by Dean, Ali
She shrugged, and it was the shrug I didn’t like. The one that said, “I don’t feel like answering that question or dealing with you.”
“We’re going to tell you everything, Hazel. You know all the big stuff now and you’ll know all the rest soon.”
She looked at me, but it wasn’t mischief behind her gaze now. It was hurt and pain. She didn’t try to disguise the torment inside her and it blew through me, knocking down my spirits that had been rising as I’d finally revealed what we’d kept from her. And she hadn’t run. She was in my arms. I should have known it wouldn’t be that simple.
“You didn’t tell me all the big things, Cruz. I still don’t know why you told all the guys but not me. Why you asked for their help and not mine. Why you shut me out. You broke me three years ago, Cruz, and I didn’t know why. Do you know how much that hurt?”
Her eyes wouldn’t meet mine and they dropped to my chest. I felt her pulling away even as she was flush against my body; my hands settled low on her hips, securing her in place. She was killing me with each word, but she really twisted the knife when she added, “Like my mom. You left, and I got no explanation. I just knew you were gone and it was over for us. Only it was worse because I loved you, Cruz. And I didn’t just lose you. You took all of them too.”
Even with her right here, not running, not shouting, but calmly telling me things while she let me hold her, I felt my heart breaking. For her, for us, for what I’d done. I hadn’t wanted it to hurt her so bad. I hadn’t wanted her to lose the guys, too. But I’d known that would happen, that there was no halfway with us, with any of us. It was all or nothing, and it had to be the latter. For a while.
I had to make her see, make her understand where I’d been then, and why I would do it again. “Hazel, my mom had died as a warning. It haunted me. It still does. All I could see was the same thing happening to you if I let you into this world.”
“And the guys?”
“They had more distance from all of it. Jeremy’s not their dad. And I wasn’t in love with them like I am with you. Like I was then too.”
“What changed? Why now?”
I took a deep breath. “We’ve been working with your dad for five years now. It started a few months after my mom died. I barely knew who you were then, and Dad had kept me mostly in the dark on all of this. I was already in deep with you when I learned all of this shit about the Malones and the truth about my mom. You have to know, your dad is the Malones’ biggest asset. Over the last fifteen years he’s worked for them, he’s gotten to where he’s practically running their operation now. He knows everything they do. If they saw me, the son of their biggest rival, with you, the daughter of the only man who could break them, that would definitely start raising suspicions. Your dad never would have been able to do everything he’s been doing to help us build a case.”
Hazel’s eyes were back on mine, wet with unshed tears. “He’s basically done now though, right? That’s why… why you pulled the trigger on Flynn Malone?”
“Pulled the trigger? Cute, Haze.” I tried for some levity, but it didn’t seem to help the sadness covering her like a blanket.
“I get it, Cruz. I get why it happened this way. But it still fucking hurt.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I lifted my hand to wipe a tear that escaped down her cheek. Then I tried to stop more with a kiss. First to her cheek, then I moved to her lips.
“I might still be a virgin, Hazel, but I want you sleeping at my side from now on. In the same bed. I respect your dad, but I can’t have you alone. Not now.”
She didn’t answer with words. Instead, she told me to shut up by kissing me back.
Chapter Four
Hazel
The kiss was just getting good. The intensity was about more than the desire that was always sizzling between us. This was an exchange of regrets, and apologies. Forgiveness. Our tongues lashed out, our lips colliding and my hips pressing into his as we fought to put the past behind us, to heal wounds and come out stronger. Cruz’s teeth tugged my lower lip and he rocked his pelvis up, making my center throb and ache with need. The kiss became more determined as I felt Cruz thick and heavy between our jeans. We were solidifying a commitment to each other with our lips and our bodies, making promises.
I had to admit, Cruz had only gotten better at kissing over the past few years. Yeah, I’d rather he’d been practicing with me but I loved the confession he’d given to me last night. He’d waited. Cruz Donovan had kept his virginity for me and that made me even crazier for him.
