by Eva Harper
“No,” I declared loudly. “Just ask my friend Oliver, I did things I could not do if I was drunk.” I didn’t think about the context of my words, and Rush turned to Oliver with vicious intent. I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me. “No, no, Rush. Not like that!”
He began breathing deeply, shaking. Oliver’s eyes widened, and he stumbled backward.
“You’re one of those werewolf things, aren’t you?” he stuttered, his face becoming pale and clammy.
“We need to leave,” Rush grunted. His arm hooked under my legs and back, and he lifted me effortlessly off the table.
“Bye, Oliver, see you soon,” I sang as we exited. Oliver’s face paled, and he shook at my words.
There was a car waiting for us outside of the bar, and Rush loaded me into the passenger seat. He climbed in the other side of the car and peeled out of the parking spot. Another car behind us held Kenna and two Warriors.
I clumsily fell into the crack between our seats and was choked by the seatbelt. It was a struggle to sit up, and the fast-moving world around me made me nauseous.
“Rush, slow down,” I whimpered, reaching out for his arm. He shrugged me off and accelerated down the road. “Rush, please.”
“How could you be so stupid?” he asked. His words cut through the liquor stupor, and I felt them attack my heart. I never wanted to embarrass Rush, I never wanted to embarrass anyone, but somehow, I continued to let people down.
“Rush,” I whispered, barely parting my lips.
His fists clenched the steering, jaw straining against his unshaven cheek.
“Rush, pull over,” I yelped quickly. He glanced over at my face and stopped the car on the side of the road. I threw the door open and collapsed on the ground, heaving the contents of my stomach onto the pavement.
Hands lifted my hair back and pulled my body towards someone else. I continued to vomit on the ground as Rush stroked my hair, holding onto me like I was suddenly going to crawl away from him.
I sunk into Rush’s body, exhausted, shaking.
“What were you thinking?” he said softly. My head fell back, weakly onto his arm, and I saw him looking down at me with tenderness. His thumb continued to stroke my head.
“I-”
“Something could have happened to you,” he breathed. I didn’t know how to answer. My stomach heaved again, and I tried to sit up. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”
“Then don’t treat me like I’m nothing,” I mumbled, eyes closing in defeat. He pulled me onto his lap and nuzzled my hair with his nose. He grabbed my chin in his hand and lifted it until I was level with his.
“I promise, I’ll be better,” he said hesitantly. “I’m not used to this, Sloane.” His face drooped, but my drunken mind didn’t feel sympathy towards him.
“What, being a decent person?” I sneered.
Rush closed his eyes, breathing out through his nose. “No, having someone I care about. I’ve never loved anyone or liked anyone like this. I don’t know how to balance my feelings and my role.”
“You didn’t like sharing your power with me,” I realized, pushing my arms weakly away from me. He clambered to hold onto my noodle-like limbs without bruising me. “You want me as a mate but not a Luna.”
“I didn’t know it affected me,” he fought with his voice rising.
“So, instead, you push me away and basically tell me how much of a failure I am?” My body hit the ground as I pushed Rush away from me. He kneeled over me, looking at me with longing, and I struggled to stay mad. “You don’t think I get enough of that from my father? I don’t need that from you.”
“I know,” he rushed out, forehead wrinkling with despair. His right hand lifted and gently held onto the outside of my thigh, desperate to have me within grasp. “I know what you must think of me.”
“No, you really don’t.” I turned and kneeled on my knees and hands before forcing myself to stand up, although I wobbled in the process. “You could never know what I think of you because I will never do that to you. I will never tell our pack how much I wish I was mated to someone more competent. I would never do that to you.”
Rush remained on the ground, looking up at me. My blurry vision deterred me from knowing what his expression was, which aided me in my attempt to stay cold.
“Please,” he begged, the word coming out like a prayer.
“Please give you another chance?” He sighed and reached for my hand. I pulled it back. “I don’t think I want anything to do with you right now. I’ve seen enough of you to know how much of a coward you are. I need some time.”
