“You were his brother.”
“I was the one who made him dinner, Jordyn. I made sure he showered. I taught him how to wipe his ass. Okay?”
“Okay, Rams. Sorry.”
“I pushed back so hard on Aunt Millie and Uncle Tom. Only to find out I almost ruined their marriage.”
“You heard what your aunt said…”
I shook my head. “It was me, darling. Yeah, Uncle Tom had a bad back. He was grieving his nephew and brother, sure. But it was me. There wasn’t a week where I wasn’t getting in trouble somehow. In school. The cops bringing me home. Me leaving and not coming back for days at a time. Because I didn’t know what to do with my anger over Brian.”
Jordyn slid from the back of my truck and started to approach me. “I never knew that about you, Rams. I remember you always coming and going. That you were rumored to be in trouble all the time. Like serious trouble.”
“I wasn’t some fake asshole throwing punches to look cool,” I said, taking a direct shot at Jordyn’s ex.
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
“Because I wanted you to know. I was close to losing myself for good. Then Uncle Tom hurt his back again and this time it was really bad. He needed surgery and he almost had to shut down the company. I remember, one night, finding Aunt Millie crying. She never cries. Ever. Seeing her scared woke my ass up. That’s when I started working for Uncle Tom and taking things seriously. I also met someone around that time. And it was just one of those things… fast and wild.”
“I know that,” Jordyn said. “Believe me, I know that.”
“That’s why I’m talking to you, darling.”
I stared at her, not finishing the entire story just yet.
The part where it got really messy and confusing. Where parts of my life were predetermined and planned out. And I went with it as far as I could. I went too far with it.
I went right up until the day of my wedding before deciding what I really wanted.
“I have no idea what you’re going through,” I said to Jordyn as we sat in my truck, working our way down the steep back part of the cemetery. “But I understand how you feel. If that makes sense.”
“It doesn’t,” I said.
“You protect Sam the way I tried to protect Brian. You don’t want your son to get exposed to any pain. You know in your heart and mind that he’s going to have a lot of rough years coming up, and you want to find a way to cover it all up.”
“That’s actually pretty accurate, Rams,” she said. She touched the corners of her eyes.
“What happened?”
She took a shaky breath. “It just fell apart. That’s what I tell people. But the truth?” She looked at me, her eyes glossy in the soft glow of the lights on the dashboard of my truck. “It was never actually put together. It was sort of for show. We got to a point where it was expected. Because we were together in high school. So, everyone thought it was so amazing we managed to be together. I was just kind of there with it all. His bad habits from being a teenager kept going into adulthood. Before I knew it, I had Sam and Keith was an even bigger mess.” She sighed. “But I can’t sit here and do that. I can’t destroy him.”
“Why not, darling? It’s just me.”
“He’s Sam’s father,” she said. “I can’t take that back. Whether he sees Sam twice a month or twice a day or twice a year, that’s his father. I try so hard to respect that.”
I reached for her hand and shook my head. “That’s why I like being near you, Jordyn. For what you just said. How strong you are. How amazing you are.”
She twisted her hand to break free from mine. “But that causes problems, Rams. What we’re doing right now is fun. Anything more and…”
“Darling, I’m not asking for anything more.”
“How long does that last?”
I couldn’t answer that.
“That’s my point,” she whispered.
“I like being near you, Jordyn.”
“I like being near you, Rams. That’s what scares me.”
“What scares you?”
“My thoughts.”
“And what are your thoughts telling you right now?”
“Trust you with something I’ve never trusted anyone else with.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning, I wouldn’t mind if you met Sam.”
The words hit me, and I felt every muscle in my body stiffen.
Meeting her son would take what we were doing to another level.
I drove her back to her car, got out of my truck and walked her to her car. I opened the door for her and blocked her from getting in.
I touched her face with my right hand. My thumb stroking her cheek as softly as a painter making a wisp of a cloud on a canvas.
“What I know and what I feel sometimes battle each other,” I said. “That’s why I left that night. That’s why I called you the way I did the next day.”
“Meaning what, Rams?”
“Meaning if I stayed and saw you again, I’d start that wild ride of falling for you, Jordyn.”
She swallowed hard. “Yeah… well…”
I leaned in and helped myself to a goodnight kiss. But I also wanted to steal what she was going to say.
I moved out of the way and let her get into her car.
But I didn’t let her shut the door.
“Darling, what you said means a lot to me.”
“If what I said is too much…”
“No,” I said. “You let me know when.”
“When…?”
“When I get to meet the guy that has your heart all wrapped up tight…”
17
That One Hello
Jordyn
“Should I be this nervous?” I asked, pacing along the side of the building.
“You look like you need something to relax yourself,” Norah said. “A pill or something to smoke.”
“Come on,” I said. “This is a big deal for me.”
Norah stepped into my path. Her hands gently touched my shoulders to get me to stop for good.
“I know this is a big deal for you,” she said. “There’s nothing I can say to you though, Jordyn. I tell things like I see them. You know that about me.”
“So, tell me what you see,” I said.
“I see you nervous as hell because you actually like someone. Finally.”
“This isn’t just about liking someone.”
