Lifting her cup, she allowed herself a small smile. “Good day to you.”
There were several returning students in Ryn’s spring semester classes—some because they had to have these courses, but most because they wanted to have her as a teacher again. One class was especially lively in the discussions of European expansion across North America and what that did to the indigenous people here before them.
She wrapped up class on Friday of the first week back. As she left the room, she turned left—away from her office. Beverly had told her where Geary was teaching the new women-and-history class, and she couldn’t help being curious as to how it was going. This should have been his third lecture. She paused outside the classroom and listened.
“So you see, with only five of the eighteen women on the Mayflower surviving their first winter, you really have to question the wisdom of bringing women along on such an arduous journey to begin with. They’re just not cut out for hardship. It’s been proven over and over…”
It was all Ryn could do not to charge in and take over. She grumbled under her breath the whole way up the stairs to her office.
“If they’d been allowed off the damn ship, had fresh water and fresh air, and didn’t have to take care of all the stupid men who brought diseases back on board…”
She was so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she nearly collided with Dr. Talbert at the top of the stairs.
“Professor…” He stepped back to let her through. “Good break?”
“Yes.” Still fuming, she nearly pointed back down the stairs and said, “Do you have any idea what that jerk is teaching those kids?”, but she stopped herself. Talbert had conspired against her to give the course—and the credit, she recalled bitterly—to Geary, so let them both hang when it crashed and burned.
Instead, she lowered her head and stalked by him to her office. Dropping into her chair, she stared morosely out the window. The campus was a picture, covered in snow that looked like icing. She thought about going to the noon Mass, not because she was feeling like prayer—though her recent thoughts about Geary might need exorcising—but she really wanted to see Tamara.
And the others, prompted a hopeful voice in her head.
That was true, she mused. Roberta and Franny and Steph—she’d like to catch up with all of them. And if Tam just happened to be with them…
She jumped up and trotted across campus. Inside the chapel, she spied Franny’s veiled head, taller than the others. When she walked up to their pew, they all smiled and scooted over, making room for her. Tamara’s smile was particularly radiant, enough to warm Ryn’s insides all through Mass.
“How was your Christmas?” Roberta asked with a hug as soon as Mass was over.
“It was good.” Ryn hugged Franny and Stephanie, too, but hung back when it came to Tamara.
“Just good?” Roberta asked, looking concerned.
Ryn shrugged. “A friend got some bad news. How about y’uns? A good break?”
“Yeah.” Stephanie slipped her coat on and reached for her backpack. “It was so edifying to connect with the rest of the community. And we all got home to see our families for a few days.”
“How’s Henrietta?” Franny asked as they shuffled out of the pew toward the door.
“She’s good.” Ryn tried to keep her voice neutral. It wasn’t technically true, but she couldn’t explain without violating Henrietta’s privacy.
“Why don’t you both come over for brunch on Sunday?” Roberta suggested. “We’d love to catch up with you.”
“And bring your guitar,” Stephanie said.
Through all this, Tamara hadn’t said a word, but Ryn could feel her eyes following her. She didn’t dare make eye contact or she was certain the others would see immediately that something was up.
“I’ll ask her, but for now, I’ll accept for both of us.” Ryn looked around. “It’s hard for her to get through the snow, so we’ll probably go to St. Rita’s. See you at your house at eleven?”
“Sounds good,” Franny said.
“I’ll walk with you.” Tamara waved to the others and fell into step beside her as they headed back toward Rayburn Hall.
“You have a class in here?”
“Something like that.”
Ryn was puzzled when Tam followed her up the stairs to the second floor. And still more puzzled when Tamara accompanied her to her office.
“What—?”
But whatever she’d been about to ask flew right out of her head when Tamara shoved the door closed with her foot and crushed her mouth to Ryn’s. Ryn was bombarded with sensations: the heat of Tamara’s mouth on hers; the feel of Tam’s arms around her, pulling her closer; the explosion of lust in her own belly. And lower.