History Lessons
I traveled home with Kenna and the two Warriors. The Warriors didn’t speak to me although they exchanged looks of disgust with each other as I entered the car. The smell of vomit clung to my skin.
Kenna smiled nervously at me, her hand smoothly lifting to cover her nose inconspicuously.
“I know I must smell awful,” I apologized, sending her what I thought was a friendly smile. She patted my hand that was resting on the seat awkwardly and faced forward.
When we arrived back at the packhouse, Kenna shuffled me inside, hiding me from prying eyes. I stumbled up the steps, arms reaching out for something to balance me. My hand gripped someone else’s, and I immediately knew it was Rush. I wretched my hand from his, holding it to my chest protectively. He breathed heavier, frustrated.
“Sloane, can we at least talk about this?” he asked softly, using his body to shield me. I held onto the stair railing with both hands, tiredly dragging my feet behind me. My shoes hit each step, making a thump that startled me each time.
The long dress I had on limited my movement, my legs only able to spread so far before they caught resistance. Rush bent down next to me and lifted the fabric from around my feet up to my knees, allowing me to walk correctly.
Once I reached the top of the stairs, I snatched my dress away from Rush’s hands and set myself on a straight path to our room. I could hear Rush following me, staggering as I drifted from side to side, wondering if he should help me or leave me.
“Sloane,” he hummed behind me, close enough to feel his breath on my ear. I closed my eyes, resting my left hand on the wall for support. “Please, just talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say?” The words probably sounded mean, but I honestly didn’t know what he expected of me at that moment. “How do you think you can make this better?”
“I don’t know!” he shouted, his arms stretching out and then coming back to pull on the roots of his dark hair.
“Then let me go to sleep,” I sighed, opening the door. He stepped behind me, but I softly closed the door and locked it before he could step inside.
His forehead gently hit the door, followed by two tiny bumps of his hands on the molding. I leaned against it, forehead touching the soft wood, hands still holding up my dress. I could hear his breath, the low, raspy hum from his lungs, a grunt of defeat.
“Tell me what you want me to do,” he nearly whimpered. “Tell me, and I’ll do it, I don’t care what it is.”
“I don’t want anything from you.”
“Sweetheart, let me fix this. I can fix this, just tell me how.”
My lip curled in disgust at the same moment, my knees became weaker. “I’m not your sweetheart. You need to fix this on your own. This isn’t my problem.”
I climbed onto the thick bed and kicked my shoes off the edge. My body was contorted and covering more than half of the mattress, and I took a moment to know what it felt like to sleep alone, without Rush.
When I woke, I dragged myself off the bed to the shower. I fiddled with the hot and cold and then back to hot. The dress slipped off my body onto the floor and then my underwear and bra. I cleaned myself with frugal time; the shower smelled like Rush.
I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and then when I could waste no more time in the bathroom, I wandered around the perimeter of our room. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and an
old tee shirt from my cousin and lazily tugged them on my body.
Not long after, my empty stomach began to contract with pain. There was nothing for me to eat other than the stick of gum I had in my bag, but I spit it out-it tasted like cinnamon on my minty tongue.
I unlocked the door, placing both hands on the edge, ready to close it at any sign of Rush. There was no one in the hallway. I quietly made my way down the kitchen and grabbed a container of leftover food from one of the large fridges. I peeled the lid off, trying to understand what was inside. I kicked the fridge closed with my foot and set the food on the counter.
It needed to be warmed, and I turned to the microwave and jumped back slightly. A man stood casually near the stove, arms resting back on the counter. He grinned at me, his bright smile contrasting with his dark skin.
“Hi,” I said, my face showed only confusion.
“You’re Sloane?” he asked, knowingly. I nodded. He relaxed and smiled brilliantly. “Good, then I’ve got the right girl.”
