This is a minefield, but it’s one of my own creation. I have to be careful. But if I play my cards right, I might be able to send a message to Nicola as well. “The crux of it is that there were some things I realized about myself, and I wasn’t ready to face those things. So the idea of being here, and bringing all the people I love into the crazy with me, was unbearable.” I look at Nicola. “But I’m ready now. It was stupid to run in the first place.”
Her breath catches, and it’s so subtle that I doubt either of her parents notice, but I’m watching for it. Valerie looks a little confused. “Well…okay. You know you have us if you ever need anything or want to talk about it.” She laughs, and looks at Bruce. “I need someone to start getting Bruce out of the house again, so if you two want to have a girl’s night and go out and talk about your feelings, feel free.”
Bruce and I chuckle. “Thanks,” I say. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Nicola is still looking at me, and just like yesterday, I can’t interpret her expression. But it feels like she’s searching for something. I hope I can give her what she’s looking for. We order our pizza, and true to form, I order meat lover’s, though the temptation to order the Hawaiian is still there. But I want to order something that I’ll actually eat.
The tension that appeared when Valerie asked why I’m back disappears for the most part, but I can’t help feeling a little awkward still. It’s bound to happen, when you haven’t interacted with people regularly for years. Your dynamic is going to change, and we haven’t quite found our stride yet. But overall, the conversation is good, and as we casually talk about life and the work plans that Bruce has, Nicola relaxes. She fucking lights up when she talks about all the ideas that she has for regional flavors and the incentives that go along with them, and I fire right back about marketing ideas and pitches for slogans that are off the top of my head. I’m glad that Bruce looks approving but really, I’m just happy that I’m able to make Nicola laugh.
It’s the best sound in the world. Apart from, maybe, hearing her moan.
The pizza is just as delicious as I remember, and I eat way too much of it. But I can’t bring myself to regret it at all. This is great. Especially when she’s smiling at me from across the table.
“Well,” Bruce says, stretching, “I have to get back to the office.”
“And I have a meeting,” Valerie says. “You want to be dropped off at the office, Nicola?”
“I can take her back,” I say. “I’m going anyway.”
Valerie smiles at me. “That would be perfect, Tristan, thank you.”
I catch Nicola’s face as her mother says that, and am rewarded with seeing her mouth fall open in shock. She was definitely going to protest, but I didn’t even give her a chance. I suppose I should feel bad, but I don’t. There’s not a chance in hell that I’m playing fair. Not when it comes to this.
“We’ll see you both later,” Bruce says, clapping me on the shoulder. He’s already taken the bill with him, so I don’t even have to worry about that. All I need to focus on is Nicola, now that we’re finally alone.
“Well,” Nicola says. “Are you going to sweep me into the bathroom here too?”
Fuck. I would in a second. “Would you like me to?”
Her cheeks stain pink with her blush, and it tells me her real answer. But she doesn’t reply, just changes the subject. “I like your ideas. It’s a good thing that Dad brought you on now. We have a lot to do for summer.”
“I agree. We’ll definitely be working a lot together.”
She rolls her eyes. “Which was your goal, clearly.”
Leaning my elbows on the table, I wait until she looks at me. “I didn’t ask Bruce for a job to get closer to you. In fact, I didn’t ask him for a job at all. If I had, it would have been something small, like on the production line just to get me started while I settled back in town. I never imagined that he would offer me Marketing Director.”
Nicola takes a bite of her pizza and looks away. “Well you’re certainly a good fit. But thank you for telling me that. I really believe in the company, and I didn’t want—”
“Me to ignore everything about my job while trying to be with you?” I finish for her.
“Yeah.”
I smile at her. “Don’t worry, I fully plan on doing both.” She looks away again, and I have to ask. “Have you changed your mind? If you have, I won’t hold it against you.”
“Do you think launching a sorbet would be good in the South? That might be nice and refreshing for the summer months. I could do something with lemon.”