“Yes, it is,” Norah said. “This has nothing to do with Sam either. This is all about you.”
I sighed. “Yeah. I know.”
“You’re worried about letting someone in too much. That more of your life will show and chase him away.”
“He’s seen most of it,” I said. “Parts I didn’t expect or plan.”
“And he’s still showing up.”
“Because it’s fun,” I said. “We have this flirty thing about the weekends when Sam is gone.”
“You said you saw him the other night.”
“That was different.”
Norah rolled her eyes. “How?”
“It just was. He wanted to talk to me. To see me. To tell me some stuff…”
“Did you sleep with him, Jordyn?”
“That night? No.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Okay, you don’t like when I tell the truth. At least all of the truth. So, I’m going to make you mad at me.”
“Try me,” I said.
“The way you protect Sam is amazing to see. But you can’t protect him like that forever. He needs to see life and experience it. There’s no perfect life out there, Jordyn. My parents stayed together and hated each other. Okay? I grew up watching them treat marriage like a business deal. I never saw love. I never saw compassion. And you and Keith had times where it was good and times where it was bad. The decision made was for the best, right?”
“Yes.”
“And it was a hard decision that sucks. It totally sucks. Sam will forever have his parents split up. But
that’s okay.”
“I can’t parade guys in front of him though. Build him up and watch him get hurt.”
“You’re not bringing Ramsey over to move in. Or get married. You’re bringing him over to meet your son. And the way Sam feels about Ramsey is a big deal.”
I nodded. “That feels like a lot to put on a young kid.”
“Maybe it is. But so is going to his father’s every other weekend. Figuring out how to deal with that. The differences in you and Keith. Need I go on?”
“No.”
“Here’s the thing… you’re a really good mom. What you see in the mirror is not how Sam sees you. And the same for Ramsey.”
“Norah…”
“I’m serious. You see yourself struggling, broke, getting nowhere, blah, blah, blah. Sam sees his mother. The woman who reads to him. Feeds him. Makes sure he has a house. And I’m sure Ramsey sees that and knows how amazing you are.”
“Since when did you get all emotional?” I asked.
Norah laughed. “I mean, what else would Ramsey see? Because if you screw this up with him, I might have to introduce myself to him.”
“Don’t you dare try it,” I said. “I’ll hurt you.”
“You like him that much, huh?” she smiled.
“I guess so,” I said. “This is all…”
“Good,” she said. “Now we both have to get back to work. Believe me, Jordyn, just go with the flow of it all.”
Norah was generally a pain in the butt, but there were rare moments when she showed herself like she just did. I hugged her, thanked her, and went back to work.
From work, it was the same old routine.
It was nice enough out that I drove with the windows down, looking around at the autumn colors, a sense of freedom inside me. Which was strange because I hadn’t felt free in a while. I felt like I had been babysitting Keith for such a long time. And then after leaving him, there was the intense pressure to make ends meet with Sam.
I wasn’t sure if it was Ramsey or something else making me feel this way. Maybe just the notion that Ramsey was going to meet Sam. And it always helped to confess my worries to Norah.
I picked Sam up from daycare and he was excited to show me a turkey he made out of his own little handprint.
“It was really fun to make,” he announced from the back seat of the car.
“Oh yeah?” I asked, glancing at the mirror quickly to see his face.
“I want to make more,” he said. “To decorate our house.”
“We can do that, Sammy.”
“Do we have paper plates? Miss Beth said they are the best.”
“Yes, we have paper plates,” I said. “Hey, Sammy, I have to tell you something.”
“Okay,” he said.
I came to a stop at a red light. I turned my head and smiled. “I have a friend coming over tonight. I’m thinking we’ll order pizza and relax. Is that okay?”
“Is it Brenda?” Sam asked.
“No. Not Brenda.”
“Aunt Norah?”
I laughed, amazed that he called her that. Norah took pride in that she had been able to convince Sam that she was his aunt.
“Not Aunt Norah,” I said. “My friend, Ramsey.”
There it is, Jordyn. You just spoke another man’s name to Sammy.
My heart started to pound hard in my chest, as though I had done something wrong and got caught.
“Okay. Cool.”
That was Sam’s response.
I looked forward just as the light turned green.
I drove the rest of the way home in silence.
Saying Ramsey’s name was one thing… now I needed Sam to meet him.
Again, I was the nervous one.
Ramsey should have been nervous. Not me.
Of course, when the doorbell rang, I rushed to open the door and Ramsey stood there looking completely and totally relaxed. He was in his normal clothes; I don’t know why I would have thought he’d dress differently.
A flannel shirt that was unbuttoned all the way. The size of his shoulders and arms filling it out with ease. Standing there, calm, with a sly grin on his face.
“Rams,” I said.
“Darling,” he said.
I put my hand to his chest and swallowed hard. “Jordyn. Please.”
“You got it,” he said. “Jordyn.”
“Come on in,” I whispered.
Ramsey walked into the house and into Sam’s life.
Sam sat on the couch with a red bowl of animal crackers, watching a cartoon.
“Hey, Sammy,” I said. “This is my friend, Ramsey.”
