by Chris Bedell
I blinked. “Really?”
“Our friendship is worth more than my silly crush.”
“It’s not silly. I just didn’t feel the same way.”
“I should thank you,” she said.
“For what?” I asked.
She remained silent for a second. “For not leading me on. Most guys wouldn’t have been so kind.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Anyway, should we start walking inside so we can get to our lockers?” I asked.
She nodded. “Sure. I have no problem with walking and talking at the same time.”
My pulse lowered while we started walking to the front entrance. Whether I shared my feelings with Mallory or not didn’t matter. Having our friendship heal itself was one miracle I’d accept. I deserved something to go right for once in my life. Especially in light of Archie shooting me down yesterday.
Mallory winked. “What’s new with you?”
“You don’t wanna know,” I said.
She came to an abrupt halt. “You can tell me anything—you know that.”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“I promise not to laugh.”
Being vulnerable with Mallory didn’t mean our friendship would be perfect. However, it was a step in our friendship returning to normal. So, I’d probably tell her about the Archie situation. That was what friends were for, after all. Hell, she might’ve been able to give me insight that I missed.
Besides, I was still allowed to obsesses about Archie a little while longer—it was barely twenty-four hours since our fateful conversation.
“I asked a guy out,” I blurted.
Her eyes lit up while we were now a few feet away from my school’s main entrance. “And?”
“It didn’t go as I wanted,” I said.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Is it possible that you misread the situation? That’s happened to me before.”
Regardless of how being on speaking terms with Mallory might’ve been good, I almost shook my head. I would’ve been obtuse if I didn’t consider how her comment might’ve been a jab at me. Perhaps she misread our friendship and thought I liked her even if she’d never admit said fact to me.
“No, he’s bi,” I said.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Someone beat me to it,” I revealed.
“That’s terrible,” Mallory said.
Wow. Maybe Mallory and I had more in common than I realized. Labeling a situation worse than it actually was described me to a T.
I shrugged after we turned the corner in the hallway. “It happens.”
“I’m flattered you’re confiding in me.”
“Enough serious talk. Tell me how your first week of school is going,” I said.
Mallory didn’t speak.
“Did I say something wrong?” I asked.
“I don’t want to upset you…” Mallory said.
“I’m fine.”
“I asked a guy out and he said yes. I can show you his Facebook page.” Mallory grabbed her iPhone from her pocket, then handed it to me. “Isn’t he hot? And get this. He moved to town this week. I mean, how lucky am I that the new kid is interested in me?”
What most people didn’t understand was that shock didn’t always happen in life or death situations. The sensation also occurred in quieter moments. Like when the grocery store was out of my favorite dessert, my favorite restaurant closed, or when my best friend did something more awkward than admitting her crush on me.
She took her iPhone back from me. “Something wrong?”
“I’m glad something is going right for one of us.”
Mallory squealed. “I feel the same way. Anyway, don’t worry. We’ll find you a hot guy in no time. If there’s hope for me, then there’s hope for you.”
Mallory could’ve told me Mom died and my insides wouldn’t have been filled with so much dread. Spying on me when I talked to Archie, plus the identity of the guy she was going out with, couldn’t have been a coincidence. My intuition was always right, and I’d have to contemplate if I’d be able to be friends with her—or the very least, be able to trust her. Just because I didn’t accuse her of doing something despicable, didn’t mean I couldn’t beware of her—I deserved to protect myself.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2018
I was about to walk into the library instead of going to the cafeteria for lunch when I bumped into Rebecca and Dan.
Rebecca grinned. “Hi, Chad. Long time no chat. How has your first week been going?”
“Fine,” I said.
Dan tugged at his cardigan sweater. “Don’t you think we deserve better than a one word answer?”
Fantastic. As if I didn’t have enough to contemplate. Nope. I needed the universe to pile on as much bullshit as possible. Doing so ensured I had a better life.
“Something wrong?” Rebecca asked.
“How’s your painting going?” I asked.
“I’m more interested in how you’re doing,” Rebecca said.
“Is there a reason why you haven’t been at lunch the last few days?” Dan asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said.
Rebecca put her hands on her hips. “Let us be the judge of that.”
Rebecca might’ve been putting on her tough girl act, but if I could deal with the last couple of days, then I could tolerate her. Regardless of the numerous contradictory emotions I’d felt, I was still standing, and that counted for something. I might not have been perfect, but I didn’t have to be a genius to realize some people might not have been able to handle a possible duplicitous best friend.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said.
Dan pouted. “Then tell us. We can help you.”
Rebecca let go of Dan’s hand. “Just because we’re dating, doesn’t mean we don’t have time for you.”
“Did something happen to Tommy? Did Mallory tell you something that the police haven’t told anyone?” Dan asked.
Funny he mentioned Mallory. I so wanted to discuss Mallory. It wasn’t as if I thought about her enough already.
I took in the longest breath of my life. “Fine. You want to know the truth? I was gonna ask out the new kid, Archie.”
“Okay…” Rebecca said.