“Nicola.”
She looks at me. “What?”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
“And you didn’t answer the one Mom asked you earlier about why you left and why you came back.”
There it is. There’s anger in her gaze. But I can take the heat. If I didn’t think I could, then I certainly wouldn’t be here. “I’m back for you,” I say. “Four years ago you promised me all of you. No matter how long it took. And I was a coward about it. I wasn’t ready, but I am now.”
Nicola is perfectly still, looking at me with something like disbelief and awe. But she says nothing.
“I’m here to claim what you offered. You said that you wanted to marry me, and that’s what I plan on doing, Nicola. I’m going to marry you, and I’m never going to walk away again.”
5
Nicola
I can’t recall the number of times that I’ve wished for Tristan to come back into my life and say the exact words that he’s saying right now. That he wants me. Wants to marry me. I just wish it had been back then when things were simpler. It would have been so easy then.
“We should go,” I say, standing from the table. “I’ve got a lot of work to do.” I don’t wait before walking out of Callie’s and into the cold January air. Tristan is behind me in a second, and he catches me by the arm. “Is that it?”
“Is what it?”
He laughs, backing me against the wall. “I just told you I came back to Leighton City to marry you, and all you said was need to go back to the office.”
I shake my head. It’s impossible to breathe with him this close. But maybe he doesn’t understand what this will do to everyone. To him and to me. To his relationship with my dad. But I do. I’ve had four years of thinking about every single outcome and possibility. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to tell me what you’re thinking,” he says, face level with mine. “I want you to tell me to stop, if that’s what you want. It’s been a long time, and I’m man enough to know that things might have changed for you. I can handle it, if you want me to walk away.”
Nothing comes out of my mouth. I try to force out the words, to tell him that I don’t want this, but nothing happens. The truth is written so deeply in me that my body won’t betray that even if I try to force it to. Dammit.
“But if you don’t tell me to stop,” he says, “I’m not backing down. I’m not going to let you go, Nicola, because you were right. You were right that night.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, that lie manages to escape and it burns my lips.
One of Tristan’s eyebrows lifts. “No? I’m calling bullshit.”
“What do you remember?”
His green eyes are brimming with fierce emotion, his cheeks pink with the cold air, but neither of us move away. “I remember you waiting for me in the kitchen in a dress that made me so hard. I remember you letting me touch you for the first time. I remember you painting the future you imagined for us and promising that I was it for you, no matter how long it took. I remember you saying that you knew what you wanted and that it would never change.” His voice drops low and he breathes the next words into my ear. “I remember you saying that you wanted my cock to be the only one you ever felt. And I’m going to deliver on that promise.”
Placing my hands on his chest, I slowly push him back from me. “You know what
I remember?” I say. “I remember pouring my heart out to you and then you leaving. I remember waking up the next morning and finding you had left the city. I remember crying for days over you, not being able to explain to anyone what was wrong. You left me, Dash. You ran away. So don’t think that you can sweep in here and just decide that you’re ready for me without me asking what the hell happened or wanting an explanation. Fuck.”
I turn and walk a few steps away. The air is filled with deafening silence behind me. I didn’t mean to explode like that, but it’s true. Aside from all the obvious complications, he left me.
Tristan’s voice is soft behind me. “You’ll never know how much I regret that decision,” he says. “I will always regret it and I will always have to live with it. But it wasn’t easy for me either. I didn’t leave to go on a joyride to find myself.” He turns me around and presses his forehead to mine. The anguish in his voice is real. “You don’t know why I had to do it, but I had to. You don’t know what I was afraid of, but I was afraid, Nicola. I’m still afraid, but you are worth the fear. I swear it. And all I can do is beg your forgiveness for not figuring it out sooner.”
His eyes are closed, and I swear that I can feel his pain. It’s just as visceral as mine has been, waiting for him. “Is this about my father?”
“Yes, and no. Of course I’m worried about that, but I wish that were all it was. If it were, this would be so much easier.”