Cruz stopped kissing me at the same time the cabin light flickered back on.
“This place is sick,” someone said.
“Man, we could’ve been crashing here all this time instead of in the field.” That sounded like Nick, the football captain.
“Yeah, and it would be trashed by now too,” Emmett retorted.
“Or burned down,” Bodhi added.
I slid back down Cruz’s body, and had just gotten my footing when the group turned the corner.
“There you are!” Nick said. “Hi Hazel.”
I gave him a tight smile as I attempted to straighten myself out. Cruz remained behind me, probably trying to use me to block the situation I’d felt through his jeans. I was so tempted to reach behind me and check it out for myself, but I managed to exercise some self-control.
My cousins stood there with their arms crossed, smirks on their faces. I couldn’t exactly blame them for busting back in here. We shouldn’t have started anything with more than a dozen guys outside, about to come in any second.
Landon came around the corner then and asked Cruz, “How was jail, man?”
Then a few more guys from the soccer team, who wanted to know what the counterattack was going to be.
Once the cabin was packed tight with teenage boys, Cruz finally gave them something more than one-word answers.
“I know you guys want to have our backs and go after Mayflower Academy and the Malones. But we’re not doing it tonight.”
The horde of athletes grumbled as they bounced in place, needing an outlet for the energy they’d been riling up ever since witnessing the parking lot arrest this morning.
“Tonight, let’s party. We should celebrate my bail release, right?”
There were cheers, shouts, and then everyone was talking about getting alcohol and inviting girls.
Once the attention was off us and people were going back outside, I turned around to face Cruz. “You really want a party right now?”
Cruz leaned forward so his forehead rested on mine. “Hell no. I want to be alone with you.”
I took a long slow inhale and closed my eyes before releasing the breath. I was so turned on still, it was painful. It would be torture to be near Cruz all night. “We either need to find somewhere to be alone. Immediately. Or I’m going to have to ditch you for the night.”
Cruz’s grip tightened at my threat. “You’re not ditching me.”
“Guess we better get lost then.”
Cruz’s nostrils flared. “We’d have to leave the Lake if we wanted privacy.”
I let out another sigh and moved to rest my cheek on his shoulder. I couldn’t have our lips that close without kissing him. “Yeah, you won’t be able to get away with that.” There were too many people wanting to see him after what they witnessed this morning. Not to mention the whole safety thing. Now that I knew the truth, I wasn’t sure sneaking off alone was all that smart. We needed the guys acting as our security team. Or maybe all together we were a little army. I wasn’t sure. It was more like Cruz and I had the bigger targets on our backs, and our four guys were helping protect us? Man, there was still a lot to wrap my head around and understand.
“What about your dad?” I asked. I hadn’t seen him in years and Cruz never talked about him. I knew it was Cruz’s grandpa who’d picked him up today, and his uncle who got him legal representation.
Cruz’s expression shut down then and I frowned at the distance I immed
iately felt between us. “Let’s not talk about that right now.”
People hollered his name from outside. The pain on Cruz’s face now was fresh. It wasn’t a past hurt, like his mom. He was living it. I wanted to take some of it from him but I knew now wasn’t the time.
“All right you two,” Bodhi said as he popped his head into our space. “Time to detach yourselves and act like you’re celebrating something.”
Someone tugged my hand away from Cruz’s chest and I heard laughter. I looked over at Emmett, who was pulling me. Bodhi took his hands and exaggeratedly peeled my body off of Cruz. “We got our girl tonight, Cruz. You go pretend like this game with the Malones is fun and brainstorm some revenge prank. Maybe we can even enjoy ourselves a little.”
Right. Enjoy ourselves. The only enjoyment I craved right now involved Cruz Donovan and his lips and body. Otherwise, there was nothing else that could distract me from the world the guys had just revealed to me. The world I was now, most certainly, a part of.
