by Eva Harper
“Do you feel this?” he asked. I sighed, head wobbling side to side, trying not to cry again. “This is yours. My heart is yours; I knew since I saw you in the middle of the night, trying to protect Isla. It’s been yours since the day I was born, and you were just a thought in your parent’s head. I’m yours… and I will always come back to you.”
What Makes a Luna
I’d been biting my nails for hours, sitting on the edge of a plush chair, waiting for Rush to walk through the door. Jonah and Jahida had been tasked with keeping me company, which was only a cover to make sure I didn’t follow Rush to the human town. I admit that had been a thought that crossed my mind, I remained in the packhouse despite it.
Jonah had put on a movie for him and Jahida since I hadn’t been paying attention to anything other than the status of the front door. Jonah had lifted Jahida out of her wheelchair and placed her on the sofa, covering her legs with a blanket and settling in next to her.
I glanced back at the television for a moment, curious about what they were watching, and the door creaked open as I did. My head snapped back. Rush’s head poked through the small opening of the door, a weary smile on his face. I jumped from the chair as he entered the house.
I launched myself at him, legs latching onto his waist, arms curling around his neck, holding him close to me. He chuckled, and one arm held my back to him while the other supported my bottom like an infant. I kissed his neck three times before I let go of the breath I was holding.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I gushed. He squeezed me a little tighter and kissed the side of my head. “I was so worried.”
“I’m fine,” he told me. “I told you not to worry, I came back to you.”
“Yeah, with a gash on your arm, too,” Jonah called, snickering as I pulled my head back to look at the cut on his forearm.
“What the hell is this from?”
“Beckett.” He frowned. “I called him a pansy.” I shook my head but continued holding him to me. He tried to persuade me to let go multiple times, but I stayed in my position around him until he brought me up to bed. I had fallen asleep on his shoulder before Jonah and Jahida left.
“Rush?” I asked sleepily.
“Shh,” he shushed, laying my body down on the bed. “Get some sleep.”
“No, don’t leave me,” I begged.
“I’m not, I’m just going to change.” He left, and I took the opportunity to crawl under the warm satin covers. He slid under the duvet moments later, pulling me closer to him. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“I can’t help it,” I mumbled, eyes closed, cheek pressed against his bare chest.
“You know you’re the most important thing to me, right?” he asked. My eyes fluttered open at the seriousness in his voice.
“Yeah,” I breathed. “You’re the most important thing to me, too.” He remained quiet until we both fell asleep, but the uneasiness in his voice kept me awake for several more minutes.
In the morning, we met the Border Guards, Beckett, and Jonah at the training field. There was an assortment of ropes, metal traps, and sharp metal objects. Casey sat on a tree stump, tying a handful of rope into different patterns and knots. Beckett was mindlessly strolling back and forth between the items, head tilted towards the sky.
“Aw, were you bored without me?” I teased, smiling annoyingly large.
He groaned, but I saw the hint of a smile fight its way to his lips. “Yeah, my entire livelihood revolves around your presence,” he sneered sarcastically. I grinned and skipped next to him, regardless.
“I know,” I twiddled on. “So, what are we making?”
“Prototypes,” Casey explained, holding a looped piece of rope high above his head. “We need a few different options to work with. I know these seem old-fashioned and simple, but that’s the point. Packs in the city are using more technological methods, but we’re set so far in the woods we have to think differently. These humans are going to come at us with machine guns, and they’re not going to realize how difficult it is to shoot at a moving wolf in a densely-packed forest without killing their own people.”
“Shouldn’t we have guns, too, though, you know, just in case?” I asked quietly. Rush put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed his thumb over my skin.
“We do,” he told me.
“Where? Why did I not know about this?” My voice rose an octave as I turned to look at him.
“Because we rarely need to use them. Humans stopped fighting wars with each other years ago, they mostly kept their guns for protection and for hunting.”
“So, what are we doing with all of this stuff if we have guns?” I pondered.
“Didn’t you just hear me? We’ll be in the middle of the woods. Unless you’re prepared to become a sharp-shooter in the next week, we need to use what we have and what we know,” Casey mocked jokingly.
“Okay,” I sighed, grabbing a piece of rope in my hand. “Teach me how to do this then.”
Rush beamed proudly and shared a glance with Beckett, and then both looked to Casey, eyebrows raised in expectation. Casey tried to stop smiling and set the rope down on the ground again.
“Sloane, battle isn’t something that Lunas take part in,” Casey confessed, his crooked grin seeming apologetic.
“Are you saying that I can’t help?” My eyes flashed from Casey to Beckett, Jonah, Hollis, and finally Rush. No one spoke out to give me peace of mind or understanding. “Why? Is it because I’m a girl or because of my title?”
Rush stepped forward and placed his hands on the sides of my arms. “Well, sort of both, sweetheart. Lunas are usually placed in a safety vault with the children, women, and the elderly not capable of fighting.”
“And by that, you mean that I’m not capable of fighting?”
Rush bit his lip and backtracked in his mind. I could feel his uneasiness through our bond. “No, I just want you to be safe. I have no doubt that you can protect yourself.”
