But I knew better.
The day she came home she called and said she needed to talk to me, and that it was very important, so we decided to go out to dinner that very night. I knew what she was going to say, but she really had absolutely no idea I even suspected. I was laughing to myself as I watched her struggling to say the words.
“Okay, so, remember I told you I had something important to talk to you about?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
She flagged down a passing waiter and ordered both of us another margarita. “I don’t want you to freak out or anything.” She was fidgeting and didn’t seem able to make eye contact.
“About what? What do you need to tell me?”
“Um.” She was smiling nervously. “Remember when I said I would never be with another woman?”
“Yeah.” I wasn’t letting her off the hook. I was going to make her actually say it out loud.
“Well, I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”
I grabbed my drink and took several gulps. “Really?” I sounded calm, but my insides had turned to jelly. Suddenly, her coming out was making me feel very exposed. I felt as if she was shining a spotlight on all of the little secret fantasies I’d been harboring for her. The ones I had only indulged in when I was almost asleep, when I didn’t have to look at them head-on.
“Yeah. I mean, I’m sure.” Toni was obviously extremely uncomfortable. As much as I was enjoying watching her struggle to reveal what had been so obvious to me, the reality of her words had left me shaking, a reaction I had not anticipated. I decided to do what had worked best for me so far. I drank more of my margarita and swept my fantasies right back into the land of denial.
“I knew you were going to get laid in Vegas!” I laughed. When the smile reached her eyes and she finally laughed, I began to feel better. This was her night, after all. What the hell did I know about being a lesbian?
We partied hard that night, and I wound up stone cold drunk. She thought it was because of the shock of her news, and in a way it was. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my feelings for her. Alone in bed I would go over and over it in my head. What if I was wrong about myself? What if she and I crossed that line, and I wasn’t actually attracted to her? What if I was really into her, and she wound up not being interested in me? I didn’t even know how to pleasure another woman. What if she wanted me to go down on her? How would I know what to do? What if I got there and changed my mind? She was my best friend. What if I messed it all up?
Then Toni got a girlfriend, and I knew that I should have gone for it, despite all the what-ifs. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the girlfriend, but I knew from the moment I met her that she and Toni were not right for each other. At least, that’s what I told myself. I tried to be a good best friend. I kept my mouth shut and supported her because she was in love and happy, but I tried to avoid hanging out with the two of them.
Her girlfriend started answering the phone every time I called and sleeping over for days at a stretch. I became more and more jealous, but kept it to myself. At least, by then, I had already started seeing signs that the end might not be so far away for them as a couple.
A few weeks later, Toni and I went to a Bon Jovi concert together. I had managed to get tickets a few months before, and by the time the day of the show arrived, we were like two giggling teenagers. We’d spent our teen years in New Jersey in the 80s. Being a die-hard Bon Jovi fan then was as much a prerequisite as sparkly blue eye shadow and teased hair. This was a sold out show at Giants stadium, the last night of the tour. It was a Jersey thing, and it was huge.
I hadn’t told Toni the tickets were in the fourth row. Her jaw kept dropping as we walked up the floor of the stadium, nearer and nearer to the stage. She was practically vibrating, she was so excited. To me, it felt like we were on a date that night. I didn’t even mind much when she called her girlfriend to tell her Sly Stallone was standing a foot away, and Heather Locklear and her posse had just passed by. I got so caught up in the fun and joy we shared that day that when I dropped her off at her car late that night, I actually gave her a long kiss on the lips when I said goodbye. I didn’t mean to. It just happened. We said goodbye, and she drove off. I sat in my car wondering what the hell I’d done, and if she’d really even noticed. Neither of us ever mentioned it, but I felt closer to her than ever, and it was becoming harder and harder not to make a move.