Several moments later, she gasped for breath. “Wow.”
“I’ve been thinking of nothing but that for weeks,” Tamara said.
When Ryn stood there with her mouth open, unable to come up with something more articulate, Tamara stepped back.
“Was it okay that I did that?”
Ryn came to. “Uh, yes.”
“Good.” Tamara smiled and moved closer again.
Something clunked into place in Ryn’s brain, and she caught Tamara’s hands before they could make contact with her face.
“Wait.”
Tamara’s face clouded. “It’s not okay.”
“Yes. No.” Ryn backed up, pressing her fingers to her forehead. “Give me a second. Let me think.”
She exhaled and held her hands up. “Sit down.” When Tam stood there, she said, “Please. We need to talk.”
Tamara sank slowly into the extra chair in the cramped office. Ryn dropped into hers, her knees still wobbly.
Just as she opened her mouth, Geary’s voice came to her through the closed door. For a moment, she thought he was going to charge into her office, but his footsteps receded down the corridor.
“Shit.” She felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dashed into her face. “Not now. And not here.”
She stood, and Tamara did also.
“We do need to talk,” she repeated. “Maybe Sunday? After brunch?”
Tamara nodded, but she looked embarrassed as she backed to the door. Ryn grabbed for her hand.
“Thanks,” she said with a crooked grin. “You made my Friday.”
Tamara’s face lit up with a smile. She fumbled for the doorknob. “See you Sunday.”
Ryn let Tam’s fingers slide slowly out of hers. When the door closed, she collapsed back into her chair again.
“Perfect,” she muttered to the empty room. “You finally meet someone, and there are a million reasons not to see her.”
But her mouth quirked into a smile at the memory of that kiss.
Meryn was at the sink, washing the breakfast dishes, when Henrietta entered the kitchen. Meryn glanced up and then did a double take.
“Wow. You look nice.”
Henrietta put on her sternest expression. “That implies that I don’t always look nice.”
Far from being put off by Henrietta’s tone, the girl simply laughed.
“You do always look nice. Way nicer than I do. I should say you look extra nice. I haven’t seen that suit before. Is it new?”
Despite herself, Henrietta warmed at the fact that Meryn had noticed. She was wearing one of her nicer skirt suits. It wasn’t new, but it had been worn so infrequently, it was like new. She’d even put on a little makeup. Only a little. Her face had been so pale and wan when she peered into the mirror, she thought a little color could only help.
Meryn rinsed the sink and dried her hands. “Maybe I should change?”
“You look—” Henrietta caught herself. She felt the heat that flooded her face. “You’re perfectly acceptable in your teaching clothes.”
Meryn grinned. “Good. Cause I don’t have anything nicer than this. I’ll have the spiffiest date in the entire church.”
“Oh, hush. Go get your coat.”
“Want me to drive?�
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“No. You’ll try the hand controls again, and we don’t have time to pick everything up after it crashes to the floor.”
Meryn’s laughter followed her as she went to collect their coats from the hall tree. Henrietta enjoyed the warm flutter that filled her chest. She still worried sometimes that something was wrong with her heart, but if it was a sign of something bad, it was worth it. The flutter intensified when Meryn held the coat for her, brushing her fingers along Henrietta’s arms as she slid the coat up over her shoulders.
At St. Rita’s, she was only mildly surprised to see Leonard Croson sitting with Jerry and Genevieve Talbert. They turned at the sound of her crutches, giving her cold nods as she and Meryn passed them. Glancing back, she saw Leonard whispering furiously to Jerry.
She was certain they were putting the pieces together. If they now knew that her connection to the Feldman scandal was through Meryn, that was fine. It didn’t change her threats. Geary had to go. Or they would suffer the consequences of enabling him to continue preying on young girls like Vanessa.
