by L. A. Grant
She furrowed her brow as she carefully chewed another piece of bacon, absorbing the information.
“You’re going to have to go more basic than that,” she said sheepishly when she was done chewing. I gave her a slight smile and tried to balance just enough information so as not to overwhelm her.
“Centuries ago, a great king ruled the land…Britain. He ruled what you now know as Britain,” I should let Hayden answer – he loved to weave tales. I swear he’d started healing his friends mostly so he could tell them stories while they were incapacitated in bed. But this woman seemed to tie his tongue more effectively than I’d ever seen anyone do.
“This king wielded the magical blade Excalibur and ruled over the land, and its people, and their magic, for many peaceful decades. Until you betrayed him. “He was married to a queen, Gwenhwyfar. We think you’re her.”
She looked at me even more skeptically. “I’m sorry, I’m missing a whole lot of information here. Why would I be back? Who are you? And who was this Mordred dude and the giant boar from hell?”
“Hell would be too kind a place for that traitor,” Wane spat, surprising me with his vitriol. He looked apologetically to her, and she placed a hand on his arm to comfort him and encourage him to continue talking. “The boar’s name is, well, Bors.”
“A boar named Bors,” she mumbled. “Original.”
“Indeed,” Wane grinned, the vitriol vanishing as quickly as it had come. I didn’t remember Gwenhwyfar being so good at diffusing emotions so effectively. Perhaps the failing was mine and not hers. “He was a king of a neighboring land, and one day, he declared war on our king. He was dealt with, but I guess he still has a grudge.”
“So,” the new Gwenhwyfar said, “he came back, and so did Mordred, to kill me? Why would they want to kill me?”
“We think they want to capture you to bring you back to Morgana, Mordred’s rather mean mother and a powerful sorceress,” I said. Her blue eyes focused on me, sending a shiver down my spine. I cleared my throat and pushed through. “But we thought we were going after our king, not you. We…did not expect you, Queen Gwenhwyfar.”
“Arlena,” she said, her voice crisp. “My name is Arlena. Not queen. Not Gwenhwyfar. Please call me by my name.”
I raised an eyebrow but nodded in acknowledgement. Gwenhwyfar had loved her title. Perhaps I’d not paid enough attention to her during our last lives. The failing may have been mine, but the betrayal was hers.
“Arlena,” I said, testing the name on my tongue. It rolled off easily. “We don’t know why you’re back, or why we were sent to find you.”
“And you are?” she asked, looking to each of us in turn.
“We are knights of the Round Table, my lady,” Hayden said. “With new lives and new names, but I used to be known as Galahad. This here is Percival,” he pointed to me. “Gawain,” he indicated Wane. “And Lancelot.” He hesitated on that last name, then kept pushing forward. “We came back to you, when you returned. We were bonded to King Arthur, and I suppose to you, as well, by the wizard Merlin. Our unfinished business to see you safe through this life is our purpose.”
“But…” she shook her head, as though working out cobwebs, her wet hair moving enticingly down her cleavage. I worked hard to keep my eyes up, and so did the others. “Why am I here?”
“We don’t know,” I said, a bit harshly. “We were looking for our king.”
She looked at me with some surprise, but then surprised me in turn by nodding. “You’re right. You should find your king. Go to him and bring him back to wherever you need to go. That’s your mission.”
“We won’t abandon you,” Lance said, reaching across the table to take hold of her hand. She didn’t pull it away, but she didn’t hold him back, either. She showed no more, nor less, affection toward him than toward the rest of us. “You were our beacon to this world.”
“I followed you here,” Wane said. “We all did. The magic that should have brought us to Arthur brought us to you. And so, you’re meant to return to Avalon with us. That’s our mission.” He said it with such certainty that it made even me feel more assured in our purpose. In reality, I wasn’t sure at all.
But I had few options, and none of us still felt a pull or draw to anyone else. Except to her, sitting before us, digesting the vast amount of information we’d just thrown her way.
