by Jamie Knight
Curious, huh? Jenny is right, I guess. It’s kind of cool that people want to read about me simply because they think I’m worth knowing about. I never really thought of myself as interesting, maybe that’s another reason why I did all those crazy things. I wanted to be exciting. I guess I could be a little less ornery when dealing with people in general.
“Okay, Jenny, you may have convinced me to revisit my views.”
“Good,” she smiles. She snuggles further down in her chair, getting comfortable. I glance at her, wondering if I should keep going. We’re in a good mood, so why not try at least.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Another one?” she teases.
“Yes, another one.” Jenny nods. “Not to sound conceited, but why aren’t you a fan of football? It sounds like you like sports given your major, but it also sounds like you really hate football because you and your roommate argue about it.” I mean, it sounds like Carrie put her in the locker room for a reason. There has to be some kind of connection.
But Jenny just shrugs. “I don’t know,” she mumbles.
“So, you just don’t like it because?”
Jenny doesn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, turning her head away from me. Maybe I’m pushing it too hard. It doesn’t really matter why she doesn’t like football or, particularly, the home team, but I’m curious, I guess. It’s not a great look if my fiancée avidly hates what I do, but I doubt she’d go around talking about it, she’s not that kind of person. Maybe, at this point, it’s more for my own peace of mind.
But she turns back, and I think she’s finally going to give me an answer.
“What do you remember from high school?”
It’s a change in subject instead. This makes me feel like she might actually be a huge fan and is just trying to hide it. But why? I can’t think of a reason why she wouldn’t tell me why she doesn’t like football or my team. And I can see why she wouldn’t want to admit to being a fan, at least before we decided to try this fake engagement thing. But now, we’re talking and getting to know one another. Why not just tell the truth?
Does it have something to do with me, maybe?
I’m not going to press the issue because, in the grand scheme of it all, it’s not the biggest deal. If Jenny doesn’t want to say she likes the team, I’m not going to make her.
“What do I remember about high school?” I repeat her question. “Well, there was a lot of training. I kind of just always knew that I’d play professionally, but it got really serious in high school. My parents thought I had a shot at the NFL if I played my cards right. Looks like they called it.”
My life has revolved around football. It started when I was a kid, tossing the pigskin around with my dad and watching games as a family. Soon, it snowballed into a whole career. I love my life, and I’m happy with what I have, but it really has been football, football, football. Before my accident, I never thought about what would happen if I got injured. I know I have to figure out something, but I don’t know what.
“Yeah, I remember when that recruiter came to watch you play. It’s all anyone could talk about. Also, when you signed with the NFL. Remember that assembly?”
I can’t tell if Jenny is annoyed or impressed.
“It was a little embarrassing,” I admit.
Someone made a presentation with not only all the highlights from my high school career, but my parents provided pictures from me playing as a kid. And I had to sit on the stage and not look fully horrified. It was not easy.
“Embarrassing? I don’t know. It was kind of cute.” Jenny shrugs.
“That’s what was so cringy. Everyone always fawning over me, trying to impress me, get my attention, it was weird having all that press as a teenager.”
No wonder I got a little to big for my britches. I let all the praise go to my head. Even with my parents and sister doing their best to keep me grounded, I flew a little too close to the sun.
“Well, it looks like you’re handling it well now.”
“Thanks, I’m trying.”
The rest of the car ride is pretty quiet, but my mind is still going. I can’t let the whole ‘football’ thing go for some reason. My mind is really fixating on that poster in her old dorm. I know she said it belonged to Carrie, but she still had to look at it every day. I hate to admit it, but I’m getting a little puffed up thinking about her eyes wandering to it each day. I wonder if she thought about me at all. If we went to the same high school, she must have.
I wonder if she thought I was cute up on her wall.
We get back to my apartment, and I park. While I lead her inside, I keep thinking about how to approach this. Direct questions clearly don’t work. Jenny just changes the subject, fully ignoring what I’ve asked.
And there are other things I’ve been thinking about talking about. It seems like she really hates talking football, so maybe suggesting a friends-with-benefits situation could work for us. Watching her and being this close to her, I haven’t missed how sexy she is. The moment I saw her in the locker room, I thought she was cute. I just want to approach this as sensitively as possible. I don’t think an actual relationship would benefits either of us, but that doesn’t mean the two of us can’t have a little bit of fun.
And I think Jenny would have fun with me.
I’m planning on bringing it up once we get inside, but, before I can get the two of us there, we come upon my sister, Selena, waiting at the door.
Shit.
And the fallout continues.
Chapter Eight
Jenny
Jameson and I just had a really nice dinner together. I took him to my favorite spot, which felt like showing him a piece of me. Maggiano’s is like a home away from home. But he really liked it. I mean I wasn’t really worried about him liking the food because you would have to have zero taste to think Gio and Maria couldn’t cook. I guess I was more nervous about having that one on one time. I knew he was going to ask me a lot of questions and I knew I wasn’t ready to answer them.
I’m still not.
