by Lisa Daniels
“Hey, I am not going to stop you from nudging them when you are in the mood. Excuse us.” He opened a passage and slipped through with Rosaline following behind him.
“Please do let me know how she is,” the young druid turned and said on the way out. “It’s just, I think I can kind of sympathize with her. Not feeling like you have a say and that you just have to deal with the hand you have.”
Darius smiled at her, “Of course. We will keep you apprised of the situation.” She nodded and called out, “Coming!”
The room fell silent for a moment before Legend looked up, “Is Caspian going to be alright?”
Orion, Phoenix, and Darius shared a look. Finally, Orion said, “That’s hard to say.”
“He definitely does not act anything like his reputation. I thought people would be trying to kill him when I heard he insisted on being there. But he showed no interest in anyone the entire time. Apart from pulling a couple of people out of harm’s way, of course.”
Phoenix licked her lips before speaking, “That’s actually how he was a long time ago. The man he has been was not the man I remembered.”
“What do you mean?” Precious moved forward on her chair.
Darius spoke up, his soft voice managing to echo around the room, “It was almost like he and Orion switched personalities. Orion used to be a real ladies’ man. It was only after Phoenix… disappeared, that he changed.”
Precious looked up at them innocently, “Is that when Caspian changed?”
The three friends shook their heads. Finally, Orion managed, “He changed later, quite a bit later. But none of us know why. If anyone knew, it would be Phoenix, but she swears she doesn’t know what happened.”
Phoenix looked at her hands, “There were times when he would just… disappear. I don’t know what happened, but that lasted for a very long time. Then one day, he stopped disappearing, but his personality was completely different.”
“We all loved him, and didn’t want to call attention to it because it obviously bothered him.” Orion sounded apologetic.
Legend nodded, “But if he wasn’t asking for help, you couldn’t offer it. I can understand that. I tried to help someone who didn’t want it once, and that did not end well.”
Itzel patted him on the shoulder, “Yes, it did. She and Maverick are incredibly happy. And Caspian no longer thinks she deserves to die. It wasn’t your fault that she left.”
Phoenix nodded, “If anything, she felt guilty about the prophecy, and she didn’t want you to hate her. Over time, she believed you would, so she just…”
“Disappeared,” Legend nodded. “I’m glad that it turned out well for her.”
Precious squeezed his hand, “I’m glad that things turned out well for you.”
Legend looked down at her. He leaned over and gave her a tender kiss before standing up. “Well, I dare say would should go. Precious has done what she can, but no one can reach her. All that they can tell us is that Heaven isn’t dead.”
Itzel stepped forward, “Take care, Precious. It may take a few more years, but make sure to take care of yourself in the process. We wouldn’t want to lose you now.”
Precious threw her arms around the little druid. “You too, Itzel. You too.”
Legend took her hand and they disappeared.
The room fell into a stony silence, each person working through their own thoughts. Finally, Phoenix spoke up, “You know, I could never remember much about her when I returned, but Heaven actually started spending time with me a few millennia ago. I thought she was,” Phoenix cleared her throat, “I thought that she was someone I conjured to stay sane. But she wasn’t. She was a real person. I never learned anything about her.”
Darius looked down at Heaven, “That sounds like Heaven. She won’t volunteer information on her own, and if you ask her anything directly, she has a real talent for changing the subject.”
“She was the one who gave me the idea to get pregnant. It wasn’t my plan, which is obvious now. She must have known that our reversed abilities meant that it would be possible for us to have a baby.”
Darius nodded again, “She was always so much more advanced than anyone else. But she has never valued anything that she could do because she was afraid of getting close. Her sister took away everything.”
“So, the rise of the Unwashed, that was because of her sister?” Orion asked.
“Yeah, the Brinstone Famine, Calixto War, Barden War, Centennial War—many of the worst points in history have some trace back to her sister.”
Orion frowned, “Why has she tried to do all of that alone?”
“Apart from what I already said, that her sister took everything away from her, especially destroying her relationships?” He gave Orion a wry look, “Why doesn’t Caspian ask for help? Why are you so loathe to ask? Some people think it is weakness, some don’t want to bother others, and then sometimes it is just too dangerous. Paradise killed me on at least four different occasions. After the last time, I tried to get them to find common ground. That was a mistake that has haunted me for a very long time because Heaven shut me out afterward.”
Phoenix frowned, “Wait, you aren’t old enough to have known her that long ago. According to what we found out, she is even older than Caspian.”
“Yes, Darius, how do you explain your expertise in so much of our history?” All heads turned slowly as a dark figure emerged from the shadows, his green eyes flashing.
“We couldn’t trust you, Caspian—that’s why you don’t know.”
“Apparently, Phoenix doesn’t know either. Are you saying you don’t trust her?”
“Not at all. But I’m not sure—”
Caspian waved his hand, “You reincarnate.” He looked at Phoenix. Nothing about his demeanor looked like he was amused as he said, “That’s how he knows so much. Her mother,” he motioned toward Heaven, “wanted to make sure that her daughter had protection, and Dominique was her favorite assassin. She granted him reincarnation, the oldest form of immortality.”