A week or so later, I agreed to go to a club in New York with her and her girlfriend. They were in the third or fourth phase of their breakup, which was taking longer than the relationship itself had. When I pulled into Toni’s driveway, she came out of the house to meet me, and she looked so beautiful I caught my breath. There was something different in how she looked at me, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. The three of us went to dinner. Toni and I had such a great time we laughed till our sides hurt, while her girlfriend just sat there. Then we decided to go to a gay club in the Village.
We all had quite a few drinks at the club, and were flirting with each other and everyone else like crazy. Then Toni came up to where I was sitting on a barstool, shoved my legs apart, and started dancing between them She was not smiling and being silly, like during our previous lap dance. She had a serious look on her face, and I was very aware that we were surrounded by lesbians who were not going to be buying us drinks in exchange for a little bump-and-grind show. In my head it finally confirmed what I had hoped for, that she was attracted to me, but I was a little surprised she was being so forward. Something in the way she looked at me let me know we would definitely be crossing a lot of lines that night. She was hot, and the crowd was hot, and I was getting hotter by the minute. I decided to sit back and make her make the move, especially since her girlfriend—with whom she had already broken up with ten times—was with us.
We were on the dance floor a bit later, really letting loose. Toni kept bumping up against me in a playful, flirty way, and I wondered if she knew how intense it was. Then suddenly, she grabbed me by the shoulders, looked into my eyes, and kissed me on the forehead. On the forehead! She headed to the bar for another drink, while I stood there stunned. I knew exactly what had happened. She had wanted to kiss me and had chickened out at the last minute! By the time I joined her at the bar, I had stopped laughing and pretended I hadn’t even noticed.
She glanced up at me nervously. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey!” I smiled. “Wanna buy me a beer?”
“Already did.” She handed me a cold bottle.
“Having fun?” I asked her, smirking to myself.
“Yeah. You?” She still looked a little nervous.
“I’m having a blast!”
We stood at the bar a moment, then someone pulled us back to the dance floor. We were just getting back into the music when Toni pulled me into her arms. Before I could react, her lips were on mine.
It was as if every romance novel I had ever read was real. I saw fireworks and felt the room spin away from us. As our mouths opened and our tongues touched for the first time, it was as if every second of my life had led up to this one kiss. I had been waiting all these years just for this moment and this woman, and the world around us disappeared.
We both knew that life had changed forever, that there was no other certainty in the world other than us. We went to the corner of the room, and this time I initiated the kiss. It was longer and even more perfect, and when it was done we both had tears in our eyes.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you, too,” she whispered back.
“No, I mean . . .” I stepped back so I could look into her beautiful face. “I really love you.”
“I know, and I really love you, too.”
It was the happiest moment of our lives.
We had an uncomfortable car ride home with her girlfriend. The next day, Toni broke it off with her for good, then she called me. Our entire relationship had changed overnight, and we could not get enough of each other. We talked on the phone for
hours that night, ending with three a.m. phone sex that blew my mind. I could not wait to get Toni in bed so we could do all the things we’d talked about so boldly.
That weekend, we got together at her apartment for a sleep-over. I thought I’d be nervous, but I wasn’t. When I arrived, it was a little awkward at first. It was the first time we’d seen each other since we’d kissed, and we kind of just kept looking at each other and smiling. She had the silliest grin on her face, and seeing her nervous around me made my heart flutter. We kept dodging each other, each afraid to make the first move, like it was a first date and we were just getting to know each other.
We decided to watch a movie. Toni was standing with her back to me, looking through her DVD collection for something good. I walked up behind her, leaned against her, and breathed on her neck. Her head fell back and she moaned, and I was lost. She turned. Our mouths met, and it was just as powerful and overwhelming as it had been the first time. Our arms wrapped tightly around each other, we kissed for what seemed like hours. My body had never responded to a kiss this way before. I could barely stand as I became more and more excited, so I stopped and took Toni’s hand and led her to the bed.
“Are you sure?” she whispered as she followed me.
