by Jamie Knight
As I drove into the mall parking lot – we decided to meet at a coffee shop as I thought neutral ground was probably important – it occurred to me that I had already made mistake number one. As a mandated reporter, I probably should have met her in the home to see the way she was living.
That would have most definitely informed my testimony. But it was too late now. That ship had sailed.
I had butterflies in my stomach as I exited my car and clicked my key to lock it. It wasn’t clear to me why I was so nervous, but I thought maybe I was in over my head.
Or maybe I was anxious because I thought she was going to be incredible, sober, clear eyed, wanting the best for Kylie and then what – what would I say to the judge? Would I blow the case for Marvin?
I was almost turning around, heading straight back toward the car when I saw this fidgety woman through the coffee shop window. She was looking at her watch.
Even though I was early and could probably still text with the excuse that I had a personal emergency, I’d feel terrible if that was her and she was already waiting. So, I turned back around and swung the door open.
As soon as I saw her face, I knew this woman had to be Candy. She was pretty, if not a bit thin and disheveled. But something about her was so sad, sad the way a mother might be who has lost her child.
“Candy?”
“Yes.”
“Hi, I’m Kylie’s teacher, Olivia.” I extended my hand and she shook it. “Thank you for meeting me. Can I get you anything?”
“Yes, that would be nice. An iced coffee, please.”
“Sure.”
I walked up to the cashier and pulled out my credit card. My palm was sweaty. I ordered coffee for the both of us, trying to simultaneously organize the thoughts in my brain, but to no avail.
As soon as I sat down I felt uneasy.
“So, Candy, uh, thank you so much for meeting me. Kylie is such a joy in class. We’ve missed you at the last couple of meetings, but I’ll fill you in. She has moved on from macaroni puppet projects to family portraits. You’ll be happy to know you are just beautiful in her rendition, in case you haven’t seen it.”
Candy laughed at my hyperbole.
“No, seriously though, she is a good little artist. And her tantrums, which I believe I have left you a few messages about—”
“What is this about, Ms. Olivia?” she interrupted me. “Can you get to the point?”
I was surprised at her blunt desire to not want to hear about what her daughter was doing in class. I couldn’t say I hadn’t met worse parents of my students, but, this one was pretty brazenly bad, right off the bat.
“Um, yes, so sorry,” I continued, trying to gather my wits about me after that unexpected turn of events in the conversation I had planned. “I uh – yeah, I just wanted to meet with you and, you know, get a sense—
“Of what? If I’m fit? Is that what is this about?” she demanded.
I kind of felt for her, knowing that everyone was judging her and preparing to say bad things about her on the stand. But it was part of the job and at least I was talking to her before forming my opinion.
“Well, I assure you, Candy, there is no need to get defensive,” I told her. “We are on the same page here. It’s about Kylie.”
“Really, are we on the same page? It seems to me that you’re here just to help Marvin take Kylie away from me.”
“I’m sorry?”
My head was scrambled. Did she know that Marvin and I had been a thing, back in the day? Was she accusing me of something personal? Or did she just feel as though I was automatically on his side because I had spoken with him and not her? It wasn’t as if that was my fault.
“I’m sorry, Candy, let’s maybe start over,” I suggested.
“No,” she spat back. “I think it’s time to end things instead of start them again. You have come and seen for yourself. And it’s not as if you hadn’t already had your mind made up. I couldn’t do anything to change it if I tried. But, let’s hear what you have to say, instead of just having this be a grand inquisition against me. Am I fit enough for you?”
She kept wiping the top of her nose like she had to, like it was a tick. It was striking me as quite odd.
Her hand was shaking, some, as she did it. She didn’t look particularly strung out, but the more I spoke to her, the more I realized that this woman wasn’t sober. So, I decided to proceed with caution but set some boundaries.
“First of all, I am meeting with you on my off time regarding your daughter. I don’t have to, but I wanted to,” I told her. “So, please don’t come at me with guns full blazing, with this holier than thou attitude and attacking me. I don’t know if you’re fit. I do know you have a rotten attitude. But, fit, I don’t know that I’m equipped to decided that. I came to this with an open mind, assuming you loved your daughter and wanted to be with her. And I wanted to get to know you so I could fairly assess Kylie’s needs, because she is constantly crying out for you.”
“She is?”
At this, she looked surprised, and hopeful.
“She is,” I confirmed. “But I don’t show up here out of the goodness of my heart to be attacked by a parent, let alone an absentee one, at least in my book.”
With that, Candy started to cry.
I thought, Good going, Liv – that was your version of proceeding with caution.
I then reached out for her hand. It was ice cold. This woman was not sober and out of a sense of just pure compassion, I couldn’t say another harsh thing.
So, there it was. I sat with her and held her hand while she cried. I thought of Kylie and I thought of my own single mom. How would I have wanted her to be treated? I bet someone held her hand on the hard days.
While I felt for Candy, and I did, I knew what I would now recommend when in court. Candy, at least in this current state, was neither fit nor emotionally ready to take on Kylie. Of that, I was positive.