“Then I want to be there,” I announced.
“Sloane,” Rush choked out, a ghost of a smile on his face. “That’s not going to happen.” I shoved his arms away from me, pushing him back a few steps on his tumbling feet. Casey stood up, nervously looking between Rush and I. Rush didn’t retaliate. His face was unwavering.
“I can be useful here.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Rush said, glancing nervously at the other men as if he didn’t want them to see me undermine him.
“Then why can’t I be here when it comes time? I’m not just going to sit on my ass and wait for all the big, strong men to take care of it. Don’t you have female Warriors?”
“We do,” Rush said pointedly, with a terse tone. “But a Luna is not a female Warrior.”
“Maybe this Luna is.”
“You’re not going to win on this, Sloane. I am your Alpha-”
“I’m so tired of this,” I growled. Rush’s face scrunched in confusion. “You undermine me every time I bring up the fact that I’m your Luna. You don’t get to make these kinds of decisions for me, I am a part of this pack, and when it comes to being able to protect my pack, I get to decide where I am and what I do, not you. You ask for my help and then get angry when I try. You tell me I’m your Luna, but what does that actually mean to you?”
“I’m-”
“I’m not finished,” I hissed. “You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of me you love. You don’t get to say you love that I’m a strong, independent woman and then throw that away when I stand up for myself. This ends now. All of you. I know Cordelia wasn’t the most nurturing person, but at least you all respected her enough to listen to what she had to say. I will be a part of the decisions this pack makes from now on or so help me, this pack won’t have a Luna. I won’t be just a trophy.”
Rush’s jaw clenched, and his eyes wandered, but I knew it was from fault. The rest of the men’s heads hung low; with embarrassment or respect, I wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter.
“You will
kneel before your Luna,” I cautioned. Jonah took his place on one knee, arm bent over his chest, head still bent. Casey, Beckett, and Hollis followed his lead. Rush remained standing long enough to see that I was serious, and slowly, he took his place on one knee, arm over his chest, head looking directly at me as I scanned the group. When I was satisfied, I turned and left, walking towards nowhere in particular, but needing distance.
Cordelia surprisingly stood thirty feet back from us, arms crossed, a delighted smirk on her mauve lips. I ignored her and walked past, she turned on her heel and followed behind me.
“I didn’t know you had that in you,” she admitted. I shook my head and walked faster. “Although I was elated to hear my name in your speech, I was hurt to hear you don’t consider me nurturing after all I’ve done for you these past months.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, not completely sure I wanted to hear her insane babbling.
“I knew from the moment you stepped out of that car, you weren’t a Luna.” I rolled my eyes and growled. “You were scared, skittish; you looked to your father, to a man for your strength. You waited for my son to introduce you, you didn’t dominate the room, and then you said your title like you were telling me what color your shoes were.” I stopped walking and faced Cordelia, guarded. “Your Luna title should have been draped over you like a cape and crown, and you wore it like a sweater with holes in it. You can hate me all you like, but I did what I had to to push you in the right direction. Everyone coddled you, Rush would’ve kept you locked up in his bedroom pregnant with pups every chance he got; and that Kenna girl wouldn’t say a word against you.
“You needed to hate me, you needed someone to push you, to bring out this side of you. I saw a spark in you after your induction, but then you immediately gave all your power back to Rush. I saw the flame in you when you kicked me out of my home, and I knew you would get there eventually, but what I just saw you do, bring a group of pack officials to their knees, that was the moment. That was the moment you became the Luna this pack needed, the Luna I was always trying to push you to become, the Luna I saw you could be.”
“Why?” I asked, so wondrously perplexed.
“You would do anything to protect your pack, your family, correct?” I nodded. She smirked. “So would I.”
“So that’s why you’ve been such a raging bitch to me? Because you wanted to guide me?”
Cordelia smiled, although it looked foreign on her face. “I’ve been a raging bitch, as you so politely called it, from the moment I became Luna. The men around here don’t respect you if you’re anything less than that.”
“What about Hollis?” I narrowed my eyes, breathing out in ill-timed humor. “What about Rush? You know they think you’re a callous, cold person, right?”
“The Weston men are good men. But good men will let a ripe, motivated Luna full of potential…wither. I refuse to let myself be a leaf on their family tree that just dies off when a new Luna arrives. I will be the whole damn branch.”
“Rush isn’t like that,” I told her, shaking my head as I took a step to walk away.
“I said the same thing about Hollis and look at me now,” she said, glancing down at her body. “Withering.”
Submission
Rush opened our bedroom door well past dinner. I crossed my legs, where I sat on one of our lounge chairs in front of the fire, hands resting together, lips pursed. He boyishly peaked his head in and smiled, hopeful that I wasn’t angry with him; I was.
“Hi sweetheart,” he said in a small, panicky voice.
“Rush,” I addressed him.
“I know you’re still mad at me.” He opened the door, pulling his full body inside. “But I bring flowers and countless apologies.” In his left hand, blocked partially by his leg, was a bouquet of wildflowers. The ends were jagged, and some even had the roots still attached.