“But Mallory beat me to it,” I interrupted.
Dan chuckled. “Did he send you mixed signals? He’s in my English class and could benefit from being knocked down a peg or two.”
“This isn’t about his signals,” I said.
“Then what?” Rebecca demanded.
Yup. It was time to verbalize the thought in my head. The thought I’d been too afraid to utter, because it couldn’t be true. The thought that might force me to consider whether I could handle being Mallory’s friend.
“Mallory probably asked Archie out to get back at me because I rejected her on the first day of school when she confessed her crush on me,” I said before unzipping my backpack and taking a sip from my water bottle.
Dan’s eyes bulged. “That’s a mouthful.”
“No shit,” I said.
Rebecca scratched her neck while a couple of students walked by us. “You don’t think Mallory is that vindictive, do you?”
“I don’t know what to think.” I looked Dan in the eye. “And for the record, Archie plays for both teams.”
“Good to know,” Dan said.
Rebecca pushed her headband further up her head. “I’m sorry about this.”
I expelled a mock laugh. “I sound like a deranged fool.”
Rebecca grabbed my hand. “You aren’t delusional, your feelings are just hurt. And it’s understandable. But if you’re this upset, then you should do something. At least then, you’ll know you tried.”
“I can’t get into a fight at school,” I said.
“Then confront them on their date,” Dan said.
I whipped my head back and forth. “I have no idea where they’re hanging.”
Rebecca giggled. “I do. Mallory told me about meeting
a new friend Saturday at noon at Café Tomorrow. However, I didn’t realize it was a date.”
“You don’t think I should crash their date?” I asked.
Dan smirked. “It might give you closure.”
I stroked my chin while the whole Mallory and Archie situation lingered on my mind. Perhaps Mallory showed me who she was going out with to rub it in. Especially if she’d seen Archie and I talking on the first day of school. Yet my suspicion couldn’t be true. Mallory’s deception seemed too convoluted—even for hurt feelings. Schemes were supposed to unfold on soap operas, not in the school hallway.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2018
Someone should’ve given me a Nobel Peace Prize.
I was about to accost Archie and Mallory—who happened to be seated at a table outside, in front of Café Tomorrow—and I hadn’t even taken a shot of whiskey.
“Fancy seeing you two here,” I said.
Mallory lifted her gaze off the table while the café’s neon open sign continued glowing. “What are you doing?”
Archie waved at me. “Hi.”
I sucked on my teeth. “I know everything, Mallory.”
“Excuse me?” she asked.
“I saw you watching me in the hallway on the first day of school, and I’m pretty sure you saw my entire conversation with Archie,” I said.
Someone should’ve pinched me.
The kid who never spoke in class wasn’t supposed to defend himself. Yet here I was, fighting for what I wanted. Doing so was the least I deserved. If I spoke up and didn’t get the outcome I wanted, then I would’ve let the situation go. At least then, I would’ve known I did everything I could.
Mallory rose, then pushed in her chair. “What are you implying?”
“And you just had to show me the photo of the guy you asked out,” I said.
“I’m not following,” Mallory said.
I shrieked at her. “Cut the bullshit. You’re hanging with Archie to get back at me—don’t deny it.”
“That’s absurd,” Mallory said.
Archie stood. “Is it possible you’re overreacting?”
“I have nothing to gain by interrupting your date and embarrassing myself,” I said.
“You’ve always been desperate,” Mallory said.
I locked my arms together. “It’s not desperate if it’s true.”
Archie turned to Mallory. “Is Chad correct? Are you using me because you thought Chad liked me?”
Wow. Maybe life wasn’t 100 percent gloom and doom. Archie didn’t have to push Mallory for answers, yet he had. Almost as if he entertained the possibility of me being correct. Or at least I hoped he did. I deserved nice things too.
“You’re still hot,” Mallory said.
I rolled my eyes. “Unbelievable.”
Archie’s lips curled. “You aren’t gonna deny the accusation?”
“There’s no point,” Mallory said.
A lump lingered in Archie’s throat. “I’m so sorry, Chad. If I had known that Mallory was your friend, then I would’ve never gone out with her.”
“Doesn’t matter. I won; Chad lost,” Mallory said.
Scheming and hurt feelings was one thing, yet Mallory needed to check herself before doing anything else stupid. Life wasn’t a game, and Archie and I didn’t deserve to be treated like pawns. One day, she could piss off the wrong person. Like someone with a temper.
AFTER
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2018
“This was so wrong.” Archie turned to me while the bed comforter remained wrapped around us as we lay in my bed. Afternoon sunlight poked through my bedroom curtains; there wasn’t one cloud in the sky.
I’d have to seriously consider what Archie just said, though. If we wanted to fix things, then we needed to be in agreement about our dynamic.
I snickered. “I disagree.”
“You would.”
“You admitted you ended things with me because of Mallory, not because you stopped caring about me.”
Archie wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. “True.”
“This isn’t about hurting Mallory, it’s about doing what’s right.”
“If you say so.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t regret coming over, do you?”