Meryn helped her doff her coat. “Did I miss something?” she whispered, turning to regard the Talberts.
“Nothing important.”
It would be better if Meryn weren’t implicated in what Henrietta had begun. If Meryn were to be questioned, she could honestly say she knew nothing about Henrietta’s involvement. The less the girl knew, the better.
When Mass was over, Henrietta noticed that the Talberts and Leonard Croson scurried out ahead of them. She drove over to the nuns’ house, entering through the back door, as she had the last time.
Roberta was waiting for them, holding the door for Henrietta and taking her coat before ushering her to the table.
“Coffee?” But Franny already had a cup poured for her.
The kitchen was again a beehive of activity, with everyone doing something. Henrietta was asked to dice red and green peppers. She couldn’t help but notice that Meryn and Tamara were side by side at the counter.
The conversation turned to politics—apparently a topic they were all passionately interested in, judging from the vehemence of their opposition to Reagan.
“It’s time to get organized,” Meryn said.
“I’ve already contacted the local Democratic chapter,” Franny said. “Meeting scheduled for the third Thursday of the month, at the library.”
“Speaking of the library,” Stephanie said, turning to Henrietta. “I was at the town library this week, and I saw a poster that you’re having a show in March.”
“What?” Meryn turned around. “You didn’t say anything about this.”
Henrietta flushed under the scrutiny from the young women. “It’s nothing. Probably four—” She quickly scanned the room. “Maybe five people will actually go.”
“That’s fantastic, Henrietta,” Roberta said. “And I’m sure the entire village will turn out for it.”
Meryn continued to watch her curiously for a few seconds before turning back to the potatoes she was chopping.
The conversation moved on as they ate, with the others talking about their classes. Meryn sat beside Henrietta, with Tamara on the adjacent corner. Henrietta recalled family dinners with Una and her Aunt Wilhelmina joining them more evenings than not. Henrietta and Una always arranged to sit beside each other, their knees or feet touching under the table. She didn’t want to know if Meryn and Tamara were doing the same.
“Henrietta, you’re not eating.”
She started and looked up at Roberta.
“Is there something wrong with the eggs?”
“No.” Henrietta forced a smile and scooped up a forkful. “Everything’s delicious. Just wonderful.”
Ryn had the car door open almost before Henrietta braked to a stop inside the garage. She tried not to shuffle impatiently while Henrietta got her crutches out of the back seat and made her slow way into the house.
Racing to her room, Ryn stripped out of her church clothes, tossing on a faded pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. She unfolded the note that Tamara had slipped into her hand while they were cleaning up.
My apartment, two o’clock.
She smiled and tucked the note into her pocket. Padding out to the living room in her socks, she found Henrietta settled on the couch. She squatted in the foyer to lace up her boots.
“I’m going to be out for a while. Anything you need?”
Henrietta’s voice was cool as she said, “Where are you going?”
“Um…” For some inexplicable reason, the first thing ready to come out of Ryn’s mouth was an excuse—you mean a lie, said a sly voice in her head.
She kept her head down, focusing on her laces, as she suddenly seemed to be all thumbs. “I’m going to meet Tamara.”
“Oh?”
Though Henrietta’s tone was perfectly innocent, warning bells were clanging in Ryn’s head.
“Yes, we… um…” Ryn was unaccustomed to this feeling of walking on thin ice. And she never, ever lied, or even felt tempted to. Why now?
“You like her.”
Ryn felt the heat that flooded her face. “Well… yes. Does that bother you?”
“Of course not. Why would it bother me?” But the bite in Henrietta’s voice belied her reply.
Ryn wound her scarf around her neck. “I’ll be back before dinner. Can I get you anything before I go?”
Henrietta pushed to her feet. “I’m perfectly capable of getting myself anything I require. And I doubt I’ll want supper after that brunch. I’ll probably retire early.”
Bewildered, Ryn let herself out the door. She dusted the snow off Nelly’s windshield and started her up.