I stood back, lifting the container of food like a weapon, apprehension, and worry clearly painted across my face. He laughed and shook his hands in front of him.
“No, no, nothing bad. I promise.” He grabbed the food from my hand, placed it in the microwave behind him, and turned back to me. “Rush is my best friend. He’s been whining to me for the past two hours about his mate, and I had to meet the girl who tore him off his damn high horse.”
“That’d be me,” I accepted quietly but cheerfully.
“It’s lovely to meet you, Luna.” He bowed his head in respect. “I’m Jonah.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” I nodded, unsettled by his friendly attitude.
He seemed to notice that. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” I denied, pursing my lips. “Your pack just hasn’t taken a liking to me. They think I’m either working with the enemy or a deranged animal.”
Jonah rolled his eyes and took the container out of the microwave. “This pack was built on gossip. I’m surprised the bricks of this house aren’t made of it,” He joked.
“Is Rush-,” I paused, gnawing on my lip.
“Okay?” Jonah guessed.
“A good guy,” I decided to phrase it. He gave me a knowing look and slid the food over.
“Rush is a really good Alpha.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“He’s been my friend since we were six. That boy did not know the word ‘no’ until he was probably fifteen. He has a really good heart; it just gets a little lost in translation sometimes. He means well.”
I sighed and stabbed the chicken with my fork. “He’s difficult.” Jonah didn’t deny that. “One moment, we’re kissing in the middle of the woods, and the next, he’s telling me that I’m basically nothing.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean that,” Jonah offered, cringing at the cliché. I smirked; Jonah’s kind face didn’t stay still for long.
“He did.” I chuckled, a little sadness forcing my smile into a flat line. “He admitted he didn’t want to share his power with me.”
“I mean,” Jonah started and stopped, opening his mouth again. “This is new for him, it’s new for you, too.”
“That doesn’t excuse it,” I mumbled angrily. Talking about Rush made me tired.
“You’re right,” he confirmed. “And you should make him work for it. I haven’t seen him this torn up about something since we were boys. But just…forgive him after a while. He’ll be a good mate.”
Jonah and I continued to make small talk while I ate. He told me about Rush as a young boy and told me some of the culture of the pack. Things were different here than in my old pack. My pack was small, close-knit, this one was distant.
Jonah excused himself after a while, and I slumped on the counter. My forehead rested on my crossed arms, the darkness in the space made me close my eyes. I started to drift off, unaware I was falling asleep.
Something touched the corner of my elbow, and I shot up, shaking the sleep from my face, overly alert of my surroundings. Rush stood on the other side of the island with his hands spread out in innocence.
I ran my left hand over my face and forehead, brushing my hair back.
“Come up to bed,” Rush said softly. His eyes were glossy and sad as he looked at my face slowly.
“I just woke up,” I trailed off, slipping out of the tall stool. I took my bowl and placed it in the dishwasher before turning to leave.
Rush moved closer to me. “You’re still tired, obviously. Come to bed, we can talk.”
“I don’t really want to talk right now, Rush,” I hesitated. He sighed loudly and threw his head back. “I just want to be by myself. I need some time alone.”
“And I need to talk to you. I need you to know that what I did wasn’t really me. That’s not the kind of mate I want to be.”
A few pack members crossed the hallway and tried not to look at us. Rush sighed and pushed me up the stairs, his hand on my back, guiding me into our room.
He closed the door behind us and turned to me, where I was already sitting on the edge of the bed. He walked slowly, trying to catch my eyes that were fixated on the ground.
“I’m sorry,” he began. My eyes didn’t move from the spot on the hardwood floor. “Sloane, I’m really sorry. I know that I’ve been hot and cold, and I don’t mean to be it’s just…you weren’t what I was expecting in a mate.”
My eyes watered, and I turned away from Rush’s gaze.
“Sloane.” He reached out and touched my thigh just above my knee. I brushed his hand away with mine and brought it up to my face, shyly wiping a tear from below my eye. “Are you crying? My god, Sloane, please look at me.”