My question had to be asked regardless of how I should’ve had more confidence in myself. The only guarantee in life was that I couldn’t be certain of anything—whether it be my friendship with Mallory, Archie and I having a chance at real romance or if we were all gonna go down for Tommy’s murder. My sweat-laced palms felt as natural as breathing, since being in a heightened emotional state was about the only thing I knew how to do.
“No, I wanted to sleep with you,” Archie replied.
“I knew you couldn’t stay away.”
He elbowed me. “Don’t be arrogant. Nobody likes a fuckboy.”
“Don’t call me that.”
He tapped my nose. “Take a joke.”
“It’s hard to have a sense of humor when we might go down for murder.” I wet my right index finger, then wiped the dust off the mahogany table next to my bed. If life would always be a roller coaster, then I could at least have a clean room. Or perhaps I wanted something—anything—that distracted me from the possibility of disappointment with Archie. The idea wasn’t a stretch. I long ran out of fingers for the number of times the universe took a dump on me over the years—situations sometimes had to be labeled as I saw them.
“Don’t be dramatic,” Archie said.
“His body has to turn up eventually regardless of what you, Mallory, Dan, and Rebecca are hoping for.”
“True. It’d be nice to know where the body is.”
Maybe Archie and I had more of a connection than I realized. One agreement didn’t mean life would be perfect, yet he must’ve cared about what I thought if he understood the location of Tommy’s body was an important issue to me.
“Do you think anyone knows what we did?” I asked.
“Like Gemma?”
I slouched. “I don’t know. I was literally talking about anyone.”
Archie exhaled. “Just because I wanted this, doesn’t mean it can happen again.”
There it was, the universe’s delightful sense of humor. It never hesitated to give me the double middle finger. My renewed dynamic with Archie couldn’t have been over before it began.
I licked my lips. “You’ve lost me.”
“We shouldn’t be sneaking behind Mallory’s back. Do you want our love triangle to implode our murder situation?”
“What should we do?” I demanded.
“I don’t know.” Archie sat up in bed, grabbed his boxers, then slid into them. “But I don’t trust myself to keep my hands off you.”
Hahaha. I knew I wasn’t in denial about our chemistry. People that weren’t meant to be together should’ve had no problem controlling themselves. Although someone should’ve dumped a bucket of ice on me. I never once anticipated how I’d be the horny teenager I mocked when watching television shows and movies.
I pulled his arm. “Don’t be ridiculous!”
“I’m not saying we shouldn’t be together…”
Good. Because if he suggested we couldn’t be together for reasons others than him not caring about me like that, then we’d have a serious problem. If we wanted to be together, then we needed to just be together. No excuses.
“Answer my question,” I said.
“Some problems don’t have an easy solution.”
I blinked. “I’m a burden?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth—you know what I meant.”
I ran my fingers through his hair—as if caressing him might change his mind. “Don’t go.”
“I’m open to suggestions,” Archie said.
Easier said than done. I was a big enough person to appreciate how some situations were beyond my comprehension. Like if Mallory got jealous if Archie and I resumed our relationship.
My gaze shifted to his waist, then I resume
d eye contact. “I had one idea. But you have to trust me.”
“You have my attention.”
I scooted downward a few inches before pulling his plaid boxers down to his ankles and wrapping my hands around his waist. So, what if I was gonna go to Hell for using sex to manipulate Archie. It wasn’t as if I didn’t care about him. We just needed a moment of pleasure—it was the least we deserved after everything we’d been through over the last few days.
WEDNESDAY, DECMBER 12, 2018
Archie and I kept exchanging glances while we sat at a table inside Café Tomorrow, as opposed to outside. The chill in the air was just too much—almost as if my bones ached from thinking about winter.
Just because we knew what we had to do, didn’t mean it’d be easy. A good chance existed that our talk with Mallory would go wrong and only complicate the Tommy situation.
Footsteps shuffled against the tiled floor, then Archie and I looked up.
Mallory grunted. “Please provide context next time you want an impromptu hangout. Especially given everything that’s happened.”
I bit my lip. “Sorry.”
Mallory pulled out the chair and sat down at our table. “It’s fine. Just don’t let it happen again.”
“Understood,” Archie said.
I pushed the mug towards Mallory. “We ordered for you. We know how you love your caramel macchiatos like me.”
“Thanks.” Mallory grabbed the mug. Except she didn’t sip her beverage. Instead, she pressed the cup against her cheeks while steam seeped from the top. She resembled Mom—using a cup to provide extra warmth was something Mom would’ve done.
Archie coughed. “We wanted to be honest with you.”
Shit. We were really gonna do this, and there was no turning back, so I’d have to cross my fingers if I wanted this conversation to remain civil.
“What are you talking about?” Mallory asked.
Archie squeezed my hand. “Chad and I want to get back together.”
“What about everything that happened?” Mallory demanded.
“You were using Archie because you were scared,” I said.
Archie gave me a look, then resumed eye contact with Mallory. “I’m not mad at you; I just want to get on with my life.”