Darius kept his expression blank, “How do you know that?”
Caspian’s eyes shifted toward him, then a small smile graced his lips. “I’m not sure I can trust you with that information. Now, if you will excuse me.”
He stepped forward before anyone else could react, picked Heaven up from the bed, and walked back into the shadows. As his three oldest friends scrambled to figure out how he had known, Itzel remained where she was, watching the scene unfold. Suddenly, she burst out into laughter, “That was what I loved for so many years. His absolute unpredictability.”
Darius frowned. Walking to his side, she threaded her arm through his. “I did have my fill of that, though. I’m getting too old and want something a little more settled now. No point in staying here anymore.” She pulled Darius toward the door.
Orion and Phoenix looked at each other, then Orion looked at where Caspian had gone. “I think we have our answer.”
“What answer?” Phoenix asked.
Orion shook his head, “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. I have a feeling that things are going to be very different the next time we see him.”
“How can you be so certain we will?”
Orion placed his hand on her stomach, “He wouldn’t miss the chance to try to teach our child how to be better than us.”
Phoenix laughed, “Oh, please. If anything, he will teach our child what he tried to teach us back in those early days.”
“You think so?” Orion leaned over and kissed her.
“Yeah, I do.”
Hand in hand, they left the room empty.
Chapter 10
You Should Have Said
Heaven felt her eyes begin to move and for a moment she thought that she had reached her body first. It was possible that her sister’s terror was over, but at this point, Heaven was reluctant to ever write her off again, even if she had won this time.
“It’s okay. If she is out there, you won’t have to fight her alone anymo
re.”
Heaven put a hand on her head and groaned, “Gods, now I’m hearing things. Seriously, Paradise, you really aren’t gaining anything by this.”
There was a pleasant laugh, and her eyes flew open. Instead of her eyes being assaulted by light, though, everything was dim enough that it felt okay. She began to sit up.
“No, no. None of that now. Strict bedrest.” A hand gently pushed her down.
“Oh, you are an evil bitch, aren’t you? Making me see him and believe that he is here taking care of me. I’m not that stupid. He doesn’t even remember me.”
“Of course I do, Heaven. It took a while. A very long while, but I remember that first time I laid eyes on you.”
Heaven looked at him, not bothering to shake his hand off her shoulder. He moved it down her arm, his eyes looking at her kindly.
“Alright, fine. Let’s say you remember that miserable day in the den of a seer. That’s a great place to start torturing me. I should have gotten you out of there sooner, but no, I had to go and talk myself out of it again and again because I didn’t want to ask for help only to be turned down again.”
“I never blamed you for not getting me out of there sooner. I remained there of my own volition. You know that as well as I do. But that wasn’t the first time we met.”
Heaven froze. She had never told anyone about that day when she had met an assassin-in-training. Her eyes slowly moved to the familiar face, not aged at all since that fateful day after they had left Mercy’s place. She stared at him.
“You were the druid who refused to tell me her name,” he smiled. “You didn’t lie to me when you said you were from Nowhere. That was the place where we met. You were telling me, knowing I wouldn’t get it.”
Heaven pulled the covers up over her face. “Either this is the hell I deserve, or I’m delirious.”
The covers were pulled away, and a hand pressed gently against her forehead. “Hmm, you don’t have a fever. Despite an arrow having gone through your brain, I’m going to say not delirious.”
Heaven covered her mouth with her hands, “It’s not possible. You—she—after you killed her, she erased your memories. Slowly at first, but within a decade, you didn’t remember me at all.”
Caspian nodded, “You’re right. I didn’t. But she has no place in me now. The memories she was repressing are coming back a little bit at a time.”
“A little bit at a time?” Heaven sat up a little. “How long was I out?”
Caspian shrugged, “I didn’t bother to track the time because it didn’t matter. Precious said you weren’t dead, and I knew that if you were to come back, you weren’t going to do that in the druids’ place.”
“Good gods, no, I wouldn’t. They would never let me stay if they knew about me. And if they thought I was dead, they would have finished me off.”
“Right, but Darius took care of that as soon as we returned from Ishtar.”
“Who’s Darius?”
“Diony. Dominique. Always begins with a D.” He smiled at her.
Heaven’s face froze, “You figured that out?”
“I had more than enough clues to reach that conclusion. I just never spent enough time around him to put it together.” He ran his tongue around his lips as he considered his next words. “When I had to deal with your sister every day, all day, I began to understand just why you… were the way you were.”
“But you became more charming. Irresistible to women. I became more and more of a bumbling idiot.”
“No.” He gently took her hand, “I was trying to drown out something that I didn’t understand, which was the worst way to deal with it. And you became increasingly insular, which was the other worst way to deal with it.”
Heaven laughed a little. “I don’t know if this is my mind playing tricks on me, or if it is my sister proving she won. Or if I’ve finally lost it. Whatever it is, I think I like this better than my reality.”
“I am very glad to hear that. With any luck, you will be in too deep before you realize that it is your reality.” He smiled at her, the light reflecting how sincere the emotion was.
