by Rita Hestand
But Black Wolf didn't know her doubts and that was good. She would not be confiding them to him!
It was up to Big Knife to find a way for them to be together. If he really loved her. And if he didn't really love her, she would know in time.
She missed Big Knife now. She had known him for so long, they would have made a good marriage. Big Knife was big, strong and fearless. He was quite handsome, but not quite as handsome as this Shoshone chief.
Sasha fretted. Of course there was no law that Big Knife had to speak to her about a double marriage. It was an old custom of her people, but generally used when war made widows out of the women. She wondered why he had spoken to Naomie about it though, and not her. She did not want to be shared. She loved him. But did he love her enough to not take Naomie to his bed too? She wrestled with that thought.
Could she share her husband?
It seemed so wrong.
Still, there was a great possibility she would never know the answers as she was destined now to marry Black Wolf.
The Shoshone chief appeared a reasonable man. But like her, he sought only one woman. The problem being, she was the one woman.
If she somehow succeeded in going back to her people, she would bring shame upon her father, for her not honoring the challenge. And perhaps Big Knife would be jealous of Black Wolf. Everything seemed so complicated now.
There were too many problems and not enough answers.
But how could she marry a man she did not know?
She wrestled with sleep half the night.
The next morning, she got up and cleaned and folded her blanket, then she went to help prepare breakfast. The mother of the girls was Little Fawn, and she was preparing a mush like breakfast with berries and nuts. It was quite tasty as she offered her a spoonful. Sasha tasted it and smiled, "It is good."
The old woman smiled at her.
For nearly a decade most tribes spoke English now and there was no problem understanding each other. Even though they practiced their own languages in their camps, they all spoke to her in English. Black Wolf demanded they speak English, as they were at peace and he thought that all his people should be able to communicate with the blue coats easily. Perhaps he was right about that.
One thing she noted, Black Wolf was a good leader, and obviously from what she'd heard a good person.
The old woman smiled a toothless smile.
Sasha tried to be friendly with them all, so they would accept her and maybe help her later.
But she didn't have a lot of time to dally, as Black Wolf came to get her early that morning.
"Where are we going?" she asked when he took her hand and pulled her alongside him.
"I will introduce you to the elders. I have informed them that you are a healer, and they are glad of that. They will accept you into our tribe and then I will show you where you may wash, and what our boundaries are, so you are familiar with the land here. How long has your tribe been here?"
"Just a few weeks." She explained.
"Then you will need to know our boundaries here on the Wind River Valley reservation. We keep the white man's law. And we cannot argue about that. We have warred much, but it's time to put away the wars and get along. Do you understand this?"
She stared point blank at him.
"I understand it is a coward's way of doing things."
He stopped. "You think it easy to obey all their laws, and accept their ways?"
"Isn't it easier than war?"
"Yes, in some ways. But it is a daily struggle for our old people and some of the young. They grow restless and want war, and I must stifle this feeling in them, so it does not grow. For all the wars we fought, we lost many. And many to the white man's diseases. We must not war any longer. We must build our camps up. We must learn what we can from the white man and prosper. Or we will die out, and no one will remember us. A wise man once told me, that to know when to stop warring and try to get along, was much better than warring to extinction."
"I suppose you have a good point. We have lost many to both the wars and the diseases."
"It is time to learn now, to learn to get along, and to work hard to make our life worthwhile here. We must seek things other than wars to keep us happy."
He turned to stare at her, when she refused to look at him, he took her shoulders and turned her to face him. "I am not only going to be your husband, but your chief and you must do as you are told about such things. For women do not fight wars. There has been enough killing. Two weeks ago, we lost our Shaman and medicine man. All in one day. The Sioux. They were after me, but my people tend to protect me. I didn't hear them coming in time to save them. Of almost anything else, you can argue your points and I will listen, but the laws of my people must be obeyed, and we are no longer at war with the whites. You are free here, no one will harm you. But you must listen to me about these things. After our wedding you will no longer be Arapaho, but Shoshone. It is understandable that you will not agree with some of our beliefs and some of our laws. But you still must obey.
"I will help you in any way I can."
"I'm sure you've considered that if you run away, your own people will shun you, so I don't advise it. In time you will get use to me, and I you."
"Don't you think this is a bit unusual to take a wife from another tribe and make her one of your own?"
"It has been done many years now."
She frowned.
"If you try to run away, I will find you, and you will be my slave from then on. If you stay and try to get along, then you will be my wife in every way, when you are ready."
"You… mean you won't touch me until I'm ready?"
"That's right." He saw her shock and stopped long enough to explain.
"That's generous of you."
"If love is not in your bed, you cannot make-love. And that is the only way I will bed a woman."
"I suppose you are right about that. But what if I'm never ready, as you say?"
"Then we will talk of it later, much later. I will give you time to adjust, to get to know me. You may argue points with me, but once I decide you can no longer argue. Just as I'm sure you did not argue with your father once he made up his mind. Do you understand?"