I wasn’t exactly sure what Sam was expecting. His eyes moved for a split second from the TV. Then something interesting happened. A second later, Sam looked again. His eyes went really wide.
And he just stared at Ramsey.
That’s when it hit me that Sam probably thought that Ramsey was a woman. Because that was all he had ever met.
Ramsey probably looked twenty feet tall to Sam. With a rough look on his face, a sexy smile, sure, but a pissed off look in his eyes. And tattoos.
“Come here, Sammy,” I said. “Come meet Ramsey, please.”
Sam wiggled his way off the couch. His face turned bright red as he walked to me and leaned against my leg.
Ramsey crouched down but was still towering over Sam. He put his large hand out and nodded. “Do you go by Sam or Sammy?”
“Sam,” Sam said in a weak voice.
“I like that name,” Ramsey said. “I wish I had that name. Can I borrow it?”
Sam smiled quickly and looked up at me.
He didn’t say anything else to Ramsey.
“Well, here’s what I was wondering, Sam,” Ramsey said. His voice was so deep and commanding, calling Sam’s attention. “I’ve got nothing to do for a couple of hours. And I’m in the mood for some pizza. Do you mind if I order some?”
“Okay,” Sam said.
“Hey, are those animal crackers?”
“Yes.”
“Those are my favorite,” Ramsey said. “I like the ones with the icing on them. Ever have those?”
“At my Dad’s house,” Sam said.
“Really? That’s cool.”
“Why don’t you ask Ramsey if he wants one?” I asked, nudging at Sam.
“Do you want one?” Sam asked.
“Thanks for that, Sam. You should eat them though. It’s your snack, right?”
Sam slowly nodded.
“Okay,” Ramsey said. “I don’t want to bother you while you’re watching your show. But I have an important question to ask you.”
“Okay…”
“What do you want on your pizza?” Ramsey asked. “Anything. Pick it.”
“Anything?” Sam asked, his eyes wide again.
“Anything,” Ramsey said. “Pepperoni. Sausage. Chocolate. Boogers.”
Sam started to giggle. He looked up at me again. I was smiling too.
“Please don't say boogers, Sammy,” I said.
“Mom, don’t call me that,” Sam snapped.
“Oh. Right. Sorry. Sam.”
“What are you thinking, Sam?” Ramsey asked.
“Boogers,” Sam said.
“Nice,” Ramsey said. “Boogers it is. Extra gooey.”
“Eww,” I said. “You boys are gross.”
Ramsey started to laugh. He slowly stood back up. He was still holding his hand out. “Tell you what, Sam. Why don’t we just stick with pepperoni? So we don’t gross out your mom?”
“That’s fine,” Sam said.
“Sam, you can shake his hand,” I said. “That’s why he has it out. It’s polite to do.”
Sam held his red bowl of animal crackers with one hand and stuck his other hand out. Ramsey’s hand swallowed up Sam’s hand and wrist with ease.
My heart swelled a little and beat even faster. I kept telling myself to calm the hell down. To let the night play out as it wanted to play out.
“It’s nice to meet y
ou, Sam,” Ramsey said.
Sam nodded, then looked at me. “Can we make turkeys tonight?”
“Probably not tonight, Sam,” I said. “Finish your show and we’ll get something to eat.”
Sam retreated to the couch and I grabbed Ramsey’s hand. I pulled him toward the kitchen.
“Do you want a drink?” I asked.
Ramsey made a quick move, touching my sides and driving me back to the counter. I let out a gasp and touched his arms. His hands moved up my body and he cupped my face. That’s when he came in for a kiss.
“Hey,” he whispered.
I swallowed hard and slipped my hands between us and pressed at his chest. “Hey. We can’t…”
“Okay,” he said. “I just couldn’t wait any longer to kiss you.”
“That’s really sweet, Rams. But I don’t want to confuse Sam.”
“Of course. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s me. It’s all me.”
“Hey, it’s not you,” he said. “It’s smart. Thanks for letting me be here.”
“I think he likes you.”
“He looked scared at first.”
“That’s because he’s not used to meeting guys.”
“So, I’m your first?” he asked.
I laughed. “How about that drink?”
“Sure.”
I opened the fridge and offered him a bottle of water.
“Can I ask you something?” Ramsey asked.
“I guess,” I said.
“What was with the Sammy and Sam thing?”
“Oh,” I said, hurrying to play with my hair as a comfort device. “His father told him that Sammy was a girl’s name.”
“Ah. Damn.”
“Yeah. I’ve always called him that. I mean, I get it, it’s babyish. The way I say it and all…”
“Not at all,” he said. “That was a bad move on your ex’s part. If I can say that.”
“Say it all you want,” I said with a smile.
“He seems like a cool kid though. I’m happy I’m here.”
“Me too, Rams. I don’t let anyone do this. Just so you know. As far as meeting Sam.”
“Is that your subtle way of saying you like me?” he asked.
“I guess so,” I said.
Ramsey put his water bottle on the counter and got close to me. But he didn’t touch me. He didn’t kiss me. He respected the rules I set. Which made him even more attractive because the look in his eyes said he was just seconds away from throwing all those rules out the window.
Every Other Weekend Page 17