“Oh, please. The real Caspian would never look at me like that. I’m not an idiot.”
“Really? You don’t think the real Caspian would look at you with love in his eyes?”
“Absolutely not. He would look at me with pity. Or lust. Or anger. Disappointment—saw that one a lot, too. Disgust once even. But he loves Phoenix, so you can’t fool me.”
Slowly he brought her hand up to his lips. “You don’t think he would be interested in proving you wrong?”
“Absolutely not.” She looked down her arm at him. “You aren’t fooling me.”
“And yet you aren’t pulling your hand away.”
“You aren’t the real Caspian, so I don’t need to. Nothing is going to happen.”
He looked at her hand. Rotating it, he placed her hand over his own, then gently began to move his hand under hers. Those intense emerald-green eyes looked up at her as he continued to gently caress her hand. “And yet your heart rate is significantly increased with just this.”
Heaven frowned, “Of course. It feels real.”
Caspian laughed and placed her hand gently on her stomach. “Okay. I will prove to you that I am real and very much in love with you.”
“I already told you that I prefer this reality to the real one.”
Caspian laughed, “And I am still glad to hear that.”
Over the next few weeks, he made her food, told her stories of his adventures since he had forgotten her, always ending with a delicate profession of his sincere love for her.
Every day, Heaven was a little less certain that it wasn’t real. And every day he assured her that he would wait.
One day as he was leaving, she said, “You’ve already proven you aren’t Caspian.”
“Have I?” He turned, an amused expression on his face.
“Yes,” she nodded with a serious look. “The Caspian I’ve watched for what feels like forever would never stay in one place this long. He certainly would not be this dedicated to a single woman.”
A sad look crossed his face. “I am sorry you had to see me like that. Now that I have regained my senses, I stick by what I told you that night.”
“Which time?”
Caspian was momentarily stunned. He chuckled, “Well, only one time stands out in my mind because it was the first time I was ever really tempted.” She frowned, hoping he wasn’t bringing up one of her worst memories. “The real Caspian has no interest in a purely physical relationship. I have no interest in a purely physical relationship. Good night, Heaven.”
She spent the next few hours staring at the door. There was no night or day here, but it had been a habit that she and Caspian had developed to make it easier to transfer between the two planes. Rising from her bed for the first time since Caspian had brought her there, Heaven made her way out of the room. The gown she wore swayed with her steps as her feet silently moved across the ground. Slipping into the kitchen, she began to make Caspian’s favorite meal.
It was like magic. As soon as the smell began to waft around the kitchen, the assassin materialized. “You still remember,” he beamed at her. Leaning against the countertop, he folded his arms across his chest. “It is good to see you up and being a little more active.”
Heaven shrugged, “My mind was getting bored just staying in bed all of the time.”
“I’m sorry that I was not able to alleviate that.” He looked at her blankly.
“You did! No, I didn’t mean that you bored me. I was trying—”
Caspian stepped forward and carefully grabbed her wrist as she gesticulated wildly. “Careful with that.” He brushed her goldish-silver hair out of her face. “I was just teasing you.”
“What?” She looked surprised, then her face bunched up. “Oh, you.” She pushed him, then turned to take care of the food.
“Did you sleep alright?” His voice was a little fainter, and she knew
that he was leaning against the countertop. How many times had they been in this exact same situation? She couldn’t even remember. Time had never mattered with Caspian.
She said over her shoulder, “I didn’t sleep at all after you left.”
“Do you feel unwell?”
She turned to him with a frown, “Do you want me to feel unwell?”
“No.” He shook his head.
“Because this is about the point where things start to sour. My sister will start to show herself, and I’ll start to be—”
A hand reached around her and pulled the spatula out of her hand. “I, Caspian, am not being controlled by Paradise. I am not a delusion of your fevered brain. I am not a hallucination that Paradise has created. Or an alternate reality. And I most certainly do not want you to feel unwell.”
Heaven looked into his eyes. Without thinking, she stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. As soon as she pulled away, she put her fingers on her lips.
“None of that. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” Caspian pulled her hand away from her mouth.
“You aren’t angry? Shouldn’t you be if you don’t want just a physical relationship?”
Caspian moved the food off of the burner, turned off the stove, then looked at Heaven. His hand moved to her face, and he gently stroked the hair out of her eyes. “Do you remember that last night before we dismantled the third heart?”
Heaven nodded and her eyes searched his. “You said that we needed to get to bed so that we were in our best fighting shape.”
Caspian leaned forward and laughed into his shoulder, “That sounds about right. But I also told you that I thought we should talk once it was over.”
Heaven pursed her lips, “Yes. You were going to tell me that since it was over, you didn’t want to… well—”
“No, that wasn’t what I was going to say, Heaven. I wanted to tell you that I love you, that I wanted to be with you, but not just for physical pleasure.”
Heaven looked up at him, not certain that she had heard correctly.
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Now that you have saved me once again, I still feel that way. And not just because you keep saving me from myself. Though that has certainly proven that my initial understanding of you was right.”