And Gio! He gave me that look. The one where he knows I’m up to something. Thankfully though, he, didn’t say anything. He and Maria know everything about my old feelings for Jameson. One night they were playing the Leviathan’s game on the TV in the restaurant, and the two of them realized Jameson and I went to the same high school. They were asking me all these questions about him, and it became obvious I did not have a favorable opinion. One thing led to another, and I revealed all. It felt good to finally tell someone after bottling it all up for years.
But walking in with an old crush I seemingly hate — Gio must have had all types of questions. I’m sure he was thinking I’ve been holding a lot back from them. I don’t think I can even tell them about what’s going on. I trust the two of them fully, but there’s no reason to rope too many people into this farce. It’ll just make it more complicated when things end.
And that whole situation with the paparazzi. Now, that was crazy. There were cameras flashing and questions being yelled at me from everywhere. It ended up not being too scary, even though that one guy who was getting a little too close. Jameson was there, so I knew that he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. That’s the kind of stuff he deals with all the time. He’s been getting it since high school — everyone wanting more from him. I’m not surprised he’s kind of tired of it.
Before he was kind of brash, I could tell from all those stories about him. But, now, he’s a lot more tempered. A lot like the old Jameson, the one I was practically in love with as a teenager.
I throw away those thoughts when we finally get back to his apartment. Or our apartment… I’m not totally sure how to refer to it. We’re sitting in the car, and I feel like he’s waiting to ask me something. I hope it’s not another question about why I hate football. Because the answer is him. There’s no way I can admit to it because then I’ll have to go into my whole history of having a huge crush and then being crushed. There i
s no way on God’s green earth I’m going to let him know any of that information. He’d probably think I’m crazy if he doesn’t already.
Whatever it is, I’ll be able to dodge it, I think. We’re about to head inside, but, we get to his floor, and there’s a woman waiting at the door. I have no idea who it is. She kind of looks like my ‘fiancé’ with long black hair and blue eyes.
“Jameson!” she yells.
“Hey, Selena,” he responds.
Selena? This must be his sister. She wraps him up into a tight hug, seemingly squeezing the light out of him. Jameson goes with it, letting his sister embrace him. She turns on me next, and her arms pin mine down. It’s the tightest hug I’ve ever received. I can feel the excitement behind it.
“Oh my god! It’s so nice to meet you! You are so pretty; do you know that? I love your red hair!” We break apart and she holds a hand out to me. “I’m Selena! What’s your name?”
I’m stunned for a couple seconds, processing everything Selena just told me. She just said a lot.
“Um, Jenny?” I finally answer. Taking the hand she has offered, I shake it, a little intimidated by her exuberance. I’m not used to a lot of energy, and Selena is giving me a lot.
“Can you believe I’m just learning my brother’s fiancée’s name?” She gives Jameson a look of disappointment, but it passes quickly and she’s back to full on smiling. “Let’s get inside, come on.”
She herds us into Jameson’s apartment, her personality bouncing. I’ve never met someone who has so much spirit inside of them that bursts out with such force.
“Oh my goodness, so this is really happening?” Selena asks.
“Yes.”
“How long have you been dating?”
“Not long.”
“When did you propose?”
“Recently.”
She is bombarding us with questions, and Jameson is fielding all of them. Her words are going a mile a minute, and I’m having some trouble keeping up. But he must be used to it by now. Soon, we’re all in the living room, and Selena hasn’t let up one bit. I can never understand how people like her can have so much energy. It’s kind of impressive.
I don’t know what to do with my arms, so I wrap them around my body.
“Ugh, Jameson, you shouldn’t have hidden such a lovely girl from me!”
“Sorry?” he shrugs. It’s a good thing we came up with our backstory earlier. It looks like the questions are going to be a lot.
“You know this guy,” Selena is now addressing me, pointing over at her brother. “He doesn’t know how to share his feelings. I mean, I found out about you guys on the news. My little bro, always hiding stuff.”
“Maybe he just didn’t want to reveal me until he had to,” I joke. It doesn’t really land, but no one says anything about it.
“How did you two meet?”
“Well,” Jamie takes this one, “we ran into one another at a club and realized we had gone to the same high school. We got to talking and exchanged numbers. It was actually before my accident. When she saw I was hurt, she called me up, and we just clicked.” Jameson is pretty good at lying, it all just flows effortlessly from his mouth. I mean, he came up with the whole lie.
“Yeah, he fell for the nerdy girl from chess club,” I nervously chuckle.
Ugh, I shouldn’t have said that. It makes me sounds so sad and pathetic, but I can’t help myself. I just want Jameson to remember me. Each minute that he goes on being oblivious, I feel like maybe I’m so insignificant in his life. I mean, I truly am. The only reason I’m here is because I happened to be in the locker room when he walked in. Nothing I have done has enticed him. This is just like high school.
“Hey, Jenny?”
“Yeah?”
“The next time you want to put yourself down, don’t.”
I step back a little. I’m surprised he came out and said that. I have nothing to say to that, so I go quiet. Moments like this make me feel like he might care, but maybe he’s worried all my talk is going to give away the ruse. I need to screw my head on right before I completely lose it.
