“I need a few more minutes with her and then I’ll leave.”
Ty spun around, shielding her from Ryan. “You’ll leave her alone for good. Forever. Stay out of our lives, Thorne. You’re the one who brought trouble here.”
“I will.”
“You better.”
“I need a few minutes with Mia first.”
“The hell you do.”
“Ty.” She hooked her arm through his. “It’s okay. Thank you for coming over. I’ll be alright. Go home to Lily.”
He breathed loud and deep, making his contempt for Ryan clear. “Call me at any time if you need anything. Anything.” He hugged her tight before marching up to Ryan again. “Five minutes then get the hell out of our lives.”
She watched Ty storm off, slamming his truck door behind him.
“Sorry about my brother. He can get a little protective sometimes.”
“I’d do and say the same thing if I were him. And he’s right.” Ryan’s shoulders fell. He shuffled his feet and sighed, the first time he’d ever shown any sign of vulnerability. Or really of any emotion.
“He’s not. This wasn’t your fault. You had no idea—”
“I did.”
“You did?” She planted her hands on her hips and snapped at him. “You knew those two thugs were going to kidnap me?”
“Well, no. Not exactly. I ... I didn’t know...”
And now the stammering. It must have been the emotion from the night, the terror and angst of the kidnapping that had him as shook up as her.
“We’re both tired. Why don’t we call it a night? Whatever information you need from me you can get tomorrow. I’ll go back to the station and—”
“No.” Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. “We can’t. I can’t. This is what I feared all along. I never should have slept with you.”
“Gee. Thanks. You know how to make a girl feel special. Especially after having the worst day of her life.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but she refused to wipe them away.
“That’s not what I meant.” He scrubbed his hands across his face. “Can we go inside for a minute?”
“I don’t think so. Every time that happens we have sex, which has apparently been the biggest mistake of your life.”
“One of them, yeah.” A humorless laugh escaped his lips. He closed his eyes, and his face relaxed in resignation. “I was married. It wasn’t a great marriage. I was away a lot for work. I loved her as much as I could, but she...” He opened his eyes and stared off into the dark night.
Mia dropped her hands from her waist and held them in front of her in silence, listening to him tell his story. A wife. He did say was. If there was an is then she’d throat punch him.
“After a long assignment I came home, and she told me she was pregnant.”
Mia gasped. He had a child? Only more proof she really didn’t know anything about Ryan.
“I did everything I could to make our marriage work, especially with a baby on the way. It was hard. I took fewer assignments that would have me away from home for too long. When Alex was born...” Ryan put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, his gaze still off to the distance.
Alex. It was hard to imagine him with a baby. With a son. The way he held her and touched her so tenderly told him he’d be good with kids, though.
“I thought he’d help our marriage. Make us happy again.” Another sarcastic laugh. “I thought we were until I came home early and found her and my best friend together.”
“Oh, Ryan. I’m so sorry.” No wonder he didn’t want to do the long-distance relationship thing. She understood that. But he never even gave her the option to think about it from the beginning.
“A paternity test showed him to be Alex’s father, so not only did I lose my wife, I lost my son as well.”
“I hate them both for you.” She moved closer to him and wanted to put her arms around him, but he leaned back as if to ward off her approach.
“I lost them again. Almost how I lost you.” He looked down at her, his eyes dark and hooded.
That wall he liked to put up right as they were about to get close went up again. This time it was higher, thicker.
“You didn’t lose me.”
He clenched his jaw; a sinister expression took over his face. “I was working a serial killer case. He somehow got ahold of my name and figured he’d hurt the people he thought were closest to me to keep me off his back. I got home one night and opened my email. He sent me a video of him raping my wife and then stabbing her forty-six times. We found Alex’s body shortly after we found hers.”
“Ryan.” Mia covered her face with her hands. She sobbed back her tears while her body shook in pain for him.
“They’d both still be alive today if—”
“Don’t,” she barked at him, taking the front of his jacket in her hands. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for their murders! You’re a victim just as much as they were.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I didn’t have my head in the game. They monopolized my thoughts so I couldn’t focus on work. I was careless, and they died because of me.”
“This is why you won’t get close to me?” He looked away, his silence his answer. “You think if we’re in a relationship, then I’m going to be a casualty? That every sick bastard you put away is going to come for me?”
She let go of his coat and smoothed the wrinkles.
“I appreciate you looking out for me, but you’re going to live a sad and lonely life if you believe that bullshit. Does that mean that every police officer, every detective, agent, and whoever else out there helps put away bad guys can’t fall in love and have long lasting relationships? Again, that’s bullshit.”
“Not everyone. Just me.”
“What makes you different?”
Ryan took his keys out of his pocket. “I just wanted you to know this wasn’t about you.”
“Don’t you dare feed me that line.”
“It was just sex. It had to be. Anything more and I’d...” He shook his head in defeat. “Goodbye, Mia.” He kissed her forehead before returning to his car, leaving her alone in the driveway.