I pulled the comforter down, turned toward her, and slipped out of my T-shirt. I heard Toni’s little gasp as she stood looking at me. She reached out to stroke my bare arms and shoulders with her fingertips, making me shudder with anticipation.
“You are so beautiful,” she said.
“The way you look at me makes me feel beautiful.”
I stepped into her arms again, running my hands up under the back of her shirt, loving the warm smoothness of her bare skin.
“Let’s take it slow,” she said into my ear. “I want you to be sure.”
I reached out and slipped her T-shirt up over her head. The sight of her in her bra and jeans made my knees unsteady. Her breasts looked so beautiful, and suddenly I needed to touch them, to taste them, so I reached around to unclasp her bra. By the time it fell to the floor, I was licking her nipples, hearing her breathing get heavier as I kissed and teased them. All of the pleasure, the reactions of our bodies, the love that was filling me dashed any trace of nerves or hesitation or doubt from me forever. I remember thinking for a split second, My God, I am a lesbian, and the knowledge felt comfortable and safe.
Toni pulled me back up to her, and reached around to take off my bra. The cool air caressed my breasts, and when her warm, wet mouth found them it was almost unbearable. I could not stifle my moans as I pulled us onto the bed, straddling her and leaning over her so she could keep sucking and biting at my nipples. Watching her, knowing that it was my Toni, a woman, making me feel this way was the biggest turn on ever. Her hard thigh went between my legs, and she thrust upward, pressing against my throbbing clit through my jeans. I felt myself lose control, grinding down on her thigh frantically, bringing her hands to my breasts, urging her to keep her mouth there as I exploded. I had never come so quickly, so powerfully, or so completely, and Toni held me close for long moments as my body calmed and stopped shaking.
“I’ve got you, baby,” she kept whispering in my ear. “I’ve got you.”
I came back to my senses slowly, and the first thing I was aware of was the feel of her naked breasts pressing against mine. Immediately, I felt desire for her grip me powerfully, and I moved back to tease her nipples with my own.
“Beautiful, are you sure?”
I did not know what to say to her to make her know I was sure. I knew I wanted her to teach me what two women could do together, and I definitely knew I needed her to make me come like that again, but I didn’t know what to ask for. So, instead of saying anything, I stood and slid my jeans and panties off, then climbed back on the bed next to her. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me, and I felt myself getting more aroused under her gaze.
I laid back and started to caress my clit with my fingertips, making sure she could see every movement. She looked at me, startled for a second, then looked back at what I was doing.
“What are you doing over there?” she asked, and moved in closer for a better view.
I was a little shocked at myself, but something about her made me want to show off, brought out the exhibitionist in me. I had never felt so sexy before, and I wanted her to know that even though I was a lesbian virgin, she wouldn’t be bored.
“I don’t know what to do, so I figured I’d start with what works for me.” I smiled at her. Masturbation, however, had never felt this good. I’d never let anyone watch before, and now her eyes on my pussy were making me hot and very wet. As I circled my clit, flicking it every so often, teasing the hell out of myself, I felt a warm wetness trickling down my ass. Making sure she never took her eyes off me, I brought my finger to my mouth and slowly licked it, tracing my lips, tasting the salty sweetness. As I licked between my fingers it became harder to control the rest of my body, so I let my other hand rub my clit a little harder and faster. Toni moaned again, and I brought my hand to her mouth. When her tongue caressed the spots where mine had just been, I gasped and spread my legs farther, thrusting my hips against my hand.