“We all have unfinished business,” Lance said softly. I fought against my urge to throttle him. “Maybe you’re just back because of something you still want to accomplish in this life.”
Blue eyes held his, analyzing his meaning, but showing no recognition or memory of the love they’d shared. After a few moments, Lance let go of her hand and sat back, looking crushed. I even felt a bit sorry for the guy, though I’d never tell him that.
“I have no purpose in this life,” she said softly, her words heavy with the weight of a lifetime, “nor do I have anyone who’ll miss me.” She looked up to each of us in turn, ending with me.
“I don’t know why I’m here, or remember who I was. But I do know that you all feel safe to me, and that’s more comfort than the world has offered me so far. I’ll follow you to Avalon.” She held my eyes still, and I couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to. “I trust you to keep me safe. But, if the chance comes, find your king,” the last words were spoken so softly I strained to hear. “He’s the one you need.”
I wanted to correct her. To tell her that she was the one we needed. That she made us feel whole in a way we hadn’t felt since coming back into these lives.
But I remembered her betrayal.
And I chose to stay silent.
25
Arlena
The boys packed their gear and closed the cottage up. I stood by with my small bag, holding the few belonging Wane had picked up for me. I felt strangely muted since hearing the tale of Arthur and Gwenhwyfar.
For reasons that weren’t clear to me, I didn’t think that Percy liked his queen. And I was certain he felt that the king had been their mission and leaving without him was a waste of time and effort.
The fact that they hadn’t really wanted to find me, that they hadn’t been called to help me except by a fluke or accident of magic, left me strangely disappointed. I mean, I didn’t really want to be wrapped up in all of this, did I? With giant boars trying to disembowel me, and snakes crushing me?
Was my life so boring that this is what I’d been hoping would happen?
It’s not like I had a lot to go back to. I had no job. No family that really cared. No job prospects. Hell, I’d lost my phone at some point during the kerfuffle and I didn’t even care. Who would I call? Who would I check up with on social media?
Nobody cared. And I didn’t, either.
This place, this world, had never felt right to me. It had never welcomed me. And I’d never embraced it.
But this? The knights, and magic, and shapeshifting…something about it just felt so right. Like I belonged, even though I didn’t know my place in it. If I waited it out, I knew that I would eventually understand. Dreams whispered in the back of my head of the life I’d left behind…or that had been ripped away from me. They were too quiet for me to hear clearly.
I could ask, or I could wait for the details to return to me as memories. What I really wanted to know was more immediate. More important based on the company I was keeping, and the men in whose hands I’d placed my life.
I found Percy near the beat-up black SUV on the trail, his silver hair practically shining in the sun. He moved efficiently, with the confidence of a warrior. I examined him for a few moments before he noticed me, and didn’t shy away from his look when he examined me in turn.
The trust I had for them all was visceral, and I wanted him as much as I wanted the others. Not that he’d have me, from the looks he’d been giving me.
“Why do you hate me?” I asked him without preamble. Percy didn’t strike me as someone who needed preamble or coddling.
I expected him to argue and
say he didn’t hate me, but instead he analyzed me. I held his eyes, ready for whatever answer he would give me.
“Because you betrayed our king,” he said, anger cutting an edge into each syllable. “You left him, and broke him.”
My eyes grew wide and I took a step back.
“I…I would never do that.” And I knew I wouldn’t. Part of the reason I had been stuck in the long succession of dead-end jobs and still called the Hopesmyers my family was this damn loyalty I felt toward those around me. Like, if someone threw me a coin, I owed them my life. But no, it was more than that. I protected those I considered mine, even to my own detriment. That’s why I’d never pushed my family to give me more, or even to apologize. Because to have them even acknowledge how they’d mistreated me would mean to have them face the reality of their cruelty.
And I couldn’t bear even that.