Her body shook with sadness and grief. For Ryan and what he’d lost, and for what he thought he didn’t deserve. Too weak from emotion to pick up the pizza box, she left it there and dragged herself up to her apartment and climbed into bed, not caring how dirty and gross she was.
Spooning a pillow to her core, she wept until her sheets were soaked with tears and her body wilted into sleep.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Once again, Mia mourned the loss of Ryan. This time it took her longer to get out of her own way. At least she had the support of her friends and family. They thought her reason for not wanting to get out of bed was because of her kidnappers.
Partly, but barely. She wasn’t afraid of being abducted again. Detective Brooks had filled her in the following day and said the Nettles brothers were being held without bail until further notice.
If anything changed, she’d be notified. For now, she felt safe with them behind bars. She used them as a cover to hide the real reason she was mourning. The last time Ryan left, when he told her he was going back to New York, her heart broke, but there was still a piece of her that believed they’d meet up again.
He had his place on Emerald Pond, and he still looked out for Lily’s safety. He’d be back, and they’d fall into bed again. Not that they’d ever made it to a bed.
Five days ago, when he left her standing in her driveway, she knew it was over. He had too much pain, too much baggage to simply put aside years of PTSD—because that was what it was—and make a life with Mia.
There wasn’t anything she could do to change his mind or his heart. He really believed he was a curse. That anyone who was close to him would get hurt. Her heart ached for him and all that he’d suffered. No one should ever experience so much trauma in their life.
No wonder he worked so hard to remain impassive. No wonder he wanted th
eir relationship to be just sex. It wasn’t, though. It was something more and he felt the same way too.
The way he touched her and loved her told her she was more than a quick lay. And the books. If she was just an itch, he wouldn’t have sent her those thoughtful gifts. He wouldn’t have come over after she called him. He wouldn’t have told her about his ex-wife and the child he thought was his.
In the end he left her. Again.
Now she knew why. He blamed himself for his wife and son’s murder. He blamed his dedication to his job, and he blamed himself for Mia’s kidnapping.
True, if it weren’t for him those filthy men would never had kidnapped her and held her hostage. But if it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t have had ideas for children’s books that got her an agent who was sending her books out to publishers. And she wouldn’t have fallen in love.
Better to have loved and lost... Or was it?
Her phone vibrated on the table next to her bed, and she contemplated not answering it. The sun was barely up. Her friends had made a visitation schedule, and every other hour someone stopped by with food or drinks or a book from nine in the morning until nine at night.
No one asked her why she was still in the same navy shirt and dingy gray sweatpants from five days before. No one told her to shower. No one asked her to even go for a walk. She figured they met up to make a plan of attack on how to support her.
Any hour now they’d change their tactics and open her windows and tell Big Sexy to serenade her. If they knew she was grieving the loss of Ryan, they’d have kicked her ass out of bed and forced her into the shower by now.
Figuring they’d keep calling until she answered, she rolled over and picked up her cell.
Guilt crept up her neck. “Hi, Hope.” She felt bad leaving her high and dry. She was due any day now and hadn’t worked too many shifts. Mia had promised to pick up more during Hope’s last trimester, but her writing and time with Ryan had distracted her.
“It’s Cameron.”
“Cam? Is Hope okay?” She shot up in bed, ignoring the lightheadedness of her sudden move. “Delaney? The baby?”
“Yes, yes, and yes.” He laughed. “Hope went into labor last night.”
“Last night? Why didn’t anyone tell me? I’m on my way to the hospital.” Her feet got caught in the sheet, and she tripped on her way to the bathroom, falling flat on her face.
“We called her parents when she was close to delivering and are just now calling everyone else. Our son was born at five forty-seven this morning.”
“Oh, Cam. Congratulations.” Mia sat up and leaned against her bedroom door. “I’m so happy for you guys. Can I come by and visit?”
“We’d love that.”
“I’m on my way.” She hung up and hugged her knees to her chest. A baby. Delaney would make an awesome big sister. More like the cool aunt since she was already fifteen.
Mia’s chest filled with pride and love for her friends. They deserved all the happiness in the world. She rubbed her cheek against her knee to wipe away her happy tears—finally—and got a whiff of herself.
“Dear God.” There was no way she could visit her new nephew—because she and her friends all considered Delaney and Sophie and all future babies their nieces and nephews—smelling like this.
Stripping her clothes, she thought about burning them. Instead, she dropped them in the hamper and stepped into the shower. The hot water was calming. Her shampoo and strawberry body soap refreshing. Who knew smelling good could rejuvenate you so much?
That and a new baby. Snapping her fingers, she realized she never asked Cam what his name was. Soon enough she’d find out. She let the conditioner sit on her hair while she shaved her legs.
A weed whacker would have been easier to cut through this mess. She’d stopped shaving after Ryan left.
“Nope.” She snapped the elastic at her wrist and went back to shaving, stopping at her knee because no one was coming near the north country anyway.
Finishing up her shower, she dried off and wrapped a towel around her head while she went through her dresser looking for the perfect outfit to wear to meet her new nephew.
She had no idea what the weather was like outside, but it was late-August, so she opted for a cute navy romper and sandals.