"I guess I will come to." She sighed heavily.
"Good."
She fiddled with her hands, not knowing what to say, she didn't look at him.
"Now tell me something," he looked at her now.
"What?"
"What did you love about this Big Knife? Aside from the fact that he is big, and sort of handsome."
She looked a bit perplexed. "Well, I've known him forever. We grew up together. Once I was fully grown, he showed more interest in me. We saw each other every day. We kissed, and he asked me to marry."
"Then why didn't you marry him then?"
"We were going to in the fall. There was much to do with moving here."
"When one puts off the time to marry, there is doubt building."
"No, there just wasn't time."
"Tell me something, did you really love him or just like him a lot?" Black Wolf asked.
"I loved him. I mean, I love him still."
"He fought well, he's a big man. A good warrior too, I suppose."
"Yes, very good." She added.
"Did you and he… " He cleared his throat.
She blushed profusely, "Of course we didn't!"
"Would he take only one wife, or many?" He asked her.
Again she blushed. "Well, I'm not sure… "
Black Wolf's expression changed. "I see, well, I am sure."
"Oh?"
"I would not take another wife." He informed her gently.
"Does he believe in the Creator?"
"He does not like the white man's bible. He only went to mission school a short while. While I went a long time."
She twisted her head to stare into his eyes. "Why would you not take another wife?" she asked as though she thought it a good idea.
"One
woman is enough to handle. Besides, if the love is good between two people, there is no need of another wife."
"But I don't love you!" she raised her voice.
He pulled her out of earshot. "Lower your voice. What we say between us is not for others to hear. And you might as well know now, as far as everyone here is concerned, you do love me. The fact that you do not, I understand, and I will never force you to. But do not go around gossiping that you don't. I am chief and I deserve your respect if nothing else. I gave your father many gifts for you. I challenged Big Knife for your hand in marriage and won. After all that, I deserve your respect if nothing else, do I not."
She nodded, "You are right about that." She hung her head. "I agree, you do deserve my respect. And I should admit it was a more than fair gift to my father."
"Good. One other question." He stopped and pulled her to lean against a tree, as she studied his face. "Have you been with a man before? Any man?"
She opened her mouth to object to that question, but he put his fingers on her lips. She looked away from him, "No!" came her low whisper.
"I thought not. Now, let's go meet some of the people."
He took her hand and walked her to a group of elders.
"This is Sasha, the healer from the Arapaho tribe. She is the one I will marry soon."
The elders looked her over and nodded. They were silent for a long while then one asked.
"Will she be our Shaman?'
Black Wolf looked at Sasha, "Will you be the healer for our tribe? As we certainly need one."
She licked her lips, "You are giving me a choice?"
"Yes." Black Wolf said with a slight smile.
"Then, I-I suppose I could, yes."
"Good! It is good she will be your wife then." The youngest elder nodded.
"I am pleased she pleases you." Black Wolf smiled.
They walked off and down a pathway. "I did not know they would ask you that. Does it bother you?"
"No, actually, it pleases me. It is something I know about."
He smiled down at her. "Good."
He stopped at another tepee and an older woman came out. "Anya, this is Sasha, she will be the new healer. Anya has seven children and a fine husband. She will help you at any time, with anything."
The woman smiled and nodded.
"You take a wife now?" The woman grinned.
"Yes, in three days and one week we will wed."
"I am glad, it is time for you to marry." Anya nodded.
"If you become with child, she will help you." Black Wolf told her as they walked away.
Sasha blushed.
They were not married, and he was talking children. Did he not realize she didn't know him well enough to have his children? He made no sense to her.
Chapter Five
She spent the day with Black Wolf, meeting many friends. Her head was spinning with names she needed to remember. Everyone accepted her into the tribe that she met, which surprised her. Wasn't anyone here jealous of her marrying the chief? Had he no love of his own?
Everyone was good to her, which surprised her even more.
The Arapaho and Shoshone had never gotten along well. Mainly because the Shoshone tended to steal horses from anyone. There were many differences in the two tribes. However, both tribes had decided on peace with the blue coats, they did have that in common. Sasha had agreed with her father that peace was better than war.
"You have met many of my people today." He remarked when it looked like she might be overwhelmed with so many to remember.
"Yes, it will be hard to remember all their names."
"Give it time. It is a lot to take in all at once, but I did want everyone to meet you, so they know who you are."
"I think it might be more important to get to know you first." She muttered, giving him a side glance.
"Tomorrow we will have a day for that." He smiled. "I am flattered that you want to get to know me better."
"Well, I think it's important to know who you are marrying. I know very little about you."
"That's why I have set aside a whole day for us to ask each other questions and tell each other about ourselves."
"A whole day, huh?" she sighed shooting him a quick frown. How could they possibly get to know each other in one day?
"Are you thinking of Big Knife?" he asked softly when he saw the faraway look in her eyes.
"Actually no, I wasn't."