I didn’t.
He dropped off the bed and stopped over, bending down to look at me. “Goddess, I’m fucking this up too, aren’t I? I’m trying to apologize, damnit. Please don’t cry, Sloane.”
His voice was colored with so much worry and uncertainty that I glanced up at him quickly. My green eyes hit his blue ones, and his demeanor crumbled. He reached behind my head and brought my face to his chest, the other arm around my back as he fell onto the bed beside me.
“Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I know that sounds like such bullshit, but it’s true. Give me some time, I will figure this out, I will make this up to you somehow, Sloane.”
“You can’t, ‘make this up to me.’” I echoed. “There’s nothing to make up for. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just how you feel about me, I’m not the kind of mate you wanted, I just need time to accept that.”
He groaned and pulled my face back from his chest. “You are perfect, Sloane. I am so lucky to have you. You are strong and smart, and you can hold your own. I just need to get my shit straight, so I can know how to work with you and love you and give you what you need…what you deserve.”
“Please don’t tell me that I’m nothing,” I pleaded softly as more tears collected in my eyes. “You can tell me that I annoy you and that I piss you off, but just don’t tell me I’m nothing.”
“Never,” he vowed, kissing my forehead, and bringing me back to his chest. He stroked my hair and held me tightly, allowing my tears to dissipate. When I sniffled, he let go of me, and I sat up, rubbing my face. “I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?”
I nodded and rose from the bed, waiting at the door for a second to look at me. The door closed, and I leaned back on the bed, completely exhausted, and fell asleep again. My thoughts drifted to Isla, and I suddenly wished my older sister was there to give me advice and distract me; she was always a great distraction.
Rush was right. This was more difficult than we anticipated.
Warnings In Silver
“Little sis, is this really what your voice sounds like?” Isla’s voice said over the phone. “I guess it’s true that when you finally become famous, you forget about the little people.”
“I did not forget about you,” I m
oaned. “And I’m not famous either.”
“Sure, sure,” she soothed. “How’s your angry, hot, Alpha?”
“Angry and hot,” I said dryly. “I don’t know, actually.”
“Uh oh, what’s wrong? Need me to come kick his ass? Cause I’ll do it.”
I rolled my eyes and leaned back against the pillows of the bed. “No, don’t worry. We’re just having some trouble adjusting, I guess. I’m trying to be a good mate and a strong Luna, and I just can’t seem to figure out how to do it.”
“Sloane, you were made to be a Luna,” she snorted. “You’re headstrong and brave and yet not a total basket case. You’re caring and sweet, and beautiful. Rush is lucky to have you as a Luna; the whole pack is.”
“Thanks, Isla,” I said reluctantly. “It’s just tough. I miss you like crazy.”
“Well, not for long, missy! I’ll make my way over that side of the country soon, and we will show your pack what Intrepid Pack girls are made of.”
I smiled at that. “Sounds wonderful,” I confirmed.
Isla told me about the events happening around my old pack and that all our friends said they missed me. They had all been surprised when they were told Beta Calder’s daughter was mated off to an Alpha, but they were mostly supportive.
Isla said the house was quieter and colder without me.
I set my phone down and walked out of the room. Downstairs, Cordelia and her friends were mulling in the kitchen, a few of them making food, and the others sitting at the counter talking. When I walked in, they looked up rudely, and the room settled into a hush.
I resisted rolling my eyes and reached into the cabinet for a glass.
Over the quiet flush of water, I heard one of Cordelia’s friends whisper something, and they all began giggling. I looked over my shoulder, and one of the women blushed.
“What?” I said bluntly. They shook their heads and busied their hands. “What have I done wrong now?”
“Nothing, Luna,” one of the women said and smiled teasingly.
“So, Luna,” the woman next to Cordelia said innocently. “Is there any reason the Alpha hasn’t mated you yet-or even marked you?”