All I could think about was having her mouth where my fingers were, but I didn’t know how to ask her for that. I didn’t have to. She gently moved my hand away, and I felt her warm mouth on my pussy. A jolt ripped through me, and my back arched as I spread even wider for her, needing her mouth on every part of me at once. Her tongue caressed my clit, and then moved down, teased me, and moved back again. Over and over she did this, and each time she brought me closer. My hips rose to meet her mouth. Her hair kept brushing over my thighs, and I reached down to tangle my hands in it, tugging it gently, not wanting to hurt her but wanting to press myself harder against her mouth. Finally, her mouth closed over my clit and stayed there, grinding against me, her tongue thumping relentlessly, and I came hard, bucking wildly, grabbing my breasts and pinching my nipples, wishing I could suck her clit as I came. The thought of tasting her pushed me even farther over the edge, and then Toni held my hips firmly in place and began to thrust her tongue in and out of me. I froze for a second, not knowing what to do, amazed that this was a woman making me feel this way, amazed that I had never known this kind of thing even existed. It felt so amazing that I relaxed and let my body take over. I reached up to hold onto the headboard, thrusting my whole body over and over until I felt a warm rush over my thighs and ass and heard Toni groan.
I stopped moving and sat up, still pulsing from the climax.
“Oh my God, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” I was suddenly scared I had done something wrong, or that she hadn’t liked it. She immediately pulled herself up to me, her face still glistening with my wetness.
“No, no, don’t be sorry,” she smiled. “You tasted incredible.”
“Wow, I never gushed like that before.” I was a little embarrassed.
She leaned in close to me and smiled a sexy, mischievous smile. “That’s ’cause you’ve never been with me before,” she said, laughing. “You were wonderful. Amazing. Wow.”
The look on her face made me believe it, and I kissed her, long and deep, our tongues caressing each other’s, probing and exploring. I tasted myself on her mouth, and felt a familiar throbbing start.
“My God, how can you do that?”
“What?”
“Make me want you again,” I whispered into her ear.
When I could move again, I brought myself to my hands and knees to move up next to her on the pillow. Toni had other ideas. Pulling herself up, she growled. “Oh my God, stay just like that.” She came around behind me and gently reached between my legs, caressing my thighs and pussy from behind.
“What are you doing?” I asked her, between gasps.
“Ssssh.” She bent over and whispered in my ear. “Tell me if I hurt you.”
“What?”
I turned my head to ask what the hell she was talking about when she slipped a finger inside
me. For a second I was a little taken by surprise, but as she slowly moved in and out of me, my body responded and I stopped thinking. She caressed my ass as she teased me, and I started moving with her, my back arching. I felt her fill me even more, and I loved the way it felt, loved that I could feel her breasts pressing into my back as she reached around me to rub my clit. Her movements were slow and perfect, and she was driving me crazy. It felt so incredible. I tried to wait, tried to see just how much teasing I could take, but I was quickly losing control. By the time she moved her fingers from my clit and brought them to her mouth, I was ready to beg.
“Please,” I whispered, thrusting my hips back, needing more.
“Please what?”
She was toying with me, and I was so swept up in what she was doing to me, I didn’t know what I was going to say until I heard it come out of my mouth.
“God, fuck me!” I almost yelled. I felt her free hand move to hold my shoulder as she started to move her other hand faster, deeper.
I turned and looked at her over my shoulder, straight into her eyes.
“You need to fuck me, and fuck me hard.”
It was beautiful and savage and loving, and I trusted her completely. I let go and let her guide me, and in the end we both were overwhelmed and spent as we lay naked next to each other, panting and smiling.
I was in complete awe of her, and could not look at or touch her enough. She kept me at bay, promising more nights and plenty of time for exploration and learning everything about each other. I fell asleep in her arms, and four years later we still share that same bed, along with a life together and a beautiful little boy. I am still in awe of her, especially when she’s naked, and every day I feel as if I’ve come home at last.
About Me
Teresa Wymore
Beth stared at me, her expressive eyes recognizing my bind as I struggled with some of the reasons I should leave. Her husband would be home from work soon, and I was skipping a calculus final that might put me short of graduating. Beth’s elegant mouth curled into a charming smile, and a casual finger wagged at me as if to say she found me amusing in a pathetic, naïve sort of way. She didn’t worry too much about sexual ethics, despite the classes she taught.
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