“You did,” Percy said, though his voice grew soft. “I don’t know if you would now, but you did. And now you’re back, and the king I loved isn’t, and I don’t know if he ever will be, or if this is a cruel joke the universe is playing on us.”
He grabbed a spear and looked at me with cold eyes. For a brief moment, I wondered if he intended to use the spear on me.
“Just do me a favor,” he said as he walked toward me, stopping so close I had to look up to look him in the eye, “whatever you do, don’t hook up with Lance. He’s the one who undid us all, with you, and the last thing I need is to find out my destiny is to keep the two of you together.”
I narrowed my eyes and held his gaze with mine. “I’ll love whoever I choose,” I said, my voice clear, “and whoever chooses me. You don’t get to control my choices, nor limit them, no matter who you are or what destiny intends to do with us.”
He seemed surprised for a moment, and then he gave me a wry smile. “Now you’re starting to sound like her. Selfish and only concerned about your own needs and desires.”
I felt like he’d struck me. Before I could even conceive of a response, he began to walk away, but I grabbed his arm. He turned slowly to me, his muscles pulsing under my grip.
“I’m not saying I want Lance,” I said, not sure why I was telling him this, except that I couldn’t bear to have him feeling so crushed by fate, “but I do feel a bond to all of you.” I held his eyes. “All of you.”
My words slowly sank in, and his anger melted away. He swallowed hard, and I knew without a doubt that he felt the same way about me, though he might never act on his impulses.
“It’s just the magic,” he said, though his voice sounded strangled. “It holds us all together.”
“Is it just the magic?” I asked, and he leaned in a bit before catching himself and pulling back.
“We need to go,” he said. I let him go and he walked away without glancing back. I waited to catch my breath before following.
The wound from yesterday was more than skin-deep, it seemed.
26
Lance
I saw Gwenhwyfar standing with Percy and I headed their way immediately. She held his arm and for a second, he looked like he’d kiss her. My blood grew cold, but he pulled away and she let him go.
I drew back, not wanting to be caught spying on them. Percy was looking for any excuse to give me shit, and I didn’t intend to give him one.
He walked to the back of the cottage and saw me. To my surprise, he actually headed my way.
“Are we ready to head out?” he asked.
“We are,” I answered, really having no clue, but knowing that Wane and Hayden would have it all stitched up by now. Those two were extremely efficient travel buddies.
“Gwen…Arlena,” Percy worked around her name, his eyes far away, as though struggling with how to voice the question he needed to ask me. I waited, shuffling my weight from foot to foot, fighting my impatience. Percy would retreat if I pushed him too hard. I knew that because I knew him.
We used to be friends, before I’d left Camelot with Gwenhwyfar on the back of my horse. Her slender arms wrapped around my waist, cheek pressed against my back, ready to be carried away to a new life, away from the demands of the court, and from her cold bed and absent husband.
That morning I’d trained with Percival. We’d laughed. Exchanged jokes. Talked about the future of the Round Table.
That was the last time I’d ever seen him laugh. Even in this life, the weight that I’d helped place on his soul still crushed him.
“Is she like you remember?” he finally asked, looking me in the eye like a friend, searching for something I wasn’t sure I could give him.
I shrugged, not sure what he needed from me, but intending to answer as truthfully as possible. I owed him that much. “I’m not sure,” I said. “I mean, she was always so busy being something she wasn’t for other people, that I don’t know that she ever truly knew who she was.”
“The demands of the court,” Percy mumbled, and I nodded. She’d stated that to Percival when he’d come, begging her to come back to the king, to help save the realm from disaster.
But it had been too late - a desperate man’s gamble. One that he’d lost. Hell, we’d all lost. I might have abandoned my friends for some of my life, but I returned for that final battle. We all stood and fell together, including Arthur.
And then we were bound to return in the next life.
“Just…” Percival ran his hand through his hair, silver in this life, like his wolf form.