I lean into him, letting his arms come around me more solidly. He’s shielding me from the cold, and I want so badly to touch every part of him. What could possibly be so bad that he won’t tell me what it is? How deep does this run that it would cause this kind of agony? I don’t know. And still after everything, I trust Tristan. I trust him to tell me when he’s ready to tell me.
My lips meet his before I realize what I’m doing, and he captures my mouth, pulling me deeper. Just like yesterday, it’s like a fire has been lit inside me. Delicious and perfect and all-consuming. I can’t fight this. I’ve been waiting for him too long, and I’ve kept my promise to him. I’m all his, and that’s all I want to be.
Yes, it’s complicated. But denying what we’ve both wanted for years is only going to cause us both more pain. “I need you,” I breathe. “Please.”
Fiery green eyes stare into mine. “Tell me first. Have you changed your mind? Do you want me to stop?”
I bite my lip. “No,” I say. “I’m terrified of what might happen, but I’ve never doubted my feelings. I’ve always wanted you, Dash.”
“Fuck,” he says softly against my lips. “I love it when you call me that.”
Before I can kiss him again, he’s pulling me toward his car. “I don’t want to go back to the office,” I tell him.
“That’s not where we’re going,” he says. “My place, if that’s all right. Because this has to happen between us, and I’m not going to have your first time be in the back of my car.”
I blush. Oh my god, this is actually going to happen. Everything that I’ve been dreaming about; the fantasies that play out when I touch myself in bed, at night, alone. Tristan helps me into his car and shuts the door. He peels out of the parking lot with a screech. He holds my hand across the console, but he’s singularly focused on the road.
“Are you okay?”
He smirks. “I’m trying to concentrate on getting home and not pulling over to ravish you on the side of the road.”
“If it weren’t for the snow, I don’t think that I would mind.”
“I’ll keep that in mind for springtime.”
Springtime. When we’ll still be together. The way he talks, it’s like it’s actually going to last. And I want it to, but I’ve spent so long thinking the opposite that it’s hard for me to actually believe it. My heart is pounding, and I can’t believe that I’m going to do this.
When I woke up this morning, I had been so determined to stay away from him. To make it easier for everyone and not rock the boat. But I deserve happiness. We both do.
Tristan pulls up to a gorgeous townhouse near Leighton City’s downtown, and I’m so eager to get inside that I almost beat him to the door. “I would have opened your door for you,” he says, pressing a kiss to my neck before he unlocks the door.
“I’m perfectly capable of opening a door by myself, Dash.”
“I know you are, but as long as you’re with me, I would like the honor of it.”
I raise an eyebrow as I follow him inside. “That’s a little old-fashioned.”
He grins. “I am a little old-fashioned. Now come here.” Without warning he yanks my body against his, pushing my coat off of my shoulders. And then I’m being lifted into his arms as his mouth crashes on mine. Nerves play in my gut as he carries me up the stairs. I’ve always been sure of this—of Tristan. I am not afraid of him, but I am nervous for this. Isn’t everyone, for their first time?
Pushing the bedroom door open with his foot, we enter a bright and open space. There were moving boxes downstairs, so I know that he’s not fully settled. But there’s a bed, and it’s a fucking big one. It dominates the space with four posts and dark sheets. God, I’ve never thought this about a piece of furniture, but that bed is sexy as hell.
But Tristan doesn’t put me down on it, not yet. Instead he sets me down slowly, letting my body drag down his before my feet touch the floor. Everything hangs in the air between us, ready to break. I want everything from him.
Everything.
“Kiss me,” I whisper, and that’s all it takes to make him break.
Tristan’s mouth crashes down on mine with unyielding fire. This kiss is different from all the others. He’s not holding back and neither am I. For the first time I actually get to feel his body under my hands in the way I’ve always wanted to, and I can’t enough.