There was no use in talking to her any more when she was jittery and wild-eyed like this. I didn’t know how I had missed all the signs at first, or if they had become more obvious as our meeting went on. But she was right – this talk of ours was over practically as soon as it had started.
I ended the meeting and told her that it was all going to be all right, even though I really had no idea what was going to happen. After finding out that she had taken a bus to meet me, I put her in a cab home.
Kylie was important to her. I knew that. She wanted to be a good mother, on that I was very clear. But sometimes what we want and what we are ready to receive – well, those are two different things. I left sad.
I waited in the lot for her cab to come and watched it roll away. I cried. It was a lot. It was heavy. I needed a hug and I reached for my phone to call Roxanne for support.
“Hey girl,” she answered.
“Hey.”
“What’s up?”
“Well, I went to meet with Candy.”
“Candy who? Is that a stripper?”
“Ha,” I answered her, but couldn’t say anything further because I actually wasn’t sure. “It’s Kylie’s mom.”
“Oh no, what’s wrong? I can hear it.”
“I just kind of regret meeting with her, because Marvin doesn’t know I did. I thought it was what was best for Kylie and her case, but now I’m so confused.”
“You’re confused because you’re finding it hard to separate the personal from the professional. Admit it, Liv. You still have feelings for Marvin and look, that’s totally fine if that’s your truth, ya know?”
“Yeah.”
“Wait. You admit you do have feelings for Marvin?”
“Isn’t that what you just said? Why are you so surprised?” I asked and wiped my nose on my shirt sleeve.
“Um, well, I guessed it. I wasn’t a hundred percent. But whoa, you are admitting it. Okay. Ya know what they say, admitting it is the first step.”
“For alcoholics, Roxie, for alcoholics.”
“Listen, love
is an addiction too, you know. Or at least it can be when it’s a romance that’s drawn out through high school and college and deaths and new jobs and kids and addicted baby-mammas.”
I was silent. She was right. I had never gotten over this.
“Hello? Liv? Did I lose you?” she said into the phone.
“No. I am right here. Broken in half kind of, but right here.”
“Awe, you aren’t broken, friend. You are far from broken. You are just at a breaking point – that’s totally different.”
“Why?”
“Because there is always joy on the other side of it.”
And with that I sobbed like a baby for the next ten minutes while Roxie simply let me have my moment. Finally, I said…
“I love you. Will I ever find true love and be planning my wedding like you are?”
“Yes. Of course, you will. It might even be closer than you think. Get some sleep, babe. I’m here if you need me.”
I hung up. It suddenly hit me that court was in a few days. Would I be ready? I had just been verbally attacked by Kylie’s mother, who I now deemed very unfit, and admitted my continuing feelings for Marvin to Roxanne.
I now had the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach of knowing that the object of my attraction, the person I loved and had always loved, was completely unattainable. How in God’s good grace would I be able to sit up on that stand and not fall apart?
Or how could I be able to assess anyone else’s fitness when I felt like a cantaloupe that escaped its grocery bag and was splattered all over the sidewalk? Publicly smashed into mush, discarded, and worse than that, left uneaten.
Chapter 30
Marvin
I could feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead as the preliminary hearing started. My lawyer told me that the cancellation of the Summons to Sasha had been successful, and I sighed with relief. But just then, Sasha stormed through the doors of the court room anyway.
“That’s her,” I whispered to my lawyer. “The crazy nanny who is here to try to ruin me.”
My heart was racing a mile a minute as I worried about what was going to happen. Sasha would get up there on the stand and say all the worst things about me. She might even make up lies, even though the truth – that I traveled a lot, that I was rarely there for Kylie – was bad enough that she probably didn’t have to.
My lawyer objected to the judge, saying that this witness had been pulled from the list.
“Okay then, I suppose she missed the memo, but her testimony won’t be needed,” the judge replied curtly, causing me to let out another sigh of relief.
“But, Your Honor, I still want to testify,” said Sasha, looking ridiculously petulant, as if she thought that just because she wanted to do something, she could.
“Too bad,” the judge said. “This is my courtroom and I decide the rules. You are welcome to stay in the seating area and watch if this case is that interesting to you – I understand you might be curious about what is going on with the child who, until recently, if I recall the pleadings correctly, was in your care – but you cannot testify.”
“Fine!” Sasha said, and marched over to take a seat, while pouting.
I was glad she wasn’t able to testify. But it was a bit nerve-wracking that she would be sitting there listening to everything that was going on. I wished that wasn’t the case, but, clearly, I didn’t have much of a say-so in the matter.
First, the judge asked questions of Candy and me, and both of us answered in ways that were in line with the written pleadings our attorneys had filed. Both of us said we wanted primary custody of Kylie. There wasn’t anything surprising there.
Then it was time for Olivia to testify. I got even sweatier, worried about how it could go.
Olivia stepped up to take the stand at the preliminary custody hearing. I looked over at Candy, who seemed very hyped up and not because of court or nerves. She was under the influence of something.