The party was getting started outside. No one else had arrived yet, but I had no doubt that would change soon. Every once in a while someone’s parents went out of town and there was a house party, but otherwise, nearly all of the big parties for Defiance Falls High happened at the Lake. It was almost eleven PM, but I’m sure there were smaller gatherings going on the first Friday night of the school year, and everyone was just waiting on word about Cruz and the Lake.
“Is it always like this?” I asked my cousins.
Bodhi and Emmett were headed toward the tool shed by the cabin to grab more chairs.
“Like what?” Emmett asked.
“You guys host the parties, are the center of attention, but you’re just pretending? There’s really something bigger happening.”
Bodhi looked around, checking we were alone. “The Lake parties are sometimes like a cover, sure. A distraction. We want the Malones to think we’re just good friends who play soccer and party together. We never wanted to give them a reason to think that our group is more than that. I mean, on the outside, no one would think we’re up to anything other than being normal high school dudes, right?”
I smiled. “You had me fooled, that’s for sure.”
Bodhi threw an arm around me as Emmett unlocked the shed. “But the cover is also fun. It’s not totally a cover. I do like to drink, fight, and flirt.”
“Just flirt, huh?” If the twins tried to tell me they were virgins too, that might be the biggest shocker of the day.
“I was trying to keep it PG for you. You might be the older cousin by a couple months, but you’re still a lady.”
“You’re ridiculous.” I shoved Bodhi, laughing.
Emmett turned to us with a couple folding chairs in hand. “Bodhi meant to say, he likes to drink, fight and fuck. Personally, I like long walks on the Lake, nice conversation, gentle caresses, followed by sweet and tender --” I cut him off with a hand to his chest.
“Okay. I get it. Don’t need the details.”
I grabbed a couple of chairs from him.
Despite everything I’d discovered tonight, the twins were still the same juvenile boys I’d always known. They might deal with heavy stuff like faking suicides of mafia bosses, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t act like horny immature teenagers.
I shook my head, taking comfort in this. By the time we’d made a second trip to the shed for a beer pong table, more cars had arrived. People were hyped up, excited to hear about Cruz’s day at the courthouse, wondering how the Malones had pulled off such a stunt. They were laughing about it, predicting what Cruz and his squad would come up with to retaliate. I knew the Malones had a reputation for being ruthless, but didn’t anyone think it strange the Malones had used their grandfather’s supposed suicide to pull a prank? It had only happened ten days ago, still fresh.
There was a herd mentality though, and I saw it before my eyes as I took in the cars arriving, the gossip flowing, the bodies moving toward the crowd gathering by the water. They built up the story they wanted to believe.
Bodhi was holding the other side of the beer pong table and he suddenly stopped walking. I looked over to find him staring wide-eyed at the drive, a horrified expression on his face. I swung my gaze to where his was frozen and spotted a blue sedan slowing to a stop a little ways from where the other cars were parked.
I heard a curse and then the other side of the table dropped and Bodhi was jogging over to the car. Emmett popped out of the shed with a bag of ping pong balls in one hand and Solo cups in the other. He looked at me, the table, and then in the direction Bodhi had run.
Another curse, just as panicked, fell from Emmett’s lips and the next thing I knew, he was right on Bodhi’s heels.
I narrowed my eyes at the parked car. The headlights were still on and I could only make out a silhouette in the driver’s seat. It was a girl, I could tell that much. She must not have been a threat because Bodhi leaned his head in the open driver’s side window. Emmett stopped a few feet away and then turned around. He scanned the crowd. When another car started down the drive, Emmett turned back and took position beside Bodhi.
My arms started to cramp and I realized I was still holding my side of the table. As I lowered it to the ground, it dawned on me what Emmett was doing. He was blocking the driver from view from the car passing by. But as the other vehicle’s headlights shone on the parked sedan, I was able to make out the driver.