Ten minutes later, she’d finger-combed her hair and pulled it into a bun, and applied a coat of mascara. She’d show her friends and family that she was totally fine, and would work on focusing on her career.
It didn’t take long to arrive at the area hospital. She checked in, got a visitor’s pass, and hurried down the corridors to Hope’s room.
“Knock, knock.” She slowly pushed the door open and was overwhelmed with the balloons and flowers around the room. Delaney sat next to Hope, stroking her little brother’s head, while Cameron was in the corner of the room on the phone. He looked up and winked at her.
Kicking herself for not thinking about picking anything up, she contemplated sneaking back out and running down to the gift shop before Hope noticed her.
“Mia.” Hope turned, her face lighting up. “Come meet Brayden.”
Too late. She moved toward the bed and peered down at the bundle. “Oh, my word.” Mia reached out and touched his little red cheeks. “He’s so soft.”
“Want to hold him?”
“Can I?”
“He’s a cuddler. I can already tell.”
“Mom says I didn’t like to be swaddled like Brayden does,” Delaney said with humor.
“She made up for it as soon as she was out of diapers. The girl wouldn’t leave my side. She’d sit on my lap while I was on the toilet.”
“Ew. That’s gross, Mom.”
“You just wait. And by wait, I mean until your brother is old enough to drive.” Hope teased her daughter and then lifted the bundle to Mia. “Handle with care.”
“Of course.” She hadn’t held a baby since Alexis first introduced them to Sophie, and that was more than four years ago. “He’s so little.”
“Little? This dude weighs nine pounds three ounces. Felt like I was giving birth to a watermelon.”
“You were wonderful.” Cameron came over and kissed Hope on the lips. “She did it all without any drugs. I don’t even want to tell you what I saw going on down there just a few hours ago.”
“Gross.” Delaney covered her ears with her hands.
Hope laughed. “We invited her to watch the delivery, figured it would be great birth control, but she sat in the waiting room with my parents.”
“Has anyone else been by yet?” Mia asked, looking around the room at all the gifts.
“Not yet. I called you first.” Cam rubbed her shoulders from behind. “Lily and Ty will be here any minute, and I just got off the phone with Tristan, who is spreading the word to everyone else.”
It was true Mia and Hope were really close, but she was close with everyone. Hope was the undesignated mother of the group. The one you went to for sound advice. Mature beyond her years and never judgmental yet would still tell you exactly what was on her mind.
The fact that Cam called her first was touching. Or it could have been a pity call. It didn’t matter. It was the best thing that had happened to her in ages. Mia hugged baby Brayden closer and snuggled her nose into his warm cheeks.
“He’s beautiful, you guys. You’ve done a fabulous job.”
“If he has at least one of Hope’s features, he’s going to do alright.”
“And if he looks like his father, he’ll be a lady killer.”
“Enough of the lovey dovey talk. You have no idea what it’s like living with these two,” Delaney complained. Her phone chirped, and she looked down at it. “Haley’s mom is here. She said she’ll come by later to see the baby after you’ve had time to rest.”
“Okay, sweetie. I love you.”
Delaney hugged Hope and Cameron and then came over to give Brayden a kiss. “I’ll call you when I wake up. Grammie said she’d bring me back to the hospital later.”
When Delaney left, Cam sat on the bed next to Hope. “She came to the hospital with us around midnight. I’ll be surprised if she’s not already asleep in Haley’s mom’s car.”
“You guys have the perfect family now. I’m so happy for you.” Mia snuggled Brayden more and carried him to a chair in the corner where she sat. “I’m sorry for not being there lately at the restaurant. I’ll pick up any extra shifts and help Marley open and close if she needs it.”
“I’m going to the cafeteria to grab a bite. Do you two need anything?” Cam kissed Hope and stood up.
“No thank you,” they both said.
When he was gone, Hope repositioned herself and propped her pillows. “It’s good to see you out of your apartment.”
“Is this why you had Brayden three days early? To get me out?” Mia joked.
“You have to admit, the strategy worked.”
“He’s beautiful,” she said, dodging the topic.
“He is, isn’t he?” Hope patted the bed next to her. “Come sit over here so I can stare at my son. You can still hold him, though.”
Mia joined her on the bed, keeping her left foot on the floor for balance.
“How are you doing?” Hope stroked Brayden’s toes, and Mia kept her focus on the baby.
“I’m fine.”
“Mia.”
They already went through this when Hope had stopped by the day before.
“I was scared. The entire time they had me tied up I wasn’t sure if I was going to live to see my family and friends again.”
“You’ve told me every detail about the kidnapping. You’re leaving a key piece out, though.”
“I’ve probably told you more than what’s in the police reports.”
“Lily told me Thorne drove you home from the police station in Bangor, and that Ty was pretty harsh on him.”
Oh. That part. Yeah, she’d purposely left all mentions of Ryan out of any discussions she’d had with her friends. Even Grace didn’t pry her for details about the sexy FBI agent. And if Grace went easy on her, then she knew her friends had pre-planned what to talk about and what was off limits.
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