“I won’t,” I whispered to Percy. His eyes grew wide with surprise at my words, and then looked at me as though weighing the truth in them. “If she wants me, she can come to me. But,” I added for good measure, feeling the truth of my own words crushing me, “I don’t think that any of her unfinished business has anything to do with me.”
For a split second, I thought I spotted pity flash in Percy’s eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had come.
“Let’s go,” he said, his voice growing in strength as he slipped back into command mode. I wondered if we’d ever be friends like we used to be.
With Gwenhwyfar having returned instead of Arthur, I doubted it would ever happen.
27
Arlena
“Aren’t we taking the car?” I asked Hayden as we began walking east through the dense growth of trees, toward the rising sun.
“Nope,” he grinned at me. “We follow Percy.”
I looked ahead, gasping at the sight of a silver wolf stepping in front of us.
“He’s beautiful,” I whispered. The wolf lowered its head and turned, indicating we should follow.
“He’s still cranky,” Lance muttered. I noticed that he was carrying all of Percy’s things. “Always making me carry his shit,” he added grumpily, and I laughed. Lance seemed surprised by my laughter and a smile warmed his face.
“He’ll get crankier if we don’t pick up the pace,” Hayden said. I followed the silver wolf, who seemed to be sniffing the air around him, stopping once in a while to listen intently. We’d all stop and stand as still as possible, so as not to interfere with his senses.
He’d start moving again and we’d follow.
They fell into what seemed like a practiced formation - Lance brought up the front, Hayden the back and Wane at my side. Percy stayed far enough ahead to scout, but not so far that we’d lose sight of him. The trail was comfortable to walk. The trees weren’t too densely packed, and a bedding of leaves and pine needles cushioned our footfall. The sunlight streamed in through the canopy of gold and red-colored leaves, and the bugs thankfully left us alone.
The whole place seemed covered by a magical veil the deeper we walked into it. I wasn’t frightened, which surprised me. I mean, I was willing to just go ahead and follow a silver shapeshifting wolf through some strange woods, with a shape-changing falcon and…
“Can you all shift?” I blurted out to Wane. He looked at me with surprise as I snapped him out of whatever reverie he’d found himself in.
“We can,” he whispered back. “All knights of the R
ound Table are gifted with the guidance and powers of an animal, granted to us by our king.”
“Oh,” I said. “What does Hayden shift into?”
He grinned at me and leaned in close to whisper conspiratorially, sending a shiver of pleasure up my spine: “Try to guess.”
I’d known the answer before I’d even asked the question: “A bear.”
He looked impressed, and I flushed with pleasure. “He doesn’t shift that often,” Wane said, “but I think it’s because he doesn’t need to, since he’s always kind of a bear.”
I smiled, then looked at Lance’s back a few paces ahead. He seemed to be concentrating on following Percy and trying very hard not to look back my way. Or so I interpreted his stance.
“What do you think he is?” Wane asked, lips tantalizingly close to my ear, hot breath sending more shivers up my spine.
I analyzed the movement. How he walked apart from the rest of us, but near enough to protect us. His strides were long and confident, his movements fluid and clean. I knew what he could shift into, though I wasn’t clear on where this certainty came from.
“A lion,” I whispered. “He’s a lion.”
Wane looked at me with surprise, then looked to Lance’s back, nodding his head slowly. A few moments passed before he spoke in a hushed, careful tone.
“Do you feel…drawn to him?” I flushed red.
“No,” I answered honestly, then backtracked a bit, “I mean, I’m drawn to all of you, in one way or another. I can’t quite explain it,” I paused, focused on negotiating a tricky part of the trail. “So I’m drawn to him, yes. But I’m drawn to all of you.” He kept glancing sideways at me, as though my words only sparked more questions.
“Were we close?” I pushed on. “Were you and I…were we lovers?”
He gave me a thin smile, but there was a new coldness in his eyes as he answered. I hadn’t expected that from Wane. “No,” he said a bit too harshly. I looked at him with surprise, and he gave me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I know you’re new to this.”