My breath caught in my throat as it registered who I was looking at. Her hair was different, teased and wild, but it was the singer from that night at Patriot Taphouse. The night I’d heard about Flynn Malone’s death. Ruby Firestone. Cruz had come to see her.
I pressed my hand to my stomach as it churned. The little hairs on my arms rose.
Why were the twins acting so strange? Bile rose in my throat. Cruz had told me that I knew all the big stuff now, but there were clearly more secrets. And here I was, standing off to the side, uncertain how to help, because I hadn’t been clued in. Worse, something told me this was a different kind of secret, one they never intended to share with me.
Chapter Five
Cruz
It was easy to banter about getting back at the Malones. Brainstorming about out-pranking them, I could get behind that. But it also made my chest burn and my blood boil. I could prank them, sure, but I could also kill.
The guys might have been the ones who got their hands dirty with Flynn Malone, but I was the one to give the order. That was for my mom. I still had fuel for revenge, mostly related to the businesses, but until last night, it was controlled, deliberate, methodical.
When Sean and Branden Malone took Hazel, something inside me snapped. The past twenty-four hours had been about making sure she was okay, and now, now I was letting the rage build. It burned inside of me. This had always been personal, but I’d felt slightly removed, like it was my parents’ and grandparents’ fight. It was about the generations before me, and honoring them. That all changed when they touched Hazel.
Yet here I was, playing lawn games on a summer night, laughing and pretending I was okay. I wasn’t okay. I wouldn’t be until I’d hurt Branden and Sean Malone. Not through their parents or grandparents or businesses, but on their flesh.
I caught purposeful movement in the crowd and spotted Spike’s ball cap. A second later he was beside me. There were too many people around to talk, but all he needed to say was “Hazel,” and I was moving. We steered our way out of the masses playing lawn games and dancing to music someone had set up.
When we hit the edge of the woods and got some privacy, I turned to Spike.
“She’s fine, man,” Spike started, and then shook his head. “I mean, no, I don’t think she’s totally fine, but she’s safe.”
I watched him struggle for a second, lift his hat, rub his head, and put it back in place.
“Spike, where is she? What’s up?”
“She seemed cool with everything, right? Damn, our girl took it well. I thought so, at least.”<
br />
“Spike, talk man, come on,” I urged.
“She told the twins she just needed some space, wanted to be alone. They let her head down to the dock. We’ve kept an eye on her, but now…” Spike’s eyes wouldn’t meet mine, and he finished, “Fucking Kai Tillson showed up.”
My fists clenched at the name of her ex-boyfriend. I was already feeling the burn of anger at the Malones touching Hazel, and now I had to be reminded of the guy who’d taken my girl’s virginity. Who was still sniffing around.
“Heard he was asking everyone where she was, and he just got down to the dock. Bodhi was going to go down there himself to set him straight but thought you might want to do it.”
I didn’t say anything to Spike, I just started moving in that direction. Kai Tillson was hanging on the dock, my dock, our fucking dock, talking to my girl. He always seemed to pop in right when she needed comfort, ready to be that guy, and it had to stop.
I’d been too easy on him. He’d played the sensitive artist thing up and I’d gone with using words instead of fists. It was time to switch tactics.
This fury had been building inside of me, waiting to be let out, since Hazel went missing last night, and now I finally had an outlet.
When I spotted him sitting beside my girlfriend, their shoes off and their feet dangling in the water, I saw red.
Rage I’d kept locked down tight in order to look out for Hazel last night burst free. Resentment that I’d had to sit back and let guys like Kai Tillson be with Hazel over the years rose fresh and raw to the surface. I choked on it, and then I channeled it.
I saw them turn their heads and then it was a blur. He’d barely had a chance to get to his feet and move away from Hazel before I was on him. I heard her yelling, and maybe there was shouting further away, but it all blurred to ringing in my ears as I let my fists fly. The satisfying sensation of my fist connecting with flesh fueled me, the smell of blood shooting adrenaline into my veins. I needed this.