“What was that all about?” she muttered aloud, her words accompanied by clouds of vapor in the cold air of the car.
She’d been honest with Henrietta from the beginning that she was a lesbian. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that she might like Tamara.
Unless she thinks it’s inappropriate. That stupid voice echoed her own thoughts from over the semester break.
“We’re just going to talk.”
Like you “talked” in your office?
“Shut up.”
She pulled over, battling the conflicting emotions inside her, and confused by the turmoil. Ryn always knew what was right and what wasn’t, and she’d never had trouble doing the right thing, but this… She was only now realizing how much she missed being with someone, how much she missed Ashley. There were so many obstacles to a relationship with Tamara.
“You said you needed to talk,” she reminded herself. “So go talk. This doesn’t mean you’re declaring your undying love. Just talk.”
With that resolve, she put Nelly back in gear. When she pulled up to the curb in front of Tam’s apartment, she found Tamara standing outside, waiting for her.
She got into the passenger seat. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Ryn’s heart beat a little faster, in spite of herself. “Aren’t we going in?”
“I thought we could take a drive, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay.” Ryn turned Nelly around. “Where to?”
“I don’t care. Anywhere. Out of the village.”
Ryn did as she asked, heading west, toward the state forest. For a while, they rode in silence.
“Are you all right?” Ryn asked at last.
Tamara nodded. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
“Why?”
“Figured Henrietta would talk you out of it.”
Ryn glanced over sharply. “Why would she do that?”
Tamara shrugged. “I don’t think she likes me much.”
“Where’d you get that idea?”
“She kept giving me the evil eye while we were in the kitchen.”
“No, she didn’t.”
Tamara laughed, but she didn’t sound amused. “You didn’t see her. I think…”
She paused. Ryn waited, but nothing more came.
“You think what?”
Tamara shook her head. “Nothing
. I’m glad you agreed to come today.”
Ryn took a deep breath. “Well, like I told you Friday, we need to talk.”
From the corner of her eye, she saw Tamara’s clasped hands tighten in her lap.
“What about?”
Ryn gave a half-laugh. “All kinds of things. I’m not sure what exactly to make of this thing that’s developing between us.”
Tamara frowned. “Why do we have to analyze it? Can’t we just go with it?”
“Under other circumstances, yeah, maybe we could.”
“What makes these circumstances different?”
Ryn glanced over to see if she was serious. She was. She turned off the main road onto a small lane that wound deep into a stand of forest. She found a pull-off area adjacent to a stream that tumbled between ice-covered rocks.
Twisting in her seat, she said, “First and foremost, what about you and the Sisters of St. What’s-His-Name?”
“St. Joseph. And what about it?”
Ryn stared at her for a second. “Aren’t you supposed to join up this summer?”
“Yeah,” Tam said with a nonchalant wag of her head. “But nothing’s set in stone. It’s not like I’ve been drafted or anything.”
“I think Roberta and Franny and Steph might have a different idea about that. And, not that I’m an expert or anything, but isn’t the decision to enter supposed to be some kind of calling from God?”
Tamara frowned. “Well, I’m looking at things differently now.” She reached for Ryn’s hand, stroking a finger along her palm. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. It’s making me look at everything differently.”
She tugged on Ryn’s hand, and Ryn allowed herself to be tugged, even while that stupid voice in her head screamed, No!
She ignored the voice, letting herself fall into a deep kiss, completely absorbed in exploring the feel of Tam’s mouth, her face. When Tamara’s fumbling hands unzipped her jacket to reach inside and run a hand over her breasts, Ryn couldn’t hold back a moan. She’d never had sex in a car but, for a few seconds, she thought about it.
Reluctantly, she drew away, her body complaining bitterly. “There are still things,” she said, trying to remember what they all were.
Tamara’s mouth quirked into a resigned smile. Ryn found herself watching those lips, realized they were moving, saying something.
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