“You picked them yourself?” How was I supposed to stay mad at someone who tore flowers from the ground to bring me? I took a steady breath and resumed by callous behavior.
“Yeah,” he said sheepishly. He stepped forward and held them out for me. I took them gingerly from his hand, brushing a few clumps of dirt that were still holding onto the roots. He sat on the edge of the circular coffee table in front of me. His elbows rested on his knees, and his hands wrung together nervously. “Sloane, I’m sorry,” he said honestly. “You were right, I wasn’t being good to you, none of us were.
“I hope you don’t even feel like I’ve taken advantage of you because that was never my intention. I know I can seem possessive or dismissive of you, but it’s only because I want to keep you safe and far away from this. I know that’s not right, you clearly showed me that, and I promise, every word of pack news will be heard by us both. No more secrets, no more games.”
I bit my lip, and my hand found Rush’s knee. His hands immediately clasped over it, and he ducked his head.
“I was treating you like my mate, but I wasn’t treating you like my Luna, but after what you did in the training field, there’s no question. I think Casey nearly soiled himself when you ordered us to kneel. But everything you said was true,” he breathed. “I’m so sorry. I know that may seem like a cheap shot right now, but I am…sorry.”
“What do we do?” I asked, snorting air from my nose.
Rush grabbed both of my hands and pressed them into his own. “I want to do something.” He paused and glanced up at my guarded face. “I want to submit to you as my Luna. In front of the entire pack.”
“What?” I tried to pull my hands out of his, but he tugged them back towards him.
“I want your mark on me. I want everyone to know I belong to you just as much as you belong to me. I want everyone to know that we stand as equals.”
“You’re serious?” His answer was instantaneous. “Won’t that be strange? I thought Alphas didn’t submit to anyone.”
“They don’t.” He smiled bittersweetly. “It won’t do anything, per se, but it shows that we’re equals, that we share everything, including our submission to each other.”
“You’ve said this before, Rush.” I sighed, shoulders slumping down towards my chest.
“Hey,” he called softly, reaching forward to lift my chin. “This is just the first step.”
“What’s the next step?” I shook my head, tired of having the same conversation. “We always do this; you apologize, and then a week later, we’re right back here, and I feel like I don’t even make a difference.”
“Sloane,” he sighed, standing up. He walked a few steps back, arms stretched behind his neck. “I honestly don’t know what else to do.”
“How about you stop being an ass? There’s an option.” My eyes rolled as I looked away from Rush.
“I’m not trying to be!” he exclaimed, now facing me. “I’m really not trying to be, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”
We stayed silent for some time, him waiting for me to tell him how to make this up to me, and me waiting for him to realize I couldn’t keep going on this path. I couldn’t imagine what the rest of our life together would be like in this constant cycle of highs and lows.
He let out a large breath and sat on the edge of the bed, arms propping himself up as he leaned back.
“The way we did this last time when you went through the Luna ceremony, it wasn’t right. It was too soon. I should’ve known that. Our pack didn’t know you, hell, I barely knew you. But I want them all to know that I trust you as a decision-maker in this pack.”
“It’s just another ceremony with words that don’t matter.”
“Casey is using some of your ideas for border protection,” he said, looking up at me through his eyelashes. “And Beckett actually pays attention when you talk now. It’s not for nothing.”
“If you think this will help.”
“I do.”
We fell asleep silently next to each other that night, and in the morning, Rush called the pack to assemble. I stood nervously on the staged
area, wringing my hands together, pacing the same two-foot space. I glanced over at Rush, talking to his father and Beckett, a short space from the stage, and when I turned my head back, Cordelia was in front of me.
Her smile was unsettling in a space where I had only thought a scowl could exist.
“I’m proud of you,” she praised, running her hands over my shoulders to smooth out my shirt.
“Thanks,” I whispered, not capable of anything more.
“Are you alright?”
“I guess,” I shrugged. “I’m just nervous.”
“About what? I never had the chance to have Hollis submit to me in public.”
“I’ve just never seen this happen before. I don’t really know what to expect.”
“You’ve never seen this done because it’s never been done.” She walked past Rush as he jogged up the stairs towards me.
He nodded to me, smiling a proud grin.
“Valkyrie Pack,” his voice boomed. “Thank you for being here today, a day I hope will be a step into our future. Some members of this pack have not been treating Sloane as the rightful Luna of this pack, myself included. Sloane is strong, compassionate, incredibly smart, and she deserves the respect and power that any Luna should receive. I made her a promise, a long time ago, the first moment I laid eyes on her that I would do anything for her.”
He reached his hand back to me, smiling as I stepped forward to grasp it. His skin wrinkled around his blue eyes that lit up in the sunlight. I looked out onto our pack, their loyal faces gazing up at us.
“I want to sumbit to my Luna,” he announced, much to some confusion. “To show this pack, and every other pack, that we stand as one. We are not an Alpha and his Luna, we are mates, we are one pack, we are one. When Sloane completed her Luna ceremony, it was a notion that she was submitting to me because every Luna is supposed to submit to her Alpha, but that’s not right unless the Alpha submits to her as well.”
A whisper of confusion passed among the pack members as Rush kneeled before me.