"Good, we are already making progress then." He smiled at her.
His smile was genuine, and it had a strange effect on her.
As the day faded, Black Wolf took her back toward her tepee. But before he let her go inside, he bent to kiss her.
"What are you doing," she shrieked as he bent his head and touched her nose with his.
He smiled sexily, as his head began to descend. "Giving you something to compare with."
"How can you do this… "
"A woman, like a man, should have someone to compare with so she knows there is more than one to choose from. But choose wisely Sasha as it is a lifelong commitment."
She was about to object when his lips tentatively touched hers and before she knew what hit her, he was holding her in his arms. His lips massaged hers softly, like a feather that teased her into a swift submission. She was breathless and blushing when they came up for air.
He pulled away slowly, "You have soft lips, Sasha, beautiful soft lips." He smiled down into her smoldering eyes.
"First you storm me with a kiss, then flattery?" she tried to turn away, but he lifted her chin with the curve of a finger, his eyes gleaming into hers.
"A man should always appreciate the woman he marries, Sasha. And kissing you is certainly no chore." He murmured. "I believe like the bible says. A woman should be precious to her husband. He should lavish her with presents and speak kindly of her always."
"Are you attracted to me?" she murmured with a breathless whisper as though that stunned her too.
"Very much so, aren't you attracted to me… even a little."
She raised her chin to eye him, "Perhaps a little, you are a very handsome man. But I'm sure you know that, and don't need me to confirm it."
"You are wrong. In the bible," He raised his head and studied her a moment. "God speaks of cherishing your mate, speaking well of them, admiring them even." He held her chin with one hand, his eyes meeting hers with an intense stare. "It is not the physical attraction I seek from you, Sasha."
"It isn't?" she barely uttered.
"A body is just that, a body. The heart is much more. I seek your heart first, Sasha, and once I have that, I will seek your body so that we may become one in the eyes of the Creator. For I seek children from you too. I seek to tear down the walls between us and find the love that you keep so hidden. I find it hard to believe you've ever been in love."
Her mouth fell open, and his eyes assessed her.
"You are a beautiful woman, Sasha, and I believe you hold many treasures within you. Goodnight my sweet."
"I will see you tomorrow?"
He nodded and walked away.
She stood staring after the man. How could a man she didn't really know speak the words she'd sought so long for? His words were like poetry to her and if he really believed all he said, then she truly had to at least like him.
The girls had seen them kissing and giggled when she came inside. They didn't say anything, just smiled.
But there was much excitement because they had worked all day on her wedding dress. When Sasha saw it, tears came into her eyes.
"You do not like it?" Blue Bird asked her face sad.
"It's beautiful!" she cried. And truly it was. It was the softest of white leather, with beads and quills around the neck and boots to match. The fringe alone was so delicate and soft. "You have done so much work on it, how could I not like it."
It wasn't the dress she cried about. It was Big Knife. She suddenly realized she wouldn't be marrying him, but a complete stranger. A compelling stranger, no
netheless. And after seeing all that was between Big Knife and Naomie, she knew it was time to put him in the past and not think on him any longer. For this man had earned the right to marry her and he was a chief too!
Sasha had always been obedient to her father, for he was the Chief and her father. She felt she owed Black Wolf the same respect. For obviously he was a good Chief and she was thankful for that.
That night as she laid down to sleep, she contemplated her future. The kiss had thrown her, but his words had touched her heart. All day he'd been such a perfect gentleman, never touching anything but her hand. Then the kiss, so unexpected, and worse still, she'd responded. How could she have done such a thing?
She knew the answer to that, and it scared her a little, he was a very good kisser.
The fact that she had little to compare with shocked her too. In truth, Big Knife never kissed her like that. She shouldn't compare them, but she could not help herself. When she thought about Big Knife, she realized that they had very few kisses between them. Mostly words, but few kisses. He did not compliment her either, which at times disappointed her greatly. It was not right for her to compare the two men, as she had loved Big Knife. But there were many differences in them.
She thought about that. Although Naomie was much prettier, it was her he was marrying. Wasn't it? Every time Naomie came to mind now, she fitted her to Big Knife. Had they had a relationship too? Did he kiss her with much feeling? For her kisses with Big Knife had been nothing like the way Black Wolf kissed her. Still, Big Knife had much respect for her father and probably didn't want to offend. She realized early on, not many would boldly ask for her hand as she was the chief's daughter.
She could only guess the relationship between Naomie and Big Knife, and she refused to dwell on it.
How could she explain something so tender and sweet as the kiss that Black Wolf gave her? She hadn't expected Black Wolf to be tender or sweet. Truth was, she hadn't expected to be kissed at all. But the biggest shock hit her square in the head, she'd kissed him back!
How could she do such a thing? She loved Big Knife, didn't she? Why did she keep asking herself this question?
Of course she did! Or had she only become comfortable with him? It was a question that needed answers. Comfortable was the answer. For she had known him so long.