“Anyway, that’s really sweet that you guys have reconnected. I’m so happy for my baby bro,” Selena pulls him into a side hug, mussing his hair. I can tell he’s not the biggest fan of the hug, but he lets her get away with it. “It’s so crazy that you guys just bumped into one another. What are the odds?”
“Yeah, I guess it was fate,” Jameson shrugs.
Maybe it was fate that I ran into him. I was able to get out of being Carrie’s roommate. And this could be my chance to truly get over him. Maybe if I can get through living with my old high school crush, having to see him and not reveal my feelings, then I won’t ever have to worry about Jameson Kendrick again.
I can peacefully move on with my life.
“It has to be fate! And, now, I’m going to have to get to know your fiancée since you’ve just sprung her on me. You couldn’t have even called at least? I really had to find out from the news?”
“Again, I’m sorry. This all kind of snowballed away from me. “
“It’s fine. You know I still love you,” she smiles sweetly. “And Jenny,” I pop to attention hearing my name.
“Yeah?”
“We need to have lunch. Tomorrow. I know this great spot, we can talk and gab and gossip about that one,” she points to Jameson.
Oh, I don’t know. I like Selena, she seems really nice and all, but I don’t think I’d do a very good job of handling her.
I look at Jameson, but he just shrugs which is not helpful at all. I know I can’t really refuse. It would look weird not wanting to meet the family of my fiancé. And saying no to tomorrow would just mean I have to see her another day. It’s probably best to get it over with as soon as possible.
“Uh, yeah, I’m free for lunch tomorrow.”
“Yes! Amazing!” Selena claps her hands. “Would it be easier for you to meet me here or at the restaurant?”
“I can meet you right here.”
“Perfect! It’s going to be so much fun having some girl talk!”
I smile and nod politely. I’ve just about reached my limit for faking it tonight. It’s been one of the longest days of my life, and I need to relax.
“Um, I need to study,” I lie. I mean, it’s not a total lie because I may as well study, but it’s more of an excuse to get out of this conversation.
“Of course! Don’t worry about us. We’ll keep it down, so we don’t disturb you.”
I wave a soft goodbye to the two of them and head for the guestroom.
“Why is she going to the guestroom?” I overhear Selena ask as I’m closing the door.
Shoot! How could I be so careless. Of course, if we’re getting married, I’d be spending the night in my fiancé’s room.
“Oh, that’s just her study room,” but Jameson has an excuse ready to go.
I close the door fully, leaning against it. I’m no longer worried about my misstep, but it does make me realize I need to be a lot more careful. I know if I slip up in a major way, I could get kicked out of this amazing place. There’s no way I can go back to Carrie now.
And I shiver thinking about that thought I just had — spending the night in Jameson’s bed. I know that’s never going to happen. I really thought that, by now, he might actually be into me. But I believe what I said earlier, I still feel like the nerdy girl from chess club. Nothing about me has changed. I don’t know how to be sexy or enticing. Where would I even start getting someone like Jameson Kendrick to pay attention to me.
I turn to the mirror hanging on the wall and look at myself. There’s nothing there that suggests anything. I tuck my hair behind my ears to get a good look at my face. Observing every part of my face, I don’t really see anything that I like. Rubbing my fingers up and down my cheek, I move my skin around just because. I hate the way I feel about myself, but, honestly, what is there to be so excited about. I’m not saying I’m super ugly or anything. I’m just normal. Norma
l and boring.
And convenient. That one hurts the most. Literally, any other girl could take my place, and it wouldn’t really matter. Jameson probably could have gotten himself a prettier girl, too. Someone he might actually want to be with. He’s just going to string me along like he did in high school, and he doesn’t even know it!
I sit down at the desk and open up one of my textbooks. Is there really any use fixating on what I can and cannot do in regards to Jameson? I can’t make him like me.
Flipping through my sports medicine book, I can barely focus on any of the words. They’re all just one big blur to me, not making much of any sense. I need to actually get work done over these six weeks. Jameson will be on the road a lot, so, hopefully, when he’s gone I won’t be tense.
There’s a knock at the door, and I hear it open. I almost jump out of my seat. I don’t turn around because I know Jameson is the one standing by the door.
“Hey, I just wanted to say goodnight.”
“Mmhm,” I barely respond, not wanting to have an actual conversation.
A couple of seconds later, I hear the door closing and his footsteps receding. Finally, I turn around, but, obviously the door is closed. Maybe I should have been nicer and said something, but I felt like if I spoke to him, I would have revealed a little bit too much about how I’m feeling.
I turn back to my book and stare at it because what else am I going to do knowing Jameson is right next door? I need to stay distracted.
Chapter Nine
Jameson
I was just about to ask Jenny about my friends-with-benefits idea, but my sister showed up out of the blue. Maybe it’s for the best. I was about to enter into complicated territory with that question.
And I shouldn’t be surprised that Selena has popped up. She probably saw some random news story or got a notification on her phone about my engagement, something I was very much hoping to avoid discussing with anyone in my family. A pipe dream, clearly, but a dream nonetheless. And Selena came loaded with a lot of questions like she always does. Jenny must have gotten overwhelmed because she left for her room.