terrified. We really had no idea what we were flying into.”
“What were you worried about?”
“Everything! Animals, possibly other humans who somehow survived, infection, radioactivity, you name it.”
I nod. I have been safely in our Tier 1 bubble for so long, I have forgotten that an entire planet exists beyond our borders.
“So, what did you find?”
“Salt.”
“Nothing else?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. The landscape was surprisingly lush, considering the soil toxicity levels. I would love to research that area again someday. Observe what plant adaptations have occurred.”
“It would be fascinating,” I admit. “Couldn’t you go if you wanted to?”
“I could,” she muses. “There is always so much going on here, it’s hard to justify such a long, dangerous trip.”
“Seems like it would be incredibly helpful research,” I say and she smiles.
It kills me. I miss feeling close to her. I miss having no wall up, just the freedom to laugh and be ourselves. Will we ever get it back? Can I ever be completely vulnerable again, understanding that she has been privy to my history and isn’t willing to be open with me? I may have to try. This could very well be the life that I’m stuck with, and I will have to make the best of it. The very thought causes my chest to sink into itself.
“It would be,” she sighs. “Maybe someday.”
86 Nick
She’s dying to talk about it. Every move she makes is in some way shifted because of her attempts to hide her desperation. I want to spill everything, but I can’t do that to her yet. I have no idea if this is going to work or not. There is a very high chance that I won’t come home tonight, let alone come home with good news.
Everything shakes. My hands shake as I attempt to eat the delicious food—currently tasteless on my tongue—that Kate has prepared. My legs shake as I force myself to sit still, feigning interest in Bentley’s dialogue. My jaw shakes with each bite, nearly causing me to dribble food back onto my plate. Glancing at the clock, I see that there is still an hour before I need to leave. The last few minutes have seemed interminably long. I have to do something productive.
“I think I’ll go on a walk. Anyone want to join me?” I say abruptly, cutting Bentley off.
“I will!” he answers excitedly. While I don’t love the idea of his chatter in this moment, this is the first time he has expounded on anything in weeks.
“Sure,” I say. Beth and Leah begin kicking their legs excitedly, throwing their spoons to the ground.
“Thanks, Nick,” Kate teases. “Can we at least wait until after dinner to make announcements like that?”
“I’m sorry, I have to do something. My body is completely hyped up about this meeting,” I explain, and she nods.
“Go for it,” she says. ‘The kids can eat more when you get home. I’ll get the stroller and come along—”
“Not unless you actually want to. Otherwise I am fine taking them on my own,” I offer.
“I want to,” Kate says. Again, seeming to stop short before completing her most pressing thought. After washing her hands, she disappears into the backyard and returns through the front door with hats for the girls, the buggy parked near the step.
Slow down, I remind myself, seeing that Bentley and Kate are lagging behind. My legs burn with pent-up energy and I yearn to run until my body collapses. The cortisol and adrenaline in my body continuously signal for flight.
“Nick,” Kate calls from behind. “Seriously, just do twenty burpees right now.”
“What?” I ask, turning to face her.
“Twenty burpees. Go.”
Without hesitation, I move to the clover next to the path—quickly scanning for bees in the flowers—and drop.
“Feel better?” she laughs, watching the sweat dripping down the sides of my face.
“I feel like I should have changed my clothes,” I say, looking down at my rumpled shirt.
“Plenty of time for that before you leave,” she says. “Did it help?”
“Yeah, thanks. Sorry, I am really struggling to keep it together.”
“Why are you so nervous? Your research should speak for itself,” she comments.
“I don’t know, it’s silly.”
“Not silly,” Bentley says. “Silly would be underestimating the impact this meeting will have. For all of us.”
Kate and I look at each other. Her eyes plead with me, as if asking, “What are we going to do?” for the millionth time.
“What do you mean, Bent?” I ask.
“You’re a team right? That means that anything you do well is going to help all of us figure this out. If the Committee likes it, won’t that bring us closer to finding my dad?”
My heart sinks. If only he knew.
“Bent, why don’t you run over there to the playground. We’ll follow. Beth and Leah love the swings.”
As he skips happily across the meadow, Kate reaches for my hand. “We have to find him, Nick. I don’t know how, and I am sick about what that means for you, but Bent and I—we can’t be fully invested here while that hangs over our heads. If eventually we have to resign ourselves, I know we can find a way. But right now...we haven’t been forced into that yet. I’m so sorry, Nick,” she nearly whispers, wrapping her arms around my waist.
My heart aches and I hold my breath, waiting for the worst of it to pass. How? How am I going to move forward alone?
Suddenly, she whips her head back. “What about Beth and Leah? How will—”
“Kate, stop,” I groan. “We can’t speculate. This situation is stressful enough as it is—”
“How is it not more stressful to not speculate? My brain has to do something! I can’t sit here doing nothing. I’m basically a walking shell, Nick. I go through the motions, but my brain is working on an entirely different planet.”
“I know, I know,” I say, rubbing her arms. “I feel the same way. If you asked me what we had for breakfast or lunch, I would have to think really hard about it. It’s okay. Bentley, until tonight apparently, has been miles away, too. We are all processing, and I promise, I will have something soon. Just trust me to work on this in my own time, Kate. I’m not avoiding it, but I know this has to be done right.”
She nods, breathing deeply. “You’re right. I will keep it together, sorry.”
Beth and Leah begin whining in their seats. They have been stopped for far too long in front of bushes that couldn’t possibly keep their interest in the first place.
“Okay, sorry girls. Let’s go to the park,” I say, moving toward Bentley who is happily playing in the distance.
After changing my clothes, the time finally arrives for me to head to the auditorium. Tamara sent a message earlier letting me know that our files are prepped and ready to go. All I have to do—my breath instantly stops in my chest. Breathe, I remind myself. It’s going to work. It has to work. Breathe.
I kiss Bent and the girls on the forehead and hug Kate tightly before walking out the door. My body, ironi
cally, now screams to stay. Forcing each leg to step toward the car, I open the door and lower myself to the seat.
87 Eric
Tal, I think. Where is Tal? Jumping up from the couch, my head spins, and I fall back. I brace myself for a moment while it settles, then attempt standing again. Walking briskly down the hall, I swing his door open and find him lying facedown on his mattress, his legs sprawled into open space.
Relief floods my system as I sit gently next to him, lightly shaking his shoulder. His body spasms and jerks upright. Placing my hands on his face, I force him to look in my eyes.
“Tal, it’s me. It’s okay. We’re home,” I soothe, and watch his posture relax.
“What—what happened?” he asks, his voice groggy.
“You tell me,” I say. “I know what happened to me, but I didn’t see you the entire time. I’m so glad you’re safe.” I pull his head into my shoulder, embracing him tightly. He doesn’t complain. Eventually straightening up, he rubs his face with his hands.
“It’s hazy,” he admits. “I was here, waiting for you to get back, and the door opened. I obviously thought it was you, but was confused because it didn’t seem like it had been very long. Then I assumed you had forgotten something, so I stood up, planning to tease you about getting old, when a man walked in. I froze, Dad. It’s embarrassing, but I totally froze.”
“Not embarrassing, Tal, completely normal.”
“He held something over my face, and then I was in some room—”
“Did you get them back?” I ask, my eyes searing into his.
“All of them,” he answers, choking back tears.
I embrace him again, and this time he doesn’t let go.
A knock on the door pulls us back into the present. Quickly wiping the tears from my cheeks, I walk cautiously to the front, but relax when I see long, blond hair through the window.
“Eric?” Val calls. “Eric, are you in there?”
Tier Trilogy: Books 1-3 Page 43