Weren’t we supposed to be on our best behavior in court, at least? If this was her best, I’d hate to see her at her worst around Kylie. Mainly because I had seen that, and it wasn’t pretty.
If she couldn’t hold it together here, then I doubt she could hold it together anywhere. I’d be damned if Kylie was going back to that.
I thought it might be enough that Candy looked utterly tweaked out and that when the judge had spoken to us at the beginning of the hearing, she had barely been able to talk without slurring. My insides were twisting just thinking about it.
Shouldn’t that be it?
Should that not be case closed, court is adjourned, or whatever it is that they say?
Why were we going to go through all the motions when she seriously could not keep her leg from bouncing a mile a minute and she was talking with a strange drag in her voice and like she’d had eight cups of coffee for breakfast?
I wanted to scream and break something but if my recent suspension had taught me anything, this was the lesson. I learned that cooler heads prevail.
Still, it didn’t seem fair. Then I imagined Kylie seeing her mom like that. I kept thinking of my little girl who came into this world with the scales not even a little tipped in her favor at all.
Who was I to whine about life being fair? Right now, I would have to go with the flow, stay right with the system, and act like none of this was making me crazy.
The lawyers asked Olivia to state her name for the court and swear on a Bible, which she did. Not that she ever had to swear on any Bible to prove to me that she was telling the truth. She was the most honorable person I knew. One hundred and eighty degrees the opposite of Kylie’s mother.
Liv stated for the record that she was Kylie’s first grade teacher. My attorney proceeded.
“Thank you. And Olivia, is it okay if I call you that?”
“Yes.”
“Great, Olivia, what was Kylie’s state of mind when she first started in your class?”
“Objection!” Candy’s attorney called out. “State of mind? This witness is not qualified to assess Kylie’s state of mind. She’s not a psychiatrist.”
“Sustained,” the judge said.
Everyone looked confused, so the judge further explained, “That means I agree.”
She looked at Olivia and said, “You can’t testify about the child’s state of mind.”
“Understood,” said Olivia, suddenly looking very professional. “I can explain to you some of the behavioral issues that I noticed, if that helps.”
“Yes, please state those in your words for the court,” my attorney proceeded.
I was very fucking proud of Olivia. She was holding her own quite nicely on the stand. But I had to admit that I was a bit nervous about what she would say. I knew that Candy couldn’t have made that great of an impression on her, but I also knew she probably didn’t view me that highly as a father, either.
“Well, at first Kylie was a difficult child,” Olivia said. “She would hit sometimes or act out. And she would blurt out things like, ‘I don’t have a mommy. I only have a nanny.’ And then maybe have another tantrum or fight with another student. So, her behavior indicated there was a problem right away. Although I did notice that when disciplined, she was more than receptive and often very apologetic – overly so, even.”
“And what did that indicate, in your professional opinion as a teacher?” my attorney asked.
“Well, that she was acting out in reaction to a situation. It wasn’t a behavioral issue per se, or something I felt we couldn’t handle. But I did sense that we needed to address the issue. And we did. We did address it.”
“Who did?”
“Well, initially the school principal and I called her father.”
“State his name for the court.”
“Marvin Ward. We did also call her mother — uh, Candy. We did but I was never able to reach her; well at least not directly and not at first. I did leave several voicemails. Still, I had Mr. Ward’s attention and actually the whole Ward family, Mr.
Ward’s father and wife, all committed to helping Kylie. As soon as we got on the same page, I could see Kylie’s behavior do a complete turnaround. She was less belligerent, much happier, more joyful, really. During the time that David Ward and Marvin Ward attended open class day, she was over the moon. She just seems to love her dad so much.”
I couldn’t help but beam when I heard this, even though I was doing my best to look professional. It made my heart swell to know that my little girl thought so highly of me – even though sometimes I didn’t feel I deserved it.
“Did Candy attend the open class day?” my attorney asked her.
“No sir.”
“Was she invited?”
“Yes. Yes, she was invited,” Olivia answered.
“Were there any phone calls or texts indicating why she might not be able to attend?”
“No.”
“And did you do anything else in preparation for your testimony today?” the attorney asked.
“Yes,” Olivia answered. “I was finally able to reach Candy, and I met with her, so that I could make sure to speak with her and find out her point of view and situation, before this hearing. Since she hadn’t been able to make it into the classroom for the parent/ teacher meetings, I wanted to be sure to go to her.”
“And you said that Kylie’s behavior started improving?” the attorney asked.
“Yes.”
“To what do you attribute that?”
“To the more active, involved presence of her father in the classroom, and in her life,” Olivia said.
“Thank you. No further questions.”
My attorney flashed me a grin as he walked back to the table where I was seated. I knew that that had gone well for me. I couldn’t be more thankful for Olivia. But I also knew she was telling the truth. I had put more of an effort into Kylie’s life, and it showed. As her father, I should have been doing it all along. But at least I finally stepped up – in large part, thanks to Kylie’s help.
Then it was Candy’s attorney’s turn to question Olivia. I knew I was in for a beating.