His body is hard in every place that I can reach, and we’re locked together so tightly that I can feel just how hard his cock is through his clothes. There’s absolutely no doubt that he wants this just as much as I do. I find the hem of his shirt with my fingers and pull it out of his pants. My fingers are shaking as I try to undo the buttons down his chest, because I’m desperate to feel him closer. Hotter.
One of them gets stuck, and I have to pull my mouth away from his to try to undo it. But Tristan is already a step ahead of me, and the fabric between my hands is torn apart. I hear the buttons bounce across the floor, and his chest is suddenly bare in front of me. Holy shit.
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Dash without a shirt. I remember him in the summertime, either doing yard work or by the pool, showing off his perfect, incredible body. And now it’s mine. The strength in those arms that can just tear open a shirt. Fuck, I’m wet for him. “Do that again,” I say.
“I’m all out of shirts,” he says, voice rough with the lust we’re both feeling.
“But I’m not.”
Tristan’s gaze falls to my chest, and he goes still. Like he’s suddenly realizing the magnitude of this moment too. And then his hands are on my shirt and he tears down the buttons like he’s ripping a piece of paper. He pushes the shirt off my shoulders and all that’s left is my lacy bra. Until he reaches around and deftly unhooks that too.
I let my bra drop to the floor, and then I realize what that means. I look down and away from him. This is a line we’ve never crossed, and even though his mouth was on my clit just yesterday, the idea of him seeing this part of me feels scary. More intimate.
He tilts my chin up so that I’m looking at him again, and kisses me softly. “You are beautiful,” he says. “And I hope you know how much I want you. But if you have any hesitation at all, I need you to tell me.”
“No,” I say. “I want this. It’s just…”
“I know.”
I step out of my shoes, and I’m a little shorter now. But I don’t mind. I’m the one who pushes my skirt off my hips so I’m standing there in just my panties. I need to do this for myself. And the look on Tristan’s face—awe and raw need—is just the rewa
rd that I’m looking for. He sweeps me into his arms again and lays me out on the luxurious bed, hovering over me. “I’ve dreamt about this,” he says.
“Me too.” Too many times. But dreams can’t match the reality of him above me, taking in my naked body.
Peeling his shirt off his shoulders, he tosses it to the side before stretching his body over mine. Our lips are close, and he’s lined up with me perfectly. I can feel the length of him pressing into me through his pants and I nearly moan. “Tell me what you imagined,” he whispers. “I want your first time to be everything you dreamed of.”
My face goes up in flames, entirely caught off guard. “I can’t tell you that.”
Tristan smirks. “Now I have to hear it.” He leans down and presses a kiss to the skin of my chest, eliciting goosebumps. “I want to hear all your fantasies.”
“Why?”
“Because I have a lot of time to make up for,” he says. “And because I have a lifetime to look forward to of making them come true.”
“Oh.” It’s all that comes out of me. This is so much. I want everything but it’s so overwhelming that I can’t breathe. Covering my face with my hands, I try to breathe.
Tristan lets me, and I’m so happy that he does, but he doesn’t let me go. Finally, when I’m calmer, and my breath is coming easier, he speaks again. “Was it fast or slow?”
My hands are still covering my face. “Slow.”
“That, I can do.” Gently, Tristan takes my hands in his and guides them away from my face. He’s smiling. Just the kind of smile that makes you feel warm inside. Like he’s happy to see me even though he hasn’t left my side. “There you are.”
“Here I am.”
A soft kiss, questioning, seeking. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure,” I say. I never changed my mind. “I’m still nervous, but I’m sure.”
One side of his mouth tips up. “Okay. If you suddenly feel unsure, tell me.”
“Mhmm.” I’m distracted by the feeling of his lips on my jaw, and the way he’s sliding them down my skin. It’s a sudden and thorough exploration. Delicious. All the way down my neck and across my collarbone and to the edge of my shoulder. Holy shit. I didn’t know my collarbone could send sparks through the rest of my body.
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